I really need all of your support! - It's just getting to hard to cope!

Kirstenmumof3 wrote: I love all of you very much and feel like you are an extention of my family. You have all been there for me when my children have been sick, when my loved ones have passed away and even for me when I've needed hugs. I appologize that this seems to happen often. But this illness has it's ups and downs! Right now I am in a down and I am not doing very well! I have been trying to cope, but the other day I had a breakdown. I am just now able to put words to what I am going through. I just can't seem to function anymore, I have lost hope and I am feeling very lost and alone. I am so affriad that I just don't have the energy or the desire to fight this anymore! I am trying to hard to stay afloat, but it is hard to do when you are not sleeping. The lack of sleep was partially because of Claudia being sick, but I have been having horrible nightmares again and such horrible thoughts (I will not go into detail about this)! It's been a very rough few weeks and it's not getting better. I have called my psychologist everyday this week and I have been in touch with the Public Health Nurse every other day! I just am in a rut and I can't seem to get out. I could really use your prayers and your support. Right now I just can't seem to see anyway out and I just can't get passed the sadness!

Heather replied: OH sweetie (BIG HUGS)!! I am so sorry you are feeling so down right now. I will gladly offer you my shoulder to lean/cry on! I wish I could do more for you We are here for you if you ever need to talk/say anything, no matter what...if it makes you feel better! (BIG HUGS again!!) I hope this rut passes quickly...and things will get better!

MommyToAshley replied: <<HUGS>>

I am sorry that you are feeling down. I can't even imagine what it is like trying to fight this disease. But, don't be so hard on yourself, it is ok to feel this way. You are getting help and that is what matters. What does your psychologist say? Is there anything he can give you to help you sleep better? I remember how aweful and down I felt when I was sleep deprived... and that is without PPD.

I just want to say that I am glad you have shared so much of yourself with us. I feel honored that you feel comfortable to confide in us, and I will most definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I just wish that you lived closer. I'd come over in a heartbeat and keep you company or watch the kids or help any way I could. You are such a good person and it's not fair that you have to fight so hard.

Next time, don't wait so long to come here for your cyber hugs! I really do hope you are feeling better soon. Please keep us informed on how you are doing!

ediep replied: I am so sorry that you are feeling so down right now. ((((HUGS)))) from me and Jason. Being sleep deprived really can cause a lot of problems, I know how that feels. I wish I could offer more to you, but please feel free to lean on me for support. Hang in there.

MomToJade&Jordan replied: Oh sweetie you know you always can get support from us. I wish that there was more I could do for you. Just know that we are all here for you and that there is always a place you can go. Even in the middle of the night.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I wish so much that I could be there with you right now. You are so strong to reach out and talk about this. I'm sure it is hard for you to do that. Come here anytime you need to and call your psychologist as often as it takes. I know you can make it through this. You are an incredible woman with a wonderful family. Try to take some time for yourself. Try to get away from the children as much as possible. You need to rest. I wish I could offer more, but I am offering my shoulder anytime you need it.

amynicole21 replied: I second what everyone else has said... we're all here for you in whatever capacity we can be over the internet. I want you to know that even though we have never met, I really admire you for fighting this so strongly. The ups and downs are enough to drive anyone batty and I am in awe of how well you have done!! Reaching out is difficult, and you are doing the right thing in contact the PHN and your psychologist. Please try and get some sleep soon... it is probably one of the main reasons you are feeling so badly. Please keep us posted.

riversmom replied: I also want to let you know that I am praying for you and hope that you feel better soon. I also struggle with depression-have for years-and I know how hard it is. You are doing the right thing by reaching out to everyone. It takes a lot of courage to face the problem. Let us know how you are doing-often!

