I've been doing some reading...... - and I hope this isnt too controversial

Bee_Kay wrote: I hope nobody gets offended by this........

My daughter is almost 15 and lately she has been talking to me about girls in her school that are around her age that cut themselves. She knows quite a few that do it regularily.

She told me that they cut up their arms, thighs and ankles with razor blades and Ashley doesn't understand why they do it.

I know that there are teens that do it that may have deep emotional problems or emotional issues..... but Ashley told me that it's almost become a "fad".

For instance, this one girl she knows that is her age, cut up her ankles because the boy she likes asked Ashley out (Ashley doesn't like him in that way so she said "no", but the girl said "you are taking MY man!") Ashley was so upset because she had no control over this boy having an interest in her and even more upset that the girl would do this and then tell Ashley about WHY she did it.

Another girl cut her arms up because her parents said she couldn't go to a dance last weekend.

And the thing is.... the girls don't try to hide the cut marks or scarring.

It's been a few years since I was a teenager (about 15) and I had never heard of such a thing (except half hearted attempts at suicide). Now, it seems that there are SO MANY girls that do this regularily.


Please nobody take offense to this, that is not my intent.... it is just something, that I, as a mom of a teen have been seeing more and more of lately. So, I don't know if this is something fairly "new" or what? But, it seems to be more common than I thought.

(from what Ashley tells me, these girls that do it are labeled "cutters")

mckayleesmom replied: Well, I am going to say that I think their are alot of people that cut because of depression or other mental problems at the time that make them think it will make them feel better, and I think for some it makes them feel better in their mind. Gives them control back a little....I know it doesn't make sense to us who don't cut, but I think it makes sense to them...kwim? I also think that after a while it becomes an addiction for alot of them.

With that being said, I also think that there are a ton of kids out there that cut to get attention. They want to be deemed dark and mysterious...and tough. There is alot of peer pressure out there and wanting to fit in and alot of them do it for that soul purpose.

amynicole21 replied:
Exactly. Cutting was around when I was in high school, but it seems to have gotten a lot more "main stream" now. Very scary.

Bee_Kay replied:

That is EXACTLY what Ashley said last night.

Kaitlin'smom replied: I knew of one girl in HS that was a cutter, she woudl cut her stomach, so it was hidden to parents but I saw it one day and it was awful. From what I gather she did it not only for attention from boys. She also was 'popular' because of her sexual activity and from what I heard everycut was a mark of that act. She really had ALOT of problem and this was her only feeling of control. I cant imigine doing it or it becomming popular so to speak. Its dangerouse and a HUGE cry for help IMO.

Bee_Kay replied: I have something to add that I should have wrote in my original post......
(This is VERY personal)

A couple years ago, when Ashley was about 12, I saw a little cut mark on Ashley. I asked her what had happened.

She told me that a girl told her that "this is how you relieve stress". I COULDN'T believe it.

I flipped out..... I started crying and I kind of freaked out... (I think I may have unintentionally scared the heck out of Ashley) telling her "You can die from cuts!!!!"

That scared her so bad.... OMG, she had no idea that you could possible die from it and hasn't done it since.

OMG she was so young and didn't know what the heck she was doing. She cried and said she was so sorry.... ect.

But, I cant believe that there are girls out there ENCOURAGING other girls to do this!!!

lisar replied: I have heard about it. They are labeled as "Cutters" I have never done it. I hear they do it because of depression. I am with your Daughter on this I dont understand why. Apparently though hurting themselves feels good in a sense when they are depressed.

ashtonsmama replied: OK-I can't speak for anyone else who does this, now I know, it's EXTREMELY stupid and dangerous, and I would never do it now, but I did have a big problem with cutting myself in high school.

My explanation (to the best of my ability, I'm not great at explaining):
I personally did it because my family was in turmoil, I had no parents emotionally speaking, I was raising myself and my little sister, I'd been raped, molested, and verbally and physically abused, and some emotional abuse as well...and with ALL of that pain and heartache inside of me, the only way I thought I could deal with it was to cut--it seemed like my whole life was out of control, and the only way to control even a little bit of it was to do this. Now I know it may not make sense, and I really regret doing it now, because I do have lots of scars and it's a horrible reminder of how life USED to be...but that's the reasoning behind why I personally cut myself. It was mostly after I was raped (when I was 16), that I just couldn't keep up the happy act anymore and got really depressed and started cutting.

