I'm so MAD! I'm FED UP! - vent about my DH

Hillbilly Housewife wrote: We, as a couple, enjoy video games once in a while. I like them so much, that I have Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Dreamcast, Sega Saturn, and a playstation 2. While that's not that expansive, we have about 100 games, and we do play them all. My issue is WHY does DH HAVE TO PLAY THEM 24/7???????

I wake up in the morning with EMilie aroun 8, he gets up with Zach around 7. When I come downstairs, Zach's diaper hasn't yet been changed, he's got a sippy cup of milk, no breakfast eyt, and no toys on the floor, and of course, DH is sitting on his butt on the couch playing some game.

This morning, I blew up. I stuck Emilie in his arms, stuck Zach in a high chair with his breakfast, and was trying to calm down in the kitchen before I said something I might regret...well I did. DH, as usual, was asking me all kinds of stupid questions, like where I iput this or that, and why does blah blah, anyways, all questions the typicalo IDIOT male always asks, kwim? So i'm emptying the dishwasher, and I guess I was making lots more noise than usual, becuas ehe asks me what's wrong...and I answered - Oh - you clued inh that I was angry, did you?? basically this is our conversation:

me: do yo uthink you can watch him while I get him food? Or will that be too much for you to do? (sarcastically on my part - Zach was sitting in a booster seat at the table drawing with crayons)
dh: uh...wha?
me: oh forget it. (at this point, I put Emlie in his arms, Zach in his high chair, where I knew he wouldn't fall out of...and I go into the kitchen to get Zach's breakfgast)
dh: no raelly - what did yo usay?>
me: forget it, it's done..you weren't paying attention. I asked yo uif you could watch Zach, but I put him in his chair instead, forget it. (and I go into the kitchen to unload and reload the dishwasher)
(at this poiunt, I notice the emplty milk container on the counter)
me: why didn't yo ureplace the bag of milk?
dh: *shrugs*
me: F******** lazy Ba***** (under my breath - as I continue to unload the dishwasher)
dh: what's WRONG?
me: YOU! You're USELESS when yo uhave that da** thing turned on!
dh: What do you mean?
me: you're just useless! I cam down and Zach hadn't been changed, fed, he didn't have any toys to play with, and you didn't say a da** word to him since I've been down here! YOU even had YOUR breakfast, and you left your da** plate on the coffee table. You didn't even bother with him!!! ANd NOW you clue in that I'm angry? Congratulations!!
dh:.......uh..sorry?
Me: NO! you're always sorry! But things are always the same. You know what sh'es like during the day, and we both konw that yo uwon't get off your as* to do anything, so at LEAST, when you're here, watch them! that 'sthe only time I get to do anything, like laundry or cook, so smarten up!!
dh: So what do you want me to do?
me: UUUUGGGGGGHHH!!! (and I storm downstairs to the basement, where I stuck a load in the washer, and came onliner.)

I am really really REALLY starting to resent DH. When he doesn't have the playstation on, he's great. He takes care of Zach, lets me do something,whatever...but s soon as that darn contraption has any power to it, he's a mindless zombie. He doesn't pay attention to ANYTING. Zach spilled my coffee all over himself the other day - and DH hadn't even noticesd. Only when I came out of the kitchen did I notice he was all wet.... At least it was only lukewarm...gosh knows I can't even drink 3 sips of a cup of coffee while it's still hot.

I wasnt to leave him sometimes. I'd be better off without him - he leaves more of a mess around the house than he helps to clean up!!!

UGH!!!! Please tell me your husbands/bnoyfriends/wives/girlfroiends are no better!!!!

amynicole21 replied: Oi, can I sympathize. I've certainly had mornings like that!!! My suggestion: agree upon a new rule that games can only be played at certain times during the day, and for a limited amount of time. If you can both agree to that I think you will be much better off. Sometimes people (meaning men) don't understand what is expected of them unless you sit them down and tell them... I sometimes feel like DH should be able to know instinctively how to parent, but I guess that's expecting too much.

