I am seeing red!!! - G'parents babysitting

ammommy wrote: The inlaws babysat the kids on Sunday so that we could go to the Indy 500. We talked about what the kids like to do and I left a list of their schedule along with things that they were allowed to do, including playing on the computer. We got home and they looked exhaused so I felt a bit bad. We were gone for 8 hours.

Well, since Sunday, we have figured out what they did with the kids and I am . Alec wasn't allowed to play on the computer (he is self sufficient and can get on and play by himself), wasn't allowed to play with his toys in his room (he had to play in Megan's room where they could keep an eye on him?), wasn't allowed to play with his Geotrax in the den, they didn't follow Megan's nap schedule so she didn't take an afternoon nap (which means they didn't get that 2 hour break in the afternoon), and they put Alec in Megan's crib for a time-out because he threw a (justified) temper tantrum when they wouldn't let him play with his toys in his room. I AM FURIOUS!!!!! I think that DH is angrier than I am, if that's possible.

Looks like we will be looking for a babysitter in the neighborhood. I just don't get them sometimes...

mom2tripp replied: Wow, have you told them how mad you are yet? That was pretty bold on their part to make their own rules and not follow your schedule at all. At least now you know hwo they are and that you need to find a good babysitter! Sorry for your trouble with them and I hope you can find someone to follow your rules

Josie83 replied: Gosh that is so disrespectful! that really is so rude after you told them what was expected of them. Poor Alec! He must havebeen realy confused I think it sounds like a god idea finding a babysitter for them, if neither of you are happy! xx

ammommy replied: Brian tried to talk to his parents yesterday, but they kept changing the subject which makes us believe the stories more. I just don't get it. They are the ones who volunteered for the day, they are the ones who insisted on a schedule and list of rules, yet they chose to ignore them.
What makes me the angriest is the crib situation. That was just dangerous. Alec is tall enough that he could have fallen out or tipped the crib. We are going out of town for the week, so hopefully when I get back I will have calmed down a bit. Do I seem to be overreacting? Please tell me if it seems that I am. I need to hear it from impartial people.

~KARA~ replied: Thats why my mil will never "watch" or keep my kids over night! untill they are old enough to care for themselves.

Im sorry your in laws didnt follow the "rules" I would be too!! It just makes it harder on the lil ones when the "sitter" dosent follow the rules.

A&A'smommy replied: UGH well I'm sorry I would be furious too!!

Kaitlin'smom replied: How horribly rude. I really feel bad for Alec, he must have been so confused and upset and tiem out in a crib? WTF how dangerouse for him. I am sorry they did this and since they wont talk about it thats even worse.

moped replied: My inlaws sort of do the same thing - I say, give Jack dinner at this itme and a bottle at this time and bed at this time etc.............they just do whatever they want to do and they don't put him to bed when I say and let him get up way too early..............and they just give him bottles all day long - no food..................I totally understand why you are upset and a, sorry, I guess you can look at it like they are ok and nobody got hurt.

I don't like him going there- but DH thinks it is great that they will take him - NOoooooooooooooooo

JAYMESMOM replied: You have every right to be upset. I left my kids once with my in-laws when the baby was 6 months (Nick was 5.) I came back 4 hours later at (10:30) at night to a screaming baby being held on a kitchen table while everyone smoked around her with the lights on like it was daytime and being absurdly loud and was told my daughter was bad.

Uh, no she is 6 months and use are the ones being bad.

So I totally see your point. I wouldn't let them babysit.

I am glad to hear you and your husband are in agreement on this. It will make it easier to deal with.

mom21kid2dogs replied: I certainly can understand your disappointment in the situation, especially when you worked so hard to explain what routines are, what they can & cannot, do, etc. Could it be they were just trying to be overly cautious, especially about the computer (especially if this was their first long stint with them)? I know neither my MIL or my mom would be comfortable with letting my 4.5 year old play on the computer mainly because *they* aren't that comfortable with it no matter if I said it was OK or not. I think both would feel "responsible" to me if something happened and the computer got damaged. My guess is it was the same with the room situation~they did want either child out of their sight~a little over the top, maybe, but people do tend to be more cautious with other people's children, at least I know I am!

The crib situation does sound dangerous. In the future, I think I'd let them know that if he does need time out that you prefer he go to his room, corner, chair~whatever you choose. He's kind of on the cusp of learning to take direction from someone other than Mommy & Daddy so I think the tantrum is expected but, personally, I'm not sure I'd call it "justified". Either way, I'd let them know how you generally handle those things. I understand the change in rules/ routines being upsetting but I also realize that kids do need to learn that when mommy & daddy put someone else in charge they become the "boss" for that period of time.

What I would do if I were in your shoes likely depends on many things, not the least would be asking myself "How often am I likely to need them to watch my kids?" "Did anthing happen to my kids that I considered damaging?" "Is this different treatment than their other grandchildren get?" I would deal with the things I consider to be a big deal but likely let anything else go. For me, Lisa, letting anyone else watch my kid can be hard. I'm just not that practiced at it because it's the exception, not the rule in my SAHM world, so I try and measure it with a different "yardstick" than I use for me. I don't call your reaction an overreaction, I just think, for me I'd be pretty choosy about I chose to deal with here for the sake of the relationship.

ediep replied: yikes! I don't think you are overreacting at all!! I think they were very rude not to follow your list and your notes. I would not let them babysit ever again!

ammommy replied: Thanks for the input everyone. Cheryl, I really appreciate your point of view. I agree with the computer situation, that was the least of my concerns. They are intimidated by it, so that's probably why it was off limits.
I just don't understand why both kids had to be in the same room when there were 2 adults around. Divide and conquer I say The reason I said that the tantrum was justified was because he was not allowed to go to the next room to play with his things. He couldn't even go to his room and bring some of his toys into Megan's room. He was forced to stay in his sister's room and play with "baby" toys.
I guess that their babysitting time needs to be limited to an hour or two so that they aren't overwhelmed. They adore the kids, but aren't up to spending a day with them at this point, I guess.