Sorry this got so long--


It's a very hard subject, but I've been hearing from friends with older daughters as well that it is becoming more "popular" to do, it's becoming accepted as normal, and that's a tragedy. This is not a FUN thing to do, it's not some kind of rite of passage, and it scars you, emotionally and physically, and yes, it can kill you. I think it's absolutely horrifying that more and more girls are doing it, and I really hope in my heart that these girls (and some guys as well) stop before it's too late.



I hope that helped a little in understanding this, I know it may seem like a stupid reason, but that was my experience...

BAC'sMom replied: Very scarey and sad

ashtonsmama replied:
ITA.

Kaitlin'smom replied:
Not a stupid reason at all it was a cry for help and truthful. thank you for sharing your story. May I ask what made you finally stop cutting?

ashtonsmama replied:
Thank you Di.

I can't say exactly that there was a huge moment that made me realize I had to stop cutting, but I think it was after I'd been in a recovery program for eating disorders for a few months...I'd been in therapy for awhile and finally realized that I had to quit or I was going to kill myself, and my friends were so worried about me and I just couldn't keep doing it and hiding it from them, they always found it out and I hated hurting them.

I also realized that my self worth was so much greater than I gave myself credit for, and I needed to show it to myself by not damaging my body anymore. My therapist also gave me a technique to try, she told me that I had to get rid of all the sharp things I cut with, and just starve the habit, and try doing something unpleasant everytime I felt like cutting, that doesn't make much sense when I say it, but she gave me some options like having to do a ton of push-ups or eating a food I hated, nothing awful, but just to train my mind to start associating the feeling I got when I wanted to cut as an unpleasant one. I was skeptical, but it worked after awhile.

Did that make any sense?

Bee_Kay replied: Ashtonsmama-

Thank you so much for opening up the way you did. It must be hard to let us in on something so personal.
I have so much empathy for people that use such a terrible act to cope with difficult things in their lives. For those of us that have never done it, I admit, it is hard to understand.

For me, to see these young girls, to use something like cutting as a way of merely getting attention is to frustrating (and to be honest, make a mockery of those people that have REAL problems in their lives).

It also must be frustrating for you to hear about cutting and how it is becoming "popular" or a "fad" or to show the cuts and scars off proudly for other people to see.

Like I wrote a bit ago, I had a one time experience with it with Ashley (and even then I didn't know anything about it) and it is so scary even though she was clueless about it and the consequences. I am so grateful that I caught it immediately and talked to her about it until I was blue in the face. OMG, she was so scared because she had no idea (as a little naive girl) that it could have fatal consequences.

Again, thank you for sharing your experience. You are one helluva woman to overcome all that you have in life!!

DVFlyer replied: I think Amanda, through her story, touched on the heart of the matter. This is a way for these kids to gain control over their life. Whether it be from depression or anything else, they are doing this (in my uneducated sigmund fraud opinion) to gain control.

If we, as parents, realize this, we can then work to fix it. By finding a way to let them gain control over their life, these types of things will go away.

Sad indeed. It scares me to think I may have to deal with this when my kids get older. It would break my heart to see my "perfect" little baby scarred because that was the only way she knew to deal with a problem.

DVFlyer replied: I should add that this shows that Bee Kay's daughter should be commended (LOUDLY and PROUDLY) that she felt comfortable enough to bring this up to her mom. It shows a trust exists there.

MyLuvBugs replied:
ITA!

Cutters were around when I was in school too. Some girls (one comes to mind) actually used an ink pen to CARVE her initials into her hand. Almost like a tattoo is what ended up happening b/c of the ink. UGH. It's extremely scary, and so dangerous. I hope Ashley stays clear of these girls or tells the school counsellor or something.

My2Beauties replied: I think that Ashley should really tell a counselor or something that these girls are doing this. This is very scary and very dangerous. I didn't know anybody in HS that cut, but then again I guess you never know. That is really sad. I think it's a serious cry for help and this worries me that when Hanna gets in HS that this will be something that is cool and makes you popular - scares the holy crap out of me. Guess that's something else to add to my list to talk about.

ions_momma replied: When I was in high school, there were girls that were "cutters".

Actually, one of my good friends from school went through a stage when she cut herself. It was when her parents got divorced and they were going through all the custody battles and everything. It was awful because she would come to school with cuts on her wrists, and make up excuses to how it happened. She always told me the truth about it though. Eventually, she went to a consulor and stopped doing it.

