I can't believe he feels this way!

MomToMany wrote: OMG!! I can't believe DH. I don't keep ANYTHING from him.

Last night, he asked me if I was "tired of him". I've been really stressed lately, with getting cables done, trying to clean the house for when my sister comes, and the daily stuff that has to get done.

On Monday night coming home from the YMCA (a 1.5 hour drive), Kayla woke up crying, Hannah was crying too, so I started crying because there wasn't anything I could do for them, and the stress just got to me. It was aleady way past the kids' bedtime, too. DH was wondering why I was crying . I told him that all of the stress is just getting to me, and that working on those cables isn't leaving me much time to do things I really want to do (like knit and sew). Well, last week, I got a wrong number on my cell phone twice (I never answered them), so DH was wondering who that was. I have no idea, never seen that # before ever.

So now he thinks I'm seeing someone else, and that I don't want to be with him anymore. He thinks that I'm tired of him, and that he's holding me back from doing what I want to do. He's not, and I told him that. He is an awesome husband, and a wonderful father. I tell him this everyday. I know we don't DTD much anymore, which is probably part of the problem. After the kids are in bed, I'm still working on cables. He's sitting in the recliner watching TV. Sometimes I try getting him in the mood, but he usually says not now.

It's hard going out by ourselves. It's a 1.5 hour drive to anything fun, which is too long away from Kayla. There's nothing up here in the boonies.

Sorry, I just needed to get this out. It's so frustrating to me.

Josie83 replied: Mollie I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Maybe you should have an evening in where you're just togethr (if that makes sense). Like cook a nice meal and have a bit of alone tme together. I don't mean to sound crude either but I think sex is a very important part of a relationship and that most men do actually need it . . . that and obviously intimacy. Maybe you just both need to make a real effort, even if you are so tired (and believe me I understabnd). Also time away from the kids is important, is there anyway you could sort that out? I hope you don't mind me chucking my two pence worth in but I hate to read a post where you're so unhappy. Please let us know how everything's gong and don't forget we're all always here! xx

MommyToAshley replied: Aweee, sweetie, I am so sorry you are having such a rough time of it. But, maybe now is a good time to get everything out in the open and let him know how you feel. It sounds like things really need to change for both or you. And, a night out (or in) together would probably do both of you a world of good.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Mollie I am so sorry sweetie. I agree with Josie that sex is very important to a man. I know when it has been awhile for Scotty and I he gets very annoyed with me. I immediately know what is wrong. (either that or it has been awhile since I have cooked) Marriage takes a lot of work....you both have a lot on your plate. He is very sweet to draw attention that he needs you right now. Take action. Like Dee Dee said, now is the time to get it all out. Make a way to spend time together. I know it is hard, but it needs to happen for your marriage's sake. Again, I'm sorry you are so overwhelmed. I hope it eases soon.

PS I hope I didn't hurt your feelings.

Kaitlin'smom replied: sorry your having a ruff time, I hope you both can find time to spend together. Sounds like it what you really need.... got anyone you cna get to watch the kids for an hour or two?

oh and I dont want to start a debate but sex is not always important to a man, depends on the man, in some cases its more the woman who wants it over the man, and that can cause seriouse frustrations.

I know what your feeling molly.....big hugs

MomToMany replied: Thanks everyone . Nobody hurt my feelings. It's hard to find time for romance, but I'll make more of an effort. His birthday is coming up soon (Oct. 5th), so I'll try to plan something special.

Kaitlin'smom replied: I know what you mean its hard to find time for us....I dont want to start complaing in your topic so I wont just know your not alone, and I hope this trip is what we need and it helps

Maddie&EthansMom replied:

You are SO right! Sorry for the stereotype. I forget that everyone's case isn't the same as mine! Every relationship is very different. I would agree Mollie, to do what is best for you and DH. Afterall...who knows your relationship better than yourself. Have fun on his birthday and let us know how it goes.

MommyToAshley replied:
I think it is a good idea to plan something special, but I hope that you don't blame all of this on yourself and feel like you have let him down in any way. It takes two to make a marriage, it takes two to run a household, and it takes two to raise the kids. I don't know the entire situation, but it sounds like from your other posts that he could pitch in a bit more, and you have every right to be a little frustrated. I wouldn't be in the mood for romance after doing all of that. A night out is a good start, but I don't think it will fix the problem. I think you both need to talk about what you need from each other and BOTH of you work on improving the marriage... whether that means dividing up the chores, scheduling a sitter once a week so you can have date night, etc. It sounds to me like communication is the issue. He thinks you're tired of him, but in reality, it is more that you are just plain old TIRED for all that you do. I hope I didn't offend you, I just wanted you to know that I don't think you should put all of this on yourself.

MomToMany replied:
Thank you M2A. No offense taken. He COULD pitch in more, but after working all day (I used to work where he does, so I know what it's like), I can understand where he needs down-time, too.

We'll have a nice long talk hopefully tonight, and get all of this straightened out.

DansMom replied: He is being irrational, but it's human. He may be struggling with self-esteem issues and clearly needs some reassurance that you value him and need him (oh, and love him of course!). It might help to remind him that with such a full family life, the idea of making/having time and energy to meet and see someone else is totally laughable, on top of the fact that the notion of being with anyone else is unappealing and painful (I'm assuming that's true). Have him describe a time during the day when something like that would happen. Between diaper changes and making school lunches and breastfeeding and laundry and cooking and working? I don't know about you, but I only have one toddler, and I have not got a spare minute to find and flirt with some guy, not that I would want to anyway. KWIM?

My2Beauties replied: Sweetie I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I've posted in other threads that I believe intimacy and sex is important in relationships. I know when I don't give DF any for a while he gets moody and he has said stuff like that to me before. I too feel as if I don't have time anymore. I go to work full time and have class until 9:00 3 nights a week, my weekends are full anymore planning our wedding and I'm drained!!! What we do is find a sitter and take Friday or Saturday night and go out with each other somewhere. You might find this funny but sometimes on Thursday nights when I dont' have class we'll let DF parent's keep Hanna and we go to Bingo I know I know it's Bingo but we have lots of fun and it's a way for us to be adults for once!!

A&A'smommy replied: (((((BIG HUGS))))) I think at some point every relationship goes through these similar things and I believe it just to let us know that we sometimes have to take some time for ourselves but its like WHEN it sounds especially hard for you because you have more children and another job.. Is there a day that you and dh can take for yourselves or just have a calm family day and then maybe that night you and dh can have some privacy (after the children have gone to bed) even just to talk and cuddle... or maybe everynight you can cut out the tv and cuddle or talk for a little while... that might help... sorry I'm NOT the person to give advice because right now I'm sitting her on the computer and dh is playing his playstation so I understand that it can be hard to cut out those "relaxing" things... (((((HUGS))))

Josie83 replied: I agree with Aimee, I just reread my post and it is so opinionated! Di you're right not everyone is the same, i suppose I was just generalising. I hope I didn't hurt your feelings Mollie. Let us know how it goes when you have your discussion with him, I have my fingers crossed for you xx

Kaitlin'smom replied: oh dont worry girls most people think the man wants all the sex when it can be the opposite. I do believe that in every relationship intimacy is VERY important no matter who wants it more, and as long as you can show your partner is wanted and needed it does not always have to be about having sex.

I have so much more I could say but I dont think this is the right place to go into it, I just wanted to say it was okay most people do sterotype men and I was not bothered by it, just wanted to point out not all are the same, I hope I did not offend anyone.