I feel SOOO bad!! - I NEED to get this out!

A&A'smommy wrote: I'm SOOO tired lately I feel like I just CAN'T get enough sleep, and when I don't get enough sleep I'm SOOO impatatient and horrible and mean, and poor alyssa gets the worse part of it, she is only four months old WHYYYY am I so mean to her????? If dh was home right now (he is painting someones porch they are paying him and we need the money) then I would ask him to help me so i can get a nap. Alyssa has been waking up in the middle of the night lately and I try to put her back to sleep in her bed, I try walking her but sometimes it just doesn't work she has to go back to sleep in my bed, It's soooo hard to sleep with her in my bed our bed is soo tiny and I worry about her. Usually she takes a nap about ten or ten thirty but for some reason she WONT take a nap today she is fighting it as hard as she can and let me tell you she is TIRED her eyes are SOOO droopy and she is SOOOO whiny! I don't know what to do!!!!! I NEED SLEEP I don't know how some of you do it and keep your cool WHAT IS YOUR SECRET she doesnt deserve my sleepless wrath (does that make sense?). I try to go to bed when she does at night so I can get enough sleep but when I go to bed I wake up so much and I have to check on Alyssa to make sure she is alright and then a little while later she wakes up crying! I don't know why either she goes right back to sleep when I lay her down on my chest. UGH I FEEL LIKE A HORRIBLE MOTHER! Right now she is laying in her bed fussing because she is sooo tired (i gave her some toys) I would pick her up but I really need a minute to chill out. HELP!!! I have to go she is really crying now and so am i!!!!

Kaitlin'smom replied: I have been there and yes sleep is the best answer, is there someone who could come watch her for an hour or two. Can she hold her bottle yet? I was going to suggest giving her one and laying her down but since she is only 4 months that might not work, and unfortunally a habit that should not be started. Can you put a mattress on the floor for her and surround her with pillows on the edges and then sleep in your bed with her on the floor right next to you. I am just throwing out options.... Sorry I wish I had some better advice. I wold take her for a few hours if I could so you could sleep....I know how it feels, the best thing to do is when your really grumpy is try and relax and take some deep breaths, and remember it will not always be this bad.

jen replied: Oh sweetie! I don't any experienced advice but here is a ((((((((((((((BIG HUG ))))))))))))))))))))))))

coasterqueen replied: OH sweetie! (((HUGS))) First off you are not a bad mother! You are a wonderful mother. Second, there is no secret! I have days just like you do and unfortunately I get very cranky with Kylie. I especially get that way in the middle of night when she just won't go down and I'm so tired. Sometimes DH wakes up and relieves me and sometimes he doesn't

What about taking her for a walk in a stroller? Is the weather nice where you are at? Fresh air always helps a baby sleep faster. And it might wake you up a bit and refresh you. But it sounds like you really need sleep, but a very short walk might help. I do this with Kylie when I just can't bare trying to put her to sleep.

Is there someone else you know that can watch her for a bit while you get some zzzz's?

I know it's hard sometimes. I get this way often and I just try to fight my crankiness with her, but it's hard.


((HUGS)) sweetie. Hang in there! DH will hopefully be home before long to help you.

jem0622 replied: I think we've all been there and it's hard. I totally understand. I have a few ideas:

(1) Does she take a nightly bath? If not, then consider it. It helps keep things on schedule and predictable. If she is having trouble with daylight savings and she gets a nightly bath at the same time every night then you can bump her bath time to an early time by 15 minutes every few days until she is back to her regular time. Then put her to bed 15 minutes earlier every night until she is back to the proper bedtime.

(2) If she is quiet midday but won't settle for you then you might want to consider setting up your playpen or pack-n-play. Put a blanket in there with a soft toy or book and maybe put on a soothing show (I used Baby Einstein). Put her in view of the couch and lay down on the couch and set an alarm clock or something or maybe try to rest and keep an ear out for when the show is over. When the show is over you get up and do what you need but by then she may be asleep. I had to do that a few times with Gabe because I was tired and he was having trouble sleeping midday so I put him in there. He saw that Mommy was sleeping and figured he needed sleep too.

That's all that I can think of. Besides sleeping when she does. If you keep her to a schedule then she will sleep better. If you let her rule the day then you'll lose your mind. Babies do not have internal clocks like us so we have to give them cues and teach them the ropes.

