Kindergarten Help Please - 5 year old boy having some issues

arv99t wrote: I would like some advice from parents out there. I have a 5 year old boy who turned 5 the day kindergarten started. He is doing very well in academics, but the issue comes to setting and listening. I have been in class and watched him without him knowing I am there. He seems to get distracted very easily. He doesn't like to set in his chair he is up and down like crazy. His teacher believes it is his age but says he is one of the best in the class at learning. He was in prek and we never had this problem. I have tried everything I can think of and nothing seems to be helping. I am becoming very frustrated because I don't know what to do. Please help!!!!!!

redchief replied: I tend to agree with the teacher. Your son may be academically mature enough to handle the material, but he's still five. Are his interruptions causing problems in class (I'm not talking about the, "John, please sit down until we're finished." type of interruptions; more like the kind that takes several minutes for the teacher to settle him causing loss of teaching time to the rest of the class).

Our eldest son was in much the same situation you are in. He'd turned five right at the time when he could have started kindergarten. We red-shirted him because we felt he was not emotionally ready.

arv99t replied: He doesn't cause major interuptions but she keeps calling me and telling me we need to make a plan of action. I just don't know what else to try and do I have tried everything. I just feel at a big loss. I have tried to give him things to work towards and this doesn't even seem to work. She says she doesn't think he even realizes that he is even doing it because he really does try hard. Yet she calls me every week sometimes 2-3 times per week.

mom21kid2dogs replied: I doubt you'll find much success trying to battle this kind of school issue at home, especially since it appears to be only an issue at school. You mention the teacher calls several times a week asking about a "Plan of action". What is her "Plan of action"? Is she an inexperienced teacher? Perhaps you'd do better with a cordial sit down between you, the teacher and the principal to discuss the matter. It doesn't really sound like a real unusual issue for a typical kindergarten aged boy (my daughter's class of 10 has 7 of 'em and I hear very similar stories from her).

arv99t replied: There are 18 kids in the class with one teacher. She taught before then took off after having her children. I am not sure if this is her first kindergarten class. I am just frustrated becasue I feel like I have done something wrong and don't know how to fix it.

msoulz replied: My boy was in the same boat too but his birthday is late October. He started K at 4 because the preschool said they couldn't challenge him any more, but he was "young". So we started in K and told the teacher from the beginning that we did not know what to do with him and if he had to repeat we had no issue with that. Long story short, at the end of the year she felt he needed another year "to be a kid" so he repeated. Academically he was performing at average that first year, likely due to his inability/unwillingness to sit and pay attention, and because he is (still) a social butterfly. That second year he was the star of the class too, as he already knew what to expect and the other kids came to him for help, which really boosted his self confidence (although he claimed to be bored a lot - not sure how much truth there was to that!). At the end of the second year he was much better prepared to go forward and has done very well academically and better in the behavior department. We still have issues with him talking too much and getting distracted by others but he is doing well at the same time.

The kids in the class ahead of him, who were in his first K class, are still his friends and only one time did anyone say something to him about repeating K. One boy said "aren't you supposed to be in first grade?", but it was a question not a teasing thing. If they are ever going to have to repeat, the earlier the better. And if your boy is not emotionally ready to go forward, perhaps this is a consideration. I figure with ours we could always push him forward in the future if it becomes beneficial to him, but holding him back later would be harder on his socially.

And my daughter's birthday is Nov. 12 so we will have another decision to make in a few years.

And that is all I know! Good luck, it can be difficult to make these decisions.

jcc64 replied: I agree with Cheryl 100%. It is completely predictable behavior for children this age, particularly boys, and especially boys that are on the younger side of the spectrum (I had 2). I think the teacher seems to be a little unresourceful, tbh- she should be the one with the "plan of action", which you could then support and supplement at home, but the direction needs to come from her, or the school. Perhaps you should arrange a meeting with the principal and/or the school social worker or psychologist- but does not appear to be an unusual or an unmanageable problem. And a word to the wise, teachers are sometimes a little quick on the draw with the tendency to identify kids as ADD or other similiar behavioral issues. You know your child, and if there was a serious issue, I am pretty sure it would have revealed itself in PreK as well. I would also ask around among the parents- does this teacher have a reputation for being especially rigid or strict? You'd be surprised the things you can learn by speaking with parents of children who were previously in the class.
In any event, take a deep breath. I'm sure your child is fine- it just sounds like an uneasy fit between his style and the teacher's. KUP

