I need some opinions please!

jakesmommy08 wrote: Wow. Ok where to start. My son is 2 1/2. me and his dad split over a year ago. Me and my current boyfriend have been together almost a year and have lived together almost the entire time. Hes amazing and i love him to death, but........... In the beginning he absolutely loved my son, played with him all the time, he just really showed how much he accepted him. (now my sons dad is still in his life). Now being that my son is 2 hes in his terrible 2s. He wakes up multiple times a night, he screams at bed time (hes havin so major issues with bed time). My boyfriend is VERY impatient. if my son screams at bed time, my boyfriend starts yelling at him to get back in bed and theres time he swears at him and is just mean. He gets pissed if my son starts crying. At one time my son was crying and he told me to go in there and beat his ass and i wouldnt do it. so he got mad at me. When i talked to him about the way he is with my son hes so negative. I told him he needs to look and realize what a good smart kid he is. and my boyfriend just tells me to stop sticking up for him. The only time we ever fight is about my son, or my sons dad. My boyfriend will tell me i need to communicate better with my sons dad, but if i talk to my sons dad when he drops him off to me, then my boyfriend questions waht took so long. Me and my boyfriends mom talk a lot and we see what the problem is. but my boyfriend doesnt see that hes the problem not my son. Its like hes jelous. now let me also add, when my son isnt crying, him and my boyfriend get along great!!!! but as soon as my son gets upset or something its like a switch goes off in my boyfriend head. Mine and my boyfriends relationship is great , except when my sons around. Its almost come to the point where im ready to move out. I love this man with all my heart but i cant just sit and watch him treat my son like this and it kills me. I just wish there was something i could do to make him see the way he is. Im trying to find a website or a book or something that he can read to see that the way he is, is NOT acceptable. and something to explain how bad yelling and screaming at a child is. I dont want my son to grow up thinking he is an inconvience and not wanted around. I really need help. If you have any ideas please let me know. Thanks

momofone replied: Hi and welcome - that a tough one where it sounds like everything is fine except at bedtime. So what I do sometimes is I'll step out or remove myself from the situation when i get fustrated like go for a walk or just go outside til things cool down. Sounds like everything else is good. Good Luck

cameragirl21 replied: I'm sorry but I think you need a different boyfriend. To say your relationship is great except when your son is around isn't really saying much because at this time you're a single mom and your son is a permanent part of your life, there is no avoiding or escaping it.
You can't change your boyfriend, he is who he is. I'd take my child and move right out and never look back. There are plenty of men out there who like children and don't mind having one (that is not theirs) around all the time. Your BF is not one of them. If kids were picture perfect all the time and never screamed things may be different but your son is not a doll or a robot and if your BF doesn't get that then imo he doesn't deserve to be around your son.
jmo of course.

moped replied: Hi there,
My advice is quite simple. Time to say bye bye boyfreind. If you feel in your heart he isn't treating your son right - then leave. He isn't the one if he does these things.

Harsh I know, but your son is more important!

boyohboyohboy replied: I agree with whats being sad, and the sad truth is the behavior your BF is showing is just going to get worse not better, and how many stories are there out there where the next step is your poor son gets hurt because you didnt trust your instincts..maybe your BF is just now showing his true colors.

mummy2girls replied: ok this is my 2 cents ... I was a single mom for almost 4 yrs. I was on my own from the beginning of my pregnancy. the dad is in the picture and was fromt he biginning. he wasnt a good dad , what i mean is he never wanted to spend time with his daughter only if i was there to do the dirty work. I met my now husband and from day one of meeting her he was awesome. He is very loving to her and is very patient. Sometimes more than me That being said... I dated alot of guys before my husband and they wanted nothign to do with jenna or just never clicked with her so it didnt last.

I know you love your boyfriend and he means alot to you but what is more important to you? him or your son. Your son should come above anyone you date for sure. What i see is a man that cant control his anger when things get rough with your son. And that can lead to something more if not taken care of. And if you have any kids with him it can get worse OR he may favor that child over your son. Ive seen that many times. And you dont want that to happen. i feared that with my husband and daughter but he considers her his own and would do anything for her and in the rough times is awesome!!!! yes he has his times of snapping and we all do but he knows not to let that happen all the time. And to be honest if he said to be i need to beat her bumb I would be kicking him out of the house so fast his head would spin!

as for the communication with your sons dad... you need to have that with him and your boyfriend needs to accept that. Going into the relationship he should know that you are a pkg and a big one and not only is your son part of it but your ex and his family is too. If he cant accept that then i would say that this should be addressed before it gets worse.

And being that he is jealous of your son is not a good thing because if you guys have one or more of your own that child will be favoured over yours. I have witnessed that with a friend of mine and it was very damaging to her kids. It was very heart breaking to see.

Address all these concerns to hima nd if he doesnt want to fix it then i would say seperate from each other for a while until he can. Because when it comes down to it thsi si your son and he should be first priority!!!

Calimama replied:
Um that would be a deal breaker for me.

I'm guessing it's far from great if he can't accept your child now that he requires actual parenting. A "great" relationship should include his relationship with your son IMO.

CantWait replied:
I agree.

Things are FAR from perfect. You're son should be your number 1 priority and you're allowing your bf to mentally abuse him.

DVFlyer replied:
How could you "love to death" someone who acts this way to your child? He obviously does not want to be second in your life... which he SHOULD be since your son should come first.

The fact you have not kicked this guy out of your house tells me that you have some issues you need help with too.

If someone I was dating acted that way toward my child I would politely escort them out of my house never to return.

(I'm a guy, btw).

redchief replied: No boyfriend should ever belittle or degrade you for not striking your child. His behavior is, in my opinion, foretelling the kind of future you and your son will have with this man should you stay with him. I lost count of the times my two year-olds wore my patience thin, but we always worked through it. I used to spank my boys, until this one time that I had hold of my son and I was angry. I let go. It's quite possible that I could have done him physical harm... I was that angry. I recognized how wrong I was myself. Will your boyfriend be able to restrain himself when he's mad at you? Your son? These important questions have to be answered in your own mind truthfully. If the answer to either is, "no," then for your own and your son's safety, get out of the relationship.

luvmykids replied:
I have to agree here, I hope you understand nobody is trying to be harsh but as outside observers, based on what you've said, this guy isn't all that great.

It sounds to me like he was on his best behavior in the beginning of the relationship and now that reality has set in with what it means to have a child involved, he's not capable of dealing with it.

You and your son are a package deal, period. Both of you, or neither of you. I'd even go so far as to say it's not worth really trying to explain to your boyfriend, it's not something you can talk someone into. Either he loves your son, or doesn't.

mckayleesmom replied: Sweetie...you are you son's first Advocate. You are his protector and he needs you to protect him now. Don't ignore the bad vibes you are getting.

Nina J replied: Your relationship is not great. If anyone ever told me to beat my child's ass, I would in no way consider my relationship with them to be good. There wouldn't be a relationship, I would cut them out of my life.

I am sorry, but anyone who can express something like that should not be a part of your life. I do not know your boyfriend, but honestly if he can say these things in a serious way, he can act on it. If he is impatient, he could lose his temper and he himself could beat your son. It is especially concerning because he has expressed that you should go an beat your own child. He could do it himself.

Protect your child. You cannot love a man who isn't repulsed at the idea of beating a child. Decent people do not get mad at you for not beating your kid.

MommyToAshley replied: First of all, hello and welcome!

By reading what you've written, I think you already know the answer but maybe looking for confirmation or that little extra nudge to make the right decision. Time for the boyfriend to pack his bags. I know it will be hard but not as hard as it would be seeing your son emotionally and possibly physically abused.