Just a vent - No debates please

MyBrownEyedBoy wrote: I know that there are many of you who are SAHPs. And I truly admire you for that. However, it isn't in the cards for me. Logan is on my insurance plan and we have to have him covered. Also, I worked very hard for my degree and I love what I do. I also have an ideal schedule, 7 on/7 off. So I am home for quite a bit with Logan. Here's the vent part.
I have a co-worker who just can't seem to understand why all women wouldn't want to stay at home with the kids. His wife stays at home and homeschools their 2 kids who are old enough. (They have 3 kids total.) And I must say that they are the best behaved children I have ever met. But he makes me nuts with all the constant jibes and comments about working moms. Recently a 2 year old boy was taken off life support here in our area because of trauma received while he was in the care of a day care. Actually, he was in the care of a counselor who was evaluating him for autism. Well, ever since this baby was injured, George has been on a rampage about how working moms must not love their children as much as stay at home moms. I want to strangle him. GRRRR!! I love Logan every bit as much as his wife loves their children. And it is totally unfair to take a tragic situation and twist it around into "women should stay home."

amymom replied: Kelly, I very much understand what you are saying. Have you said anything to this coworker?.... Or do you just let it go. The reason I ask, is maybe we could help you come up with a 'tactful' thing you could say to him that would shut him up! I am sure he gets annoying.

PS: Do you mean you work 7 days and are off 7 days? That would be a great schedule. I think?!?!?

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: I have tried to just let it go, but it is getting on my last nerve. If you all could help me come up with some way of explaining to him I would love it.
And yes, I work 7 days and then have 7 days off. They are 10 hour days and they start at 6am, but I love the days off. It's like having 26 weeks of vacation a year.

punkeemunkee'smom replied: Kelly~ I am a sahm and I think what he is saying is OUTRAGEOUS!!! You should tell him to keep his narrow-minded opinions to himself! As rude as he sounds I would not worry about being tactful! I understand that you have to work with him and so you don't want to cause any more tension but I would explain to him that you need your insurance for Logan and you enjoy your job. Every mom makes their own choices,some want to work,some have to work,some choose to stay home I don't think that your career choice dictates your love for your child(I know moms that are WONDERFUL moms on both sides of the issue and vice versa!)Sorry he is making you so unhappy at work!

kimberley replied: wow, that is very ignorant of him to make such statements. while i am sure what his wife is doing with his kids is wonderful.. there are 20 other sahm's who really shouldn't be sahms if ykwim? what about the ones who watch soaps, smoke cigarettes, talk on the phone and plop their kid in front of sesame street 9hrs a day?! being a good parent has nothing to do with employment.. it has to do with how you interact with your child!!! just my

CantWait replied: You couldn't have said it any better Kimberley

TeagansMom609 replied: So does he love his children any less than a stay at home Dad? Ugh, I cant believe he even feels comfortable enough to talk about that at work. Especially to someone who he knows has a child and isnt a SAHM! It sounds like he is trying to get under your skin or something. What a jerk. Not everyone can afford to stay at home and he should have enough sense to understand that. Kudos for not completly freaking out on him like I already would have. LOL.

mckayleesmom replied: Well...I am a stay at home mom and personally I admire woman that get to work and have kids too.....I admit that I love being able to stay home but I also crave wanting to go back to work....Does that make sense...>SOmetimes I would just love to get away. I would just chalk that guy up to being Ignorant and ignore him. Is there any way you can talk to a supervisor or someone in charge and let them know that they need to talk to him about keeping his personal views to himself?

mommy_loves_chase replied: <----- working mom too, and i work full time and will be going back to work on the 29th of this month and i cant count the number of people who say im crazyy to go bsck to work, those people will always be there find one of those websites where you can beat on some little charector, might make ya feel better. thought i would let ya know your not alone

Insanemomof3 replied:
OMG. I must be a bad mom. I do watch a soap. I smoke. I do talk on the phone/internet. And my kids do watch a lot of tv. They only watch it alot in the morning because that is when their favorite shows are on.

mummy2girls replied: That is so ignorant. personally i want to be a sahm but obviously cant because im a single mom so i have to work. Im not agaisnt moms that work because i work. When moms work most of the time its because they have to for financial aspects. Yes its very sad what happened to that boy but that doesnt mean all moms out there should stay at home.

I like yopur schedule alot. i wish i could have that one:) Dont worry...you do what you feel you need to do . dont let other people tell you otherwise.

MommyToAshley replied: It's just plain ignorance on his part. It's totally obsurd!!! Working or staying home isn't what makes a parent a good parent. You're a wonderful Mom and you know the truth. I personally would not let him get to me... but, if you want something good to say back to him... hmmm, will have to think of a good line. I bet someone here will come up with something good. In the meantime, just try to remember that he is the ignorant one.

