I'm so *@*$$@! - just a vent....a long vent

Boys r us wrote: So rick and I were driving in the car saturday night, going out to dinner, when he says, so my sister called me yesterday. I was like uhhh okay. His sister is 23 and the most irresponsible, inmature, spoiled, ungrateful person I think I've ever met!
She really is!
So anyhow, he's like she's in trouble, "how so I ask" even though I knew..I knew this was going to happen.
Here's some background...she dated this guy for about 18 mnths who after they'd been together for about 6 months he moved her out of her parents home and into an apt all her own..not into his house, but an apartment b/c she'd never lived on her own before and he recognized how important it was in the growth of any individual to have been independent and lived alone for some period of time before getting married and all of that. So..he ended up paying her rent and utilities most months b/c she just never seemed to have enough money, even though he GAVE her a job at his company that he and his dad ran. So..after she lived alone for about 6 months, they moved in together in his house. She decided she wanted to quit working, so she did. I can't really see any reason for a perfectly healthy then, 22 yr old with no kids to stay at home and twiddle her thumbs all day, but none of my business. So anyhow..a few months later, he kicked her out b/c well..who could blame him! All she did was sit at home and spend his money and gripe and complain all day and accuse him of cheating on her?!?

So she moved back home with her parents. Lived there for 3 months, no job...didn't care to find a job...then found some awesome deal on an apartment and got a job and moved out...
never hear a word from her...then her car breaks down..so her dad gives her a car off of his car lot to drive until he can get hers fixed. Then she needs money..her parents give her the money she needs. Go out to dinner with her on her birthday and she complains the whole time of how sh can barely make ends meet...Ughh she has a 4 bedroom apartment that is a sub-let from a college student who moved back home...and it costs her $200/month..

So now..back to this conversation with rick..his sister is in trouble.
Well..he says to me, my mom told her to call me...I said for what? she said b/c she needs money..

Okay..at this point..I was FUMING! Because I knew where this was going! I said..well why would your mom tell her to call you for money...your mom and dad have more money than they know what to do with...why can't THEY help her? THEY did this to her! I said, "my guess is that they are SICK of helping her and loaning her money that she never pays back, so they sent her knocking on your door"

Okay..so apparently, he didn't get the hint that I was P*SSED! B/c he says," I'm probably going to have to give her some money" My eyes popped and I asked how much, he said probably a thousand or two.

WTF??? How is she in need of $2,000 when her freaking rent is only 200 a month and for the last 2 years of her life before moving out on her own her ex boyfriend or her parents paid for every breath she took?

I'm so mad...So Mad! I told Rick he had better not give her a penny and he got mad at me and told me she was his sister he couldn't let her suffer...I said WHAT? Suffer...what you mean by working everyday to pay her bills..like you and I do?

So I thought about this all weekend and I told Rick what he needs to do...he needs to teach her a lesson. He's obviously going to help her by giving her money..which I'm adamently opposed to..but at least if he can teach her something while doing it, maybe he can teach her something no one lese has b/c they just give her handouts.

I told him this morning, you know she's not going to pay you back...and he was like you don't think so? I said Rick...she OBVIOUSLY can't even pay the bills she has, that's why she's borrowing money from us..how is she going to pay you back?
So he was like...ohhh you're right(god, I love him but he can be so dumb sometimes) So I said, tell her that nice new TV she bought for 2,000 last year, tell her to sell it. Then she'll tell you, "but I need money now..no one is going to buy it" then you be the good big brother and say...well, I'll buy it, how much is it worth?
Even though we don't need a tv, it's a LESSON RICK..A lesson someone needs to love her enough to teach her!

So he was like, that's a good idea...I'll talk to her today and see how she feels...
I ended the conversation there, b/c when he said he'll see how she feels..I could feel my blood start to boil again..who cares how she feels..she's the one who NEEDs help.

Maybe I'm the one who's being difficult here! But it just makes me so mad!




