I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS!!!

Gatalita wrote: I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS!!! A 14 year old girl that lives down the road from us asked my 31 year old husband to have sex with her. He was out side cleaning out the car and she came up to the drive way on her bike and asked, "Do you want to @$@#?" I happened to be walking outside with Zuriel at the time she asked. Hubby just looked at me and continued cleaning. I just walked inside of the house because I got really upset. Hubby didn't say anything to the girl. When he came inside he told me what happened (which was basically what I saw) and told me that if he were single and if she were legal that he would have had sex with her!!! He told me that when he obviously could tell I was upset at the situation (or atleast he should've been able to tell). I told him, "I don't want to talk to you right now." and took Zuriel and played with him inside of his room. I just cannot believe that! That is just wrong on so many different levels; it's not funny. A 14 year old girl asking a married man over twice her senior to have sex and him seeming to fatasize about that!!! Maybe I am just over reacting. But, DAMN. That is so... messed up. I feel like kicking her butt. I am debating on going down to that girls house and tell her Aunt what happened. (Her mother is in jail on drug and prostitution charges)

Added to that, this morning when hubby and I played around hubby wanted to role play and I was ok w/ that until he wanted me to act like that 14 yr old girl!!!!!!!! I stopped and left him w/ blue balls. He is now pissed w/ me and I am furious w/ him. He doesn't seem to understand how wrong that was, expecially knowing how upset I was about the situation. At times I have no idea how this relationship is going to last. He gets me so... upset sometimes.

MommyToAshley replied: I think that girl needs some help, because even though your DH didn't take her up on the offer, I am sure someone else will. The girl's Aunt, if that is her legal guardian, needs to be aware of the situation... and hoepfully she cares.

As for your hubby, I can see why his comments and the role playing would upset you. I think I would find that disturbing too. I don't have any advice, I am not sure what I would do about it though.

ediep replied: I agree, that girl needs help. It is very sad, because someone is going to take her up on her offer and she'll end up pregnant or with some STD's or AIDS.

I'd be upset with Dh too, sorry I caan't offer more help.

redchief replied: Yep... the kid needs serious help.

I worry a little about you guys too though. Sounds like your hubby might be going through a little over-thirty crisis to me. BTDT, you know. Anyway, it really hit me when I hit 35 that I was getting OLD. At 41 I'm much more comfortable with the lousy things that have happened to my physique, but at the time I felt downright ugly and old.

I know you're pissed at him right now and I'm not defending his actions, but it seems like he might be having a hard time dealing with the passage of his own youth. What do you think?

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I think that girl has some serious issues. I can't imagine a normal 14 year old asking that of anyone, let alone a married man twice her age. I can't even imagine a grown woman being that blunt with someone. At age 14 I barely knew what sex was. I agree that her aunt needs to be told of this. This girl is on the road to self destruction...FAST!

I'm sorry your DH is being so immature about all of it. He knows it bothers you, obviously and he is feeding off of your reaction. For some reason he needs that reassurance that some ignorant 14 year old can offer.

Gatalita replied: Redcheif, I think u do have a point there. I am only 23 and well... age doesn't seem to matter that much to me YET. I guess it has more to do w/ the male ego thing. If I were him and I was worried about me looking old and having a younger female interested in me, I'd be flattered. But, 14 yrs old... Give me a break. If someone of that age thought of me in that way I would be disturbed and encourage that person to go to counciling. Yuck! But, mind u I'm not him... *shrugs*

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I definately think that girl needs help! I can't imagine some 14 year old girl asking a married man to have sex with her. How awful!

As for your DH, I would be uspet too. I don't know what else to say!

jcc64 replied: The whole incident seems very wrong to me. The girl, your dh, the role playing, all of it. I most definitely would approach her guardian, but I probably would avoid dealing directly with the girl unless she approaches your home/dh again.
To me, the most disturbing angle is your dh's reaction. While I'm certain that many/most guys find teen-age girls sexually appealing, they are generally more restrained about copping to it. Does your husband not realize it's statutory rape and a punishable offense to have sex with a minor, however provocative she may be? Is he actually telling you the only thing stopping him from sex with a minor is the fact that he's married?!
And I'm also not sure what he hoped to accomplish by not only sharing his desires with you but asking you to assume this wayward girl's identity. Some things are really better left unsaid, however titilating they may be.
Sorry about all this for you.

Gatalita replied: I know that he is aware that having sex with a minor is statutory rape.

No, he said that if he were single and if she was not a minor that he wouldn't have hesitated for a moment. If I hadn't of known any better I would swear that girl was about 16 or 17 w/ the way she dresses and conducts herself.

darrylswifeskylersmom replied: Im soo sorry your upset that girl needs help and soome councillling
and as for your hubby... if darryl ask that of me i would of blown a fuse...
sorry i have no real advice!
take care

redchief replied:
Gatalita,

Please don't misunderstand me. Like I said, I'm not defending his actions but asking myself why he would be other than disturbed by what happened. That was the only thing I could come up with other than he being a cruel control freak, and you've not described him as such a person.

At any rate I'm sorry you're going through that... It totally sucks for you regardless of his reason for fantasizing.

kimberley replied: how awful! i am sorry you went through this. i agree with the others, that girl needs serious help and your DH needs to smarten up. i can't imagine how hurt you must have felt. (((big hugs)))) we are here to listen.

Gatalita replied: Redchief I do understand. I am just so... torn up about this and many other things that are occuring in our life right now. I do apprishiate everybodies support.

GavinsMommy replied: WHOA! I would be *so* upset too! It would be one thing if he hadn't had that type of reaction about it, but gee! OMG...I'm only 18 but if my husband dared act like that in that situation, he would definitely be on restriction for a long time! I can't believe he wanted you to role play like you were her either! You have a right to be upset, you aren't overreacting, IMO. I think that maybe her forwardness about the whole thing maybe sparked that "young" feeling in him again and maybe that is what is up with him right now. Not sure...but I would be highly upset and I think you should have a talk with him because it's just not right for him to tell you he would have jumped on it had she been older and all, and especially to ask you to role play her. Talk with him!!

gr33n3y3z replied: This is a touchy situation because the girl only knows what she was raised around Which does not make it right becuae it appeers she has done this before. And one day she will cry rape even tho she was the aproacher.
But on the other hand the cops should have been called so this kid has a paper trail and the courts can order her to get help.
And I feel that any man that has even the thought of enjoying something like that needs help also.