I think I have a problem.

kit_kats_mom wrote: Last night, I was reading dr. Sears' info on Sibling Rilvary and introducing new babies to their sibs last night. http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/t064200.asp

Of course, as I was drifting off to sleep, I had a panic attack and was up until 3am freaking out and weeping. Luckily, DH has been sleeping in K's room due to my snoring, otherwise I would have felt really dumb. This is totally not like me.

Here comes the part that I'm afraid to admit for fear of sounding like a bad mom. It just seems like a lot of extra work to have another baby and I'm already soooo tired just dealing with K. Plus, we have a pretty good thing going here right now with just us three...am I making a big mistake? Is Katherine going to feel totally cheated? Have we done everything we can to prepare her? Will the sibling relationship outweigh the negatives that she is going to feel? I'm already feeling guilty about the amount of time that I'm going to have to devote to a newborn and I know that Katherine will have a hard time understanding. Add to that, all of a sudden, Katherine has become very clingy. She cried the whole way to daycare this morning and usually she's gung ho about going to play with her friends. She was really clingy all weekend too.

I think that I may have a bit of depression. I just dont' feel like my usual upbeat, positive self. I'll mention it to my OB on Thursday but since I've never had issues like this before, I seriously don't know what's going on. I've been sleeping an average of 12 hours a day, eating not so well, not having any inclination to leave the house or do anything very productive at all. I just don't feel the sense of anticipation that I had with Katherine. Still haven't done anything for the arrival of Lauren except for set up her crib in our room...don't have any bedding yet though. I guess I sort of feel like Lauren will be a little intruder and I'm really not looking forward to it. I am in serious denial that she will be here in less than 6 weeks. I even keep putting off packing my labor bag.

I lightly mentioned it to DH this morning. I hate to appear like I'm losing it in front of him since his ex wife had so many major issues with depression. That's what led him to leave her in the end. He said he feels more prepared and excited this time than he did last time because "the change from none to one kid is way more drastic than one to two". He says that we have done a great job raising K and we've learned a lot that we can use with Lauren too. I know he's right but I just feel really crappy.

What kind of mom doesn't look forward to the arrival of her new baby? I'm so wicked.

Boys r us replied: I think what yu're going through is very normal Cary!
But you will make it through this!! What if you went shopping for the Baby with K and ya'll just made a day out of it and got her "help" with picking out some bedding! That way you can make her feel important and also spend some time with her..while at the sametime you're doing the things you NEED to get done and also helping her adujst to the idea of having a sibling...perhaps it will make it real for both of you!

My 2nd pregnancy was a bit unreal as well..I think I was in denial the whole time, until he came. But, boy once he was here...there was no forgetting it and I loved him every bit as much as I did Tanner from the second I saw him. I don't mean to scare you, but two is very different from having one. It's not a bad thing, but it will take you a little bit to get a new routine in tow! But you'll do JUST FINE hun!
I don't think you can really prepare for it either, it just has to naturally happen once you have them both..you know..it will all fall into place and be fine!

Kaitlin'smom replied: awww sweeite sounds like your emotions are on over drive. what did the doc say? I have no clue what its like to have more that one child, or how anyone does it. Seems like your doing everhting you need to do. How does K react to the idea of a baby? is she excited or seem withdrawn? Feed off your DH's excitemnet have K help get her room ready. I ma sure things will work out.

amynicole21 replied: I've begun to worry about this myself. I'm so exhausted as it is...

I agree that you may have a touch of depression, but the anxiety has to be totally normal. Don't feel ashamed to tell DH how you are really feeling, because it's nothing that you have any control over. Plus, you need him there to help you through it.

I think that seeing the beautiful face of your newest daughter will ease some of the feelings you are having. Hang in there sweetie!!

coasterqueen replied: I think what you are feeling is completely normal. I'm exhausted just dealing with Kylie and it freaks me out to think that I may have two spirited children to handle. I can barely keep it together sometimes with her and I feel awful when I get a bit too over-upset and I'm trying so hard but if I have two of them I think I'll end up in the looney bin. THis all is just freaking me out.

The thought of what am I going to do with Kylie (miss rambunctious who can't play a second by herself) while I'm trying to nurse the other baby scares the crap out of me.

I've been in complete denial about this baby in so many ways. I keep putting off decorating the nursery..Dh wants to do it NOW not later. I haven't written anything in my pregnancy journal for this one like I did for Kylie.

It has to be normal. I don't think you are a bad mom either.

DansMom replied: My friend Mary just had her second child. She said a lot of the same things. That preparing for the second child is not as magical---it's more practical and even feels like more of a drudgery, something to get through. That dealing with a toddler while pregnant is no picnic. She was tired all of the time. I think the magic of the first pregnancy is hard to recreate.

As far as the sibling stuff goes---my sister and I were at each other's throats constantly growing up. We're like best friends too. I would never let anyone hurt her and I'm the only one allowed to criticize her. It just goes with the territory. She resented my arrival. She asked my parents to take me back to the hospital. She pinched me in my crib. Katherine will likely have those feelings at first and periodically throughout her life! But they're normal feelings. She'll also feel protective and wise to be the oldest. It's all normal and survivable stuff. Breathe deep and get ready for arguments---she did this, I'm gonna tell, you took my toy, mom!!!! Try to have a sense of humor about it since it can't be avoided.

