Kids in previous relationships..Question.

mummy2girls wrote: For those that had kids in previous relationships/marriages and then got remarried/married......

How was your SO/DH like when you had a child with them? Did they favour thier own to thier step child? I know as a baby its a given they will want to be with them more than the older kids but as the child hit a year or older did he favour them more? did they stick up for thiers more?

why am i asking this? well being that Marcus is probably going to be a part of mine and jenna future Im worried how it will be when we have kids together. I dont think he will favour his own to jenna but it still worries me. I seen it first hand with a friend thats why im wondering. Marcus is awesome and he treats jenna as if she is his own and im pretty sure it wont change. I guess I just wanted feedback:)

lisar replied: Well Lexi is not my DH's biological child. He treats her as his own and there is no diffrence between her and Raygen. He treats them the same. Sometimes I think he spends more time with Lexi than he does Raygen. But I think its cause Lexi is older. But thats how it goes in my house. I know every man is diffrent though. Marcus could be the great guy and love Jenna just as much as one of his own.

sparkys2boys replied: i'm not in this situation but wanted to wish you luck with this, I am sure it will be fine

TANNER'S MOM replied: Okay this is hard to explain.. in my opinion.. Randy treats the kids the same. But that doesnt mean he feels quite the same. I mean yes in a day to day life they get treated the same but I won't say he is as bonded to my kids as he is Tanner. I will say the same for Tiffany.. she isn't mine.. but I do treat her as she is mine.. but the bond isn't quite the same. I am not saying I don't love her any more or any less I just love her differently then a child I carried. I would do anything for her, I would lie down my life for her...but I am not bonded to her as I am my own children in the same way. It's hard to explain.. no we don't make a difference. they all get the same time, the same gifts etc.. but I won't lie and say the feelings are the same b/c they are different for each child.

And to be honest Brittany spends more time w/ Randy and Tiffany with me.. I have no idea why..but I think you can make it work.. and not worry. If he loves Jenna he loves her but you no one can say..I love them the same.. b/c no two kids are the same you know.

I hope I don't make that sound bad for us.. We love all our kids I am just saying it's hard to blend a family and you know that. We have had many fights..where I thought he was getting onto my kids and not his.. of course the kids didn't know that. This weekend for example.. Randy had got onto to Tanner for not picking up the living room or his room..while Tiffany laid on the couch and slept. I said How fair is that.. Randy said these toys aren't hers.. I said but you should see her room.. and he then said.. Tiffany go clean your room.. I mean I can't say he was favoring her.. but I can say I felt like he was babying her. Maybe because he doesn't see her as often.. I mean there are a lot of things in play.

But it can work..

mummy2girls replied:
i agree with the bonding thing for sure but i was just worried that he may favour his own to jenna , like balme her for everything, not see that his kids could be the blame etc etc etc. I just dont want jenna to not feel loved by marcus is all..

lesliesmom replied: I agree with the bonding thing. DH has a daughter, Jaq, (now 18) and I love her and treat her as if she were mine but I don't feel as connected to her as I do my own. In my case, maybe because we don't see her - she lives about 400 miles away - we tend to dote on her a bit more when she is around. But, I agree completely with Tanner's Mom - I love her, I'm just not as connected to her as I am to my own children. Things will work out. From everything I've read about Marcus he seems like a great guy who would do anything for Jenna, when it comes down to it and the time comes. I don't think it will be anything to worry about when the time comes...

moped replied:
I don't have experience to go on but I have to ask....why are you doubting Marcus? Has he given you any reason to believe that he wouldn't treat his and Jenna the same way? I think how he is now is a good indication of how he will be - I would think that right now the novelty hasn't worn off yet, but when it comes to Jenna chances are the novelty won't wear off - KWIM????

mummy2girls replied:
i know it seems im doubting him and i dont mean to, I guess because i seen it with my friend it just made me think. Marcus is wonderful and he is awesome to jenna and me and i am 99% sure he will be the same even when he has kids of his own. Maby because ive been really happy and scared at the same time..

TANNER'S MOM replied: I wouldn't say that my kids get blamed more than Randy's usually..but I will say.. the whole don't pick on your brother b/c he is the baby thing happens..lol Even if he is 8..lol I do it too.. so it's not the mine and his.. it's the baby thing..lol

mom2my2cuties replied: I think everything will be fine - I understand why you are asking. I was terrified of this the whole time I was pregnant with Andrea.

In our situation, Andrew loves both the kids, and you can't tell any difference in them. Andrew is the only real "father" figure Michael has ever really had. Considering his own father is well - you guys know.

Boys r us replied: Okay, I have to be nosey Shelly, sorry! ..how long have you and marcus been dating? It hasn't been THAT long has it?
I say just take it one day at a time and don't rush into planning the future just yet!

But to answer the question, Rick treats Tanner very much the same as Braedon and Alexandra. Of course our kids together are smaller and require more attention, so they get more attention (from both of us really) and it's just natural to shower a new baby with tons of affection etc..so sometimes it could seem as though someone "loves" the baby more than the older "step" child. But like Mel said, you can definitely make it work.

mummy2girls replied:
no im not planning teh future yet.. i was just thinking out loud i guess. I am no where near wanting more kids at this point. I guess because if marcus will eb a part of my life and jennas i just need to talk this stuff out to myself. because not only me need to be happy but jen does too...

mummy2girls replied:
and yes i know when it comes to a baby it will be that way im just talkign about when the child is around 2

Cece00 replied: My husband loves my kids the same as our 2 children and he treats them the same. Of course, my older 2 kids were 3 and 1 when we got married and we were friends for YEARS, so he has been around my kids since they were basically born. I'm sure that has a lot to do with it.

He (actually, WE) spends more time with OUR kids, but that is because #1- Our 2 kids are 1 yr old and 3 months and require more attention and #2 because our kids are home more than my older 2 kids. They are at school during the day so of course I spend more time with the 2 younger ones, when all 4 are home they get pretty much equal attention from me & DH, and then my boys go with their dad on the weekend & we're home with the younger two. If they were all home an equal amt of time, they would get the equal attention.

But my husband makes it a POINT to be as much of a dad to my kids as ours. My ex isnt the best example of a person, or father for that matter, and my husband wants my kids to have a GOOD example of a father. He tells my kids constantly how much he loves them, asks about their day, does stuff with them, lets them help him with stuff around the house, roughhouses with them, takes them places, does family stuff with them, etc etc etc

He tells me all the time if my ex died he would adopt my kids as his own.