If you had the choice... - Working...

McKayla'sMom wrote: You see...I'm having a dilema... I am currently off work on FMLA due to the baby being born...I am allowed to be off for 1 year (unpaid, of course) without losing any seniority. However, I can return to work at any time. Part of me wants to stay home with her because we are doing okay financially...granted my husband works major OT...and I am afraid I will miss things like first words, steps, etc. if I go back. I know that the time won't be able to be replaced. On the other hand, I know we could probably better ourselves financially and maybe get more things for the baby if I went back now. I am so confused...this is driving me crazy!

irinam replied:
You said it.

If I were to make a choice between time with my child (irreplaceble, as you stated yourself) or some extra material things,

I would choose the time, especially during a first year... Besides babies don't care about "things", need their Mommy

JMHO

lsjulee replied: Oooo how I wish I could be a SAHM. What beats being the one to nuture your own off-spring? Sigh! But, not really a choice for me. Not until I'm comfortable with our financial stability.

New Mommy replied: I think it all has to do with your personality. Are you going stir crazy at home? I have only been home for 5 weeks and feel like I am not doing enough. I am the type of person that needs to work I think. (Not like I have a choice-- but for me it is the better decision) You child will be just fine without all the little fufu stuff that you think she needs, expecially during the first year.
If you do decide to go back to work you will always have the time after work so it is not as if you miss her whole first year of life and I think you would enjoy the time you have together even more.
I say go back to work.

KatieLeigh79 replied: I really couldn't answer this one either I'm home 24/7 with J.R. but almost wish I could find something for a few days a week just to get back into society (library, grocery store and inlaw trips just aren't cutting it anymore) but with the cost of daycare out here I would be loosing money by going in somewhere, it would push us in a higher tax bracket because my husband does well so if the state didn't get it all it would be the daycare center as most of them are at least 200-300 to enroll and these women even ask for paid holiday around here?!?

ctymom replied: My choice would be to stay at home.... but work. That's why I'm getting into web design so I can do that in my spare time and make good money doing it So I get the best of both worlds, being with my kids AND making decent money and doing something that will make me feel good about myself and call my own.

Pamela

Boys r us replied: I voted for Working. I'm not cut out to be a full time stay at home mom..no way in this world! Now don't get me wrong, I envy mother's who can stay at home, but it's just not in me! I need MY time. When I stay at home with the kids, like when I have time off from work, I go insane! I can't stay at home for one, I'm always needing to be on the go, I tend to go stir crazy easily and I can't be dragging the kids around all day here and there..everyday.
and of course then there is the issue of the money, I guess we have become accustomed to the lifestyle we live.
Maybe that's selfish, maybe it's not. and someone stated earlier that babies don't need nice things b/c they don't know...well babies may not..but babies DO know when their mommy isn't stressed out and if being a stay at home mom means financial stress b/tw the parents, then I don't see the benefits.... and babies also grow up into children who don't want to be laughed at in school for wearing hand me downs or wal-mart tennis shoes, they then grow into children who need cars and who need their college tuition paid for, and then they grow up into adults who go off and get married and only come to visit every once in awhile and if you've been a stay at home mom and youa nd your husband have struggled financially b/c
of it..then what do you have left? an empty nest and a mailbox full of bills!

I do work and it IS by choice..but in my opinion I think that makes me the best mommy that I can be. Because it is what is right for my family!

natjasem replied: I didn't have kids so strangers could raise them, so yes, staying at home is my pick. My husband and I have to live frugally, but it's worth it. I get to see her first steps, hear her first words and answers her questions. How lucky am I?

amynicole21 replied:
That's pretty much how I feel, too. I would love to stay home, but I just don't have the patience for it. Maybe if I could just work part time, a few hours a day...

Boys r us replied:
you're very lucky..just so happens that I got to see Tanner's first steps and first words when I was a single mom and working full time and going to college full time and I also lucked out and saw Braedon's first steps and heard his first words...and **gasp** I work full time by choice now! BTW my child care provider, she is far from a stranger, she's like a 2nd mom to my son and he loves her to pieces!

natjasem replied: That's great, but I don't want my daughter to have a 2nd mom.

Boys r us replied: That's the beauty of parenthood, we all get to decide what is best for our OWN children and unless someone is neglecting or abusing their children, we shouldn't be judgemental of their parental choices! See, for my kids, I don't think they can have too much love..so the more people who are close to them the better!

