I have a question... - VERY sensitive subject (LOOONG)

punkeemunkee'smom wrote: I have been dealing with something the past couple months that nobody ever wants to think about...My best friend's little sister confided in us that their step-dad had molested her when she was about 6,for about a year and almost everynight. If possible it gets worse-she had already told her mom Her mom had kept him in the house and worse yet she had left him alone in charge of her for years(he drove her to school and picked her up and they were alone for several hours a day...My best friend and I felt that something must have been going on again for her to be bringing this to us after 'so long' Well my best friend asked me to hold off on reporting it until she spoke to her mom,of course we thought maybe she had not been told the extent of abuse or maybe had not really been told at all I WISH that had been true....she knew and not only that she told us he was staying in the house and it was none of my or my best friend's concern so we reported it to the state that they live in now(they were here in Texas but have moved to NC) Little sis at first told her story to the case workers and counselers that spoke to her,her story never waviered not even in her mother's presence then her mom told her that she would be sent to jail with the stepdad for not reporting it and then the story changed just once but it was the time that really mattered as far as crimminal charges because she refused to tell the DA how far the abuse had gone. They could not keep him out of the house with no charges filed and my best friend's mom moved him right back in He IS in sex offender classes and so is the mom but he still sits across the dinner table from her everynight...Well she has been blocked from seeing her sister (my best friend) and has only talked to me,on IM,a few times. We spoke the other night for a longtime and she talked to my bestfriend too(I called and told her to get on the computer) My phone rang at 4am and It was her mom telling me she did not want me talking to her about it they were trying to move on...He deserved forgiveness and that she loves him She told me it only happened 5-6 times and that lots of people make mistakes (WTF???) She defended him over and over and I just kept yelling at her THIS IS THE MAN WHO MOLESTED YOUR BABY!!!!!! She then told me that little sister was not going to be coming to Texas like planned to stay with her friend (a child I also know) and that she was going to see if maybe this child could just come up there instead (she says she trusts her sick-o husband "190% with any child now" he has had 2 months of classes you know ) Anyway I called the family down here and told them the story,I have letters from NC telling the findings of abuse and I faxed them over) The mom of the child down here was thankful and said they had been thinking of letting their daughter go next week. But she also brought up that her daughter had been a regular guest in the house of my best friend (my best friend and I are much older me about 15 years and her 17 years than these girls) My question is this,and if you made it this far Thank you, I know some other girls that were over there for night stays and the like...We all went to the same church-I babysat for several families with girls that age that played there or spent the night there...As a mom I feel like I should be making more phone calls-I should tell some of these families that they need to make sure their gilrs weren't harmed...I know I would want to know if there was the slightist chance that Taylor had been exposed to a bast$^% like that...WWYD? Would you be getting out the phone book? This has been weighing on my mind so heavily the past few months-I wanted to believe that when her mom heard the whole story that she would protect her child! As for him and her now-Jail is too good IMHO-after our conversation the other morning the fires of hell are not hot enough-but I feel so helpless for my best friend's little sister and now I feel sick at the thought of how many other kids he may have hurt.......

C&K*s Mommie replied: To answer your question, indeed I would make some calls. He did it to her, who is to say that it did not happen to other children. Some family issues I would not want to be a third party in, especially if it were for something minor, I would let the family deal with their issues and not get involved. But abuse of anyone, is a whole different ball game! Yes, I would contact the families and encourage them to find ways to talk to their children so that they may be able to seek the answers. I am certain that it is not an easy thing for a child to come forth and admit that inappropiate things have occurred, but there are ways of getting the truth.

I will refrain from posting my thoughts on the mother of this innocent child, and the step-dad who did this. They will have their punishments soon enough.

But many hugs to the child and any other possible victims.
You are doing a fine thing, Abbie by being concerned over the well-being of this child, whereas the mother should have been so unselfish and could have stopped this in its tracks......

kudos to you for stepping up, and being a dearheart for this young child.

Nina J replied: I would definatly call anyone who may have been exposed to him. The amount of people who have been molested, but never say anything and just keep it all inside, it huge. You may give someone the chance to speak, without bringing it up on there own.