Schnoogly replied: Is there any way DH can take the kids this weekend and you can maybe go visit a friend or relative? It sounds like you need something to snap you out of it--something besides the hospital. I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad. I agree about the meds too--are you on anything for sleep? Maybe some short term help on that front. And then distract yourself from the bad thoughts--do arts and crafts with the kids or spend some time with a good book. What does the psychologist want you to do?

paradisemommy replied:

big hugs from me and taven. hang in there, sweetie. you have come so far and have been doing remarkably wonderful. it takes a lot to be battling this horrible disease and i admire you for your strength so far. i can't imagine having to go through what you are going through but i am here for you if you need anything. don't ever be shy about asking because we all really mean it... i agree with schnoogly - can you get dh to help you out a bit? maybe you just need some r&r and to be able to catch up on your sleep. i know when i don't get some good zzz's then i tend to stress out. you are in my prayers always and always remember - God will never give you anything that you can't handle. one of my favorite mottos is "that which does not kill me makes me stronger.."...i'll let you borrow it..just keep saying it over and over and over. i'm sorry you are going through this... hang in there and let us know how you are..

mckayleesmom replied: Big hugs to you...hope you start to feel better soon.

mckayleesmom replied: Big hugs to you...hope you start to feel better soon.

CantWait replied: Lots of hugs to ya hun Just remember you're not alone and we're all here for ya

Mommieto2Girls replied: Kirsten, I wish so much you lived near me, I'd be right over. We are all hear for you, anytime you ever need us. You have to get some rest, can you call your mom or anyone to help our for a day . Then get out and go relax somewhere, or just get the kids out of the house. You are such a strong women and I admire you for how strong you are and everything you have been through. You are a great mother and wonderful person. Go outside and scream at the top of your lungs,let off some steam, maybe you'll laugh at yourself for being silly... Please keep us all posted on how you are. <<<hugs>>> I'm here anytime you need me.

A&A'smommy replied: im so sorry your feeling down!!!! ((((((((HUGS)))))) I wish i could do more for you!!!!! I dont like seeing anyone sad especially someone as sweet as you!!!!!!!!! I hope your feeling better REAL soon!!!

~CrazieMama~ replied: I know I should probably not say this. But I have tears after reading your troubles. My heart goes out to you. I will pray for you and your family. Please know that we are all here for you. If you need to scream, by all means, do it!!! If you need a hug, tell us. We will send you thousands of hugs. If you need to let off some steam, we are here to take it. If you need anything, we are here. Please come to us if there is no one else to go to. I will pray that your life is changed around. And that you get over this awful time. I feel for you and want you to know that I am here. I am a good listener and will give you hugs. Please come to us.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I'm sitting here in tears, you are all so wonderful! It's just so overwhelming! I will try to answer some of the questions that have been asked. My husband has been very wonderful through all of this. I told him I was going to bed early and that he would need to give Claudia a bottle. She did fine with him until 3:30 and then she wanted her nummies. He gave her a bottle and she took it but wanted me. My poor girl. Today I am sending Claudia over to my MIL's house, but it's only for this morning. I have my appointment to keep at the college (this is the last thing I want to do today)! I have a wonderful psychologist, he tells me to use the coping skills that I am being taught, he talks me through the bad feelings and thoughts and then he always tells me to call again when I need to. He is very supportive and for a little while after I talk to him I do feel better, but then the black cloud comes back and I feel awful again. I have never called him this much. I've never really been able to fully open up to him and let him in. But now I feel that I can trust him. After 9mths of therapy with him it's pretty sad that I am just now starting to trust him. It is very hard for me to let "real" people in. I can write about how I feel, I just can't talk about it. I am not on any medication at all. The doctors really want me to try to get through this on my own. Because my psychologist is not a doctor he can not perscribe sleeping medication (only psychiatrists can perscribe medication). He has been very supportive. The Public Health Nurse has been wonderful and keeps reminding me that I can call the Crisis Response number when I need too. I am trying to work through all of this, it's just not easy and it just isn't fair! I will keep you all posted as to how I am doing! THANK YOU so much for all of your prayers and support. I only wish my "real" friends could be as supportive as all of you!

Mommieto2Girls replied: <<<hugs>>> Kirsten. Try to relax tonight when DH gets home. Thanks for keeping us updated. <<<hugs>>> I hope your appointment goes well today.

Kaitlin'smom replied: awww sweetie, I am snding you some hugs,. I wish I could come and help you. I feel awfull you have to go through this. I am glad you are getting some help. I really hope you get better soon. Wr are all hear for you and offer lots of support and cyber hugs.

coasterqueen replied: ((HUGS)) to you and I hope you start feeling better soon. Just remember we're all here for you ANYTIME.

DansMom replied: I hope things get better for you soon. We're all praying for you!