How would you react?

Boo&BugsMom wrote: A gal that Troy works with recently went to Florida. Knowing that Tanner is in LOVE with sealife, the ocean, and sharks inparticular, she brought back a few things for him. Out of the few things were a couple bags of seashells and assorted items she found on the beach of the ocean. Included in the bags were a couple shark teeth, a seastar, and some seashells. He was SUPER excited to recieve them.

Today he asked to take them to school for show-n-tell. I told him it was fine as long as he was careful with them. Today I go and pick him up for early release, and he tells me he gave the shark teeth and seastar away to a friend. I asked him why, and he stated he was trying to cheer a friend up and just wanted to be nice. The friend was upset and he wanted to make his friend happy.

I will admit, I wasn't too keen on him giving the items away because they were a gift from someone who went through a lot of trouble to find the items. But, on the other hand, I am sure God is smiling down on him because of his generous heart. Afterall, they are just "things"...but still!

On a side note...he has done this before...recieved a gift then gave it away.

I told him that from now on before he decides to give something away, he needs mommy or daddy's permission.

I don't know...I'm torn how to feel. I guess if I was the one who gave the gift, I would be a bit upset if the person just gave it away. I don't want to sound greedy though either, but to me, if someone gave you something then you should cherish the thoughtfulness of that gift, and cherishing it does not include giving it away...especially a few days after you recieved it. And especially if it was something that he really liked a lot!!! He adored those shark teeth and thought they were "SO COOL", as he put it...then gave them away.

*shrugging my shoulders*

My reaction was not real pleasant at first...it was more or less like this...


Anyone out there in Florida that can send me a few shark teeth and a small seastar??? LOL I'm afraid she's going to ask "how does Tanner like his stuff from the beach"??? EEK!

My2Beauties replied: I would probably react the same way because I think of things given to me in the same sense that you do. I cherish the though that was put behind that gift and do not ever "re-gift" or give anything to someone that someone else has given to me out of the kindness/goodness of their heart. That being said, I think kids are different and it truly was a selfless act on his part and mom I think even though you are frustrated you should know you have a very sweet boy on your hands I think that was beyond thoughtful on Tanner's part especially for a kid his age, so I must say Tanner sounds like a great kid I would definitely talk this over with him about what to do next time. Maybe let him know that just talking to his friend would have probably helped him out as people shouldn't think of material things as a way of making them feel better KWIM. If you put that kind of twist on it maybe he'll understand. It's human nature to feel better if someone gives you "something" but it only hides the wound for a while it doesn't completely heal it. I think being around friends and talking with people is the best way to feel better! Good luck hon but hoenstly this touched my heart because that was sooo sweet of him! I wish more kids were like Tanner nowadays. They want want want and never want to be giving themselves!

Boo&BugsMom replied: Thanks LeaAnne.

DVFlyer replied: Chloe has a friend at school that does the same thing with her (but not shark's teeth yet. ) and Chloe wants to give her things too.

I tell her that it's very nice of her to want to share her things but she needs our approval first. I usually use the same reason you mentioned. I tell her that, for instance, grandma spent a lot of time picking that toy out just for you... yadda yadda yadda.

luvmykids replied: We have BTDT, and I was torn too. I just sat the kids down and told them how much it might hurt someone's feelings to find out they'd given the gift to someone else, and that as proud as I am that they're so willing to share we don't ever want someone who took the time and trouble to find just the right gift to feel like it was unappreciated.

I used the example of things they've made me or given me, and how would it make them feel if I gave it away...it seemed to hit home. They still want to give stuff away, all the time , but now they ask first if it's ok.

eta: When she asks how he liked the stuff, you can honestly answer by saying "His exact words were SO COOL!"

Boo&BugsMom replied: Thank you everyone. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has been through this. It's like I'm between a rock and a hard place. We want him to be generous and humble but at the same time be grateful and show appreciation for the things that are given to him. I did sit him down later on and told him that I was proud of him for being so generous, but also asked him how he'd feel if he gave me something super special that he made and I went and gave it to someone else. I think he got it.

Danalana replied: I'm not sure, but I think it's precious that he has a giving heart. And to think that he would give something that meant so much to him just to make a friend happy! I can see how you would feel conflicting emotions, but try to take into account his age. And take joy in the fact that he isn't selfish You don't see that a lot, you know.

msoulz replied: ITA with Dana and I think the friend would also agree should she find out. Kids don't always value things like adults do - heck, adults don't value things like other adults do, that's just the way it is, not an insult. Or hopefully not!!

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I wish I'd given more stuff away, instead, I've become a pack rat, because I feel bad getting rid of anything anyone's ever given me.

Crystalina replied: That little re-giffter!!!!

TBO, It would not bother me that he did this since he is a child. He's innocent and did what he felt was the right thing to do. Any adult who got offended by a child doing this...well, it's just silly.

Now if an adult did this shortly after receiving the gift from me then it would offend me but if it was a gift I gave a while ago...I don't expect things to be held onto forever (unless it's personal and sentimental). Just don't be tacky and give it back to ME!

Danalana replied: For real!

gr33n3y3z replied: I think that was very nice of him
But before he does it next time he should ask

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Yep, that's my Tanner. At least he didn't wrap it up and give it to someone on their birthday.

holley79 replied: I find his thoughtfulness refreshing. Just tell her he loved them. You don't have to elaborate. I will see what I can find as far as shark teeth and star fish.