Kudos to you for actually trying to calm down before you said something... I usually just let the insults fly.

jen replied: OMG! (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) Hey My DH is WARPED! (read my valentine's day post!) HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa I don't even play PSII except for ABE's ODYESSEY, and he buys me a chess game! ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG OMG for V-DAY! so I am in for the same thing. I would just hide the thing at night and tell him he has to earn play time! ha ha! NO REALLY I don't know what to say! I think you had a right to vent and yell at him, it has to be frustrating to have a whole grown up person capable of doing all the things you do and instead of helping out make more of a mess than both kids put together! I would tell him that you need a partnership, not another child. Just My OPINION! I hope things get better and he realizes how much hard work you do.

aspenblue1 replied: My DH is like that when ever sportscenter is on or a game. He tunes out everything. I get so frustrated with him when he does that. I would agree on times for the games also. That way you could help when you need it.

MommyToAshley replied: (((HUGS))) I am sorry you had to deal with that and had such a horrible morning.

I think AmyNicole is right, you will probably have to spell out exactly what you want him to do. Maybe write out a schedule for him. I know you shouldn't have to do it, but sometimes men are clueless.

DH and I also enjoyed gaming (mostly PC games) but we both didn't have a lot of time once Ashley was born. DH has pretty much given up gaming except occasionally, but I know some of my friend's DH's are exacty the same way... spend the entire time gaming and not helping out with the baby. I think I would explode... you handled it better than I would have.

((HUGS))

jem0622 replied: My DH was like this until we had kids. Then he realized how much time he was wasting and what he could miss out on.

But at the same time...I am a bit concerned about the conversation/exchange you had with DH. I understand you are frustrated...but read that as though someone was speaking to you like that. How would you feel? How would you react to that? Would you even listen to someone who talked to you like that?

I am not trying to be mean or side with him...not at all. But what I found was that my DH is just the kind of person who is going to do stuff IF I ask him to. If I ask him, then he does it. He can't read my mind. I'm over that. And if I am anal about how something is done, well then I just don't ask him to do it and that means more work for me. But once I was pregnant with Gabe and then he was here...DH had to help me. No excuses. I may have not given him responsibilities with Nathan or with certain things but for the sake of my sanity and such I had to speak up and say 'Could you help me by doing 'x' this morning/afternoon/today?' and then not hound him. As long as it was done that day...no matter when during that day...I saw it as done.

There definitely have to be limits to the gaming. Not acceptable. And not fair to the kids. It has to stop. But I think you both need to change the way that you communicate.

A friend of mine lent me this book called 'The Surrenduring Wife.' Definitely not offensive and not what you think it is at all. Trust me. Just read the intro and see if you want to read further.

HUGS. I have days where I just want to lock myself in the closet. The kids are cranky/hungry/tired/bored and they need us to help guide them through it or out of it.

Julie

booey2 replied: Hugs to you, check out this article in the link below it might help some.

Getting more help from hubbie

kimberley replied: (((((hugs)))))) i can totally sympathize because you just described the boys' father. day and night that dern playstation was on while i was left to clean his mess and take care of the boys. i can't tell you how many times i wanted to repeatedly hit him over them head with a heavy object! it actually took me walking out and leaving him to deal with the kids for a few hours a day that he finally realized he had to do something. even now his house isn't fit for a rat to live in! remove the power cord from the game and hide it and see what happens lol. if he is gonna act like an irresponsible kid, then treat him like one. until he helps more, no playstation! lol

lotsa for you!!

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
The thing is...I've tried everyother way to *deal* with him...from writing down a list, to councelling, to just plain letting him know whatt would be helpful if he could do it... and EVERY TIME he pulls a Homer Simpson on me. An example of this - he doesn't do laundry anymore (at my request) because everytime he does, he screws something up. He'll throw in a red towel with the whites - and now all my white towels are pinkish. I've posted about that before....I asked him one day if he does it on purpose... and he tols me that he's tried to screw some things up on purpose, so that I don't ask him to dio it again...how's that for pathetic?

I know that I'm not the nicest person when I'm mad... but this has ben going on for nearly 3 months now. It used to be just as bad... then it stopped for most of my pregnancy, until the last month or so...he;s the type of man who will tune something out rather than deal with it.