It's just shocking. I just finished reading a book called the little prisoner, it sounds alot like what you've just said, but the girl who was molested by her step father took him to court. And, even though he was found guilty, her mother and her whole family found her and bashed her, called her and abused her, even though they knew he was raping her and molesting her for 17 years. Whats happening to people in this world?

After reading what you said, and reading the book I mentioned, I'm concerned that he may still be molesting the little sister. I don't want to be bringing this up to worry you or anything, but can you be certain he's not? or I might be confused, is he still living with them? He needs to be thrown in jail and have the key thrown away It makes me furious.

mammag replied: Definitely! Start making those calls!!!! You are doing a good thing.

It is sickening how many people will put up with that happening to their child just to keep the man. They are as bas as the molester!

A similar thing happened to one of dh's cousins. Her mom had been molested by her dad and she grew up and let him live in their house and be alone with the daughter who was of course then molested herself.

gr33n3y3z replied: Chances are he didnt touch the other girls bc of them telling on him
BUT those ppl. should beware of what has happend.

And the mother and creep should be locked up along with
CPS to allow her back in that home.

ZandersMama replied: I would take out a full page ad in the local newspaper. People like that make me sick. What kind of a mother would leave her child in that situation. I would be in jail for taking the life of my husband.

Jeffs Wife replied: Call every parent of every child you know this man had contact with!!!!!!
My child was molested last summer by a man who was going to court on charges in another county for molesting four boys. He moved form that county to mine while out on $10, 000 bond. Became friends with my sons' father and molested my 7 year old while he was at his dad's house, my son's dad is a drug addict so he would leave my boys with this man while he had them so he could go get high. Only the DA in our county knew he was a sex offender, he had only plead guilty, not convicted yet, so she didn't find it neccsary to let the community know he was in our area.
People who are sick like this have no fear, they are very sick. The man that molested my son had done it for years. His victims are still coming forward from years ago. Some of the wouldn't tell until they heard what had happened to the other boys.
My son didn't say anthy thing until he saw this man on the news whaen they said this pedophile is living among us he will be going to prison for 7 years for molesting 4 boys, my son looked at his little brother and said I wonder if he is gonaa get in troulble for what he did to me. He didn't know I was in the room and heard him. My husband had thought something might have been happenening to my son because he wasn't acting the same for a while but he always denied anything was wrong. We later found out this man was so desprate to spend time with my son he offered thier father money to let him be with him the day he had plead guilty to molesting these other boys because he knew his time was running out.

Please inform these parents what this little gilr said this man did to her so they can telk to thier daughters. These little girls might be afraid to say anyhting until they know he has doen it to someone else. Good luck....Michelle

I hope this has made since to you, I hope I didn't ramble on

punkeemunkee'smom replied:

I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have said and thought the same thing in the past months. I can't understand of course I guess I don't want to be able to... I will be making phone calls today and I hope with everything I have left that he did not hurt anyone else BUT even reading some of your responses I have to be honest with myself and say how possible is that?

OH BTW~ He was a teacher at a private school and we do know he was asked to resign but the reason given was that he was giving too much homework and making too many kids stay after class-I don't know if any of them were alone either.......

C&K*s Mommie replied: They say they are concerned about what they are seeing in their meetings with the family(NO remose or concern shown for anyone but themselves). Then DO SOMETHING!!!

Exactly!!

Kaitlin'smom replied: How old is the girl?

these people make me sick, where does she live...make me want to go scoop her up and get her out of there. they BOTH should be in jail.

