I'm depressed I think.... - I broke down last night to DH

Hillbilly Housewife wrote: I just feel so closed in. I never have a moment alone. I can only come on here every few days, because my kids are NEVER asleep at the same time, so I can never nap. DH leaves home every morning at 11:30, and gets home at 11pm, so I hardly ever see him, since I get up late in the morning with Emilie while he is downstairs with Zach at 7am. And they play, so I don't sleep well in the morning...but that's not an issue, I get enough at night. Barely. By the time I go to bed (usually around 10opm after I've finished all the cleanup and the preparing of food for the crockpot) I'm just too darn tired to do anything else, even taking a shower or a bath.

DH has Monday, Fridays and Saturday off though, which is great, but he's a complete imbecile when it comes to taking care of mboth kiddos, he constantly comes to bug me about one thing or another. Like what clothes should he dress the in. WHO CARES, kwim?!

An example of his stupidity: This morning, I made bread for the week, and I added some cheese to the dough, so it's like cheesy bread. Yum. So I'm in the kitchen, and I ask him to make sure Zach doesn't go into the kitchen while I'm in the bathroom (number 1..lol)and he yells back, SURE! So, during the whole 45 seconds that I was in the can (i try t be quick) Zach went into the kitchen, and had opened the 3rd drawer of the kitchen counter, where I keep my spatulas and spoons and laddles etc...and he had taken out a big soup laddle...and was playing in the flour bag that I had left out since I had not finished putting the flour in the bowl that I needed. I should have known DH was incapable of taking his eyes off the tv.... so I had a hugemess of flour all over my kitchen floor.

I';m just depressed...I have cabin fever...I haven't been out of my houzse in days... except to take the kids to my mom's or DH's mom's (1x a week, usually on Friday nights) so that DH and I can have some *alone time*.... well these last 2 Fridays, we tried to be intimate...and I fell asleep halfway through, that' s how tired I am. Then last night, DH came home early, and we set up a nice hot bubble bath for us, and I havdn't even finished getting undressed when Emilie woke up to be fed, AGAIN! She's such a little piggie!! heh eh

Anyways... do any of you have any tips on how I can beat this cabin fever/depression/exhaustion and DH's stupidity before I go stir crazy?!?!

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Bless your heart!!! I haven't been there.....YET! But, it was good for me to read your post. Now I know what I have to look forward to. I can understand how you are frustrated. Unfortunately not all men know what to do in certain situations. I have one that would have no clue what to do and would not be able to handle me being depressed. It sounds like you are taking on a lot. I realize you have a family to tend to and you need to be on your toes. You are smart by getting breakfast ready, and cooking crock pot meals. Is your DH good in the kitchen? Can he help with some of those things? Would you trust him to watch the 2 kids while you got out alone and took a walk or visited a neighbor? Anything? I just think you need to take a breather. You are already stressed about Emilie not latching on properly and not eating well...I think you need to step back and try to take some time for yourself. You deserve it. You are such a hard worker and a great mom. You need to be a rested mom as well. I hope it gets better soon.

DansMom replied: I was going to post something similar today, about feeling depressed, exhausted and anxious. I don't know what will help except a lot of sleep and the arrival of Spring. I guess I'm not being helpful! It's exhausting being a good parent, and this part of winter brings out any underlying depression if you've got it.

I'm not much of a medication person---a mild stimulant like caffeine sometimes gets my mood back on track (but didn't work yesterday). You're still post-partum, and it's natural to have this exhausted, depressed feeling especially this soon after having a baby. The cruddy and whiny, relentless realities can be a bit overwhelming at this stage, even when you've been through it before. I recall being pretty combative with DH, even though he was doing his best to help at the time. I hope you get out of your slump soon! You definitely need a break from the household.

jem0622 replied: I am so right there with you. DH and I pretty much have opposite schedules. It is harder some days.

When I want to get out...I just go. To the mall and let the kids get some energy out at the play area while I talk to other parents. Or go grocery shopping with a very detailed/organized list. I just get out. And the boys look forward to that. It's hard when the weather is so icky...but if I don't go out then they will be grumps and will be bored at certain points. I still keep them close or right on with their schedules too.

The fact that you and DH don't have time is hard...because you need to know that you are loved by someone. And just to remember who you are married to.

I say join a playgroup and that would give you some interaction outside of the house. And when DH is home...take off. Just leave. Say 'honey, I am going to x, y, and z....I'll be back.' You just have to do that sometimes b/c we always want to be in control of everyone's happiness in the home and forget about us...and we don't want to disrupt the harmony with our husband's/SO's...but you have to take care of you too.

