Legal question, moral questions - just questions....re: my bil (to be)

grapfruit wrote: Ok, you've all heard the story about Tim's youngest brother and his ex-girlfriend and the baby that everyone has doubts about right?

Well she's a really bad word. She refuses to allow him visitations by himself. (He's seriously done nothing he just want to love this baby). He asked if he could take him to the aquiremium (sp?) w/his parents and all of us. She said no b/c he's not a good father

(I read the text) - It's your fault you're not a good dad and not in his life. Ok, they've only been "apart" since April. He tries ALL the time to go see him. But she fights him at every turn. She INSISTS on going w/him. Probably b/c he ends up spending money on her.

Well her latest text (which I read) said "Why don't you just sign over rights and get out of our life. You'll never have to spend another dime"

He's seriously thinking about it. For a couple reason: Huge doubts whether the boy is even his. Getting her out of his life. She will fight him and fight him at every turn, including when he finds a "sane" girl to settle down w/. She's not above lying to the state to get more "help". (like she is telling them right now she lives alone, so is getting the help based upon that, when in fact she lives w/her grandparents).

Thoughts? My honest thought, and don't throw tomatoes, he should do it. I think it'll force a paternaty test and get the ball rolling that way.

Our Lil' Family replied: He should NOT do it until he has verified the paternity of this child...if it's not his then that won't be necessary anyway. I do not think a parent should give up their rights just to make their life easier, no way no how. He should have the paternity determined and then file for custody and let the courts handle it. There are so many other options.

Edited for spelling.

grapfruit replied: Oh and this is after he went to a lawyer b/c he wanted full custody.

The lawyer said there wasn't a snowball chance in h e double hockey sticks he could get him.

Guys he can't even SEE him. He loves that baby so much and all she does is poison him against him, against all of us.

Our Lil' Family replied:
Then he needs to get a new/better lawyer! He may not get full custody but he does have parental rights.

mckayleesmom replied: Well if she is getting public assistance, eventually they will contact him and sometimes they do a paternity test if it is requested by the man.

Dh's sister just went through this a while back. Her daughter is 2 months older then Mckaylee and never even seen a speck of her dad. Rae finally broke down and went on public assistance when she was about 3 and not long after that they contacted him to start getting him to help and pay back welfare and he requested a dna test.

It might depend on the state though.

I really don't think he should just sign him over to her. If he loves his child he should fight for him.

luvmykids replied:
Totally agree. Not to sound harsh, but if it is his child, how could he sleep at night knowing he gave up his rights and left him fatherless because she is a pain? The courts will ensure he can see his son, and yes she sounds totally unbearable, but no child should have to go without a parent for that reason, imho.

grapfruit replied:
Problem is he can't afford it. Isaiah is 9 months old, and Scott signed the paper attached to the birth certificate. The test is over $400 (I think that's per person too). The state won't help and she HAS to agree, which I doubt she will

She is out to hurt him in any way shape or form....

stella6979 replied:
I absolutely agree!

Our Lil' Family replied: Call Maury! j/k, don't mean to make light of the situation.
I'd look into Family Court...there's bound to be some sort of program to help him.

grapfruit replied:
He can't afford a lawyer either. That lawyer was the cheapest he could find and over $2K and $100/hour.

He doesn't even have a couch. He owns NOTHING and works at Wal-Mart.

I'm not saying it's right, but he feels like he drowning.

Kaitlin'smom replied: is there not some legal aid he can go to? He needs to know if its his or not before he should make that choise. I agree send a note to Maury if he has to. I woudl not make a decision before I knew or not.

lisar replied: He can be the one to go to child support enforcement. And they will do a paternity test for him and all that.

mckayleesmom replied:
She won't have a choice if she is on welfare. They are going to go after him eventually.

mckayleesmom replied: Also, aren't there dna tests you can mail in now? It might be cheaper that way.

mckayleesmom replied: Is he paying child support at all?

gr33n3y3z replied: Paternaty test first then if the baby is his No dont sign a darn thing take her to court and get visataion rights to his child.

Danalana replied: No way. I agree with the family court route...he has rights!

mom21kid2dogs replied: Not sure what state they live in. In Ohio there is no "attachment" to a birth certificate. If an unmarried man signs the birth certificate application he is legally presumed to be the father~with all the rights and responsibilities that entails. He will be responsible for child support until he relinquishes his rights or proves he is not the father. In Ohio, visitation rights are not tied to fiscal support. Not sure about other state laws. Here he can ask the Common Pleas Court (in some counties a seperate Juvenile Court) to establish a custody/visitation schedule if he is no longer living with the mother of the child. If they were never married, Ohio law dictates that they both have the right to custody as long as he signed the BC as the father. Legal aid will assist in these matters in our county.

luvbug00 replied: He has parental rights. He can take her to court witout a lawyer and ask for his rights to be installed. unless she has proof of drug use or abuse he will probaly get his son every other weekend. HE DOESNT NEED a lawer to fight this. he needs to go to the court website ( or somone else can for him if he has no computer) and get the # they have for a court conceler ( they are free) and HE can instal a coustody patition and then they will serve her and get a court date. He can represent himself and they will also set child support then and do any paternity tests that are asked for.

"If either party fails to submit to the test or fails to submit the child for genetic testing, the CSEA may request the court to find the party in contempt and determine the issue of paternity."

http://jfs.ohio.gov/OCS/services.stm

i dunno if he is in ohio too.
DO NOT let him sign over rights, this chick is phyco.

mommymommy replied: Wow,
what a terrible situation..I certainly hope it gets better! I think a paternity test first and then courts second..If he is the father and he goes to court and wants rights to his son, I cannot see the judge denying him this..
I know it will be a long road, abd I hope it goes as smooth as possible..
I think it's wonderful that he wants to step up and be a father!

Teesa®© replied: I do believe that the courts can force a paternity test - they certainly can here in Canad-eh. Then she wouldn't have a choice in the matter and it would be proven one way or the other.

If worse comes to worse, if he does get to see the baby, he can get a blood sample on a Kleenex if the babe has a cut, take a diaper, or even take his soother for DNA testing. Heck, even a strand of hair as long as there's a tag attached to it [the follicle on the end].

From what I'm "hearing" here, he should try his darnedest to get that baby away from her.

Maybe your whole family can get together and start a Legal Fund for him to help him out? That's what DH's family did for us when we had to go to court. They all pitched in and helped us pay for our lawyer.

My2Beauties replied: I'd say he needs to find some legal aid or go to the courts himself...I couldn't give up my parental rights unless I knew the child wasn't mine.