I'm struggling with something here - Need advice on how to get through

My2Beauties wrote: I'm really in a slump you guys, and not a normal slump where I wanna sleep, don't want to clean the house, cook, do anything but be lazy etc...Not that kind of slump. I'm in a work slump. I started my new job, don't get me wrong, this is BY FAR the best job I have ever ever had. I have a lot of free reign here to do as I please, I have a laptop that I can take home to do projects or something on the weekends so I don't have to work late through the week (not that I really have to do that much), my boss is a super nice guy, my co-workers are all nice, this is a wonderful place of business and a wonderful place to work. My issue is that I'm really starting to kick into super mega mommy mode and wanting to be with my kids more. The couple of times that I've taken vacation and stayed home with the kids, I had so much fun with them, it was much more relaxing, I got dinner done at a decent time, I wasn't as stressed out with the kids, I had MUCH more patience with Hanna, she seemed very happy each day that I did. Aubrey napped for me just perfect, I got more done than expected, it was just soooo nice to be at home with my kids and see them all day. Hanna likes daycare and all but I know she'd rather be at home with me. My DH has a weird work schedule, a lot of times I drop the kids off to daycare and he'll be home all day thinking he was supposed to work and they don't call, that makes me feel bad because I feel like they could have been at home with him, it does help him get things done around the house and we have to pay for a sitter regardless whether the kids are there one day or all 5 days, we pay the same, so I see his point in taking them every day, because #1 he doesn't know when he has to work and #2 they have kids to play with and have fun there and we're paying for it. I have no problem with this, he does pick them up pretty early and they do stay home with him some days even though we have to pay if they don't feel well or something. But this has nothing to do with him...it's me, I'm starting to feel guilty and like I'm missing out. If I worked from home there is no way I could get anything done with the kids there to be honest. My job requires me to be on a computer 100% of the time, I can't watch my kids and work at the same time, especially Aubrey. It's impossible. There are definitely a few days a week I could easily do my job from home, but you know it wouldn't be productive to have them at home with me. We cannot afford for me to stay at home, it's aabsolutely just not possible for us, our bills are way too much on just DH, I make as much as he does if not more some weeks, we would lose our home and everything if I didn't work. I have no option to stay at home. I need some words of encouragement. I wish there was some sort of midground I could find. I thought about doing 4 10 hour days and having Friday's off, but for me to get up even an hour earlier in the mornings would kill me, I can hardly get out of bed in the mornings as it is, I'm not a morning person and I don't want to stay any later in the afternoon. I don't know that this would work with my work because the normal day I'ms cheduled off, may be a day we have to exit our salary payroll since we get paid on the 15th and last day of each month which could fall on any day of the week on any given month. This is a bad feeling and I hate feeling this way, I feel stuck and I hate that. I need some words of encouragement. Anyone have any ideas?

luvmykids replied: I'm so sorry you're feeling this way When the kids were younger they were in daycare and at the time it didn't bother me, but it does now, that I'll never get that time with them back. But I have to stop myself and realize that at the time it was a necessity and I didn't really have another option.

I'm not trying to be nosey, but could you maybe get a part time job? Are there areas you could cut back on spending or bills? I never thought I could live without cable but here we are, a year later and $80 more in our pocket every month...when our company got in financial trouble I didn't want to go back to work unless it was absolutely life or death (which it still may come to) so I got creative and found all sorts of ways to save money on bills, I'm watching a friends daughter two days a week...that kind of thinking might allow you to go part time at your current job or find another one with less hours.

I hope you're able to figure something out, you sound very unhappy in this area and I know it's a constant struggle for us moms to work or not work, work more to provide stuff or less to be home more, etc...ultimately only you and Brian know what is realistic for your family and maybe you can figure something out

eta: Something that really helped us on budgeting was instead of looking at it monthly, we did it yearly, like "Ok, for the house we need x amount per year, utilities, y amount per year" and that helped us figure out the minimum income we needed a little more realistically than thinking we could "wing it" some months.