I know something is bothering him, I don't know what it is, and he won't share. He blocks everything out when h'es stressed about something. He did the same thing last year - it took him over 3 months to tell me he failed one of his university courses...because he didn't want me to bug him about getting a job. Well come September, he takes off 2x a week...and I ask him where he was going... he finally tells me that he has to take another class, because he failed one thduring the year - so guess who has to scrape up 500$ from her savings that she was going to put into her RRSP?! in a WEEK! I make enough money, but we have lots of expenses, so I don't get to save that much.to pay for his darn class, I got behind on all my bills. No biggie, I was up to date on all of them the month afgtyer, but sitll. You'd thinkhe'd let me know of something like that...

I konw I can be harsh somethimes... but I'm usually calm and collected, and we usually *discuss* an issue that isbothering one of us. We haqrdly EVER talk to each other meanly in fron of the kids, and not much more behind closed doors...we're usually pretty communicative when we're angry at each other.

I just get reallyupset when it comes to my kids - and when I saw that DH took the time to make himself breakfast, but not for Zach, I was pretty peeved. And it's not that Zach wasn't hungry...he pounced on the scrambled eggs I served him!!! Usually he has to be coerced to eat anything!

As for gaming limits - we used to have them... but things change. I mean - I konw that I don't have time to play games if the kids are up - and if Zach trakes a nap during the day, I take advantage of the time to do things I can't do when he's around - like laundry, or cleaning, or whatever - and I can't do much of that, because Emlie always wants to be held. I can hardly go to the bathroom without her wailing for something......I'm just gratefull that she can sleep for 6 hour stretches at night slready! But I usually do some cleaning and stuff after she falls asleep for the night, because I KONW that DH won't do any house work when he gets home from woek. Not that I can really blkamne him, I hated doing housework when I'd come back from my job...but still. Maybe even just picking up Zach's toys from the day would be nice...I woulnd't hurt myself when I go downstaris in the middle of the night... lol

There are LOTS of things that I don't ask him to do, because I'm anal about it. And I KONW I'm anal about it, so those don't bother me... like laundry. I'd rather do it myself, because he mixes towels with regular clothes, and I hate that, because it leaves fuzzies all over stuff... I wash towels separately from everything else. and socks all in one load, with bleach - and I don't mix baby clothes with our clothes, becaue I use a different detergent...there's always enough for a full load of light clolors and dark colors anyways... lol I don't ask him to cook much, becuase he's prone to burn it becusae he's not watching it carefully. or it will spill over. Or he'll cook the thawed meat first, THEN the potatoes...so of course the meat is not as moist, or the potatoes are undercooked...so I'd just rather cook myself, and get him to make things likte kraft dinner or hamburger helper - he can do those pretty well. I recentl;y renovated my living room - and I say *I* becuase he's no help at all. I asked him if he could help me when he found a save point (,my MIL had both kids for a few hours Monday night)- he says sure, no problme. So I start painting, thinking he's going to come down within the next 15 minutes or so to help me. The game was Alundra - tyhere are save points everywhere. I finish one coat on one wall, and I start on the next wall. He comes down, and goes to the kitchen. Makes himself some pizza pockets. Goes back upstairs. I call up to see if he's coming down anytime soon, he respinds *possibly*... so I think to myslef ok whatever. I'd rather paint myself anyways, because he's horrible at it. So I continue on the trim for the walls I've just painted. Hw comes down, and starts painting the fireplace. He gets through 3/4 or the the first coat - and tells me he's going to go take a break. Ok, whatever. So I finish the fireplace, and put the second coat on the 2 walls I've painted. I get the shelves I'd stained the night bewfore, and I grab his drill. I start measuring to where the holes will go to screw in the shelves, and he comes down not 5 seconds after I've drilled the first hole...and takes the drill away from me, and askes me what he can do. At least he's helping, right? But no.l He askes me to show him where the lines are that I've drawn in pencil (not that they weren't obvoius enough or anything)and when I show him, he's not satisfied that they're straight, so he takes 20 minutes to re-measure tham. I t had only taken me 5 mintues to do it the first time... and I'm VERY ANAL when it comes to redecorating. If I had the time to go back to schoo,k , I'd be an interior designer. So he re-measures, then drills the other 67 holes. 7 HOLES!! Youd think it would be uick, huh? Nope! After EVERY HOLE he asked me to check to make sure they were aligned...not that he coiuldn'ty do that himself or anything. Then once the shelves were up, they nneded to be nailed into the support brackets. He aske dme how to do it, I asked him to look at the instructions, I was painting. So he grabs the instructions sheet from on the table - and after 5 minutes of looking at it, he tasks me what I would do. I tell him that I would follow the instructions. He says ok, then goes back to th e shelves. After 1 hour of me finishing up the trim - i like to take my time, like i said, i'm anal abnout it - he tells me he's all done. There were only 3 shelves, by the way. I'll post a picture later if yo uwant... it's NOT a very tough hjob to do at ALL. he asks me to check if it's ok...i look at it, say it loos fine, then I ask him to grab the small plant beside him to put on the bottom shelf. He takes it, puts it on the shelf...and the whole thing falls to the floor.

