I need to vent for a second, hope no one minds

coasterqueen wrote: I just got an email from my poor hubby who's working so hard in the hurricane stricken areas down south. I first want to say my vent isn't to anyone here who may be from those areas and this post isn't to offend anyone, I hope. Please don't take it that way.

Anyways, he explained to me a situation where someone is not happy at the amount of money the federal government is giving them for relief. My poor hubby can only give what the gov't will allow, it's not his fault. This person who he's dealing with has called him non-stop leaving angry messages. The person has threatened to go to the press with my husband's name, phone number, etc, etc, etc and trash him in the press unless my husband gives him what he wants.

Now I understand the people affected are very stressed, feel anger, not getting what they need, etc, etc, etc. Believe me I completely understand and have tried my hardest to send money, clothing, toys, food every time I have extra on hand,although I'm not the federal government.

I wish these people that get angry at him would understand that he is only doing what he can. He is going back to his boss and telling him the situation but that guys hands are tied too. Why can't those affected realize my husband gave up his family for 100 days to volunteer there. Sure Dh gets paid, but if I told you what he gets paid....not worth it at all, especially working the hours he's working. He is such a good man and all that he's seeing and dealing with is breaking his heart. He feels so badly for these people and that they should get more in many instances but he can only do what he can do. He's so upset over this whole situation he's sick to his stomach. I just wish I could go there and give him a hug and make the situation go away.

Again, I understand the anger of those affected, but can't they have some compassion for those who are really trying to help the best they can in the situation?

Maybe my thinking is all wrong, I don't know. My heart just aches for my husband. If he is smeared in the press I can't even tell you what this will do to his career at home.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: Oh Karen! Big hugs for your Dh. Why do people always bite the hand that feeds them. I'm sorry he's dealing with that - and you too.
I hope this person realizes that it's not your Dh's fault and stops harassing him!!

edited for spelling

amymom replied: Oh I hope things get better for him. I am so sorry. Please keep us updated on how he / you are doing.

luvbug00 replied: WTH is wrong withthis person?? we still have people in DC with no perminent residance and crammed into old crappy apartments. they should be greatful they are alive and that people as kind as your DH are taiking time away from their families to help!! How ungreatful!!

Our Lil' Family replied: You are completely right, they SHOULD be thankful that he is there to help at all.

On the other hand I think it's hard for people in a situation like this to see outside their own box, and tragedy, sometimes. And you have to remember, many of the people he's dealing with, are very poor people who haven't grown up in a way that would teach them to appreciate others the way we would expect ....(trying to be very gentle here)...hope that made sense.

Thank you again for your sacrafice!!!!!!!!!!!!

sunshine girls replied: I don't think your thinking is all wrong, your completly right. Hopefully it gets better for your husband

punkeemunkee'smom replied: Oh Karen! I am so sorry! That is outrageous! We have had several problems here with people unhappy with the amount of money they have received as well as housing etc... It makes me angry! I know that not all the people out there are like these individuals but come on you are being helped!!!! I am very sorry for dh! He has sacrificed to help and now is being dragged through the mud because of it! I hope the news stations will not take up this story! It only takes one bad apple to ruin a bushel and I am sorry to say we have seen a fair share of bad apples in this bunch!

coasterqueen replied:
Naomi - it does make sense and he does try to remember this. I think this just hits him hard because he really wants to help people more, he just can't. I am sure this person in particular means well and is I'm sure very angry at the government and probably feels like my Dh is the only avenue to vent. It's totally understandable. But to leave angry messages and threaten his career in the press......well I just hope that doesn't happen. I hope that person realizes what that will do to Dh and our family.

The situation is hard for everyone, especially those living it. I understand that. I just need to remind myself and Dh that they are doing the best they can as well.

((HUGS)) and thanks.

CantWait replied: Hon I know it's hard, but there are some people that no matter what, are never going to be happy. Hugs to you and dh, we all know he's doing his best.

(By the way, I love your new siggy)

holley79 replied: Karen,

I totally understand where you are coming from. I live in Pensacola. We have had our fair share of natural disators. I am not saying that we were any worse off then others but our attitude was a little better.

I really feel sorry for your DH. Tell him to just keep his chin up. We know what he is sacrifcing. For every "angry" person out there, there is a person that is greatful for what he has done.

coasterqueen replied:
Oh Holley, you are so very right and thank you for reminding me. It is very true. I just have to remember that and so does DH. The problem so far is EVERY person he's dealt with so far hasn't been a good one. But like DH says he understands their anger and frustration, but he can only do what he can do and he's trying so very hard to get them more with no luck. He only wishes they would acknowledge that he has a heart and does empathize with them.

amynicole21 replied: It always upsets me when people take out their anger at the wrong people... "shooting the messanger" and such. It must be so horrible to be the brunt of all of that pent up anger and frustration.