jcc64 replied: I am completely horrified at the behavior of everyone involved in this story- the mother, the step-dad, and most importantly- the social agencies who failed this child. It is absolutely astounding that this poor child had the courage to speak up and try to advocate for herself, and not one responsible adult heeded her call (except of course, you and your bf). For this reason, I would tell everyone and anyone who will listen in their community. The step mother has her head so far up her a$$ that she has lost the ability to think straight- her pathetic need to attach her cart to this loser obviously supercedes her biological imperative to protect her child. Completely unfathomable. If her own conscience won't allow her to see him for the predator that he is, then let the pressure of her community do it for her. She may not feel the need to protect her child, but other parents deserve that right. I completely disagree that this this is a private family matter that you shouldn't insert yourself into- I believe you have an obligation to help this child out of this unacceptable situation if her own mother refuses to. Sometimes, child protective services doesn't get it right the first or second or third time, either, but if you are persistent, maybe someone with the power and authority to affect change will listen eventually.
Child predators don't change- a class or two or 12 is not going to remove this tendency. Forgiveness does not go hand in hand with stupidity, either. You can forgive this man without throwing the child right back into the fire. The child should not be living under the same roof as her attacker, period, and if the mother can't accept that, then she needs to choose who is more important to her. Sounds like she already has, unfortunately.
Very very sad story, and I'm sorry for you and your friend, and most importantly, that poor damaged little girl.

moped replied: Yes I truly feel in my heart that you should make some calls....you have to do what feels right to you

BAC'sMom replied: Yes I would pull out your phone books to notify each and every parent. Then I would pick up the phone and put it on speed dial.

good for you for making a stand. I am very proud of you.

TheOaf66 replied: i would be making calls. I agree that once he started doing this "Classes" aren't going to do anything for him right away, he needs to be put away and I think a firing squad would be appropriate.

My2Beauties replied: I think you should make the calls. If I were the parent of one of those other children I would want to know, kids are very scared to speak up about things of that nature! Good for you for taking a stand and trying to put this creep where he belongs, and as far as the mother is concerned, she deserves to be put in jail as well.

redchief replied: I urge caution. Emotion is driving you and this issue. You said the woman's bf has been ordered into sex-offender classes, but you didn't mention the rest of his sentence or what is on his criminal record. I also don't know what the state of NC has in the form of a Megan's Law, regarding notification of neighbors of sex offenders.

Here is why I am urging caution. What happened to that little girl is horrifying, no doubt, and your concern and actions to this point have been appropriate. If the turd that did this to her struck a plea bargain and there is no criminal record of molestation you are opening yourself up to a slander suit. Regardless of what he did to that little girl, he could turn around and drag you into court for sullying his "good name." If you are willing to risk that without knowing upon what kind of legal ground you are standing, then I'd say call everyone you can think of. Otherwise... step very carefully.

A&A'smommy replied: OMG how horrible those poor babies I don't know what I would I think you should follow your heart and instinct and go with YOU know in your heart is the right thing to do!!! That would be a very hard decision but I think in my situation calling would sound like that best thing to do!!! and good luck with your decision please let us know what happens!!!

Jackie012007 replied:
Ed, I was just going to say the same thing... because it DID happen to my babysitter. She was a foster parent and took in some girls because their mother was suspected of being schizo and being evaluated in another state. The girls told her that their mother had been touching them, so she called CPS who didn't want to do jack @#$% (CPS in NY is a friggen joke)... so she got on the bandwagon and called families of the girls' friends... well the lad's lawyer convinced schizo woman to sue her for slander. It was never found out if she did abuse the girls, as she ended up being put in a treatment center for her mental issues and my babysitter ended up adopting the girls... but she had to pay out the @$$ because of what she did.

I know it's hard and that family should be locked up for what they are doing, but unfortunately there is a process that needs to be gone through to protect you, as well. I wouldn't put it past these idiots to get you for all you are worth just because you are doing the right thing... it's a hard situation

ashtonsmama replied: Any abuse of a child always makes me sick.



