Is this not what I'm supposed to say?

5littleladies wrote: The other day a friend asked me when we are going to start trying for #4 again and I got kind of offended and said "We're trying for #5 not #4. We already have a #4." He looked at me kind of funny when I said that. Should I not have said that? I get frusterated when people don't acknowledge my lost baby. He/she was no less important than my other children. But how should I respond to comments like these? Should I just let it pass? I think I would feel like a traitor to my baby by not mentioning him/her but I don't want to make people uncomfortable.

Kaitlin'smom replied: humm thats a tough thing, I know you love your angle baby but maybe say something a little less harsh, like actually its number 5. Did you name your angel? maybe if you had a name (and you could keep it gender nutural) it might make it more real to them also. Just a thought.

BTW how are you feeling?

5littleladies replied:
Well as I'm sure you can see by my post I'm feeling a bit touchy right now. I found Brianna's 5 month ultrasound pictures yesterday and that's almost how far along I would be so I'm a bit emotional. Brianna has grown up overnight from my baby into a little girl so I have crazy baby fever, plus my best friend found out a couple days ago that she's pregnant and I am overjoyed for her but it makes me even more anxious to have another one. I just got done with my period so I think we are going to go ahead and start trying. I'm terrified but excited at the same time. We'll see how it goes.

Wow that was a mouthful. Sorry-I didn't mean to overflow like that.

kimberley replied: sorry to hear you've been having a tough time. ikwym about being angry when people don't acknowledge your angel. i felt/ feel the same way. they just don't understand. if it is someone close to you, i would correct them like Di said.
i named our angel even though i m/c at 7wks. i always felt she was a girl, so i called her Sierra.

good luck TTC. my thoughts will be with you. i had a very emotional pg with Jade because it was so soon after my angel passed. i hope you feel better soon and know that your angel will never be forgotten.

have you done anything as a memorial yet? i know planting the rose bush and naming the baby helped give me some peace.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I think you handled it just fine! I'm sorry that people are not recognizing the baby that you lost!

5littleladies replied:
I really want to but haven't yet because I am not good with growing things and I'm afraid if I planted something in memory of my baby and it died I would feel awful. I might do it anyways and pray alot that it thrives.

kimberley replied:
LOL this makes me laugh because i have the brownest thumb you have ever seen! i could kill a cactus! but this sweet little rose bush ($7 at walmart) was a tiny bunch of twigs when i planted it. i didn't fertilize it cuz i didn't know i was supposed to. i rarely water the thing (thank goodness for rain) and the boys have kicked balls into it and walked through it and still... it stands with beautiful flowers. it just makes me think that like a child, she would endure my absentmindedness, her brother's roughness and the love from mother nature. yes, i know... i am sappy.

we have also sent helium balloons up to heaven with a note attached. maybe that is something you can do too. write a lovely letter to your angel saying how you feel and attach it to the balloon and let it float up to heaven. sorry if that sounds corny. i really am sappy today

MommyToAshley replied: I think you handled it just fine.

I remember struggling with some of the same issues. I used to get so mad that people didn't want to talk about Joshua, but in reality I think they just didn't know what to say and didn't want to hurt my feelings.

I don't think there is a right way to act or feel when you suffer a loss, and you shouldn't have to apologize for how you feel. It's ok to correct or mention your baby when you want to, and you shouldn't feel obligated to explain anything when you don't want to. I think people will feel more comfortable if you let them know how you feel rather than if they had to guess whether or not you want to talk.

I think of you often and keep you and your Angel in my prayers.

coasterqueen replied: I think you handled it just fine too. Sorry they aren't recognizing your loss.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I'm so sorry you are going through a rough time right now. I'm glad you guys decided to go ahead and try again for #5. I KWYM about the baby fever. That is how I felt when Maddie grew up so fast. I looked at her one day and she seemed so big.

Good luck TTC and keep your chin up, sweetie! Do something special for your angel baby like the others mentioned. It should make you feel better. You didn't do anything wrong by mentioning your angel. People should be more considerate.

mummy2girls replied: You handled it just fine dear! What i say is jenna is my second child.

What i did for memorials is the releasing of ballons like kim said. I also have a candle that belonged to jordan and i burn that candle on special days such as birthday, anniversarry of the death date, and christmases easter and mothers day. I also have a journal of things i write in it. such as poems, and just feelings of what im feeling. Its my way of getting my feelings out.

loveydad replied: I know most people can't do this to this degree but when Matt was shaken to death I made a HUGE donation (not trying to toot my own horn, I'm still trying to figure out why I donated SO MUCH...It was a lot of money, and I got yelled at for donating so much! Things people do in grief right?) to my shaken baby syndrome favorite charity. I also did a scrap book of him..

When Roxy and Juliana died, I had stars named after them. There's a place on Amazon.com that you can do that. I also framed their hospital blankets, shirts, and hats.

I'm sorry. I know some couples who miscarried twice and have named both children, and have a poem about them or the loss framed in a room in their house.

I think you did the right thing. It's been so long I have a hard time saying that I have three more kids...but sometimes I will. People around me know, they acknowledge it, and if they don't, I tend to correct them. I'm stubron.

loveydad replied: I know most people can't do this to this degree but when Matt was shaken to death I made a HUGE donation (not trying to toot my own horn, I'm still trying to figure out why I donated SO MUCH...It was a lot of money, and I got yelled at for donating so much! Things people do in grief right?) to my shaken baby syndrome favorite charity. I also did a scrap book of him..

When Roxy and Juliana died, I had stars named after them. There's a place on Amazon.com that you can do that. I also framed their hospital blankets, shirts, and hats.

I'm sorry. I know some couples who miscarried twice and have named both children, and have a poem about them or the loss framed in a room in their house.

I think you did the right thing. It's been so long I have a hard time saying that I have three more kids...but sometimes I will. People around me know, they acknowledge it, and if they don't, I tend to correct them. I'm stubron.

Josie83 replied: I'm sorry that you're having such a tough time and that ppl aren't being very sympathetic to your loss. The baby you lost felt like your fourth child, so I see no harm in pulling ppl up about it. Do whatever feels right for you. I hope you start to feel better soon, I'm thinking of you xx

ctymom replied: Alot of people dont know what to say or how to act. Letting them know, if you are up to it, is best b/c then they can understand what to say. Noone can possibly understand a loss like ours and so they really dont know how to handle it.

You handled it fine. You let them know.

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. You're in my thoughts.

Pamela

A&A'smommy replied: ((((BIG HUGS))))) I am so sorry people aren't reconizing your angel they way you want them too, I'm not sure I would know how to "reconize" that either... I think you handled it fine though just tell them that your angel was your baby too! ((((HUGS)))))

Nicole replied: Hon I know how you feel as i am really Pg with #6 not 5 as i say to everyone, the people i love the most know about the baby i lost 12 1/2 years ago, but like when i`m on the boards i say my PG with #5, and for a long time i thought oh no and i`d feel just so bad for not saying #6 you know, but it`s just easy on my heart to not have to talk about my sweet lost baby, i love him and want him every day, but for me it`s just not something i want to have to tell people all the time.
This is the only board i have ever said anything about my sweet lost baby on.
There are a lot of boards but not very many were you feel ok enough to talk about some thing like this on.