Boo&BugsMom replied: I honestly can't stand it when teachers say a child should repeat based on "maturity". Kids mature in their own time no matter what kind of time frame you give them. I know many adults who still are not mature! It is also still early in the year. By the end of the year he may be a completely different kid. This is the year that is suppose to help him mature. It's the first year many kids are experiencing any kind of structure if they did not attend pre-k. A K teacher's job is a hard one, but the teacher also has to be understanding to the difference in children, especially the younger ones. If his behavior is not out of control and it is not hurting him acedemically then I would not worry about it. If she wants a "plan of action" then SHE should come up with it. It seems like she is more "annoyed" than anything and there isnt' really a serious issue to deal with.

msoulz replied:
With my son, the maturity (or lack thereof) interfered with his ability to learn as well as he is capable, i.e. he was too easily distracted to pay attention and soak in everything he could. So it did hurt him academically. In our school, the teachers can see the potential in a child and if they are not performing to that potential due to the distractions, they suggest the child repeat.

They do mature in their own time, but if during that time they have missed a lot then they can fall behind and struggle. Given the choice, I would rather be ahead of the game or at least on par than struggling. This is why we decided to put Jake back through K. We do not regret that decision.

Now, could he have caught up at some point? Probably, but we did not want him to struggle and potentially lose interest/give up on school. With his personality I could see that happening.

It's not an easy decision for sure. We all do what we think is best for our kids.

Boo&BugsMom replied: Mary, I totally agree with all of what you said. I guess my gripe was more about the situations where the immaturity isn't causing any issues in school. There are some kids that just have that immaturity about them, but it doesn't affect their school work or focusing.

On a similar note, my husband's K teacher (I believe) referred him to see a doctor because she thought he was mentally retarded. Boy was she wrong. The doctor said he was bored and nothing was wrong. He would stare and become unfocused because he already knew the things she was teaching. This teacher did not give any thought to that fact that SHE was the issue. Granted this was 24 years ago, but I guess I find these situations more often than I should, which is what gets me steaming sometimes.

msoulz replied: I know what you are saying. Sometimes the kids are just trouble for the teacher. IMHO this is why some parents are told their kids should be medicated. Fortunately we had a great teacher who recognized my boy as a bright but squirrley little guy - or maybe she just liked him so much she wanted to have him two years in a row! I don't envy the teachers having to bring this up to parents as many parents are offended by the suggestion that the child repeat.

Now we shall see about Erin when her time comes. The second year of Jake's K the school district started a pre-K type thing for the younger kids, which would have been perfect for Jake that first year. We'll need to consider that for Erin I think. But then, stereotypically girls are more able to sit and listen than boys at that age so perhaps she will be OK. Only time will tell!!

boyohboyohboy replied:
I TOTALLY AGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT.
boys are made up a lot different then girls and are more physical, its so hard for boys to just sit, they are just naturally more excitable.
i think that boys and girls should be taught in seperate classes with seperate teaching skills..
jmo

msoulz replied:
A really great idea Stacy. And on another note, perhaps controversial, I wish the "mainstreaming" of special needs children would be stopped for the kids who disrupt the classroom. It takes away from the rest of the kids. But then, so does a rowdy "normal" boy . . . or so I have been told . . .

b&bsmom replied: My dd was 5 in time ( our cut off is Aug 15th she turned 5 Jun 24th) however, when I had talked to her 4yr preschool teacher in Jan, to see if I needed to sign her up for "pre K" ( they have a class called ready set grow, which is for kids who miss the cutoff or are not ready for k yet) she said I may want to think about it, I had had no plans at that time to keep her out, academically she was there, knew all she needed and more, but soicially she was struggling, she was on the shy side, and would fidget somewhat, we decided she would be better with her friends another year then putting her in K. I didn't want to send her too soon, and have her dislike school. I am so glad we waited, she is now in first grade and is excelling in most everything. she has more confidence and I think it is better for "her" to be older. some kids are fine being the youngest and are outgoing. She is in a multiage class this year with 2nd graders so she is right in the middle with age. Plus I love her school and her teachers have been wonderful.

I think it is up to the teacher, maybe the guidance counslor and you to make a plan, figure out how to make him more part of the class, and "obey" for lack of a better word, the rules with sitting and listening. It should not be up to you, so don't feel bad, we agonized over the decsion to hold Brittany out for the longest time. There is no right or wrong, you just work with what you can. The teacher should not be calling you that many times a week. I would also contact the prinicpal and tell them that you are starting to feel bad, and don't know what to do, and the teacher is not being very helpful. Tell them you would like to sit down with all involved and make a plan on what you can do to make the day go more smoothly and make it a win win situation for everyone.

good luck, hope that helps and kup!!!

JamieR replied: I am not sure of this works out if you sit down and talk to your kid about it. Well, I hope you find a solution. Good luck.