I think my son's taking on too much.

loveydad wrote: My son's 17 with full custody of his 8 month old daughter. He works 5 days a week 12-5, takes care of her, stays up with her while she's teething and crying, does his work at home, is taking a summer course online, and still spends time with his siblings.

I'm afraid he's taking on too much. He's got ADHD and Bipolar disorder and he gets really depressed easy! Any ideas on how to get him to slow it down?

MommyToAshley replied: Taking care of a baby can be stressful, even for an adult. I know of others that had children really young, and showed no responsibility in caring for the child. It's unfortunate that they became parents at such a young age, but that just means it is time to grow up. Sorry to be so blunt, but I personally think it is great that he is taking responsibility.... that shows maturity. You should be very proud. With that said, maybe he can find a sitter once a week so that he can go out with friends or something. We all need a break once in awhile!

You are probably already doing this, but I would just make sure to be there in case he needed to talk or needed an outlet.

jcc64 replied: I agree with Dee Dee. It sounds like he's really trying to do the right thing. I would be liberal in offers for babysitting, I'm sure he'd appreciate the help whenever he can get it.

loveydad replied: I babysit everyday while hes at work , and I tell him all the time that he should go out, be with his freinds, but he's a nutcase about leaving the baby. He rushes home to her everyday after work and if he's got errands he takes her too.


He takes awesome care of the baby, she was a colicky baby when she was young and he'd walk around for hours holding her.

He goes and sees frenids sometimes, but the main freinds he has are the baby's mother, and another girl who loves the baby and wants to see her. I think one of the best things for him is just to take the baby over there and let her play.

momof2girls replied:
He sounds very responsible for his age, and taking on all of this.

Does he seem stressed out? All you can really do is offer to help and as you said you do, I give him lots of credit for doing all this at his age!
THe only adivce I would give is make sure to tell him what a great dad and good job he is doing...

Sometimes people dont want help they like doing it all!

ctymom replied: Firstly... I have to say that I'm very impressed by your son wanting to do the right thing and working so hard at it at such a young age! It's hard enough to get my 15 yo to mow the lawn once a week!

Maybe he needs to understand that it's ok to take a break away and take time for himself. It's not only healthy for him... but healthy for the baby. Every parent needs to take time out for themselves to rejuvenate or the stress will get the better of you. Which in turn... the baby will feel that.

Do you think his drive to do the right thing has to do with the death of your son (his brother)? It sounds like he wants to make sure everything is ok. I know after my son's passing, I'm always paranoid about doing the right thing. It's become such a fear of mine. Just an idea.

Hopefully your son can take a break. Once a week could even be great for a couple of hours.

Pamela

loveydad replied: Well, first of all, Thank you guys for all your input.

I think Matt's death has a lot to do with him being super brother. He was only 7 when Matt died but he wishes he'd been nicer to him. Also, Matthew was shaken to death at daycare. That's most of the reason Hen won't take his kid there.

The only two daycares in town are 1. a home daycare where I over heard the owner talking about spanking the kids which we don't believe in.

2. one with WAY too many kids for the amount of adults (2 to about 15-20 kids)

It also has some stuff to do with his sisters death. He's always been scared something might happen to Andriana.

Andriana doesn't like to be away from him. It's me, or him, or else she's pretty upset.

However, I talked to him and he says he's not stressed about Andriana, it's more the fact that his work keeps sending him home and he needs the money. He pays for Andri's diapers and a tiny bit for formula (the younger kids all need the same formula). I pass down as much stuff as I can and I dont' charge for babysitting because I'm home anyway.

Also he says he needs a lock and his door so I'll get that tommrow. I think he needs the "alone time" like any other teen.

Anyway he's gonna think about it some more and if he figures something else I can do to help, he'll tell me.

lsjulee replied: Oh my, he's been thru too much for his age. Hugs for him

I guess he's not letting go cos he has gone thru too much unpleasant happenings. Well like my mummy always say, if we don't take care of ourselves, how are we to take care of our youngs? Our happiness is their happiness. Hope he can take life easy.

And you are a great dad yourself too, for being there for him.

jcc64 replied: Wow, he certainly has been through a lot in his 17 yrs. It sounds like he has a very solid support system, which he surely will need in the years to come. As others have said, I would encourage him to "act his age" once and awhile, get out with the guys, have some fun, and blow off some steam. And keep telling him how proud you are of him.

A&A'smommy replied: WOW what a smart kid! I wouldn't know what to tell him, I got pregnant when I was 17 and the week before I had my baby I turned 18 my husband is 21 works 40+ hours a week as a night manager, is taking online classes for college (but will have to start driving next semester) and a full time dad and husband. NOw being 17 and doing all that is amazing! he sounds like a wonderful person! Maybe you could just give him a couple days a week to be a kid... I don't really know

irinam replied:

I disagree. I had my son when I was 17 and NEVER thought it was unfortunate.

As far as original post - Loveydad - you should be proud of you son! Way to go

His schedule does seem a little hectic... well, OK, very hectic

If he could go out with his friends once in a while - but he is probably the one who's beeing too harsh on himself...

So impressive, though

loveydad replied: I don't, and he doesn't feel that it's unfortunate either. He loves Andriana.

Update: he's starting school on the 27th (i think) and then he'll have a whole day to himself where he's not working. Schools always been really easy for him. (He often tries to come see Andriana at lunch though, if she's at daycare). He's just going to be working two days a week.

I did find out that he's been feeling really depressed, sick, and stuff (part of his bipolar epression) and he's been obessing over a certain thing that happened to him. I'm trying to get him into his nurse practioner that handles his meds.