KatieLeigh79 replied: Good luck CtyMom I have a degree in web design, and so far have had no luck in MI as they want you in an office around here to do it and with the economy no one is paying advertisers because they can hardly keep the doors open as it is... Maybe when the job situations around here get a little better I can do that again (did that for a few years before he was born, then the companies slowly closed) but at this time for me it isn't an option

TeagansMom609 replied: I was home for 3 months and then went back to work. Now I work 9-5 and would LOVE to be home everyday again, but my job is great and I have awesome benefits, (my ins. is paid by my company in full, as well as life ins. and 401 k) Now my fiance is out of work and he is home everyday with the baby. Im so jealous! But when I was home everyday I felt like a slug. I never got out of my pajamas. Not being social everyday isnt good.

kit_kats_mom replied: Well, I have the best of both worlds being a WAHM. My goal was to be able to afford to stay home with DD until she was at least one. That first year is so important for bonding/attachment etc. Plus, that's when many of the "firsts" occur. Also, as a bfding mom, it was just easier than pumping.

When DD started walking though, I had to find a part time care provider so that I could keep up with my work obligations. I was able to keep her at home for the entire first year though so, goal met!

Now that she's a toddler, I honestly would not mind working outside of the house. She can just be such a bugger and I don't have the patience for it sometimes. I'm not really cut out to be a SAHM full time. Plus, I get a lot of my self worth from being able to contribute as an adult to a company that I care about. The few months that my work was very slow, I felt out of sorts. I think it's because I didnt' have any "adult" things to focus on. KWIM?

I mostly love the days that we spend together during the week but they can get trying too.

kimberley replied:
ITA! these first years go by so fast, i couldn't stand missing a minute of it. the first few years are when your child forms the basis for his/her beliefs and values and it is important to me that i will be the one to teach them. things are tight financially but rich with love and family. besides, it would cost me more than i could make to put 3 kids in daycare and before/ after school programs. and i have heard so many stories of abuse, i don't know if i could put my precious babies in the care of someone else.

natjasem replied: Amen Kimberely! You hit it right on the button. These first 5 years are so precious and pass by so quickly. I'll work when my kids are in school, but you can bet, I'll be home when they get off that bus every day!

Kaitlin'smom replied: at least for the first couple years stay at home, I miss her alot when I am working, but I am also one that need to work. An Ideal suitation for me would be to be able to pay all bills with DH income and me to only work part time for extras and sanity.

MommyToAshley replied: I think I am very fortunate to be able to WAH. I have been able to watch my baby grow, learn, and I have been there encouraging her every step of the way. Don't get me wrong, it can be very hectic and trying at times. And, I do miss being able to chat with the gals on a daily basis. DH and I could have a higher standard of living if we worked outside of the home or spent more time promoting our business, but the rewards of being able to spend time with Ashley is worth more to me than the monetary things. And, I am sure that she will remember and cherish time with Mommy and Daddy more than having the newest toys on the shelf. There are a lot of sacrifices we make by working at home, but Kimberley said it best... we are rich in love and family. I feel very blessed and thank God every day.

momof2girls replied: I voted stay at home I wish I could!
I work 3 days a week 9-4 so I am ok with that...
Im glad I dont have to work full time!!!

RachelsMomma replied: I love being a SAHM. DH and I were in total agreement about not wanting anyone but us raising our children. DH does really well at his job so we don't have to worry about finances. I will probably get a PT job after DD and the next one (not yet conceived) are in school so that I can socialize more with people, but will always be home to greet them when they come home. I was a latch-key kid and don't intend for them to be the same. I never, ever get bored at home. There is so much to do: arrange play dates during the week, clean the house, laundry, devise weekly menus and cook everything from scratch, grocery shopping, walk the dog, sew, play on the computer, paint the house, the list goes on and on. I never turn on the TV. I finally get a chance to sit and relax for an hour every night between DD going to bed and my own bed-time.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I chose to be a SAHM. I quit my job when Maddie was 6 mos old. I didn't have a choice before then. I feel fortunate that it works out so well for us. With Scotty working the hours he works, we felt that I needed to be home with the kids all day. We don't want for nothing and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Jamison'smama replied: Well I voted SAHM. WHen I had Jamison I had every intention of returning to work--I just knew that my career was too important. The 3 months I was home with her I realized that I felt a calling to be at home with her---it is absolutely not for everyone but it was really the only thing I could do. When I thought I would have to return to work and I made an appointment with my doctor for anti-depressants--that's how bad it was for me--I then discovered we could afford for me to stay home and it has been amazing--definately trying at times but I love it. I am able to see about 6-8 clients per week in the evenings (10-12 hours per week) to keep up licensure and skills (and the extra $$ doesn't hurt) so I think I have the best of both worlds.

mummy2girls replied: being im single i cant stay at home. But if i ever get marreid and my husband is making eno for me to stay home i would! I want to be a mom to 2 or 3 kids and be a house wife. I love everything about it!!!!!!!! It breaks my heart that every day i have to bring jenna to daycare. Expecially if she learns something new without me there!