Boys r us replied: I'm very sorry that Ryan is in this situation, Karen!!
In the end, he is there for a good reason and I hope that after all of the things he has to deal with while he's there, he'll still feel like his time served there was well spent, b/c he's sure given up a lot to be there to help those people!

As for his name being published in the media..I wouldn't worry two seconds over that. Ryan isn't doing anything wrong!

3xsthefun replied: I'm so sorry Karen. I really hope things get better for your DH.

MommyToAshley replied: I feel bad for the people that were affected by the hurricane, and they probably don't have anyone else to complain to... so they take it out on the ones that they do have contact with. Poor Ryan, he is giving up so much to be there and then has to deal with all that. I hope he doesn't take it personally.

Kaitlin'smom replied: OH sheesh. While I can understand the frustration and felling like they are not getting enough there are no excuses in treating people who are there to help like that. how very frustrating for your DH. Hope the guy is just one of those talkers and does not think he would really get more but pulling something so low as that, does he honestly believe your DH has the great big check book and gets to make all the decisions? Sorry he is having to deal with this. to you and him

jcc64 replied: I feel for you and Ryan, Karen. Your feelings are completely understandable. Your family is sacrificing so much for the benefit of complete strangers, and it hurts to be accused of lacking the very compassion that brought him there in the first place.
Having said that, I hope that you and Ryan can see beyond the inappropriate "unloading" and remember that to many Hurricane victims, the gov't is a nameless, faceless, monolithic entity that is impossible to penetrate. Once an actual human (your poor dh) shows up, he has the unfortunate task of bearing witness to all of the pent up frustration, anger, and powerlessness that has consumed every waking moment of the victims. I guess in some way it's analagous to getting lost in an automated telephone menu, press 1 for this, press 2 for that, ad infinitum, when all you really want to do is talk to an actual person. When you finally break through, it's hard to contain your frustration gracefully, kwim, even though the person on the other end is just a customer service operator. (I know, I used to be one)
Listen, bad behavior and disrespect are never attractive qualities, regardless of the circumstances. But hopefully you and Ryan can chalk it up to misplaced anger and try hard not to take it personally (not easy, I know). And as for the newspaper thing, newspapers can't indiscriminately print slander or the irrational rantings of angry people. I wouldn't worry about that part of it.

coasterqueen replied: You are very right Jeanne. Ryan often ends up being the 30th+ person they've spoken too and he totally tries to make them see that he understands their frustration. I just think the angry messages and threatening to go to the press just got to him, and me I guess.

I also think he's starting to "crack" unfortunately. I didn't realize this til late last night when we talked. This is totally not like my DH to break down, too, so I'm very worried about him. I thought he was working about 12 hour days but it turns out he's working 16 to 17 hour days (which he was told about in the beginning) and has NO down time because when he's not working and getting a couple hours of sleep he's managing his team. I don't even know if he's eating well. I also think he's wearing down because he knows he's missing so much at home. I send him videos and pictures almost daily and he loves it but I also think it's making him very sad.

So when he feels like he's not being appreciated down there and then all this other stuff.......I think he's just cracking God help him get through 2.5 more months.

My2Beauties replied: I am really sorry that he is having to put up with such negativity, like you said he can only do what is within his own power. I hope that in the end he realizes that he did a good deed and hopefully he starts to meet some nice people to make him feel better about what he is doing!

jcc64 replied: Too many 17 hr days without a break would break anyone's spirit. Do they not get a break after so many days in a row? That's grueling.
It's so hard to watch a loved one struggle from a distance and not be able to do anything about it.

coasterqueen replied:
No, they work 7 days a week. Their contract states they get a long weekend (I think 4 days including travel time) after 60 days. His total contract is for a minimum 90 days. After 90 days he can tell them he's done and come home for good.

He wants to come home for Thanksgiving (which is a bit before 60 days are up) but he's not sure. He is definitely coming home for Christmas as long as travel allows him to. Then he'll come home for good about a week into January (I hope!). I have a free plane ticket to go see him, we'd have to buy one for Kylie, but the problem is he can't get a break for us and it's not worth all that traveling if we only get to see him while he's sleeping.

jcc64 replied:

I get that, but if he's really that fried and stressed out, maybe just seeing you guys will be enough to rejuvenate him?

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I applaud your DH for what he's doing and I think your feelings toward how these people are treating him are valid. I'm sorta like this when it comes to customer service. I don't care who it is, or what they do, I just want answers and to be helped. So I'm sure that is all that's happening. I know you understand this and it's hard. I hope you and your family can be together for Thanksgiving, if not sooner. I think the break for Ryan, even if it's only for a short time, sounds like a good idea. I would book your ticket!

kimberley replied: i am sorry things aren't going so well for Ryan. your family has made a great sacrifice for those in need and it must be hard getting no thanks for it.. kinda like being a mom sometimes, eh? lol

p&pt that things get better and ITA with Jeanne. just seeing you and the girls would probably be the best medicine for Ryan.