Iain's 12 month checkup - OK I guess
Schnoogly wrote: He is almost 29" long, about 20.5 lbs. That puts him barely on the chart for height, and about 3-5% for weight. Yeah, small. Doc isn't concerned because he does gain--slowly.
I talked to her about his eating problems and she isn't concerned really either. We are going to avoid dairy still and give rice milk on top of formula, and cut out the table foods for a while b/c he keeps gagging on them. He doesn't know how to swallow anything with texture and gags and throws up. He is really beginning to like to suck on some things so I hate to take them away. He really likes toast, and some veggies. I guess I will just watch him closely or not try every meal.
And I asked again about his sleeping and behavior--I actually started bawling when I brought up the subject--and she said that he just has major permanent separation anxiety and his sleep was messed up from the hospital routines. I said I thought a whole year of being held almost constantly should have made up for that, but apparently not. I described his horrible sleep and nap routines and she said she wouldn't recommend letting him cry a little because of his history. I agree and I said I had tried literally everything else. DH has taken him almost every night for a week and he still is waking up all night. And forget getting him to sleep anymore. He just winds himself up and won't calm down. I know part of the problem is that he is genuinely hungry at night because he eats literally maybe a tablespoon or two of solids a day. Some days he'll finish a jar over the course of the day but that's pretty rare. He drinks formula like there's no tomorrow but I doubt he'll sleep through the night until he actually eats something.
She told me to ask our cardiologist if he has advice based on Iain's history and if not she'll refer us to a sleep specialist. I asked if there was anything that could be causing him pain and she said that since he seems fine when he's being held it's not pain, it's just that he needs us. A LOT. I know.
Kirstenmumof3 replied:  I'm sorry the appointment didn't go the way you had hoped. I hope things improve with Iain soon! I wouldn't worry too much about his weight, Claudia is 15 1/2 mths and only weighs 18lbs. She is just a little peanut. The Public Health Nurse is concerned and wanted me to make an appointment with our Family Doctor. Claudia sees him on January 29, so we will see what he says.
kit_kats_mom replied: Geez. He really loves his mommy and daddy hua? I know how hard it can be and I understand alot of what you are going through. However, you also have the health issue and that must cause you lots of pain to know that he had to go through that and is having problems related to it. I would not worry too much though. Katherine is still going through alot of the same stuff that Iain is, especially sleeping, but she never went through any surgeries. I suspect part of it is that we are both AP'ers and although I like the philosophy alot, I may not have embraced it as much if I knew that she would still not be sleeping through the night at 16 months. Don't beat yourself up about it though, I truely think that you are doing the natural thing...and so is Iain.
As far as his weight goes, he's a regular chunky monkey compared to K. At least he's on the charts right? 
I know how frusterating the solids issue is hon and I know what you are going thorough there. I offer hugs and calming vibes. I don't think that I've found anything (even the sleeping issues) quite as irritating as her eating habits. A few things that have worked a little bit for Katherine are: we moved her from the highchair to her own kid sized table and chair. She sits there and eats (mostly just makes a mess) in front of an elmo video. I know that it's probably not the best habit to get her into but she gets into this eating zone and she will sometimes eat 1/2 jar of babyfood at one sitting. I have also given up trying to feed her. She does it herself and although it is very messy, she's happier! I just "help" by holding the bowl, manuvering it so that something gets on her spoon, and catching big drips. Otherwise I just praise her, alot.  Also, we've gone back to either baby food (when she's feeding herself) or food off of our plates. I've given up on making her own plates of food for mealtime. She won't touch it. She is a total mooch though and will eat half a jar of pudding if I pretend to eat it first.
I don't know if you read my post awhile back about night weaning but it seemed to work for us. Even though wev'e reverted a bit since she's been sick this week. She still isn't waking up as much. Now she only wants to nurse at 11pm, 5am & 7. Are you guys co-sleeping? I can't remember? Anyway. It WILL get better sometime. I keep telling myself that...I even chant it on bad nights.  I have noticed that after a couple of rough nights, her daytime eating has improved alot since she isn't nursing all night. Maybe that would work for you guys? I dunno. Also, can he eat rice cereal or oatmeal made with water or formula? I give K about 1/4 cup of that before bed now and she seems to be sleeping better because of it. I just shove bites in while I'm reading her bedtime stories.
