I'm having a rough time - vent, marital problems.
MyBrownEyedBoy wrote: For the past few months, I have really been having a difficult time with my DH. Things just aren't going really well for us. In fact, it almost seems like we are just roommates, if you catch my drift. I feel like a nanny, cook and maid, not a wife. He says he just doesn't feel any passion for me anymore. And to make matters worse, I kind of feel like I love my son more than I love my husband right now. I am at wit's end and I just needed to type this out. We have had more than our share of problems. He cheated on me and got the other woman pregnant. (She lost the baby.) And then our son was born with all these heart conditions.
I just feel like a failure sometimes. I couldn't grow Logan right, I can't seem to keep my husband's interest, and somedays, I can't even seem to get dinner ready at a decent hour. Wow, I feel a bit better having that off my chest, but I still feel so heartsick and sad. Thanks for listening, everyone.
gr33n3y3z replied: Aww Kelly
You will know whats best for you and Logan
And you did just fine growing Logan 
He is a wonderful little boy and I can see tons of love in his little eyes
mckayleesmom replied: Sorry sweetie....Have you guys considered counseling? And you did not grow Logan wrong....he was just special and they gave him to a special mom that could handle it.
MyBrownEyedBoy replied: I have suggested counselling many times. He just says that he doesn't see how talking to someone can help us find common ground. And thanks for telling me that, Brianne.
My2Beauties replied: Awww sweetie I am so sorry! I agree with Bri you guys should seek counseling. Those are some very hurtful things he has said to you, very hurtful! By the way, just because you're the woman you are not expected to cook, clean, etc (be a maid as you put it), he can lift a finger around the house hon!  to you!
luvbug00 replied: What is wrong with thease men?? Your husband has a sweet beautiful and Hilarious wife and he's just blwing you off?! Grrrrr  I went to conceling as a teen with my parents and although it's a bit different it felt good to have a bias opinion to hear both sides and We figured out alot about eachother. I hope things get better for you because you and Logan are just too precious!!!
3xsthefun replied: I am so sorry Kelly. I agree with the others about trying get him going to counseling.
I hope things get better for you.
kimberley replied: aww hon it is not your fault!! you did nothing wrong! i agree about counselling and getting some time for just the two of you. it is so easy to fall into a rut and never find your way out. and it sounds like you could use some pampering yourself. even Cinderella had a night out once in a while p&pt your way that things get better.
Kaitlin'smom replied:  I dont have any words for you just
Sarah&Mackenzie replied: I am really sorry you are going through this. I just want to offer a few
punkeemunkee'smom replied: Kelly I wish I was there to hug you in person! I have come to enjoy your humor and respect your obvious love for your son! You are an amazing mom and also a wife! But you are a woman too and nobody deserves to feel the way you way you are feeling! Feel free to pm me or email me anytime!
moped replied: I am so sorry to read this..........if it is any help, Tom and I have been going to councelling for a while now, it is a slow process but it is working and I am seeing some improvement - truly.......and I think it is savign our marriage.
Can I ask what heart problems he has?
MyBrownEyedBoy replied: Logan has a bicuspid aortic valve, aortic stenosis, and a coarctation of the aorta. The coarctation was surgically repaired when he was 6 months old. The other 2 valve issues mean that his aortic valve is just too narrow. He has had 2 heart caths to stretch it. We have an appointment in Salt Lake City on Thursday to check his progress. They have to sedate him, I hate that. He just lays there, it is soooooo scary.
mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Kelly...know that my p&pt's are with you! You are a wonderful mother and should not blame yourself for either your son's condition or your DH's bad choices. I hope that your DH comes to his senses about counseling. I think it's the only way to get through an unhappy marriage. But BOTH of you need to agree that you want to make the marriage work. I think all marriages go through rough patches, especially when a baby is involved. I have had similar feelings (feeling like a roomate) throughout this whole past year. I'm not sure if it just coexists with the overwhelming feeling of being a new mom or that my relationship with DH really is on the rocks. Either way, I knew that if I didn't seek help, it would just get worse. Talking it out with your DH is the first step...hopefully he will want to take the next step towards counseling. Good luck...we're here for you!
mom21kid2dogs replied: When we hit that point in our marriage (ironically about a year after O was born, too) counseling wasn't an optional request~it was mandatory. Our issues were pretty minor compared to yours but a good therapist is worth their weight in gold. And, as for his excuse, I think my reply would be "I don't see hoow it could hurt, either. Our appointment is . . . ." Even if you are the only one who shows, it would be a help to you, I'm sure!
A&A'smommy replied: To be truthful ALL couples go through rough times some are worse than others.. for me cheating is the WORST thing a person can ever do in a marriage and then for pregnancy to be a result of it I can't even begin to comprehend how you were able to take him back you are a WONDERFUL person and wife for doing that! Have you guys tried counseling or have you told him how you feel?
Maddie&EthansMom replied: I have nothing to add that these wonderrful ladies haven't already said. Kelly you are a terrific mother and the best mother for Logan.  I hope he agrees to counseling. If not...it really wouldnt hurt for you to go.