AFter examinig what happened, I relixed that after drilling the rest of the holes, he didn't put the little pastic things to hold the screws. So the crews just..came oput. And he had only put 1 nail on each side as oppopsed to 2, ad right at the edge, so it just kinda toppled over when he put the polant on it, dsince there wasn't enough support! So a handy mnan that really isn't handy. He's a computer systems engineer, so he's always trying to find shortcuts to do things, and it drives me nuts, because more often than not, whatever he dose has to be re-done.

I'm jsut fed up that I always have to double check what he does... like if I ask him to get something from somewhere- for example - a small bag from walmart that I had forgotten in the car, on the seat in the back. He goes out to the car, comes back and said he couldn't find it. I ak him if he wsas sure, because I was pretty darn sure I'd left it in the car - he says, i'll go check again. So out he goes again, anxd jhe comes back, sitll no bag. So I start looking everywhere in the hosue for it...after about 35 mintues of me looking in the hosue, I deceide I'm going to go look in the trunk of the car, just in case... i dind't want to get him to go outside a 3rd time, so I went myself...I get to the car, look in the trunk, no bag... so jswut for the sake of being there, I opened the back door to check again in the car. I move the blanket that we keep in the back seat for emergencies (folded, not all messy or anything) and there is the bag. I grab it, go back inside, and asked him how he looked in the car...he sais he looked in the window the first time, and opened the door the 2nd time and looked on the floor.

ARG!

It's just the little things likte that that get tom e...i've tried everyth8ing.EVERYTHING!

jen replied: I can see where you are coming from. I blow up at Dh all the time because he doesn't take the initiative to do what I ask him and trust me it is minimal, he works very hard to make a lot of money and there isn't a whole lot he is willing to do on his own around the house. I try not to nag him to do things but I can't working full time myself do it all and it is like pulling teeth to get him to clean up after himself.

LOL about the drill, When my DH hears any power tool sound off it isn't long before he comes running to take over, even though I am capable of using it.

I am anal about my house much like you. I like things clean, neat and in their place and EVERYTHING has a place. I don't think he would like living in a pig sty but maybe he would as long as he could see the TV who knows!

jem0622 replied: After reading more of what is going on I would definitely agree that something is going on. But from reading about what he does/doesn't do I would not be suprised if he just doesn't do much of anything because he knows he isn't going to meet your expectations. That it won't be good enough. And that is enough to intimidate any person into avoidance behavior. If he doesn't do it then he won't fail and get the flack for doing it wrong.

I have really had to let down and let go of some of my pickiness or I won't ever get help. And that is just being honest. And there are some things that my husband does just fine at or better and that is kind of his thing. And what he isn't so great at becomes mine. And I'm okay with that.

I pack the car to go on vacation b/c it prevents an argument. My parents think I'm nuts but I tell them that it keeps everyone happy.

It honestly sounds like your DH is depressed. But I am a bit concerned about him failing classes. Sounds like $$ is very valuable to your budget (and isn't it all for every one of us (we are filing CH 13 (ugh))) but he is flat out not finding the value in that, not applying himself, not putting aside enough time to study and pass. That is what I'm getting out of the school thing. No motivation whatsoever.

I am no therapist or doctor, but it seems like he is avoiding failure by avoiding you and avoiding chipping in. He's clearly depressed. You are clearly frustrated. And pardon me for saying this but you guys have WAY too many game systems. Holy cow! We have one PS2 and it hardly is played. DH tries to find an age appropriate game to play with Nathan (4) most times and that is it.