As far as crockpot meals go...that is a great thing to do. Consider setting aside time to chop veggies and things one day a week and put it away so that you can just dump stuff in on that given night and hit the hay...instead of chopping everything right when you need it. Or buy items already chopped/diced/etc when you can to save lots of time.

When the weather is nice make it a point to walk daily. Everyone needs fresh air and sunshine.

HUGS

amynicole21 replied: You poor thing! I had no idea It sounds like you are completely stressed out, and you need some time ALONE alone, not alone with DH. In your situation I think I would have cracked by now. You can't do everything by yourself!!! MAKE DH help you without asking questions. I know, easier said than done.

Actually, you kind of answered my post from the other day about if I'm really ready for #2. I don't think I am right now.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:

I only wish it were that easy!

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I'm so sorry you are feeling this way! You need to find someone who can come and help you take care of the kids! It know it isn't easy! Have you thought about maybe putting Zack into DayCare a few days a week, just so he can get out and you can have a little bit of a break! Try to find a playgroup in your area, get out with some other moms! I know with this weather it isn't that easy! You are also going to have to put your foot down with your DH and make him do more to help you! You are not supper women and you have to make him realize that you can not do it all! I wish I lived closer to you, I would come and help you out! I hope you feel better soon, keep leaning on us! We miss you and care about you!

coasterqueen replied: Aww sweetie, I wish I had some answers for you. You definately need to get out ALONE, without DH even. Or get some "down" time to yourself. And I would tell DH how you are feeling. Not sure if he will listen, much like mine, lol, but it might make you feel better.

I sure hope you get feeling better soon! Keep coming her and venting that's what we are here for. BIG HUGS to you!!!!

aspenblue1 replied: I am sorry you are feeling this way. Maybe you could try to take some alone time. I hope everything picks up soon.

CantWait replied: awwww Sweetie, I wish I did, but I"m in the same boat. I hope you can beat it. Big hugs I wish I was back in Pet. I'd somehow drive to Ottawa to see ya.

kimberley replied:

oh sweetie, i am right there with you. i have had a few melt downs in the past couple of weeks and i think it is because i am stuck in the house because it is too darn cold out! having a newborn is hard because you kinda lose your identity again and just become the maid/ milk machine IKWYM about DH asking dumb questions. it is always right when you try to relax. i laid down for a nap once because i was totally exhausted and we agreed to order out so i could rest. the food comes and DH wakes me up to ask me for money when 1. he knows where my wallet is 2. he knew i wanted to sleep not eat! ::sigh:: i guess they just want to make sure they do things right.

i am still struggling with the depression too but it does help just to get up and get dressed nicely (mind you this takes hours some days) and go for a short walk. i almost feel human when i do this. try talking to DH about what you are going through and what you need from him. i know they don't really understand but if they realize how serious what you are feeling is, then maybe he will make more of an effort to let you get a nap and some alone time because sleep is a huge factor when it comes to the blues. everything seems so much more hopeless and overwhelming when you are going on 3 non-consecutive hours of sleep a day.

i hope you feel better soon.

MommyToAshley replied:
I wish I had an answer too, but I don't. I know how hard it is just to take care of Ashley all day long, I couldn't imagine a newborn on top of that... one that wants to nurse all day long.

I know it has already been said, but you need to find a way to get some time to yourself, even if it is just a few hours. I agree that you may have to INSIST that your DH take that kids for awhile, but it will be worth it in the end.

I hope you kick this depression and you are feeling better soon.

A&A'smommy replied: ugh you poor thing, maybe you could take the kids to your moms or mils all day tomorrow or one day soon and take the whole day for yourself sleeping and pampering yourself, maybe you could go out to eat with your dh that night and just talk. I hope your feeling better and that things start to get into a little more of a regular schedule soon so you can some around here more and go out and do things, summer will probably be easier because then you can get the kids ready and go out to the park or something. (((((BIG HUGS))))) i know im not much help but i want you to know that im here for you if you just need to scream and yell (at least on here )

MomToMany replied: I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time! I know about the incapable DH thing, too. I wish I had more advice that wasn't said already. I just want you to know that we are here for you whenever you need us!

Try to find some time when you can get out alone! It would do wonders, I think!

I have a feeling that that's going to be my life here in a couple of months ! I

Hillbilly Housewife replied:

We went to Red Lobster last night... it was great. Our parents shared babysitting..my mom watched them from 5-7, and MIL watched then from 7-9...

it was great. And I really do feel better today... we'll see how long it lasts!

kimberley replied: that is great! i am so glad you got to go out and spend some alone time with DH! sounds like the perfect night.