So

amynicole21 replied: I think that making her trade a TV for the "loan" is an excellent idea. Keep on Rick to stand firm on that issue. Either that, or have her babysit your kids every Friday night for the next 6 months Though I don't know if you want her influencing them

MomToMany replied: ITA she needs a lesson. The TV-for-the-loan is a great idea! Ugh, I hate freeloaders like that! I know of a few, and even helped some out once, but never again!!!!!!

aspenblue1 replied: I think trading the TV for the money is a great idea!

AshleyRose replied: VERY good idea with the trading the tv. i dont think i could have come up with something that brillant ESPECIALLY while I am wicked upset...

mammag replied: That is a great idea. She may not realize it now, or ever, but he would be doing her a really huge favor. My husbands cousin was just like that when we got together 14 years ago. Well, guess what, she is now 34, living with my sister, can't get a man because she looks so unstable, and misserable. When people are allowed to continue this behavior they never grow up. Their relationships suffer because others can only put up with it for so long. Best to learn the lesson now while she's still young. I hope he sticks to his guns for your sake and hers.

My2Beauties replied: What a spoiled BRAT!!! I think the TV for the money is a good idea and if she doesn't want to up the TV then I wouldn't give her diddly squat because she obviously doesn't need it that darn bad!

GavinsMommy replied: Well...I wouldn't give her a penny unless she was making an honest effort to support herself, which clearly she is not. That idea w/ the TV is a really good idea. But you know how stuff like that goes

Well I hope she learns a lesson and I hope your DH doesn't end up giving her money...maybe when he suggests the TV idea and she refuses he will see that she is really just looking for a handout.

Josie83 replied: I agree with you Nichole, at 23 she is far and away old enough to be looking after herself. that post has actually really annoyd me, because I'm sorrybut i think I know about what its like not to have any money, I mean not to get the sympathy vote or anything but being at school wth a baby is v difficult . . . this girl has no commitments - where is her money going? I can't stand ppl who get things handed to them on a plate yet still tink they are so hard done to. Like you don't have two children to support! Your idea about buying her TV is a god one I think. Sorry if this doesn't make sense, have typed it out double quick! xx

Alice replied: Constantly saving someone from him/herself is called enabling. That type of behavior enables them to continue the self-destructive behavior... gambling, drinking, or just being a lazy spoiled brat. Apparently your inlaws have realized this. It's time for your husband to.

The TV trade is a good one, although I doubt she'll go for it. (Why should she?? She's used to a free ride.) So I think you should impress on your husband: he is to let her know that this is ABSOLUTELY the last time she's being bailed out. The next time she calls for a loan, give her the number of a credit counselor.

Easier said than done, I know. I've never been in the position you are. But I think you have to treat this child the way you would any other: lay down the rules and stick to them. Otherwise she'll never have to take accountability for her own actions.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I see where you are coming from and I don't think he needs to help her out and if he does I think he needs to teach her a lesson. That is a good idea about the TV, btw!

She really pisses me off. Anyone that doesn't have to work for what they have pisses me off. I bust my butt and have nothing. How is it so easy for some?? Sorry, I'm in a horrible mood right now.

mammag replied: I know what you mean Aimee about other people not having to work for things. One of my sisters will tell my parents and her in laws how "broke" she is so they buy her stuff and give her money feeling bad for her and then she'll tell me how she just got her hair done for $180!!! I guess I just have more pride then her... I have to think that one day us people who work for what we get will get ours down the road.

gr33n3y3z replied: You have a great idea
And along with the money give her a section of the newspaper Jobs
Good luck I hope it all works out.

maestra replied: You just described my sil to a tee. And she is 33. It doesn't get any better from here if someone doesn't put their foot down. Good luck!

MommyToAshley replied: You have a very valid point -- I hope Rick can stand firm with his sister. It's easy to say you are going to be firm, but people like his sister can be very good playing on people's emotions and feelings. It's become a way of life for them... and yes, I am speaking from experience, there's one in our family too.


Rick... be firm.. you can do it!