Maybe you guys need to consider separation for the simple fact that he doesn't value or pay attention to what is most important. Being a husband and father. Because if you were telling me how he was treating you fine and providing and doing x, y, and z with the kids then I would say you were nuts to leave him. But you are exhausted from him not being responsive and he frankly isn't going to be responsive with the way that you two communicate (or don't). He needs to see what he is missing to appreciate it. That's my take.

This is all JMHO. I have a dear sister who was with a man for many years who verbally abused her and physcially abused her a few times and is a terrible dad and was a terrible husband. And he deserved to be left/divorced.

BTW, I would still look at the book. Just read the intro.

HUGS
Julie

amynicole21 replied:

DH isn't allowed to do laundry at our house either... he pays no attention to colors, instructions or anything. Can't tell you how many fights we've had over it.

I'm a total control freak. I've tried backing off to let DH try, but it makes things worse because he screws EVERYTHING up. It sounds like you may have the same problem... I haven't found a solution yet, so I really don't know what to tell you. You and I have to figure something out fast, though, because the resentment only gets worse the longer it festers. I know that doesn't help you right now. Sorry.

coasterqueen replied: You know that conversation is a lot like some of the ones we have in our house. A dh that acts like nothing's wrong and a mother who is so fet-up with him and angry she's yelling, mad, slamming things, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc. That's our house sometimes.

My husband doesn't game so I don't have that issue, but it's other things in our house. My DH is great about helping out around the house most times. As a matter a fact he is better than me MOST times. I'm the pig. What we have issues with most times is taking care of Kylie, and mostly to do with putting her to sleep. DH just doesn't help in this category and it makes me angry. We've had an agreement that since I nurse I put her to bed. If she doesn't fall asleep w/in 20 minutes then Dh is to come in and take over. Which has always worked out well except those times when DH is off outside smoking a cigarette or something and just forgets to come in and relieve me! Oh that makes me angry!

Our issues is DH's smoking and drinking! We fight about this on a daily basis and honestly most days I think I'm better off if I just left him. He's not a drunk or abusive or anything. I just get so tired of seeing a drink in his hand on a daily basis and he can't even go take a pee without his drink in his hand! He's outside every 1/2 hour smoking a cigarette and then he comes in smelling like smoke which makes me want to PUKE!

I wish I had advice for you, but I don't. I'm the worst candidate for that because I'm starting to think it's not worth it anymore sometimes with mine. I've tried just nicely telling how I feel and it doesn't make darn good, I get promises, and broken promises and that's it.

You know what I would do if I had it up to HERE? I would take a hammer to the darn thing! LOL. No, I really wish I had advice for you. ((HUGS)))

Kirstenmumof3 replied: My DH and I used to have the same problems when we first got married. He wouldn't do anything to help out around the house. He figured since I was that stay at home parent I should do all the work. In the past 5 years though he has done a complete turn around. He helps out more around the house, he does the laundry, dishes, plays with the kids, changes diapers, where as before he wouldn't do anything! Maybe it's his age, DH and I married young I was 20 and he was 23. I think you need to sit down with your DH when you have calmed down and explain things to him again, maybe make an agreement that the video games get played at certain time for only a certain ammount of time. I hope things get better for you!

amynicole21 replied: DH and I have been having problems dividing up the responsibilities. Over time, it has come down to him doing most of the housework (except the laundry of course... see earlier post ) and me caring for Sophia. This has caused a lot of resentment for both of us, because we each feel that the other one doesn't do enough. Honestly, I am not as concerned with making sure the oven burners are spotless as I am that Sophia is taken care of, KWIM?? I'd rather he helped me with her once in a while than freak out about the house. He feels he shouldn't have to do the "chores" related to the baby since he is soooo busy with the house. So, I end up caring for her at night. He has had a full night's sleep for all but maybe 6 nights in Sophia's entire life (nearly 18 months!!) I cannot remember the last time I had 8 hours of straight sleep.

I spent this entire morning obsessing about how I sometimes hate him and how useless he is. I get myself all worked up some days, and I just want to scream - this morning I told him I hate my f#ing life. Nice, eh?

