I just feel like

Jamielou wrote: Throwing something right now.. o.k. I am always taking care of laney and i cant even go to the bathroom without a screaning baby. And he has the nerve to plan a fishing trip tomorrw. I wish i could do something on my days off but i am always watching the kids i have even been sick and do i get anything nope. nothing nothing nothing. I gues i could plan something but i dont ever have anybody to watch them because my mom is my babysitter and delaney wont stay with anybody else so i feel bad to ask her to watch her any other time. Men are just jerks... Sorry i just had to get that out i feel like he is being just a bit selfish at this time ...

Jamielou replied: See i cant even spell right i am so mad... I meant to say screaming

ian'smommy replied: I can understand how you feel. I go through the same thing as times. He played paintball not this past weekend, but the weekend before. He was gone ALL day. Left before I even got out of bed and didn't get home until 8pm... I tried not to show that it bothered me because I know he works hard and needs to have some fun occasionally. But I couoldn't tell you the last time I had a whole day to do whatever I wanted. It DOES feel unfair.
I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone..

Jamielou replied:
thanks it gets old dont it

A&A'smommy replied: Tell him how it makes you feel!! I'm sorry my husband gets that way sometimes and I just tell him how that makes me feel and he usualy learns from it! (((((HUGS)))) It sucks when your the only one taking care of the child/ren!! I hope it gets better for you!!

mammag replied: I'm sorry you are having a rough time. I think many of us on here have dealt with much the same issue. Yet, it doesn't seem to really make us feel better to know we are not alone. Sometimes you just feel like a single parent because they don't quite get what you are dealing with.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Why can't you ask him to watch the kids while you go out and do something for yourself? I'm sorry if I missed something. But you said that you could plan something but you don't have anyone to watch the kids. Why can't your SO watch them? My DH typically plans things for himself on the weekends which makes me angry because I feel that Saturday turns into any ol' day for me. I feel that I deserve some time off too. So last Saturday I told him ahead of time that I wanted at least five or so hours to do my own thing. He respected that and watched the baby. I worked out and did a little shopping on my own. It was totally refreshing! Maybe your situation is much more difficult, but sometimes you have to speak up and really tell them what you want. Men can't read minds. Sorry if that sounds harsh. I know that we want them to just "see" that we need time, but I've realized that I just can't expect him to always see things the way I do. Usually if I just openly ask him for time off, he usually will give it to me.

Hope things work out...

Alice replied: I agree with Rae. Tell him you wantn to make plans for next week: would he prefer that you choose Saturday or Sunday? Then make the plans and go!!

mom2tripp replied: I totally understand where you are coming from as I think most women on here do. My DH is a fireman and is gone for 24 hours at a time so when he's home I think he should be more attentive with Tripp and give me some me time. I just tell him how I feel and tell him that he needs to take Tripp so I can have a minute to myself!! Plan something and tell him that it's his turn for you to have a day to yourself. Men for sure don't know what's going on until they are told!

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
Amen sista!! Why did it take me so long to figure this out??? I'm not agreeing with this to belittle men, or to say they can't communicate. I just think that once you're in a commtted relationship, you EXPECT your SO to completely understand you at every moment in your lives together. That you shouldn't have to explain yourself, they should "just know".

HotMama, I'm not sure if this is what's happening in your relationship, but I truly reccomend being straightforward with him and telling him your needs. Don't get angry or defensive about it, like for example "why don't you ever give me time off, it's not fair, you get to do this and that and I don't..." Just say "How about you take the baby tomorrow so that I can do something for myself". I'm sorry if he doesn't understand that and gets angry himself. If that's the case, I recommend some counseling or a big knock over the head..J/K . Good luck!

Jamielou replied: Well he works a lot and he always says if i need him to watch her he will but he is always makeing plans for him. And to be honest i only like to get out and do things with my sister or a friend about once or twice a month but he would be with his friends 2 or more days a week. I would much rather be at home with my kids thats just the way i feel but sometimes i would like for him to come home and help me out with her while i clean up, cook or hey he could help clean either way but here for about 2 months its been all about his friends and playing a comp. game literally from the time he gets home until the time he goes to sleep and i have told him i need help and a break i have been sick for three days and i had to pitch a fit last night to get him to understand i need help. then he did the dishes. and went straight on the computer and didnt get off. I have tried writing him a letter to express the way i feel, i have tried asking him to help out more, and then i have pitched fits and yelled screamed and everything he just dont get it or maybe he does and he knows ill put up with it so he is just being lazy. Usually hell get up and help for the next day then its back to the same old thing. Our problems are a lot deeper with other issues but this is one thing i think should be automatic when you are in a relationship with someone it should be 50/50 on everything.I just feel like i am being taken advantage of. For example the other night laney was cranky(ear infection) and i was trying to straighten up the house and i asked him to help out well he gets her puts her on his knee and continues to play his game while she screams even louder. Now i may be wrong but i think my baby comes before any stupid game. or anything else, so i hurry up get the living room straightened up so i can get her calmed down. Now how is that helping me. I feel like he is just a selfish person he has no clue what i do in a day and i have a 40 hr work week on top of getting food, house and kids taken care of.. He has no clue. I have really tried everyway to tell him that i know of. Im at a loss I dont have a clue of what to do next...

DVFlyer replied:

We can't?

Yes, please tell him what you want. If he doesn't "get it", then you, indeed, have bigger issues.

I have a hobby I do on one day of almost every weekend.... which leaves my wife to watch the kids. I have offered more times than I can count for her to schedule an event- anything- for some time to herself and she wont' take it.

She understands that I work all week long (is posting on a forum considered "work" )and the weekend is my only chance to have fun. I understand she's with the kids all day long, so when I get home, I try to take over as much as I can, but usually just the fact that I'm home is relief enough since she has a "back up" (her words, not mine).

Hotmama,

When you say you have a 40 hour work week, do you mean you have a job during the week?

Jamielou replied: Yes I work mon. thru fri. so its a little frustrating when he thinks all he has to do when he gets home is play games and drink with his buddies... Maybe I'll figure out a way to get the message to him.