Husbands bond with newborn

Bamamom wrote: Our son is 5 weeks old and my husband, who was thrilled at the idea of being a daddy, doesn't seem to spend much time with him. Its not that he won't change diapers - he does, or try to soothe him if he's crying, but he doesn't spend any "happy" time with him. No cooing or just holding/rocking him. If the baby is content the husband just puts him in his crib. I'm worried he's missing out on something soooo important and that maybe this whole parenting thing isn't what he thought it would be.

Am I still just hormonal or did anyone else experience this?

luvmykids replied: My Dh didn't want anything to do with them until they were a little older, he never said this but basically they were too boring for him. Once they started making faces and noises, looking around, etc he jumped right in. Sad but true.

Edward's Mommy replied: I think that's a guy thing!!! My son is crawling and is starting to walk and NOW DH is getting interested in son's development and is cooing and stuff!!! My dad was like that with my brother and me! Guys seem to like babies when they start to develop a personality.

MyLuvBugs replied: I don't know what to tell ya sweetie. My DH HAD to step up and take care of Lorelei when she was born. I was a mess and couldn't move at the hospital for almost 2 days. But he did awesome. Stepped up, held her, changed her, rocked her to sleep. It was amazing.

I don't know if it's a guy thing or not. I know from some of my friends that their husbands or BF's were VERY scared when the kid arrived. Have you talked with him about it? Maybe he's like most guys, and just scared about breaking the baby or of dirty poop or stuff. I think you should ask him why he doesn't seem to want to spend a lot of time with baby.

My3LilMonkeys replied: Sorry, I'm not too much help. My DH has always been good with the kids. But, like Monica said, a lot of men don't really start to bond with babies until they are a little older.

mckayleesmom replied: I think you should just give him some time. Some men go into shock before the baby comes (like mine) and don't even acknowledge that they are going to be dads.....and some dads go into shock after the baby is born.

Bamamom replied: I guess I shouldn't complain - he is good at helping with the diapers and laundry and such. I just hate for him to miss this part of Tripp's life. He'll never be this little again. But maybe it is the personality thing - he has said a couple of time that he'll be glad when Tripp can hold his head up. But won't he be like 3 months old by then? There so much sweetness between now and then!

I'm new to the board and have a stupid question - I know DH refers to the husband but what exactly does it stand for?

~Roo'sMama~ replied:
DH stands for Dear/Darling/Dang Husband... whichever suits the moment best.

I'm sorry he's not spending time with your son beyond the basics. Hopefully he will warm up to being a daddy soon and find out how great it is!

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: My DH fortunately was right in there from the start, but both my dad and my FIL (according to my MIL) were totally hands-off until their babies could sit up on their own. Some guys and even moms, are afraid they'll "break" the baby when they're only a few weeks old. It just takes some getting used too. I would give it some time - he has 20+ years to bond with your son. It's only the first month, he'll come around!

Andersen's Mom replied: My hubby is actually more affectionate and playful with Ander than any mom I've seen! I suspect that the key is that I went back to work at 6 weeks, but hubby is home all day with the baby on paternity leave. Plus, my husband reads a lot of developmental pyschology books (his undergrad major), so he knows how to play with Ander.

Brias3 replied: My husband was super helpful with them for about two days or so after birth but then kind of retracted back and let me take over more or less. He always said it wasn't because he didn't WANT to help, there were just certain things he preferred I handle. (Translation= he didn't want to change diapers, clean up, etc etc. ) By the time my youngest was born, my husband was far more intent on holding up his end with the older kids rather than deal with the baby. I think he felt more comfortable responding when the child was able to vocalize or express their needs better- the newborn phase seemed to really apprehend him. So more or less, he did spend some time with them as new infants but really never showed a real considerable interest until they were a little older and more active. I think it might be just a guy thing I think also alot of the holding back stems from nervousness about not really knowing what to do. I wouldn't worry- its still early. He'll come around!

Bamamom replied: Our son is 4 months old tomorrow and thankfully hubby is not doing much better. Once Tripp started holding his head up it was like a switch flipped. They are inseperable now. It's so sweet

CantWait replied: My husband was a big fan of if he's content, just leave him. He was also a fan of if he's crying, let him cry it out for a bit. I'm sure whe baby is doing more, daddy will also do more with baby.

ashtonsmama replied:
So glad to hear that. How sweet! I thought Daddy would turn around...my hubby has always been sort of googly eyed over our son and wants to do alot with him, actually more so in the beginning...