I am so upset - My maid of honor...isn't anymore

My2Beauties wrote: I am so upset. I have to give you guys some background to this. Ok, I had a total of 5 bridesmaids, my maid of honor has been my best friend since I can remember. All of us are a huge circle of friends and we all have always been there for each other. This may get long because there are a couple background things I have to say. First and foremost I've been having trouble getting my maid of honor to start planning anything. My wedding is in 5 months and she keep saying oh we have time we have time and she is reluctant to start getting limos and what not for the becholorette party and finding a hall for my bridal shower and things of that nature...so that being said...Friday night we were supposed to go out for anight on the town, just the two of us and she stood me up. She didn't call or anything (this is at least the 10th time she has done this in the past year, no joke) and when I got a hold of her boyfriend (whom let me not even get into him but he only comes around when he wants something basically and he never gives her a dime, he is ont he run from the cops for child support, he has 4 kids by 3 different girls and never pays for any of them, he does cocaine, he does pills, he has a gambling addiction, he is an alcoholic, and he beats the crap out of her in front of her children, so I could go on forever about what a loser this guy is) and he goes well I told her that I would watch the kids while you guys went out but she said she would rather be with me so we're going to the gambling boat!!!!!! Everytime I ask her to go to the boat she says no I hate gambling because Glen (her boyfriend) gambles too much and it brings back bad memories!!!!!!!!! Oh my God I was so furious and upset. Here Brian is going out with his friends, I had a babysitter lined up, I'm all ready to go and she never calls me!! I started crying my eyes out and Brian was asking me what was wrong and I was like why do my friends always do this to me?? She always stands me up for some reason or another, he has her doing drugs again really bad! She informed me that two weeks ago she did cocaine again! I sware I am so mad. So back to the story again....ok so my other friend's boyfriend who is also a bridesmaid and her boyfriend did some deal and now my other friend's B-friend owes her b-friend money. It should have just been between those two but now the one hasn't paid the other one and they're all fighting big time over it (I mean saying mean words), my other friend is mixed and my best friend (this is also one of her best friends too) called her and told her that she was going to beat the "black" off of her family...WTF!!! I was like how could you ever say something like that to your friend and then so my other friend who has an attitude as it is when it comes to being called names and having stuff said to her starts cussing her out. So they get into a screaming match and so my best friend calls me and says (crying and screaming) LeaAnn I love you and all but I can't be in your wedding if she is going to be in it, so you can count me out of it! WTF!!!!! I didn't know whether to scream at her or start crying? First of all she should have left that situation between her b-friend and the other b-friend, it should have never came to that. My other friend called me crying because she feels like it's her fault that my maid of honor dropped out of the wedding, but I told her it wans't her fault and obviously she didn't want to do it in the first place! What should I do? Should I let th is go and just not talk to her and plan my wedding as if nothing happened? Or should I say something to her and let her know how much this upset me?

jdkjd replied: I would just appoint a more reliable friend and go forth without her. The last thing you need at your wedding is other people's drama.

YOU are the bride, and it is you and your fiancee's day-the only drama you should have to deal with is your own. Just my two cents...

jcc64 replied: Wow, I have 3 words:
TOO MUCH DRAMA
It certainly sounds like your gf is not up to the responsibility of being your maid of honor. Obviously, she feels the same, or wouldn't have been so quick to relinquish it. It sounds like she's got a lot going on in her life, and if she is actively using with her loser of a bf, she's going to let you down again and again. Cut her loose now, before she hurts you anymore than she already has. I would speak with her when you calm down a little bit, let her know how concerned for her you are, how disappointed that she's letting her bf infuse so much destruction into her life and relationships. But no matter what, I would find another maid of honor.
I'm sorry for you, but weddings always seem to bring the freaks out of the closet for some reason!