CantWait replied:
I think what Kimberley (and what I agreed with her is) is trying to say is that there are some moms who do nothing but these things (think the Married with Children, Peggy Bundy ). I'm sure that you do other things with your children besides sit them in front of the tv, and watching "a" soap isn't horrible at all. We're all entitled to a little down time even when our kids are around. I question why you would take such a simple thing out of context and put words into one's mouth. It makes me believe that there is something that you might be feeling guilty about.

Insanemomof3 replied:
I took it wrong. I am having a bad day and brought it here. I am sorry. Sorry Kimberly, I do agree with you. I am not as bad as some mothers, but I do like my down time. HEHE. Sorry I got that way. I am just cranky.

kimberley replied: yikes! sorry, i didn't think anyone here would take offense to my comments . as Marie said, i am sure you do many other wonderful things with your kids, so you shouldn't feel bad for taking a bit of down time. i truly believe that saying "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"

anyways, sorry if i offended anyone. that truly wasn't my intention. i just meant that some (not from here) sahps are neglectful so whether you work or not should not be the "grading curve" for being a good parent.

USMCwife replied: That man, like others have said, is ignorant. Not everyone can or wants to be a SAHM. I would like to be a SAHM until at least my youngest starts Kindergarten, (he is only 3 months old) but that isnt going to happen.
I understand that people have different view points on different things, for example.... breastfeeding v/s bottlefed, disposables v/s cloth diapers,etc . However this man is being, IMO, disrepectful. He is taking it way too far w/ the constant jabs. I think that you have every right to say something to him, but I cant help you w/ that because I wouldnt be tactful about it.

Hope things get better for you @ work!! He is a jerk!

PrairieMom replied: That man is a pig. You don't have to explaine yourself to him in anyway. Just ignore him and don't fuel the fire. I'm sure that what ever you have to say about it would be wrong anyway. You know in your heart that you are a good mommie, and that you are doing the best you can for you and your child, and that is enough.

amymom replied: Kelly, I just remembered something. I worked with a doctor years ago that used to bring up religion often and complain about how people didn't do their religion right. (it was a totally weird concept and of course he was RIGHT) But what I remembered was that it used to get me very upset, and arguing with him made no difference, the same conversation would come up again and again. So one day, I sat down with him and said something like: Whenever you bring up the subject of religion, you know we are going to disagree, so my future plan is this: I promise not to bring religion up with you and I ask you not to bring it up to me. If either of us brings it up we will remind each other that this is a forbidden topic and we will STOP talking about it.

It ended working for me.... hope it helps.

jcc64 replied: Wow, it must be great to have all the answers and be so completely certain that your way is THE way. I personally do not think the proper thing to do is ignore him, particularly if he repeatedly feels the need to proselytize to you. I would firmly but politely ask him to refrain from discussing his views on parental morality with you, particularly since they are nothing more than a thinly veiled verbal attack on your "lifestyle". (if you call working a "lifestyle"). Just say something along the lines of, "OH, I'm sorry, I don't recall asking for your opinions on that subject." And then drop it. If he continues, talk to a supervisor. Sounds like a real passive aggressive idiot, imo.

Insanemomof3 replied:
LOL you really didn't offend me. I read it JUST as I got up this morning. I was just being a little dorky. Your post was fine and I do agree.

A&A'smommy replied: OH geez he sounds like a jerk I would tell him where to shove it!!! Yes its GREAT to be a SAHP and even to homeschool your kids I admire people who have the patience and the ability (mental I mean) BUT SOME people NEED their jobs whether it be finacially or mentally it certaintly does NOT mean we love our children any less!!!

redchief replied: There are several ways I'd weigh to respond to Mr. Perfect. Most aren't appropriate for a family oriented message board.

MyLuvBugs replied: Sounds like he's a little bit shovanistic (sp?). Perhaps, you should make a remark about why it should be equal rights, and why can't MEN stay at home to raise the kids. lol That's just me though. I'd probably rip him a new one for being such a shovanist. Sorry you're feeling kinda grumpy about it. Don't worry about him. You're doing what you love, and doing the best for your family. That's all that matters.

holley79 replied: I'm unable to be a SAHM also. As much as I would love too we just can't do it. I do have the ideal schedule also so that is going to make things easier. MIL is always throwing up in my face that she was a SAHM when she was rasing DH and his brother. She gets down right rude about it. I just kind of have to let it go because she's always being hateful to me.

With the co- worker though I would have to say something. I think he is being insensitive. You love and are dedicated to Logan just as much, if not more, then his wife is. I think he should really stop and think about what he is saying. He obviously knows what you and your family has been though and should be more sensitive to it.

Just