I have completely had it with her!! - Venting about my husbands ex-wife

JAYMESMOM wrote: Okay, I admit I am not the most perfect person in the world but I go out of my way to make things easier for her. My step-son lives with his mother and we get visitation every other weekend and every thursday from when school gets out till 8:00. Currently we split holidays and get two weeks in the summer and we are trying to get more time with him. My husband gave her a printout of the visitation he would like to have. 4 weeks in the summer, every other weekend thurs - sunday, half of all school breaks, and set holidays instead of shuffling him back and forth on the holidays since we do all the driving. She is okay one minute and then she goes on power trips and won't let him do anything with his son. Yet we are the ones she calls when she can't find anyone else to get them from school, etc. etc. We generally get along and have done different things together but there are times she just seems to have a problem with me. I don't if she thinks I am perfect but I am by far that. I just prioritize my things a little better than she does. The kids come first, then spouse, then house, then me. She is reverse. He is doing bad in school and is only in 1st grade. We have always gone to P/T confrences together and I find out this morning she went last night and never told us when they were. Which would be fine had she given us our stuff from the school so we would have known that parent teacher confrences were this week. His teacher sends home and extra set of announcement for us and we never get them. Things have been okay for a couple of months but ever since I annouced a few weeks ago that I was going with his class on their field trip in June she has been getting shady. I am so tired of these juvenille games she plays. She has two other kids by two different dads and is married to her 1st husband again (he is also #3) mine was #2. He doesn't like my husband so I know he has a big influence on her but come on already - I feel like I am in highschool again. I have been in the picture for the past 3 years and love my step son as if I had had him myself. He probably gets treated better than my daughter will at that age because we have a special bond together. My husband doesn't know what to do since he is on the road during the week he feels bad about leaving most of this up to me to deal with. Which normally I don't mind because he will argue with her and I just get parental and she wont yell at me. It may not be right but it works. I don't know if after all this she is still intimidated or what but I just want to scream. So now I have to take my 15 month old with me to the school tommorrow at 1:40 to meet with his teacher (after she has surgery in the morning to put her tubes in) since I can't leave her alone. Where had she told me about last night I would have left work earlier and they don't have anything late tonight.

The best part is we will all be at the same wedding on Saturday and I am so afraid my husband and her husband may go at it if mine is still pissed. I have told him no drinking for him - I am giong to drink so I don't throttle her.


AAAAAAAA. Thank you I feel so much better. I think my keyboard is hurting though as hard as i was typing. LMAO. It will have 3 days off to recover.

Any thoughts or suggestions - this just gets me so stressed.

Kaitlin'smom replied: wow x's can be such a pain hope somethign gets worked out for the boys sake

JessC replied: This is just my thought but: SHE sounds jealous to me, I think maybe she realizes you are a better mother to her son and I think that bothers her. Let me put it this way, I feel sorry for the son, and SOME people should NOT be parents I mean really.
This is like a similar problem in my family and it kinda ticks me off too. My sister in law (not anymore) and my brother ... and just shuffeling their daughter back and forth and I just feel so bad for her cause she is only 2! She was 1 1/2 when they divorced, my ex sister in law, has had 5 boyfriends since they divorced in december. That is one every month. IT MAKES Me just wanna go crazy! We use to be good friends and it just breaks my heart, because she never use to be like that! She has low self esteem, and I think that maybe this is what this lady has, dont worry about her!
I can tell you will be a better mom any day over her, Hang in there... and if you need to vent we are here!

kimberley replied:
ITA!!! 100% Jess nailed it! this woman needs to grow up and put the kids before her childish pride! i am sorry you have to deal with all that crap but you should be proud of yourself for the way you are handling it. very mature and responsible . i agree that it is probably better for you to deal with her if it is all conflict with DH. just try to talk to her and voice your concerns one on one when she is having a sane moment. we are here to listen anytime

JAYMESMOM replied: Thank you so much. This board has been my saving grace lately. I don't know how I made it all this time. Thanks so much.

gr33n3y3z replied:
I agree with the others

~KARA~ replied: Im an x-wife and an x-step mom! and let me just say that my x-h was never notified of anything.

My x has no clue about anything that has to do with our dd, and school. I refuse to tell him anything. He isnt the one who supports dd,and he is soooo far behind in support. My dh does it all, and if there is anything extra she needs for school its my dh not my x that does it!! My dh is the only one on the school papers.

I know that if my x's g/f told me that she was going on a field trip with my dd I would be a lil more that po'ed!!

JAYMESMOM replied: Well I am not just a gf. My DH pays his child support and has always tried to be an active part in his sons life. We are also the ones she calls when she can't get him to listen. She has personally called me several times when he has been disrespectful to her because she didn't know what to do and wanted me to handle it. She can't have her cake and eat it too.

kimberley replied:
Kara, i really don't mean to be disrespectful, but don't you think that attitude is a little immature? i mean the bottom line should always be what is best for the kids and if the ex (male or female) shows interest in their child's well being, why would you stand in the way of that? i am not saying that is the case with you since i don't know your whole situation, just that children deserve to be loved by their whole family. if an ex's current gf/wife is willing to love your child as their own and take part in raising your child, why would you fight that? if the person was abusive, or addicted or something else that was awful i can understand that attitude... but if that is not the case, then it is likely just pride that is standing in the way.

jaymesmom sounds like a very kind and responsible woman who WILL BE a part of her stepson's life for a long time, so the bio mom really should get a grip of herself and accept what is best for the kids sake. jmo.

Gracee142 replied:
I so totally understand where you are coming from!! I am in the same kind of situation. I am also an EX .. and I do not interfere at all in my X's life . I know how that feels and I never want to be like that EVER. So I chose to handle myself with "Grace" so I have my self respect. I am very much involved in my dh's kids lives too. If she doesn't like it. Then in all honestly she should have never left. If i have to deal with all the dirty laundry and taking care of them when ill etc.. then I get the good stuff too!! We are all grown up's and can take care of ourselves. The kids don't need to have the constant fighting so I chose to get along and not say a whole lot unless she totally crosses a boundry like leaning on 'my dh' (her x). We have tried the friendly thing and I am perfectly capable of doing it..the woman x's aren't...(I believe it's a jealousy thing and possibly a control thing, to kind of feel out where they are on the pecking order or priority list) So contact is kept to the min., short and sweet. I did have to tell her once that the only place for her in his life was as the children's mother and someone he once used to be married too. Contact from him also has to be kept at a min. or she will think it is more and take that as permission to lean or whatever. Also as far as custody and child support it's in equal on both sides ..everyone pulls their weight..Thank God!

I have no advice except to keep your self respect and be the bigger person.. just know that you arent' alone.. I totally understand what you feel and what you are going thru. In the end it is best for the kids and your relationship with your DH.

Gracee

JessC replied:

You took the words right outta my mouth kimberly!
People that are part of that child's life should have a right to recieve anything of their childrens schooling.
My father recieved report cards from me and my brother and I my mom wouldnt have it any other way.

He has a right and she knows that and is comfy with it.

Dont mean to pick fights, just saying what my opinion is. Thanks!

CCTandME replied: In Kara's defense. If he was interested he would show it. It's such a tough situation. Every situation is different. I can see both sides. Been the step kid and the step gf(not married, but been together for 8+yrs). Kara's bitterness in her situation is probably justified. I could see it happeneing in my own life.