Anyway, I just thought I'd share my frustrations as well. Is there a full moon tonight making us irritable with our husbands??

coasterqueen replied:
ROFL hmmm, maybe there is a full moon thing going on.

Our Dh's sound much alike as far as being so CLEAN. I could care less what the house is like, lol, well most of the time. We have a cleaning lady who comes every 2 weeks, course as soon as leaves it looks like a tornado in there within 2 seconds! But DH complains 24/7 about the way the house looks the other 13 days

Oh and I'm with you on the sleep thing! Dh will tell me he needs to sleep in some days because he is just sooo tired! HUH? I have not had a full nights sleep since having Kylie! What's a full night sleep???

A&A'smommy replied: omg i can totally relate i have been having a rough time with my dh lately but he is getting better...i cant give you any advice because i dont have a clue what to tell you it sounds to me like you have done everything i would suggest! ((((((HUGE HUGS))))))) it sounds to me like he doesnt know how to communicate with you and that he doesnt listen very well when you are trying!!!! Have ya'll tried counseling that might help!!! Anyways i hope you guys get it worked out!!!! (((BIG HUGS)))

Maddie&EthansMom replied:

ROFL! I have said that, too! I also told him how miserable I was with him and that I would be better off without him. It was when Maddie was younger. I think it had a lot to do with her age at the time and me getting used to not working and him being gone ALL the time. DH doesn't game, drink, smoke...he doesn't have friends that he hangs out with, HE JUST WORKS ALL THE TIME!!! He is a workaholic. So, he feels he doesn't have to do anything to help out when he is home. When the baby cries in the middle of the night he snores right through it. If it wakes him up he is angry b/c He is losing his sleep and "Has to be at work early!" Whaaaaa! Cry me a river. I really resented him when Maddie was born b/c I worked full time and took care of her, the house, etc. (just like most of you). He didn't help at all. He has gotten better..either that or I'm just used to his uselessness. I've learned to keep the peace and accept that he just won't help. Our relationship is better, but I hold a lot in that I shouldn't. I won't expect anything from him when Ethan is born. But, I am going to lay down the law about him huffing and puffing when Ethan cries during the night or when I need him to change a diaper or two.

You are not alone...as you can clearly see. I'm sorry you are having a rough time. I hope it gets better. One good thing about DH not being here so much is that I don't have to deal with him. LOL!

Hillbilly Housewife replied:

I'll look into it - I'm going to the mall tomorrow - I'll drop by the book store....

mummy2girls replied: OH My !! I am so sorry dear! I am not married myself so i don;'t know what advice i can give you but i did want to send you some hugs!

I do know how you feel though when it comes to video games. Jennas dad Aron is a games freak! He owns the PS11 and the XBOX. Amd alot of games. He always picks the wrong time to play them. We dont live together so he only see Jenna on the weekends. And you would think he would want to spend all the time he could with jenna. But nope half its with Jenna half its in front of the game...UGH! What really got to me is on Jennas first birthday party at his place with his family when jenna was opening her gifts(well i was, jenna was on my lap.LOL) instead of him sitting there watching her and being a part of it all...he was playing video games...NICE!

CantWait replied: Mine is no better here, we've been having a lot of problems here also. Sometime, all the time I think to myself I'd be better off byself then with him I hope things get better soon. Hugs to you

Beccas_mom replied: I totally know what you mean! My Dh is not that into games, but he loves the Internet. He will sit here for 2-3 hours and chat and look up stupid stuff (like who created the highway systems and what color highway signs mean what, ETC>ETC) and talk on his car boards. In fact he put Becca down for a nap yesterday @ about 6 pm because I had food Poisioning and was not moving off the couch. Then he got on here and did not wake her up so she slept from 6-6 with only 20 oz of formula and one solid meal yesterday. I felt so bad this morning. I have told him I need more help and he doesn't get it either. I have blowed up at him like that severval times now. It works for about a week. Then we are back to no help at all! Good Luck!

ediep replied:
This is exactly what it is like at my house!!! My Dh works 12 hours a day away from home, then as soon as he comes home he plugs in his laptop and continues to work after dinner until well after I go to bed. I have to ask him to watch Jason while I go downstairs to put in laundry, or while I wash the dinner dishes, or when I go upstairs to run Jason's bath. He RARELY takes care of Jason and when he does he asks 50 million questions about what he should do.