My2Beauties replied: Thanks! I have really thought a lot about this. I know I'd definteily have to work for sure, maybe I could find a way to cut my hours once we get some stuff paid off, I'd feel a lot better (LOL by that time the kids will probably both be in school ). We have a lot of bills going out right now and are living paycheck to paycheck for the past few months and with Christmas upon us it's even worse, thinking about this is not the best time right now, but it's just on my mind a LOT lately! Part of me thinks that the grass isn't always greener and I'd end up hating being at home all the time, but the other part of me knows I don't want to miss out on these precious moments, I'll never get them back. One thought I have had (I'd have to ensure I had plenty of clientale (sp?) before I leaped) but I thought about opening up my own dayhome possibly. I know I'd have to go through some classes, get certified, find out who I'd want to work with me, certify them, etc...but that way I'd really get the joy of styaing at home with my own kids plus making some money along with it too. The girl that keeps my kids makes a LOT of money, she has a lot of clientale who gets 4C's which is nice, because they pay top dollar! I'd definitely have to have a friend or two helping me out though, that I could talk with all day and I wouldn't go insane by myself.

gr33n3y3z replied:
Thats all normal hun
YOU just have to figure out what YOU want/need to do

boyohboyohboy replied: is it possible you had such a nice time with the girls because you are working? you really missed them, and you love your job so that puts you in a nice state of mind, no stress and you are just enjoying your life more, and enjoying the time you do have with the kids...i think its a normal response and a good one..i mean if you hated your job, you would always feel stressed, and the time at home would feel like a second job, the kids the house, the chores, but since you are enjoying your job so much, you are taking advantage of the times you are at home..
i dont know if i am explaining this as well as it sounded in my head when i read your post.
i wasnt thinking it was a bad thing at all, if you have to work it sounds like you have the best of both worlds,if the girls are thriving in their daycare, and are enjoying the socializing then there is nothing wroing with that, and you will be a better mommy for it, less stressed,and more fun to be around when you go get them.
i would focus on what a great role model you are for them right now, working hard and enjoying yourself, and also being a great mom and keeping the house in order..thats not an easy task.
i think you should pat yourself on the back, not worry about something you think you might be missing, it sounds like you have everyones dream.. IT ALL

bawoodsmall replied: You are not the only one. I have been feeling this way also. I am missing out but I also know I dont want nor can we afford for me to be home full time. Is there any way that one day a week you can work from home while dh is there.(like at night after the girls go to bed) I am in the works of cutting back some here. Heck Aiden goes to bed at 7:00 and by time we get home and get fed he has like a half hour to see me. Dh also has screwy hours and he isnt home to start supper or anything to help there. I just wanted to let you know I do understand.

My2Beauties replied:
Awww thanks that puts things into perspective. I needed that!

CantWait replied:
I couldn't have said it any better myself.

lovemy2 replied: I agree with Stacey and I like you have the same exact feelings - I work 4 days a week (except during tax season - starting this year I am working 5) I love my Fridays off and sometimes wish I didn't work at all but know after about a month I would go nutso.....I think its a normal reaction especially this time of year - everything is hurry up and get it done, gotta go here, gotta go there, etc. etc. its nuts...hang in there and like Stacey said enjoy your times off with the girls and the fact that you have a good job that you like is a huge plus IMO...

boyohboyohboy replied: hope you are feeling better!

A&A'smommy replied: I hope your feeling better!!!

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: LeaAnn, I really don't have much to say because I don't know what it's like to work while having kids. I never went back to work after having Wil, although I really thought I would. NEVER did I think I would be a SAHM, but once I tried, I was hooked. Luckily I was able to try. But I have to ask, and I hope that I'm not being nosey about your finances, but like Monica said, can you cut back on expenses like cable, cell phones, high car payments? Maybe go through everything and see what you really can live without. We have the bare minimum as far as cable goes. I have an old cell phone with the min plan, DH's work pays for his. My car is almost paid off and DH got one that has a low monthly payment. Believe me, I want a newer car, but mine works and it's safe. Anyhow, what I'm trying to say is that sometimes it is assumed that SAH costs way more than it actually does. It could just take changing your lifestyle some, extra budgeting, etc. It is possible you could do it p/t.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
LeaAnn, I have no words of wisdom, but I feel as though I could have written this myself. I feel the EXACT same way, every day, every minute. Just know you're not alone.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Wonderful post Stacy! I enjoyed reading it myself. Made me feel better as well.

boyohboyohboy replied: you know, i think part of me was talking to myself at the same time, there isnt to much time that goes by that i think we all dont feel we want to be with our kids, and then those days when we want out of the house!
and its the holiday season, the time for family, and all that lovey dovey stuff.....
so that might be some of it too.
i wish there was a happy medium.