I am new here - but I need to do something

Bobbi wrote: My son just turned 16 three months agod he already has a license an. I got him a 91 RX-7(big mistake), it only cost me $2,000. Last week though I catch him speeding. I see him tearing out of the driveway at our house so I thought I would just go follow him for a bit to make sure he was not speeding. He had maybe a ten second start on me and how much distance could one possibly gain in such a little time but already I can barely see him. Trying to catch up with him I thought I was going to be geting a ticket myself. My ford truck could not even go the speed he was doing. I had completely lost him.

When he comes back home that night we had a long discusion that contained words I cannot repeat on this board or anywhere else. He gives me that look that teenagers give, Where they hang their mouth open and just stare at you blankly, but I thought we had an understanding. Now just today I get a call from him at the police. I am thinking "Oh Jesus what did he do now?". I have to go down to the police station because his car was impounded for racing. They used to call it exhibition of speed but I forget what they call it now. Not only that but I was told that a can of nitrous oxide was rigged up in the trunk. What am I supposed to do with this kid? I am not paying to get his car out and about to throw him out of the house.

I tell him boy, you were driving wrecklesly, you could have damaged that car I bought for you, which would get you hurt as well or maybe even killed. If you really want to die then so be it, I will miss you but it is your life. However you could also end up killing someone else which aint alright. So what am I supposed to do now?

redchief replied: First off, welcome aboard. I'm sorry that an incident such as this is what brought you here, but we're still glad to see you!

As far as your son goes, I have a few ideas. Firstly, get the car back and sell it. He's 16, and violated a trust that will take years for you to rebuild. Second, speak with the prosecutor about what may happen with your son in court. If it were my son, I would absolutely ask that his license be suspended if that's possible. I would also ask that he be required to attend a driving course if that is available. These measures seem extreme on the face, but the consequences of his irresponsibility could have been deadly. I would not allow my child to place themselves in danger if I knew that was happening. Even more importantly I would not allow them to place the lives of innocent people in danger. The consequences of what may have happened with him could have adversely affected your family for the rest of your lives.

Ground the young man. I wouldn't let my child have any recreational activities beyond school for at least, and probably longer than a month. Privledges at the end of the punishment period would be won back slowly. Any car he got would be earned by him alone, and I would forbid him getting any vehicle that is made for speed, at least for the next few years.

This all sounds harsh, but if your son continues on his current path, what he gets now is going to be small potatoes. Sixteen year-olds think they're invincible. I've seen too many of these teen superheroes with permanent headstones marking their short existence. Get control of this boy now! Good luck, and I hope I've helped a little.

mckayleesmom replied: I would take his licence away and tell him he can have it back when he is 18. And all of what Ed said.

C&K*s Mommie replied: what Ed said.

CantWait replied: ITA with Ed. Get it out of the impound and sell it.

ashtonsmama replied:
Major to Ed's comment. I completely agree, you need to take a huge step with your son and let him know that playing with his life is NOT ok, and you love him too much to let him do it.

Good luck, I'm sorry you're having to deal with such a tense situation, and let us know what happens. Welcome to PC, hope you stick around here.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I definately agree with Ed. I was going to say take the keys away and not give them back to him. I definately wouldn't pay to have his car un-inpounded. He broke your trust and that's such a hard thing to get back!

I'm sorry your welcome to the board had to be a post like this!

Bobbi replied: Thankyou for your replys. He will definatly never be gertting another card while living here. There is an old schwin bicycle in the garage he can take now. I have also been talking to some of his school teachers and was told his computer is not really required for class work either so I have removed that as well. He was complaining about the bike, saying "Come on I cannot be seen riding that thing to school!" I told him to get a job if he wants any luxuries from now on. Is there anything else I should do with him?

CantWait replied: I personally think taking the computer away was not a neccesary percaution as it is totally unrelated to the car issue, but kudos to you for taking the car and setting him up with the bike.

Cece00 replied: No license, no car, grounded for 3-6 months. No extracurricular activities, no weekend fun.

Bobbi replied: It was not until recently that he(Gavin is his name) started acting rebellious like this. The recent friends he has been hanging out with and with school having just started has put him in a bit of a negative imfluence. I never resorted to physical punishment and he was quite well behaved for the longest time.

You know, another thing I did once was put Gavin in the car trunk, this was a long time ago. Now the hatch had an inside release and I made sure he knew exactly where it was so you need not be concerend for his safety. He would be in there for only ten minutes while I waited right outside. After i opened it up and let him out he was a perfect angel up until just recently, and this was six ago.

Now he is too old for that, so all I can do is deny him some luxeries, perhaps I should not take away everything from him, but absolutly no driving. He only has a couple more years until he is an adult and I do not want him to ruin his life in the last days that he is still growing up.

mckayleesmom replied: Um....why did you put him in the trunk of the car?

Bobbi replied: It may look a little severe, but Gavin was ten years old at the time and our family were guests over at a friends home for a dinner party. I did not motice until the next day that he had taken a miniture glass figure from their house. In a case like that I had to something drastic. Ten minutes of being in a car trunk is nothing copmpared to a life of thievery. I could not go and just slap him on the wrist for that. It was quite embasasing for us and so I had to make sure the punishment would be remembered.

Like I said before I made sure he knew how to use the emergency release before putting him in there while I was right outside the entire time. He could open it at any time if it got to be too much for, but he would see me there holding a ladel., meaning he would have to close it again because the point needed to be made it is not alright to steal.