I've spent years paying for someone's sickness and behavior, and I know how it is to be that little child stuck in an awful situation like that.

punkeemunkee'smom replied:
Ed you are absolutely correct-there is no crimminal record of his offense as of yet. The superviser I spoke to today even warned me about my best friend's mom's retaliation...I feel really stuck. I feel like as a mom I would want to know BUT I have a child to worry about as well...I am now really afraid of them being able to come after me if I go too far with telling. I HATE this! The state is asking more questions and looking at some more in depth info. All I can continue to hope is they find something they can hang him with. (and her too)

For those of you that asked little sister is 13...My best friend and I are 28(me) and 31(her) so we were not in the house much anymore when she was the age he started molesting her....

ashtonsmama replied:
I'm so sorry Abbie. Prayers are coming for you as you try to help this little girl...

redchief replied: Abbie, as difficult as it sounds, and I'm certain, is in your case, I would let the judicial process run it's course before taking matters into your own hands. It may even be possible for you to gather new evidence as you converse with the young girl. Keep logs of all conversations you have with her. To me, that is your best course right now, especially since you've already been speaking with the law regarding this. I'm sorry you are stuck in the spokes of the slowly plodding justice system, but to do more right now may well place you, the girl, and the case in jeopardy.

mammag replied: Would it still be considered slander if she only calls and says he is in sex offender classes and leave it at that, not give details as to the alleged crime?

redchief replied:
That depends upon the conditions under which he is attending them. If he is doing it as a pretrial intervention, it would be considered slander because he hasn't admitted any wrongdoing.

luvmykids replied: Abbie I'm sorry there hasn't been a better resolution so far, sounds like at least some progress (the classes) but not nearly enough. As impossible as it must feel to sit on your hands and feel helpless, I never even thought of Ed's points about possibly jeopardizing the case in general.

I still can't get over that mother, not only to defend him but to manipulate her daughter by telling her she would go to jail too. GOOD, she should! And it's absolutely sickening to think of little sister having to sit across the table from him at dinner.

They are both still in my prayers, and you as well.

punkeemunkee'smom replied: I do have letters from the state that say they found Injurus Environment and Neglect. I have made a few calls to people I was close to years ago and I knew their children had been exposed to him in a possible one on one way. I only stuck to the facts of the conversations that I have had with both the little sister and now her mother...What they do with the information is now up to them. I hate to think of the hard questions that will be asked tonight across our old group Thank you all for letting me vent this out on here...This has been the hardest thing I have ever been faced with I am afraid it has rocked me to the very core. IMO There is no forgiveness for this. I have seen stray dogs with better maternal instincts and all I hope is that one day this child is able to understand how wronged she was. I wish I could say that I believed she was the only one he hurt but I am just not that naive anymore

Oh the upside of things I just spent a half an hour on the phone with another case worker who was very interseted in the fact that her mom is still so adament that he just made a 'mistake' She asked for some information about people who knew them here and we talked about some other possible issues in the house-I think she sees something that maybe the rest of the system has missed ,at least I hope with the last shred of it I have left in this case, she does.....I will keep you all updated when I hear something

Jackie012007 replied: I hate to have to ask but, knowing what you know about the extent of the abuse (and the fact that you think it's still going on, and given the story, I'm right there with you on that one), would a rape kit be possible? She would have to be taken to a hospital, and it's not fun, but it IS concrete evidence should this escalate to the point of going to a trial. Also, I cannot believe they didn't assign her a law guardian or anything since she is under 16, just sent her back off to live with those filthy pigs. Good for you for keeping up with this and trying to find social workers. I hope things finally go in the right direction

Jeffs Wife replied:
I think maybe you should just call the girls' parents and just let them know what your friend's sister had said happened to her. don't accuse him of anything, just let them know what the 13 year old has said happened to her and give them the option of talking to their daughters. They wouldn't have to ask them if this man had touched them, they can just ask them general questions about thier private parts and let them know it is ok to tell if ANYONE has EVER touched them in a way that has made them uncomfortable.
I understand you need to be very careful with the way you go about this so you can protect yourself, but it would be very sad if he had abused another child and they were holding it in out of fear, when maybe all they needed was someone to bring up the subject so they felt is was ok to talk about it. I really don't know if there is a safe way for you to go about contacting the parents of these other children. It is just making me sick to think the accused pedophile gets protested, not the children he has been in contect with. Maybe somebody can help you and your friend come up with a safe way to inform these parents, but until then I guess we can just pray he didn't hurt anyone.......Michelle