I can't do it anymore

mysweetpeasWil&Wes wrote: Is it just me...am I just not cut out for this job anymore??! Seriously, my boys are tearing me down you guys. I know we're in a lot of stress right now, but it's no different than a few months ago. They are destructive and I feel that they don't respect anything of any value! They tear screens, they throw rocks at the side of the house, they squash lemons from our tree all over the patio which leaves stains from the sun and attracts ants. You should see the stains all over our carpet and furniture from constant spilling. I have rules about keeping drink and food in the kitchen, but somehow they get pass me. They pull things out of drawers, they smear my makeup on the mirrors, they take the toilet paper off the roll and shred it to mini pieces, they use their stamp pad on my tiled floor. And I don't know if this is just a boy thing, but they break things ON PURPOSE!!! DH says he was the same way...Wanting to know how things would look or feel when broke. But it drives me NUTS! I'm seriously about to lose it. If I have to wipe up one more spill, or rearrange my couch pillows, or pick tiny pieces of toilet paper from my carpet...I'm going to lose it! And it's not that I lack disciplining them. It just seems like I have to do it all day and I'm tired!

Sorry...I can't do it anymore. I seriously am ready to resign until they are 21.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Ugh, they just broke DH's expensive umbrella. And they also like to play with the fireplace tools. Eventually that wood poker is going through the flat screen, I just know it.

moped replied: Well I am right there with you - as we speak Jack is screaming in bed because he broke a bedtime rule.......he isn't destructive, but is VERY difficult right now. I jsut told a freind today that I am not cut out for this....seriously, I spend ALL DAY disciplining and it gets tiring!

I am sorry, but you are NOT alone here

A&A'smommy replied: ok honestly they just sound like little boys to me, the stories my mil has told me, my husband about when him and his brother were younger. And from having a little brother... They are just full out little boys. I can't imagine that its easy to deal with

cameragirl21 replied: I'm really sorry you're having these difficulties, Rae. Idk if I have any advice but I think it's possible that the kids are picking up on your and DH's stress and expressing themselves the only way they know how. I truly think that kids pick up on our stress levels and they too feel the anxiety but don't really understand what it is and how to deal with it so just as you may deal with anxiety by cleaning like crazy or baking or whatever, they get destructive.
And even though I know the stress is fairly recent with your DH's job loss, in all fairness, as I recall, there has been stress with your DH's job pretty much ever since he started it. He's always hated it and brought his frustration with it home. The children's environment and home completely changed and the atmosphere in the air has become much more tense so they are acting out.
Personally, my response to these things could be considered Draconian. For example, when my godson kept undoing his carseat and his mom had to pull over while driving on the highway over and over again to strap him back in, I suggested tying his hands together to make him stop. That said, I doubt many would take these sorts of measures but I'm not into spanking, I'm much more into psychological warfare if you kwim, restrain them a few times and they won't want to do it again. And I don't mean tying them down and gagging them like a hostage or anything like that but still, I doubt most would handle it this way.
I'm wondering if another option might be to wear them out, as in, taking them to the park and running them ragged so they can get their frustration out that way.
Whatever you decide, I hope things improve for you soon.

ZandersMama replied: im with ya. id quit or go on strike but i dont think they would notice until supper time.

HuskerMom replied: I don't really have any advice. It does sound like boys being boys. I've heard so many stories from my MIL about Dh and his little brother when they were kids.

CantWait replied: *hugs for ya Rae* Some days I feel in the same boat. We're in it together. Stay strong, I swear some days they want to see us break.

gr33n3y3z replied:
Then ask your DH if he did those things LOL

Sorry hun kids are not easy you just have to figure out what works and thats when a pat on the butt works

lisar replied:
Yea thats true they wouldnt notice at all till it was time to eat

MommyToAshley replied: I'm sorry, I can't remember, do you have them in any kind of preschool program? Maybe a few hours break will do you and them some good.

stella6979 replied: I do understand the whole "boys will be boys" thing, but I think the behavior you're describing is a bit much. I'm not saying they're bad or anything, but maybe they are just testing you? I don't doubt at all that you've tried everything in your power to get this under control, but they really need to learn that destroying things is not acceptable. And if that means standing them in a corner all day long with their noses pressed against the wall, then so be it. I would also consider taking everything out of their room and tell them that once they learn how to behave they can start earning things back. I really hope things get better for you Rae.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: It sounds like you could all use some time away from the house. Is there a childrens museum, skating rink or even take them swimming. They sound like they might be just bored. I went through the same thing with Spencer when he was there age and I know how frustrating it can be. He eventually outgrew it. Take a few deep breaths and maybe plan an activity the 3 of you can do together today.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
ITA! I would take everything away. They should earn their toys back. At this point there would be no more warnings about things either. You do something naughty...you stand in the corner....and none of that minute per every year of age stuff either. It's nothing for a 4 year old to stand in the corner or sit in time out for 4 minutes. That's peanuts to them. Every time they squish a lemon, they should be cleaning it up. Every time they are naughty there should be an immediate consequence. It may seem like they are getting in trouble every 5 mintues for awhile, but after being consistant it will start to sink in.

Tanner started getting an allowance recently for feeding the dog and picking up dog poop in the yard. More recently he has torn our remote to shreds. It still works, but it's falling apart. He hasn't done it to be malicious or anything...he picks at it out of boredom and now our remote is falling apart. Well, I told him he is going to be using his allowance to pay for a new remote soon. He didnt' like that much because he had plans to use his money for something fun. They need to be taught that money doesn't grow on trees, things cost money, how to respect and take care of the things we have, and they need to earn the value of the things we own.

Kaitlin'smom replied: I have no advice but I want to send some

Boo&BugsMom replied:
When they do this and things of the like, are you making sure you have all eyes on them so you catch them doing it before the crime is commited? I don't mean to assume, but I would think some of the things could be prevented if their boundaries are more limited and someone is always keeping a very watchful eye on them. I know a 4 year old should be able to be trusted to some extent to be alone playing, but it seems that they need to earn your trust for quite awhile before you open up their boundaries more.