Elle replied: working at home is the best option (at least it works wonderfully for me), but i know it's not always possible.

mama3x replied: I voted for and am a SAHM.

To be honest though, I would prefer to be working p/t. With DS I was a SAHM for 3 months then got a p/t/ job. It was much easier that way, I felt as if I were still a part of the outside world associating with other adults as well as still being the main caregiver for DS.

With DD, I made the decision to be a SAHM MAINLY because she was preemie and any salary I brought home would not pay for a certified nurse or sitter with OT/PT/Speech therapy qualifications (oh and CPR/first aid too) in addition to formula. So I am home and BF'd until she didn't want to anymore and am still doing the therapy myself.

I have to be honest - I have no time to do much for myself. We don't have a sitter even for an hour or two and can't rely on family. At times I feel like I am going nuts.

juliajaj replied: I take great offense at people who say just because both parents work outside of the home that someone else is raising their child. The people that stated that a daycare provider is "raising their child/children" are wrong. When your children go to preschool/school, do you consider the teacher raising your child? Aren't they spending as much time in school as they would at daycare? Do you never leave your child with a babysitter? To me, it sounds like the only way you feel that a mother/father can raise a child is if they are home with them 100% of the time, until that child becomes an adult. Have you committed to home schooling until they're an adult & never left them with a babysitter? If so, then I guess you can say you raised your child 100% of the time.

DH & I got marrried when I was 35 & he was 40. DD #1 was born 11 months after we were married, so we weren't able to build up a big enough nest egg for me to stay at home. I work at home while my daughter & soon to be 2 daughters are in daycare. DH & I did a very extensive search before placing DD #1 in daycare (we looked for 3 months before we found the daycare provider we currently have). DD #1 has never called the daycare provider mom. She refers to her by her 1st name. The daycare provider always tells us how happy Olivia is & she can see how much she is loved at home.

Isn't that the most important thing, whether you work in or out of the house, that you love your child unconditionally & do what is best for them?

Boys r us replied: Julie, I couldn't have said it better!!! Not to mention...Kids need social interaction, being with children during the day and learning to interact with their own peers. My children have this daily and b/c of that they are very sociable little men!

MomofJandB replied: I've been at home with my kids, ages 4 and 8, since they were born. I'm glad I was able to do that. Now, I have to admit, I have the itch to get back out in the working world. My youngest will be in full day kindergarten next year, so I will be able to get a job. Luckily my career was teaching before having kids. I'm actually hoping to substitute a couple days a week this year, thanks to a friend who I can switch babysitting with while she works 2 days as well. next year will be easier to do this because both kids will be in school full time.

coasterqueen replied: I'm not sure what I would vote. As both DH and I grew up very poor...he actually ate out of garbage dumpsters when he'd go visit his mom because she couldn't afford food....I would have to say I don't think it's in the best interest of my children to SAH and "just get by".

I want Kylie to know the importance of money and respect it but I do not want her to struggle through life to go to college like Ryan and I did. Let's face it....our children will not get through this world without at least a bachelor's degree if not by that time a master's degree. Well they could get thru life but struggling. As a parent I feel it's my responsibility to better my child's life so they don't live the life I lived. We are to better each generation. Me SAH and barely getting by or getting assistance is not taking on my responsibility to better her life.

While I hate working and would rather be a SAHM, I feel it's best for me to do my part in society. I get sad thinking someone else is with my baby while I work, but I also think she needs that independance as well. She loves her dcp and I love her too. She is part of our family, just as if my parents would have watched her.

I honestly would love to SAH but I'm not going to make my child suffer through life paying student loans and barely getting by because I thought it was best to be home with her. I was in daycare as a child and loved that independance from my parents. And even though I grew up poor my parents still had to work and I guess I'm fine, lol.

RachelsMomma replied: Julie, You're right. A daycare provider/babysitter is not raising your child. I should have said it differently: DH and I felt very strongly about not wanting to miss out on watching our children grow and learn in the first few years. I do agree that just because you put your children in the care of others while you and your spouse work does not mean that you aren't raising your children yourselves. I also agree about the interaction with other children. I work very hard at arranging playdates for DD.

I also think that working from home is a wonderful situation. That would have been my situation right now, but I got laid off a month before my due date with Rachel. I was working from home up until then. While I have no intention of going back to work, I am dabbling in the idea of a home-based business as a creative outlet for myself.