I won't go to yours, but come to mine? - WTH

mysweetpeasWil&Wes wrote: I've posted before that I plan a mom's club called the Hot Mama's where we get together once a month at someone's house or we go out to dinner. Well I had invited ALL my playgroup moms, plus other friends of mine. But I just received an email from one of my playgroup moms asking to be taken off the Hot Mama's evite list. I don't know why really, but it sorta hurts my feelings because I thought we were somewhat close. We see each other at least once a week! She's only been to one of our MNO, but guess she didn't enjoy herself. I think it's a bit quick of her to judge if that's the case, but oh well, her choice right? But here is what gets me, she recently sends out an email to ONLY our playgroup saying "Let's do a mom's night out soon ladies!" WTH?! It was nice of her to include me, but I don't really want to go to her mom's night out if she wants to be taken off of mine! I know it's childish of me, but I'm just confused. And funny thing is, NONE of the moms from my playgroup attend my Hot Mama's, so maybe they're just not telling me something.

How would that make you feel? I'm trying to let it go and figure they just didn't click with my friends, no big deal. They can do their own thing. But I can't help but feel a bit hurt by this since I thought we were all friends in playgroup.

I must add, I would never NOT go to her MNO because of this...I'm a bigger person than that and I'm sure she doesn't mean anything by it, but it does make you think, what's so wrong with my group, eh?

mckayleesmom replied: I would write her back asking her if something happened or was bothering her about the group? Just be straight forward...otherwise your are just going to drive yourself crazy wondering why she wants out.

mckayleesmom replied: Or...could it be possible that this womans husband doesn't approve of the club? Im not saying its bad, but some guys might see HOT MAMA's and assume their wives are out galavanting around with each other...kwim? Some men are like that.

kit_kats_mom replied: Or she may just have a full plate and need to focus more on her family. I've whittled my "obligations" down considerably. Not that I disliked any of the old ones per se, I just needed to reclaim some time for myself and my family. Try not to take it personally.

A&A'smommy replied: I think my feeling may have been a little bit hurt too...

jacobsmama replied:
me too. I would also email her back though and find out why?? That would bother me. She had the guts to ask to be taken off the list then she should have the guts to tell you why anyhow. JMO though

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I thought about emailing her and asking if something about the group bothered her, but I've made the mistake of being too straightforward before and it just bites me in the butt. Some people can't handle straightforwardness and so they prefer just dropping off the face of the earth and not responding, kwim? So since we're in playgroup together, it may be better to just let it go and keep my mouth shut. You win some you lose some and I guess I can't please everyone.



I see what you're saying here, but why would she then turn around and try to organize a mom's night out herself?? She obviously has the time and wants to get out with moms, just apparently not my group.

coasterqueen replied: I agree with Cary, and as far as starting up her own, could it be that she found it difficult in general to go to yours due to time, date, etc? Or maybe the places you would go to she couldn't afford, didn't like, etc? Just trying to see what might be her issue.

Do you see any problems with the other ladies in your playgroup?

I would be inclined to ask because if she really had a problem with you why would she have invited you to hers? Granted a very simple and polite explanation like "hey Rae, i'm sorry I could never come to yours because of XXXXX and that's why I developed one of my own since I know my schedule and it's easier to plan to attend one that way."

MyBlueEyedBabies replied: I can say there is nothing wrong with yours
As for her...who knows but the ladies who actually show up the the Hot Mama's Club are fun so who cares.
I would have my feeling hurt too but that's why I tend not to plan things.

MommyToAshley replied: I can understand why your feelings would be hurt. Mine would be too.

But, I bet there is an explanation. It could be as simple as the time, place, money... as someone already mentioned. I would ask her in a non-confrontational way, especially since you said you feel like you are close.

Mom2BNTN replied:

I agree!! It sounds like she has just had her feelings hurt by something or somebody in the playgroup. I'm sure she would be willing to talk to you about it if you only ask her. However, if she doesn't want to talk about then just leave well enough alone. Who knows? She may come around in a week or two and blame it on bad PMS or something!!

CAMSMOM1 replied:

I understand why you don't want to confront her. I am the same way, I tend to be very straight forward, and it's bit me in the butt too. To many times to count! But I know that I'm being honest, and I try to do it in a loving and yet, to the point type of way. And I at least find out what the issues are, and then I work on mending the problem.

She obviously has some issues with your group, your friends or you. And you'll never know, unless you ask. You're right, you have to attend your playgroup together, but won't you feel uncomfortable if you don't know her reasoning for backing down?

If she had the "guts" to email you, and cancel...then turn around and start her own group...then it sounds like she's not the type of person who would be offended by an email, or a phone call asking her what's up. I think she would expect you to ask her, after all, she knows what she did. KWIM?

I think it would make it easier on you & your relationship with her, if you DO talk to her. That way you know where you stand with her, since you said you are close friends. All of my close friends, wouldn't be offended if I asked them why they canceled? There should be no reason that it should or would go sour.

BTW...I really like your idea with Hot Mama's! I know if I lived near you, I'd go in a second! A chance to get out, meet new Mom's, and have a good time without the kids. Great idea! I hope you have a lot of fun, and not let this get you down.

C&K*s Mommie replied: I agree with the other ladies here, that maybe other obligations interfered temporarily. Who is to say that she may not have a MNO for a while? She may have conflicts, which resulted in her backing out on yours, and those same conflicts may prevent her from having a MNO for 6 months. You never know until you ask.

luvmykids replied: She may have just had to narrow it down, and decided she preferred one group of moms over the other, but you're still included in that so try not to take it too personally.

mckayleesmom replied: Or...maybe the rest of your groups idea of a fun night out...isn't what she prefers to do...kwim? Maybe she feels out of the loop doing what you guys do. Who knows.