Is this just a phase? - dating as a single parent

militarymom wrote: I need some opinions. I have been divorced from my 2 year old's father since he was 3 months old (dad is not involved in his life) and I have been seeing my current boyfriend for almost a year and a half. He has talked about me moving in with him for about a year and I was always hesistant. Now he has asked me to move in and I decided to go ahead and do it.
I have one concern though. My son, Connor, does not like my boyfriend. I didn't introduce my son to him until we had been dating for about 6 months. At first, Connor didn't seem to have a problem with him, but all of a sudden he did a complete 180. When we stay at his house, my son cries if I don't sit next to him, and if I get up to go anywhere he follows. If my boyfriend touches him, he cries and says "owwie". The crying pretty much never stops. Connor is always very timid around him, and sometimes completely ignores him when he tries to get Connor's attention.
My boyfriend and I have put off moving in together this long because of Connor's behavior, but have now decided to go ahead and do it anyway. I worry that this behavior will continue to no end and will drive my boyfriend and I apart. What confuses me about this is Connor does not act this way with anyone else. A complete male stranger could walk in a room and Connor warms right up to him, even sits on there laps. I don't know why he acts this way toward my boyfriend and am just relying on the hope that by moving in and constantly being around him, Connor will eventually come around.
Any thoughts or suggestions on how to help my son adapt to not having mommy all to himself?

luvmykids replied: Since you said this only happens with your boyfriend, sounds to me like a classic case of jealousy/insecurity. I'd say just keep reassuring him that this person in your life doesn't make you love him any less. Ignoring the behavior might work too, 2yos are pros at testing your limits

Good luck and welcome to the boards

MommyToAshley replied: Welcome to PC!

I hope you don't think I am being judgemental, as I am only giving you an honest opinion of what I would do in your situation. And, that is, I probably would not move in together yet. You have a right to your happiness, but as a parent, your first obligation is to your child. That doesn't mean that you should put it off forever, or let your child make important family decisions, but I would try to get to the bottom of this first. If you waited this long, why not wait a little longer until you get this worked out. Again, I am not judging you and won't judge you if you decide to move in together. I am simply giving you my opinion because you asked.

Calimama replied:
Honestly those statements would worry me a bit. It probably is just a jealousy issue, but I'd wait to move in with him until I had looked a little more into that. It just seems a little off IMO. Anyway good luck.

boyohboyohboy replied: has your son ever spent time alone with your boyfriend?

msoulz replied:
That was my question too . . .

militarymom replied: No, he has never spent time alone with my boyfriend. Should I have them spend a day together without me???

Thanks to all who replied.. and dont worry, when it comes to other peoples parenting advice, I dont mind the answers you wouldnt want to hear. I always use the mindset of dont ask a question if you wouldnt like the answer!

I guess a large part of the puzzle that I left out is the reason I am not with the father anymore.. to put it short it was a domestic violence issue that didnt involve me. Since that happened, I divorced him and moved in with my mother and stepfather, where I still have 3 teenage siblings who spoil the snot out of my child, to the point it is difficult for my son to understand the discipline and rules I set for him. I wonder if the large family, and constant attention has played a part in his behavior now.

moped replied:
I am very sorry about the situation, but whn you say a domestic violence issue that doesn't involve you - what does that mean? Just curious...........

militarymom replied: To make a long, heartbreaking story short, when my son was 3 months old his father abused fractured his skull. Thank God there was no life threatening or permanent damage done. The reason I say it doesnt involve me is I was a work and it happened to my child, not me. Needless to say I very quickly got orders of protection and filed for divorce. His father is currently in jail, but to the best of my knowledge he will be released in January. I will not allow him to be in Connor's life and Connor has no knowledge of who he his.

Calimama replied:
What an awful thing to do, poor little guy.

luvmykids replied:
I would say yes, just based on what you've said, that some of his behavior is that he is simply used to getting undivided attention and not having consistent rules/discipline. How is your boyfriend towards him? Do they get along other than your sons jealousy?

militarymom replied: Absolutely. There are even times when I tell Connor to do something and he wont do it. Then my boyfriend will tell him to do the same thing and he does it.
Sometimes when he wakes up in the morning the first thing he says is "Where's Ken?".
At this point I almost think the only way to know what to do is by trial and error. But hey, no one said life was easy!

mummy2girls replied: hi.. i am a single mom well use to be... I was a single mom for 4 years and it was right from the day I found out i was preggo. If i was in that sitaution I would wait to move in. It may add to what is already bugging your son and may make it worse. believe me i know finding happiness is hard when you are a single mom but if your BF loves you then he will wait a bit. I am not sure what to say about the behaviour or how tio fix it because my daughter never was like that. just keep trying.. I think it could be the jealousy thinga nd he wants all your attention...