I need your help
mammag wrote: I'm not sure what to do now......
I was just talking to my sister. For those who don't know what happened.....
This is the one family member I have always felt closest to. We are so much alike. Well, she hasn't me Keegan yet and they were driving from Illinois to D.C. last month and drove right by my exit which is 5mins from my house. First I asked if they could stay over one night......"no".........could they stop and have dinner? "no"..... so then I said well can you pull off the exit for 5 minutes and meet my baby? "no" She said her husband wouldn't let her....
I was devastated! I just couldn't understand how anyone could be that mean.
Fast forward to today... We had been planning to go visit in Sept. but that may not happen, especially since I am losing Kyle and won't have as much money. I finally told her today and somehow I ended up saying that Chris wouldn't have let us stay with them in their house anyway because he wanted to get a hotel in the neighborhood he used to live and he wasn't particularly excited about seeing John after how upset I was for days over what they did. Now she is crying and saying we won't be seeing each other anymore and I'm feeling bad even though to hear the rest of my family talk it wasn't just John who didn't want to stop. I still believe she did want to but don't understan, since they were driving in seperate cars why she couldn't have just told him that she was going to stop anyway for 5 minutes.
The whole thing is a mess now. I'm feeling guilty...... but I still think that I have a valid reason for being upset. I don't really want to see him but would, if we went I would still do stuff with them. I don't know what to do anymore....I should have kept my mouth shut but I didn't want her to be all planning things when I doubt we'll get to go anyway.....
I'm probably not making a darn bit of sense but I'm just jittery and upset now....
sissy67 replied: I do think that maybe it would be best if you didnt stay with her, but at the same time made sure that you did spend time with her.
If at all possible, you two need to get together - just the 2 of you - and talk this out.
Sometimes, husbands can cause trouble with a family and not realize it. Men can be selfish and not realize it or sometimes even care who it effects. I know, I live with one just like that.
If her husband is not close to your side of the family, then it is not gonna effect him as to which way this goes.
What is important is the fact that you save your relationship with your sister.
I can tell you from past experience that if you dont get it straightened out, when and if you do get to spend time with her, it will never be the same. It will always be tense.
Good Luck!!
gr33n3y3z replied: I understand where your coming from here
If you go just tell her you will be staying at the motel and figure out a day to do things you and her this way you wont have to deal with her hubby and your hubby wont have to deal with him either.
Now did that make sence lol
Good Luck 
mammag replied: The thing is, I don't think we are going to be able to go and now she is going to think it is because I'm trying to punish them. So I can see her not coming at Thanksgiving to punish me back. It's going to be an endless cycle and short of going broke to make sure I go.....I don't know how to handle this. We are both so emotional all the time that I know we are taking it all personal and since I know this, there should be a way for me to get over it and move on which I could but that doesn't change the fact that I won't be able to go and she'll take it wrong because I opened my stupid mouth.
She got off because the cable guy came but she didn't say bye and I don't know if I should call her? What I should say????
Sarah&Mackenzie replied: I can understand you being upset especially when her husband said she couldn't stop. All I have to say is my DH would not tell me I couldn't see my family. I think you two need to talk this out and not let her husband get in the way of your relationship with your sister!!
MommyToAshley replied:  I say call your sister or write her a letter and tell her how much you love and miss her. Say you are sorry (even though it is not your fault). For now, I would just drop the issue about her not stopping by your house when she was in the area. I don't know your sister, I am just going off what you have told me. But it sounds like your sister is normally a loving and caring person, so maybe there is more going on with her husband then what she is telling you. Hopefully she will open up to you if she's not on the defensive? Just a thought, but you know your sister better then I do.
I hope you are able to work this out, you sound so upset and heartbroken.
mom21kid2dogs replied: I totally agree with Dee Dee~time to get out of the "game" gracefully~there will be no winners to it anyway.
It can be so hard to deal with family and their "quirks" let alone the in laws, too! So sorry this whole issue has continued to escalate!
A&A'smommy replied: ((((HUGS)))) I agree with Dee Dee she made a good suggestion!!!
mammag replied: Well, I talked to her....
First off though, I called and got one of the numbers wrong (she just got this new number so I don't have it memorized). Well, it sounded like John on the answering machine and I thought she wasn't answering because she was mad so I left a message saying I'm sorry and I didn't want this to ruin our relationship and for her to call me back. She didn't so I gave it a try again and some other woman answered...... Oh good grief... she probably felt bad for me and thought she better answer and tell me I had the wrong number.  
Well, I then looked at the caller id and got the right number and called. We sort of worked it out. I told her I'm just going to forget about that whole thing (thanks Dee Dee). I told her that if we are able to come we will and even if we don't stay with them we will get to spend plenty of time together.
She told me it was nothing personal on John's part but I still feel that though it was a personal attack against me, it was a lack of caring for my feelings and it still hurts but for the sake of my sister & I, I'll try my darndest to forget it. One big problem is that the rest of the family, when I said it was John's fault, were trying to make it like it was Bev too and that made me wonder. I wish they would have shut their mouths and not put those thoughts into my head.
Anyway, I'm still blah but doing much better and appreciate you all for the advice and thoughts.
mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Glad you had the talk with her! And although it hurts, I think you're the bigger person for forgetting what happened for the sake of your relationship. Try and do the same with the rest of the family. Making assumptions, or letting your mind wonder what they're all thinking, will only make matters worse. It's been hard for me to realize that my parents and or family members are not always going to be on my side...or that they have opinions that don't match my own...or to not get hurt or offended by the comments they make. I suppose it's a part of growing up and "living your own life". I hate to see family not speaking, and I think it's important to be close with your family, but I feel you're only responsible for keeping your immediate family (meaning your DH, yourself, and your kids) truly happy. You shouldn't be responsible for being the "glue" for the rest of them.
gr33n3y3z replied: Oh good
you got to talk to her
SOUTHERN MOMMY replied:
MommyToAshley replied:
 Sorry to laugh, but that is kind of funny. Did you tell your sister that story?
I am glad you had the chance to talk to your sister. It might take some time to heal all the wounds, but you made the first step in mending the relationship. I hope your sister follows your lead. Hang in there!
mammag replied: I did tell her!  It was a good ice breaker anyway........but I'm still embarrassed thinking about it. The sound of the ladies voice when she said......"you've got the wrong number honey".... I'm such a dork...
Josie83 replied: jeanie I don't know what to suggest but I really just wanted to give you xx
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