Feel free to email me if you want to rant/vent or whatever. I can relate and I feel for you guys.
it will get better...it will get better...it will get better...one day...maybe before they start college? 
edited to add** You've probably seen this page before but here is a link to Dr. Sears' sleep stuff http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp (he also has a pretty good feeding part too) I like to re-read it when I'm feeling distressed because he somehow puts it all in perspective and makes me feel better about the choices we've made and he also reassures me that she is normal and not some evil-manipulative non-sleep-needing freak of nature. She's just my little K and she's using her tools (pretty effectively I might add) to get what she needs/wants....just like us. 
MomToMany replied: Sorry his appointment went like that. I know sometimes I have to try to not cry at my appoinments about some things, but it's nothing compared to what Iain's going through.
At least there are still some options out there for you guys with the advice from his cardiologist and a sleep specialist.
Lots of to you! I wish I could help you more!
aspenblue1 replied: Sorry his appt didn't go as you hoped. Maybe his cardiologist will will be able to help or a sleep specialist.
jcc64 replied: Reading your posts Steph and Cary reminds me of what is so reassuring about these boards. I think by now we all know who the remedial sleepers and eaters are. Although I'm sorry things aren't going swimmingly for you guys, it sure is comforting to know our experiences aren't unique. Cary- the thing about eating in front of the elmo video I could have written myself. Some days, I become positively desperate to get her to eat something, ANYTHING! I can't tell you how many different things I offer her in one day. At dinnertime, she becomes a monster, and I know it's b/c she's hungry, but she refuses to eat. Frustrating is an understatement. And I also agree about the co-sleeping thing. It is relentless. Dh is getting impatient (Steph- I have a whole long post about it on IM today). Sometimes it really feels like I'm doing everything wrong with her. All I can say is, I totally understand your frustration and you're not alone.
DansMom replied: Can you determine whether Iain has texture aversion or is actually having physical difficulty swallowing? Either way, it sounds like an anxiety-producing situation. Avocado has helped Daniel stay on the charts, although he's been stuck at 20 pounds for 4 months now, and potatos fried in olive oil has been a big hit lately. If I didn't have those options in the absence of dairy, I would be very frustrated. I hope this aspect of things gets better for you soon. I agree that being able to eat more will likely help the sleep problems. Since Daniel's been eating bigger meals and a light snack before bed he's getting a good 4 hours in that first part of the night. The rest is pretty active still, up demanding to nurse every hour and a half, but it's better than it was and I'm grateful for it.
I do think it can only get better as Iain matures. Try to keep positive and recognize what an amazing job you've been doing raising a high needs child. He's gorgeous and active, and it sounds like he's very healthy considering all that he has been through.
ediep replied: I've done the Elmo video thing too.....I agree that it probabaly not the best habit to get into but sometimes I'll do anything to help him eat!
Jason was just like Iain and Katherine until about 10 months old, when I completely lost the fight! I stopped trying to feed him baby food because I would get so frustrated. It was like a fight at every meal. There were a few table foods that he would eat, so I just gave him that instead. Little by little, he has been trying some new things, so we have added them in too. It took months for him to eat veggies and fruit but now he will eat some.
Good Luck!!
Kaitlin'smom replied: sorry the appointment did not go better...I really wish I could help and offer something that would work. I just want to offer hugs and support and feel free to rant anytime. i know Kaitlin has her days where she wont eat much and sleeps terrible, I just cant imagine it happing all the time I really feel for you both.....all anyone who had eating/sleeping issues. I have to night wean kaitlin she was doing great for so long then she was teething and not feelin well and she started waking up twice an night and wanting to nurse, and if I get her she will pull at my shirt to get to them and sometimes try and nurse through it, and I usually give in just so I can go back to bed sooner. Got to work on that and also need to find a new ped and have her 1st year check up.....I feel bad I am late with it and dont see it happing soon either...I usually take off friday afternoons and take her but all this month on fridays I have jury duty....uhgggg
sorry for rambling.....I really hope things get better for all of you and soon!
coasterqueen replied: Sorry the appointment didn't go so well. Hopefully the cardiologist will have some insight for you.