BTW---he wants me to get pregnant and not go back to work

amynicole21 replied:
What do you think... would you want to do that? Sometimes that's the only thing I want in the world, but then I think about all of my present complaints and wonder how things would improve with ANOTHER child to care for.

Kaitlin'smom replied: awww hugs to all of you, and believe me my DH is not perfect but he will help with Kaitlin when I ask, which sometime fustrates me because I should not have to ask him to spend time with Kaitlin. he will help clean tho, since we both work, we clean when we can, and dont hound each other about it, our house is not bad (except our room ) but it sooo need to be orginazed better, I just dont have time time or the energy to do that most days. I need a week or two off to do everthing I would like around the house then a week or so for vacation but its not gonna happen. I have learned to choose my battles with him, after being together for almost 12 yers and married 10 this oct somethings are just not worth it. Oh and NO WAY will I let him do laundry, but the time he has asked all the questions I could have had it done! So I just make him seperate his clothes (so if he has to do it then he has some clue) and put his stuff away. I do wish he would not be on the computer so much and spend more time with us, and I notice he does this more in the winter when its to cold out, and for many years (pre-Kaitlin) I did not care he games so much cause I was off doing my own thing. I was working at what I called my fun job. So he needed something to do so he started gameing more, did not bother me then. Now on the other hand somedays it does and I tell him, heck this post caused me to aks why he was gaming so much again and he told me and I was ok with it but expressed that Kaitlin needs you also and he is gonna back off some and more when he gets what he needs out of the game. This are not perfect but good....and I am okay with that.

So I am sooo looking foward to Spring/Summer so we can have our pool up and spend time together!

coasterqueen replied:
I'm with Amy, do you want this? I would SOOOOOOO love it if my DH would let me do this.

ediep replied:
well, I'm torn. I really miss teaching, my friends at work, my students, but on the other hand daycare cost so much and I am fortunate not to HAVE to work so why should I put myself through the commute, traffic, lesson plans, grading papers, conferences, meetings. I mean, Jason will only be this age once and I can always get another job teaching later, KWIM?

Some days I sit down and start writing a letter of resignation and some days I reasearch daycares.

One of my best friends has a baby that is 2 months older than Jay and she is 2 months pregnant. My other friend and I were talking about it...the kids are getting easier now, they play nice, eat well, sleep well, stay pretty much on a schedule....maybe now is the time to get pregnant.....then, that night Jason woke up screaming at 11pm, 1:30am, and 3:30am....ugh!!!

DH and I have spoken about this..he wants 3 kids and he would love for me to be pregnant now....I told him that something would have to change with his job, because I can't run after Jason all day and take care of a newborn 24/7...he just said, well if I keep working maybe we can hire a nanny to help you out!! HELLO.......I would just rather he helps me more

Maddie&EthansMom replied:

I had the same complaints and still do most days. It is so much harder at the age Sophia is now. If you can wait...it gets better. I promise. Maddie was a very difficult child/baby. I was never ready to have another baby until now. I never even thought of TTC until she turned 3. She has grown up so much and is such a big help to me. Some days I'm like "DH who?" LOL! I know Ethan isn't here yet and I will have a lot of complaining to do once he is, but I think for the most part it will be okay. You are so much more relaxed with your second.

It will work out the way it is planned.

MilMunchMOM replied: ok i went through something like this with my dh too! he explained to me that although this was not an excuse he cannot see things the same way i can. for instance...if i walk through the living room to get to the kitchen for a drink i see: the sock on the floor, the dusty tv, the empty water bottle on the end table etc.... if he walked through to get a drink he sees: the tv and/or the entrance to the kitchen and that is it. he told me that if i wanted him to help that i should make him a list. my first reaction was that's BS .... but i learned that this is not a malicious, concious or deliberate act of any kind HE REALLY CAN'T HELP IT! so, i started making lists and he has now devloped a nice little routine, so i no longer have to write the, lists, unless it's something new. YES i added little reminder's like whites do not include red, green, purple.................
Good Luck!!!!