Depression---yes, it sounds like you're a bit overwhelmed. Let yourself be low-key for a bit without blaming yourself or feeling guilty about it. Talk to the doc if it continues for a long period of time. Situational depression is normal---being overwhelmed is normal. If you're not prone to depression, this inertia will probably lift in a little while.

Jamison'smama replied: I could have written that message myself. DH and I had that same discussion last night---I told him how I was feeling so sorry for Jamison--she has no idea what is about to hit her. She doesn't understand--how could she. She has been the center of our world and now she will have to share us with another baby. I know I will love him--no doubt about that but there is that feeling of cheating Jamison.

I am also making myself nuts---I have trouble sleeping, I can only make lists of things that need to be done but find it hard to accomplish those things. I also have the added worry about the health of this baby---we declined all testing, now I spend my evenings worrying about whether he will have special needs and how we will handle that.

I understand--I feel less depression and more anxiety --I thought about bringing it up to my doc as well.

I guess this is normal so hang in there!!

jcc64 replied: Very very very normal feelings you are having, Cary. You are mourning the loss of your little family as you now know it. I went through the EXACT same thing with my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies. And Dh was so in denial about Noah's impending birth that when I called him at work to tell him it was time, he sounded completely and utterly shocked.
I know it's hard not to feel panicky when your life and your emotional stability already seems maxxed out w/o the addition of a whole other life to take care of. It would be weird if you DIDN'T feel that way. Remember, panic is your body's natural way of giving you energy to deal with an impending crisis (whether real or imagined). While this is not a crisis, it is a seismic shift, albeit a joyful one. Your life will change dramatically, but you simply need to adjust your attitude about the change. Instead of feeling guilty about what you're about to inflict on K, remind yourself that you are giving her the biggest gift she could ever have. A lifelong friend and companion, a part of your family that will be there for her long after you're gone. She will learn patience and responsibility, and while siblings sometimes fight, she will have a constant playdate, which will also alleviate alot of pressure on you to be the sole entertainer all the time. I could go on and on. I know you're an only child, and have limited frame of reference, but trust me, while her life would have been fine as an only, it will be greatly enriched in many ways by Lauren.
Don't feel guilty or worried about the depression. It all comes with the territory. Mention it to your dr, and I really wouldn't try to "hide" it from dh. Don't you think he'll notice anyway? He loves you, you're not his ex wife, and he knows that. You need his support right now. It sounds like he's ok with the change you're about to go through, let his light shine on you.

jdkjd replied: I felt the same way except it was more denial that I was going to have another baby at all. I guess it was a good thing that we moved when I was at about this stage in your pregnancy because I was too distracted to panic about the baby when I was already panicking over the move.

But the funny thing is, with Kiera I actually was more appreciative of her Baby-ness, and of Bailey, after she arrived. You may be panicking now but just think of how much you know now that you didn't when K was a baby. You are a hundred times more prepared and Woody is the most capable daddy ever (at least in Tampa )

I gotta tell you that the first three months are going to be rough (which you already know) but I still really enjoyed Kiera AND Bailey during that time.

They have started to play together - so cute - and I am now getting to see the start of their relationship. So you have some amazing things to look forward to, especially since you don't have any siblings. You get to watch the inception and growth of an entire lifelong relationship. Pretty cool.

MomToMany replied: Cary, it's perfectly normal! All the other ladies have given great advice. I know I felt like that while PG with Kayla, and she was my 5th!! But once K and everyone else gets settled, seeing them love each other and play together will bring tears to your eyes .

You are one awesome Momma! You're doing great with K, and you learned so much you will do great with Lauren!

A&A'smommy replied: (((BIG HUGS))) you will be glad when she gets here and I think you will see that it isn't as hard as you thought!

mama3x replied: Cary I don't have any advice but wanted to let you know I feel the same way. DD is high-maintenance and demanding as it is and tires me out (even when I wasn't pg I was exhausted). Although I am attempting to set solid, strict limits now, it doesn't help me feel more rested.

When I found out I was pg, I was really upset. First off we just went through a horrendous preemie experience. DH and I were on the verge of separating physically (we still are hovering at that point) and I was set that DD was my last child. At the same time I felt guilty because so many couples want a baby but spend years and dollars to get one only to fail. Yet here I am with no probs at all and never had a prob with getting pg.

So on a daily basis I go from thinking "OMG I gotta sacrifice 2 more years at least of my life for this baby, just when I thought I could start having a life again" to "OMG if I think like this will something go wrong" to a million other thoughts. Being an only child I have no idea what the sib rivalry might be like - all I know is my cousins (who are 1 yr apart, sister and brother) HATE each other!

I hope knowing you aren't alone helps somewhat. I have to admit though shopping for baby does help and when you finally have your little one in your arms, things will feel better. It'll be a lot of work later but it'll be worth it. *hugs*

kit_kats_mom replied: Thank you all sooo much. It really does help to know that others have or are going though the same things. Sometimes I just feel so alone in this particular endevor. I have a great support system but none of them have more than one kid so it's new territory.

Jeanne, your post made me cry. I think you hit it right on the head when you said that I am mourning the loss of our family of three.

I will mention it to my OB on Thursday but I'll also try to do an attitude adjustment.

I was just feeling so bad about the negative feelings I have been having recently. It's nice to know that I'm not going nuts.

I love you guys!

jcc64 replied: Right back at you, Cary.