I personally never understood how it helped relieve stress or help get over things, but supposedly it did. It is definately a very sad and scary thing.

ilovemybaby replied: I agree with mckayleesmom. There are "cutters" who are cutting to release pain that they can't release any other way/don't know how to release any other way and there are some who do it for attention or because someone told them about it. It's very sad that kids actually do that. That they would go and teach another child how to cut.
I have felt like cutting before. It scared the h*ll out of me. Because I shudder at the thought of cutting myself and shudder when I see cuts on people that they did themselves. I was in a lot of emotional pain at the time but still cannot understand why the thought of cutting myself ever came into my mind because I'm such a wimp when it comes to pain and blood. Just like I've been suicidal but never had the guts to actually do it because I couldn't handle the pain. I couldn't OD because I knew how sick it would make me and I couldn't cut my wrists. I couldn't hang myself. Nothing. So somehow I dealt with the feelings and tried my best to push them away. It's horrible just thinking about wanting to do it. It's as bad as the emotional pain that makes you feel like that in the first place. I cried thinking about how I could even think about doing that to Paul and my family.
When my sister OD'd that made me realise just how much it would hurt my family if I ever tried to kill myself and if I succeeded. I have been suicidal many times and was kind of removed from thinking about how it would affect anyone else. Because of all the pain I was in. But when my sister OD'd (unsuccessfully) I was angry with her for doing that to us. And of course scared she would die. She was in a coma for two or three days. So since then I've changed my feelings on suicide. I don't think of it as a selfish thing to do. But I know I couldn't ever do it because I could never hurt my husband and kids and family like that. I see it from both sides because I have felt that way and because I have been the family member hurt, scared and angry because of what happened with my sister.

Well sorry for the loooooooong post.

ilovemybaby replied: Actually I used to work with a girl who was a cutter and she used to come to work with bandages around her wrists to cover the cuts up. The boss was horrible to her about it. He has absolutely no compassion or understanding for emotional problems. He was the same with me when it came to my depression and having to take medication.
I hope since I left there that he has gotten better but I doubt it.

CantWait replied: This was something that I did in highschool, and for the very reason that Ashley's friends are doing it. As a teenage girl I had no other means ( I thought ) to relieve stress, and express my feelings. It definetly has become more of a fad, and there needs to be more education in the schools about it as well as help and support for teens so that they don't feel it's their only option.

ashtonsmama replied:

DVFlyer replied:
It doesn't in the literal sense. It gives them control over their life/ environment. Similar to someone punching a wall when they get mad. It's a way to say, "Look! See what I can do? You can't control me. I'll punch this wall and you can't stop me".

Of course, it's a cry for help, especially if they do it in places where others (parents, teachers) will see it, but if you boil it down, (I feel) they do it because it gives them control. And understanding that is the real key...... IMO

Maddie&EthansMom replied: It is very common and I have known cutters since grade school. It's so sad. Every person I knew that cut had a horrible home life. My heart aches so bad for girls like this. I wish they felt loved and had someone in their life that they trusted with these things. I think we really need to find away to reach out to young girls. It's so hard growing up these days. It really is.

Brias3 replied: I don't know much about this whole thing other than lightly through an period of time where my younger sister was engaging in similar behaviors but I DO feel like I have noticed an increase in how much I hear about this in recent years. Almost as if its become more "commonplace" and just another thing young girls do. How sad.

Sorry I can't help more. All I know is that my mom rushed my sister straight into a doctor's when it happened to try and set her up with some psychological help. Growing up in a loving home where she had plenty of support, this was clearly a teen angst/cry for attention in her case that fortunately quickly got resolved with outside help.

mummy2girls replied: Arons 14 year old neice just started to do this. She has had a very hard childhood and ran away from home and no one could find her until just recently. She is with her bf but now just recently started to cut herself... She is getting help right now with it. Her cause is major emotional problem...

holley79 replied: Self mutilation is very common among teenage girls lately. I don't know why this is happening but it is rediculous in my opinion. I have been doing a lot of reports lately where teenage girls (mainly) are doing this. It's a show of "I can do this and no one can stop me" and "look what I did, aren't I just the coolest?" They are also doing this to gain attention from family members and some are a cry for help.

Tell Ashley to stay as far away from these girls as possibly. It's sickening and very sad what these girls are doing to themselves.