I can't say I know exactly what you are feeling when it comes to Iain being small and not eating. Kylie is such a major chunky monkey that she is off the charts, nurses like a mad baby and is eating *some* solids. But in a way, I do know how you feel, because I feel bad because my baby is SOO BIG. I know that sounds weird, but I don't want her being fat, so sometimes I actually wished Kylie was on the "smaller" end of the charts. *SIGH*.
Maybe he has an *issue* with textures. I know I am a MAJOR picky eater and don't have much variety in my diet. I hate almost ALL veggies and fruits among a million of things. I've seen many docs about this and those who specialize in this and after alot of time they basically tell me I'm a hopeless case, lol. I've come to realize I have a MAJOR issue with texture. Don't know why. As a very small child I ate EVERYTHING, but then one day my mom said I just wouldn't eat those things anymore and got pickier and pickier. Weird, huh? So maybe he will GROW out of his texture problem. I have always seen the problem with me not liking "textures" is that I eat a lot of fattening food that isn't really good for you. Does he like french fries or anything like that that is not good for you? LOL. It would fatten him up at least, lol.
Sorry for my rambling 
Schnoogly replied: Thank you. I positively laughed out loud when I read the word "remedial"!!! Iain definitely needs to be held back and repeat babyhood again.
On the sleeping--yes we're cosleeping. We put our queen futon on the floor in his room and switch nights sleeping with him there. The crib was a complete disaster, since it is of course made of acid. Since nightweaning doesn't seem to be working--he has been with DH almost every night for a week and last night with me he didn't even want to nurse, he just wanted to thrash around and scream every half hour. Then when he wouldn't go back to sleep at 3 I gave him a bottle and he was up for 1.5 hrs. What will we do if even nightweaning won't work???? I can't live like this anymore.
And on the eating--I am not sure. I think part of it is sensitivity to textures and the other part is overactive gag reflex. When he gets anything chunky in his mouth he will kind of play with it for a minute and then spit all of it out with his tongue. If it gets back in his throat he doesn't understand what to do and he gags and throws up. He has started playing with a spoon and putting it in his mouth so he might get a spoonful over the course of a huge messy meal. Oh joy. Also, he hates regular potatoes in any form. I tried that. Someone suggested putting olive oil in his food, so maybe I'll try that.
amynicole21 replied: Steph, I'm so sorry it didn't go fabulously... I've been wondering about how his sleeping situation was going. As you are probably aware, Sophia has many of the same sleep issues that Iain does, but is slowly progressing. All I can say is that there has to be SOME end to this in sight... will they still be sleeping with us and nursing all night at age 15?? Dear God, let's hope not
PS - Sophia's crib is also made of acid, apparently 
coasterqueen replied: Schnoogly and Amy -
I thought maybe you might like this post I read on the IVillage BF board I frequent: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/mes...73660.1&ctx=512
It's more about not sleeping and relying on nursing, but I thought it was a great post and an inspiration to help me "go on" with a baby who doesn't sleep thru the night  Kylie is sooo much like this lady's child when it comes to sleeping, it's scary.
DansMom replied: Hey, thanks for posting that link! It helps me too. Daniel must have woken up 6 times to nurse last night, and was a major crank about it if I ignored him for even one second, crying and throwing his head back. We're exhausted. It's helpful to read that post today especially 
Schnoogly replied: True, it's good to read that they do grow up eventually. But another year and a half ...I'm not sure I can last that long.
MommyToAshley replied: I am sorry the appointment didn't go as hoped. But, I have to say that Iain looks very healthy and from your stories, he is developing just fine. Sounds like he is even ahead of other kids his age. So, I would have to say that you are doing a wonderful job. He obviously loves his Mommy and Daddy very much and you have a special bond. I can only imagine how tough it is that you are still going through the sleepless nights and worrying about him not eating, but it will get better.
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