Josie83 replied: I'm sorry that you're having a pain of it at the minute LeaAnn, as i you need all that on top of your wedding plans - which by the way is YOUR wedding! I think you should ask her what's more important to her, you or her pride, and then act on her answer. It sounds to me as though she's making you choose and a true friend wouldn't do that (if you ask me). If she doesnt back down over it i would say it was her loss, particulr#arly if she is dropping you for her idiot boyfriend and not giving you repect and attention and everything. And if you REALLY want my advice, elope! Worked for me! xx

My2Beauties replied:
I sort of feel the same way. I told Brian that if she calls and says she changes her mind and wants to be in the wedding then I'm saying no dice, you're more than welcome to be a guest, but you have let me down. I have already appointed my other friend who is not mixed up in all that crap and has always been very trustworthy ( I had a feeling I should have chosen her in the first place), but I was just wondering whether I should tell her how I feel. If she feels like she wants to contact me then I will tell her but until then I'm not making the first move, she hurt me too bad!!! I can't rely on her and if I let her back in my wedding I have a feeling it would be one disaster after another!

My2Beauties replied:
Funny you mentioned elope...Brian said that yesterday! I've thought about it because of the cost involved and all the other crap that is going on lately!

ediep replied: I agree with Jenn, find someone else to fill in and move forth without her. If you wedding is in 5 months and no one had planned a shower yet....I'd say find some one else!

mammag replied: Yes, I would tell her how you feel (I'd still not let her change her mind though). It's always good to get your feelings out and let people know when they have hurt you. I don't think that talking to her will change her in anyway. It sounds like she has a lot of issues she needs to resolve for herself before she could ever be a true friend to anyone. However, I know there were people in my past who I just quit speaking to and now, down the road, I wish I would have explained to them why, not for their sake but so that I knew they were called on their behavior. Does that make sense? I also think it will help you to get it off your chest so that is one less thing on your mind when you get married.

Above all, don't let all this drama ruin your wedding. The only people you truely need there are you and your beloved. Enjoy your day and keep your mind on what is most important, the love you share and the life you are going to build together.

jolene555 replied: I am all about the elope idea. The day is supposed to be about the 2 of you, and I would bet that if you proceed it will become a day about keeping all your friendsfrom killing each other. Don't let anyone ruin it for you!

My2Beauties replied: Gosh you guys are making me harp on this eloping idea now! Hmmmmmmmmm...*thinking*

gr33n3y3z replied: You do what will make the both of you happy and I'm sure you will choose the right thing

GavinsMommy replied: I'd let it go and forget about her. First of all...she called the other girl and was rude...not vice versa. So who is she to tell you something like...If she's in the wedding, I can't be...when the other girl didn't even start it??? I think it'd be different if the other girl called HER and was rude to her. But she didn't. She brought the whole argument on herself and now she doesn't want to be in the wedding???

Maybe she is using that as an easy way out...maybe she really didn't want to be in it anyway. Sounds like she wasn't too terribly interested from what you said.

I'd just forget about her. She can't give you an ultimatum like that especially since she is at fault.

Maybe give her time to get her life back together...if that will happen. Sorry she dropped it, but sounds to me like you're better off.

paradisemommy replied: i say ELOPE!!! i think people spent way too much money on weddings anyways..dh and i had only his family (mine are in the mainland) and we got married on the beach - it was quiet, romantic and was all about us..after we took a limo to the airport and took off for kauai..

i don't think i would give her the time of day and explain how you feel - she obviously doesn't care about you or your feelings if she can stand you up all the time..but that's just my 2 cents..

moped replied: Ok, this too could get sort of long, but I had the same thing (sort of) happen, I had to ask my maid of honor to no longer be in our wedding because of her not doing anything or showing interest and basically she lied about not being able to come to events and I would find out later it was because she was with her low life bf......to make a long story short, we do not really speak or see each other and I had my cousin in the wedding and it was a great day.............so, you should do what you have to do and what you feel will make your day special.........

redchief replied: If you're still committed to your friendship, I think you need to get her in the car, sober, then tell her everything you told us here... right before she signs herself into rehab. (Oh yeah, that's where you were taking her when she admitted needing help and picked her up).

As long as drugs are part of her life, they will win the friendship every time. I'm sorry LeaAnne... That really sucks. Hope you can find a way to forgive your friend, but I don't think you can trust her for quite a long time. Keep the faith!!!