MyBrownEyedBoy replied:
That was the absolute worst. He had been telling me for a year that he didn't want to have kids, then for her to get pg when he told me he wasn't ready. Ironically, I still love him, we aren't fighting constantly, we have grown apart. Very, very apart. Some nights he even sleeps on the couch. Not because I have asked/told him to. This is just very sad and hard, I want to be happy again. I miss smiling. And he knows how I feel. I am thinking separating would be best for us. I'll go to counselling on my own if he won't go with me.
moped replied: Well like I said - we have had some pretty tough times here too - PM me anytime you like...............every couple has a huge adjustment period especially after having a child
kayla's mama replied: Kelly you are a wonderful person. I agree with all the other ladies about counselling. Hang in there. Maybe have a date night before you decide if seperating is best. Sending tons of P&Pt's your way
TeagansMom609 replied: I have been through just about everything with my DH, and know how your feeling. ALthough I have never caught him cheating, im pretty sure he did when he wasnt coming home some nights about 7-8 months ago. It hurts, and trust is VERY hard to get back. Honestly, I dont think I will ever trust him 100% again. I hope you can regain some trust in your DH. We did go to counseling for a few sessions and it went well. Believe it or not even though you think your DH wont talk when you go, you will be surpised how much they have to say once they get in there. I strongly suggest counseling, especially after taking him back after an affair. I know the feeling of why me, and why does he treat me like this when I do nothing wrong, and why cant I have a "normal" marraige like everyone else seems to? Its not you, just remember that. I hope things work out in the end for you.
moped replied:
Funny you should saya "normal marriage", I don't think anybody has a normal marriage, we have no idea what goes on behind closed doors..................people think TOm and I are the perfect couple.
MyBrownEyedBoy replied: The more I think about it, the more I think I am just done. I deserve to be happy, Aaron deserves to be happy, and Logan deserves happy parents. Even if they aren't married to each other anymore. Aaron's attitude has been really selfish and I just can't take it anymore. I feel like a fool and a failure, but I know I need more and if he can't do it, then.....
moped replied: Has he said he can't give it or is it that it seems it is sooooooo much work at this point?
MyBrownEyedBoy replied: He's said, "It just isn't me to do that." Meaning, hug me in the morning, miss me when I am gone for a weekend, kiss me (ever).
moped replied: But he loves you right?
Maddie&EthansMom replied: I'm sorry. I know you are strong and you will do just fine without him. I sense that you really dont' have many feelings left for him and I don't blame you. I'm not sure I would, either.
MyBrownEyedBoy replied:
He says he does, but if you aren't showing it, is it true?
Kaitlin'smom replied: do you love him?
MyBrownEyedBoy replied: I love him to bits, but I can't continue like this. I was gone for the weekend, came home last night and he didn't say a word to me about it. No, nice to have you back, missed you, have a nice trip, nothing. Football was more important. I can't do this anymore. I just don't know how to tell him. 
kit_kats_mom replied:
Well, that depends. We all have a love language. I know that there is a book about it but I don't have a link handy. Anyway, I'm not a very touchy feely person but I've explained to my DH that I show my love in other ways. I keep the house clean, I cook dinners that he likes, I try to give him free time etc. I'm a rarity as far as women go in so much as I really hate PDA's and frankly, I'd much rather sit on the couch alone than have DH all snuggled up to me. My DH is much more touchy feely than I am and I know that there are some things that I need to do (like the morning kiss) to show him, in his language, that I do love him..
That said, I'm sorry you guys are having a rough time. I agree with the other women about counseling. Possibly even just you going to counseling without him.
MyBrownEyedBoy replied: Then his love language is as foreign to me as Swahili. I NEED morning kisses, hugs and a little conversation now and again. I've told him this tons, he just can't. And I don't want him to fake it.
moped replied: Can I ask how long you have been married?
Kaitlin'smom replied: Well then are you in-love with him?
do you want to try to save the marriage?
sounds like if nothing else you need councling just to get another opinion and hopefully one you have a nice deep long chat with DH he will go with you.
MyBrownEyedBoy replied:
Married 3 years, together 8 years.
MyBrownEyedBoy replied:
I don't know if I am in love with him anymore. All I can remember right now is hurt. And I feel like I have tried to save our marriage. I am tired of being the one trying. How is that fair?
mammag replied: I'm sorry you are going through this. I agree that you need counseling even if he won't go. In fact, I would be inclined to think you need individual counseling first to try and sort out your feelings.
We are all here for you any time you need an ear.
Jamielou replied: Im sorry you are going through this i wish i had some encouraging words or advise for you. Just know that you did nothing wrong with your son he is perfect.
I hope everything works out the best for you and your son
Jamie
P.s. I hope the doctor visit goes well the sedation is very scary for me to....
CantWait replied: I'm really sorry hon. I don't have much to say except try and find help now before it's too late. Last year when dh and I seperated, it was under really bad terms because we let everything just build up. Time will tell what God has in plan for us, but I know how you feel when you say you feel like a maid, nanny, etc....that's exactly how I was feeling. Good Luck
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