HUGS
Julie

jem0622 replied: The other thing that hit me on the head is that she may be beginning to teeth. Nathan (4) was a great sleeper until he started teething at 4 mos. Give her Infant Motrin about 30 minutes before nap or bed to settle her. If she wakes up during the night and the proper time has passed then give her more. It's enough to keep her up.

And at 4 mos she can be in her own bed. She might be fussy but just pat her back to tell her Mommy is there and she'll fall asleep. Sing to her or recite a story or two.

HUGS

Elle replied: Well, there's nothing I can add to the great advice you've already been given... So I'll send you some big hugs
I hope Alyssa starts sleeping better, I know how hard it is when they're so little.

Lily replied: Aww, I have been there and when it's happening to you it does make you feel like a horrible mother but rest assured you are NOT a horrible mother. You're sleep deprived! Being sleep deprived will make anyone cranky, not just a mother. When you feel so worked up and feel like you'll explode maybe put the baby in her crib and go into the bathroom or onto your porch or whatever and just take about 5 minutes to yourself to calm down. Your dd is not going to be scarred for life or anything because she cries for 5 minutes. It's better to do that then to blow up on her. Hang in there...it will get better!

juliajaj replied: I agree with Julie (jem0622). Olivia thrives on her schedule. For the 1st 6 weeks with Olivia, I thought I had to be the perfect wife & mother all rolled into one. The thing that helped me the most is when DH took over the after dinner routine. Basically, he took care of her from 6 PM until around 7:30 when she went to bed. I know 1 1/2 hrs. doesn't sound like a lot of time, but it meant the world to me. He would give play with her, give her a nightly bath, give her a bottle of EBM & put her to bed. During my "free" time, I didn't do any type of housework. This was my time to do as I wanted. I would usually lay down on the bed & read a book.

Once she was 6 weeks old, we started working on a schedule since I was going to return to work at 12 weeks. I know some parents frown on establishing schedules at such a young age, but it worked for us. DY & I read in a sleep book where most babies at that age are up for 2 hours & down for 2 hours, etc. I know it's hard to hear your baby cry, but you aren't a bad mother for letting her fuss a little (believe me, I repeated this mantra many times when Olivia was a newborn). I would make an effort to lay her down for a nap every 2 hours. She would fuss, but I never let her fuss for more than 10 minutes. After 10 minutes, I would go in her room, pat/rub her back (not picking her up or talking to her, but I would make the "shushing" noise) for a minute & leave the room. Our ped. recommended this routine too, so you might want to ask your ped's advice. Early on, I was in her room quite a bit doing this, but after a couple of days, she wasn't fussy for very long (less than 10 minutes & then it got down to no naptime/bedtime fuss at all) & taking 2 hour naps. I think once she was close to 6 months, she was doing a standard 9-11 & 1-3 nap, then bedtime from 7-6. Now, at almost 20 months, we put her in her crib & she literally sings to herself for a minute or 2 & the she's sound asleep. I'm not saying this process was easy for the 3 of us, but it's incredible how much more relaxed I am because of it. Also, I would make an effort to get out everyday with Olivia & make sure that DH spend some alone time with her too. He'll watch her so I can run errands or even go to church by myself. It's amazing how relaxing grocery shopping can be when you're alone.

You're doing a great job! Just take everything one day at a time & practice patience, forgiveness and love. This is something I heard the other day, so when I get stressed I recite the 3 words to myself - it definitely helps me to relax.

kit_kats_mom replied: I am feeling pretty rough due to my own sleepless night so I'm not going to post a lot but please know that you are not a horrible mother. We've all been there. remember, sleep deprivation has been used as a form of torture for years...guess why....because it sucks and it makes you retarded

I'm sorry that you are having a rough time though.

A&A'smommy replied: thank you guys sooooo much for the resposes i dont feel so bad now! i did get a little bit of a nap and that was alll i needed! alyssa is still asleep (on my chest ) so i'm using this time tpo just relax although i would LOVE to get a shower lol. thank you sooooo much i really needed to know that i'm not the only one!

DansMom replied: I've been there too!!! You just have to breathe through your irritation as best you can. If you feel angry it's okay to walk away for a moment and cool down---as long as you aren't gone too long, she won't remember. It's so hard when you're that exhausted to think straight and keep your irritation under control. Hugs!! It does get better.

A&A'smommy replied:
thank you for the advice i'm definitly goping to try a few new things!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! patience, forgivness and love!