I need opinions - Argument #1 of many

luvbug00 wrote: SO this is my first argument with B as off our engagement. Here it is. My grandmother set aside 5,000 for my honeymoon for afer I got married someday. ( she is now as you know deceased) Anyhoo, Brad wants to use this money to get us into our own place. probaly a rental. I say NO I want a nice honeymoon. I didn't get an engagement ring and he is being a cheep a** about our wedding rings and so I want one thing nice ( other then the wedding itself because my parents are busting bum to make that nice) But one thing that will be there to be nice and relaxing, besides I haven't done a thing since Mya was born. He wants to put MY money into somthing to rent for a coupple years! what a waste. we aren't even close to being able to buy. I'm just starting to doubt alot of things. ( did I mention we went out the other night with friends and he was being "friendly" with one of the waitresses) not to mention people arround me keep asking if I'll get cold feet and I'm already starting to. I'm obviously not handling this engagement thing well right now. anyway back to why i wrote ..
should I spend the money on houseing and probaly NEVER honeymoon??? or should I say honeymoon or bust???

CantWait replied: Honeymoon. My dh and I have been together 11 years, married for 4, and never have been anywhere. The money is never going to be there again, and this is what your grandmother had intended it to be used for.

Jamison'smama replied: What about dividing it---you can get a nice honeymoon for 2500

C&K*s Mommie replied: JMO, I would say do what YOU choose. If it is your money, spend it how you wish. If after the honeymoon, you will be in the same boat with little to no money (like Chris & I were) spend it on decent housing or even paying off the bills so that you will be in a better position to buy a place soon.

We never really had a honeymoon, either. We went to an amusement park in Georgia (Six Flags, maybe?? I cannot remember the name ), but I am just as happy about it. Sounds corny, but I had dreams about what my wedding day would be from when I was a child, and none of it transpired the way I wished. My fault, mostly.

But, it is YOUR money set aside for you. For me and only me, I would make sure that the new life that we begin together begins without a ton of worry over finding a place to rent. Maybe you could comprimise and find a place to rent, save money while renting because it essentially will be paid for, and set up a CD or something with $1000- let that accrue interest and in 5-10 yrs take that money and go on a very well deserved vacation! Just a thought.

Sorry I am no help! But it is YOUR money!!!

CAMSMOM1 replied:
I understand that most of us had cold feet, and it's actually a good thing that you are thinking about the decision you are making. You aren't going into this marriage blind, and you are making sure of your committment to him. The truth is, you both have a lot of stress right now with the wedding, finding a place to live, etc. Planning a wedding and getting married isn't a walk in the park. That's why we opted for a small and simple wedding, because we were fighting like cats & dogs about how to spend on money, how many quests, etc. Try to do some things alone, without talking about your wedding, honeymoon. Try to reconnect with Brad, go out on a date or go away for the weekend together. So you can remember why you feel in love with Brad, and have a chance to let go of the stress and get focused on the big picture, your future together.



Ann

C&K*s Mommie replied:

BTW... What does he have to say about his "friendliness" with other women? Some men just are flirtatious, but there usually is no harm done. I do not agree with the flirtations, I especially think that they need to halt when the marriage begins. Also, I would not let the other people that are asking if you are getting cold feet already, get to you. Most people do get cold feet. Take the time to evaluate if this is what you really want to do, on the flip side, I would not allow anyone to pressure you into going ahead with this marriage, when you are not positive this is where you want to be.

Keep in mind, that we all have our faults, but when it comes to marriage (1) they seem to be amplified and (2) there is no backing out (well there is....but you KWIM)

One more thing: Sometimes, being cheap is the best way to be. Especially, nowadays when everything seems to have a higher price tag then from yrs ago.

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: Tough call, Nadia. But, my grandparents put money aside for all their grandchildren to use for either college expenses or after graduation. I didn't use mine in college, I elected to use a portion of it for my breast reduction surgery. Aaron was ticked off. He wanted to use it for other things, like housing, bills. But it was MY money from MY grandparents and I got to make the decision on it.
As for the other stuff, if not having an engagement ring is bothering you, Brad needs to know that. And you should have something nice from him, he isn't paying for the wedding.
Sorry you are feeling out of sorts, but I am glad to see you here again. It had been a while, or maybe I kept missing your posts.

PrairieMom replied:


By the way, how is Mya feeling? is she over the sinus thing?

luvbug00 replied:

I want to go all out on my honeymoon, I traveled frequantly as a child and so I have been to many us territorys and arround the states themselves. I want to go to the Atlanis in Bermuda. He's has mentioned st.Thomas ( where my BFF lived and I visited her for a month) and Aruba ( been there done that ). I know it would be more reasonable to put it into somthing more productive but since he's sr.cheepo on everything else the least I can get out of the deal ( other then the emotional stuff) is a nice honeymoon. There is more in the nest egg that was left for me but it is supposed to be for me and Mya ONLY. ( her collage and anything else I may need) so I REALLY don't want to tuch that at all ....I want it for Mya's collage ..notre dame, notre dame !!

gr33n3y3z replied: Nice to see you again
I would say your honeymoon
But you know whats best for you

And how friendly was he?

Dont be a stranger

luvbug00 replied:

umm well to sum it up in as short as I can. we were at a bar in DC and he doesn't dance ( which kills me because i'm a dancing fool) anyhoo and the waiters in this bar bring you your drinks. no open bar area. ( pish posh) and so he was ordering from her. He drank 6 or more beers in a 4 hour span. and spend a pretty penny doing it too.close to the end of the night she came up and started wispering to him and they giggled and talked for like 40-60 secounds. he claims she asked his name and he asked hers and her name was johanna and he said somthing stuiped to the effect of " like johanna from the real world?". he said he was just trying to be nice but all my friends where going up to him like WTH?! I was too busy dancing at the time to really care and my time span may be off a bit but it sure wasn't you want another beer conversation..

sorry I tried to keep it short.

coasterqueen replied:
ITA!

Dh and I took a very inexpensive honeymoon (camping which we LOVE) so that we could use the money we got from our wedding to put into making our home liveable at the time. So we split up the money that way.