It has been brought to my attention.... - (my post about DH)

Kirstenmumof3 wrote: That my post was upsetting and that I should not have written such awful things about my husband. I appologize if I have upset anyone. It was something that I needed to write. I appreciate everyones support and suggestions. That post was not something that was easy for me to write, nor was it easy for me to admit that to myself. I would like to know if I have did the wrong thing in posting that here, so I know for the future what is and is not acceptable in this forum. Once again I appologize if I have upset anyone.

amynicole21 replied: Kristina, I didn't think you did anything wrong in posting that... That's what we are here for, to support eachother.

coasterqueen replied: Kristen,

I don't think your post was upsetting at all. In fact you helped me put a bit of prospective on my relationship with DH. I even wrote you this long post telling you DH and I have been having similar problems off and on for years now, but I deleted it. I did forward your post to him and told him we needed to talk because we have issues we need to discuss. I hope you don't mind. We talked and are going to work on things. We aren't going to leave each other because we know the love is still there and we want to be with each other, it's just we haven't been putting the effort into it, especially since Kylie was born. So I thank you for being honest, you helped me as well.

If I can't post something like this on this board I'm not sure what I can post, so don't apologize. We are here to support each other in every aspect. :

jcc64 replied: Kirstin,
I can't speak to the issue about being offended by your post. Really didn't see anything "offensive" in there. But I wanted to address the subject with you directly. You've been very honest about your own issues with depression, and I think when making any life altering decisions, you need to proceed with extreme caution. Are these issues you are having exactly as you are perceiving them, or could it be the depression talking again? Depression is a deceptive thief, robbing you of the ability to think with clarity. Only you and your therapist can know for sure if this is the case or not.
I grew up with a father who was severely depressed, and at that time there was little effective treatment. His depression hung over our whole family and their marriage. My father always looked to my mother to "fix" things for him, to make him happier. He was a bottomless well, and no amount of love, support, or understanding could ever fill him up. Eventually, they seperated. Only then was he able to see that what he was looking for from my mother was something only he could provide for himself. No person on this planet should be held responsible for someone else's happiness, even a spouse. That has to come from within. Now that he is terminally ill, he has the clarity that can only come with facing down one's mortality, and they have reconciled. He now understands that my mother's loyalty and patience with his illnesses over the years was a critical component of his survival to this point. She isn't perfect, and my dad learned that he needs to show my mother the same patience he so constantly demanded of her.
I don't know you well enough to know if your situation is identical to my parents'. But I do see some parallels, and I wanted to share my experience with you. Best of luck, Kirstin, and I'm sorry you are feeling this way.

Kaitlin'smom replied: I did not have any probelms with your post either, I thought thats what we were hear for to help with good and bad, and to be honest I also typed and deleted things in my response to the other post, I have had thoes feeling also, and so did DH long ago and I had to trick him into telling me what was wrong, okay what I did at the time not so great but I was young and needed answers from him. It actullay made our marriage stronger. Now when either of us feel that way we try and re-connect, talking, going out together, time with just us, any little thing we can with no computers or pinballs to distract us, we love each other very much, we have had some very ruff times, most people have no clue about that as I put on a good show when we had problems as to not let anyone know. We are both determind for things to be forever, and now with our little girl, we really have to make the effort for us and our family.

If you need a ear (well eyes) them you can always pm me, I have been more times than I have ever admitted to anyone.

Boys r us replied: I'm sorry to see this post!

This is a support forum, in my opinion, not just for parenting..but for all realms of our lives as mothers, wives, beings.
As the other ladies have stated, I don't see anything wrong with your post either. Nor did I see where you posted horrible things about your husband. Saying that you feel like you haven fallen out of love with him is a far tstretch from saying horrible things about him. I can't really understand why anyone could be offended by your need for support! I hope that this feedback you've received, regardless of where it came from, won't hender your desire to come here for support in the future!

MommyToAshley replied: I don't think your post was offensive, and it must have been very difficult for you to share your feelings with all of us. I didn't interpret your post as an attack on your husband, but an honest outpouring of your feelings and emotions. And, as you have read above, your message has touched others... even to the point of talking with their own spouse. I would like for this to be a place where we support one another and everyone feels welcome to express their opinions openly as long as there are not personal attacks on another member. The problem is that we all come from different backgrounds and experiences, and sometimes those experiences affect how we interpret a message. I don't know what response you received that you felt was an attack on you, but I hope that the person did not mean it this way and it was a misunderstanding.

ediep replied: I wasn't offended by your post either.....I thought it was an outpouring of our feelings. That is what we are here for..... to listen and offer support.

I hope things work out for you!

TLCDad replied: Take this also from a males perspective. I did not find the post offensive in any way. And especially since your post also helped others, it is quite appropriate for this website.

Jamison'smama replied: I didn't respond then but I will now---your post was definately not offensive--I don't really see what could have been all that offensive--I just saw you as asking for support.

I believe that people responded the way they felt and that is all we can hope for when we talk to a variety of people--we will always like some responses and really not like others and that's okay. I don't really post often enough to have had anything really hit me personally but I can see how it happens and I can feel it in other posts. Just hang in there and keep on posting about anything you wish to post about. If it is offensive to someone, they can PM M2A or TLC dad and we can trust them to judge when a line has been crossed as they have done in the past.

I hope you find strenght in these wonderful people and I am sending lots of prayers and positive thoughts your way--you are going through a tough situation and I can see your pain and just want to hug it away!

Kirstenmumof3 replied: Just wanted to say Thanks!

paradisemommy replied: ita with everyone else. i wasn't offended by your post here and in fact it made me do the same - reflect on my marriage and what we can improve/change. i kept thinking to myself how hard that must have been for you to write that post and it made me keep you close to my heart and say a few more prayers for you.

i hope you can find your happiness no matter what that entails and always remember we're here for support!!

A&A'smommy replied: I agree with everyone else we are here for you! You should be able to come here and share how you feel with us!!! ((((BIG HUGS)))) I hope that you get things worked out sweetie!

maestra replied: I also read your poast and didn't find it offensive. Only having been married 2 years, I didn't feel like I was the best person to offer you advice.

kimberley replied: oh sweetie! the last thing you need to be worrying about is offending someone here! i did not find your post offensive in any way, shape or form!! like i said in my response, MANY marriages go through this type of lull and it helps to know you are not alone and be able to look here for some support.

bellymonstersmama replied: I didn't reply to your first post b/c I feel like I'm not qualified to give advice about relationships. But I regret not having replied now b/c I realize that sometimes support can simply be someone to talk to. I think we all come to this sight for support. I hope you don't give up on us even for the big stuff that some may percieve as negative. So... just to let you know if you need someone to talk to, lean on, or cry to it sounds like we are all here for you.

CantWait replied: Hon I didn't find your post the least bit offensive, and as I said I'm pretty much in the same boat. You said nothing wrong about your husband, you materafactly said that he was a great man. What's wrong with that?? I'm sorry you felt like you oversteped the forum bounds but I assure you we're all here for support.