Letter to the school board - Opinions

luvmykids wrote: Ok, here's what I have so far. I've been drawing a blank every time I start to write it so input is greatly appreciated.

To Whom It May Concern:

I am a parent of a child at XXXX Elementary School. I am writing you out of concern for a particular student in the Kindergarten class of Mrs. XXXXX named Victor XXXXXXX.

I have tried to make an appointment to see Mrs. XXXXX and was told she was too busy at this time preparing for state testing, and have also spoken to Mrs. XXXXXX, the school counselor.

My concern, not only for this child but his classmates who witness the manner in which he is treated, stems from the fact that he is required to sit in a corner of the class room that has been taped off. The children in the class refer to it as "the box". I have been told that the aide in the class spends her entire day ensuring that he does not leave "the box". He sits there for circle time, lessons, and even snack. The only time he is allowed out of it is for recess and when the entire class is leaving the room.

It is my understanding that there are some difficulties with this child, and I have been told I am not aware of his "issues" but cannot dismiss the nagging feeling that rather than being dealt with appropriately he has, literally, been banished to a corner.

I do not assume to know the ins and outs of dealing with children who have social, mental or learning disabilities, but I do have the common sense to know this is inappropriate. I am not the only parent who feels this way, but many other parents have either been shut down by the school or are afraid of the consequences for their own children by making a stir.

It is beyond disturbing to me that a five year old has been ostracized not only by his teacher but seemingly his entire school, he is not even allowed to have an adult such as myself interact with him. My limited observations of this child and how he is treated by his teacher is, in my opinion, borderline abusive. I hope I am not misunderstood, it is not my intention to "cause trouble" but to defend this child who appears well intentioned, eager to learn and eager to please and not given the opportunity to do so. I do not in any way mean to insult any of the staff who deals with him but I also refuse to watch as a child who has no control over his surroundings at home or at school be harmed.

I do not know school or district policy in these matters but I would guess it is not the goal of the district to have child welfare services involved in these situations. Perhaps the right people are not aware of this specific situation and how it is being handled, which is the root of my concern and the reason for this letter.

I look forward to a response not only to myself but in the classroom level. Thank you for your time.

Respectfully,
Monica XXXXXXX

msoulz replied: IMHO that is extremely well written and quite to the point.

:.Mrs_Mommy.: replied: Very well written. Nicely done.

Jamison'smama replied: It is well written. I would probably mention what you meant by them not allowing you to interact with him---what they said to you. I remember when I read that it your post it made an impact. Describe what you saw, the tape, the treatment, etc.

You know, I'm not sure I wouldn't involve child welfare anyway, what is to keep this from happening again? Do his parents know about it? For some reason these people believe this is okay. I have to believe the principal is aware. If his parents know, is this how he is treated at home?

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Very well written. I agree with Brenda though - describe in the letter what you described to us.

luvmykids replied:
Can I even call child services on a school? It just dawned on me, that might just make me sound ridiculous if child services won't take a report like that. I'll revise it to include the lunchroom incident and also the teachers remarks about him regarding the field trip.

From what I've gathered, his mom is to some degree mentally disabled but works full time and she and this boy live in a house behind her parents. His grandmother is the one who deals with the school, from what I've been told his dad isn't really around and they sound like a family who is just believes the school must be right about him. He's so smiley and happy go lucky when his mom drops him off, I'd like to find out more about how he behaves at home but don't know how to do it. I thought about stopping his mom and just bluntly telling her that I'm concerned about the way they're handling him and telling her I'd like to help in any way I can but then again I'm afraid she'll just think I'm a weirdo.

His mom and grandma seem to be very nice and he is the only child/grandchild and appears to be well loved and taken care of. I think they figure if the school is doing this its because he's just "that bad", kwim? I don't really know how to say it nicely, I don't think they're the smartest people and assume the school has a better grip on him than they do if that makes sense.

Also, I was wondering if I should just send one copy to the board as a whole, or if I should send a copy to each individual board member...I'm thinking whoever reads it for the board as a whole might not care but if each member reads it maybe it will impact one? And should I send a copy to the principal as well? Or just leave her out of the loop since she doesn't seem to care anyway?

I know I have to do it, but I will admit I'm freaking out a little about my kids being treated badly because of it which leads to my next question, sign my name or send it anonymously?

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Sign it anonymously.. but leave a phone number or an email address where they can contact you. I remember it was policy of the board where I used to live not to take a complaint seriously if it wasn't signed.

luvmykids replied:
Good idea

Thats partly why I said I am a parent of "a child" in the class, not "children", so it wouldn't be so obvious who I was

TrulyBlessed replied: Excellent! That is very well said and good for you for standing up for this child. It sounds like he needs someone in his "box".

amynicole21 replied: VERY good... I'm proud of you.

My2Beauties replied: Very well written and I am very proud of you as well. You are doing this child a huge service, at least I hope, I pray they do something about this, it's not right. Poor little guy! Please keep us posted as to how this pans out.

A&A'smommy replied: I think it sounds great!!! KUP!!!

sparkys2boys replied: Wtg Monica for standing up for something you strongly beleive in. We need more people like you in the world, the kind that talks about doing and then follows through! It is very well written, I agree on telling of all the incidents that you have told us to. GL

Brias3 replied: That is a very well-written letter. Like others have mentioned, don't be afraid to leave out details.

I'm interested to see how this pans out but I give you A TON of respect for standing up to this important issue. You're doing the right thing

BAC'sMom replied: Well-written Mon. I would send a copy to everyone on the School Board and I would also send one to the Principle.

AlexsPajamaMama replied: I agree with Jimmie
Im very proud of you too for not just brushing it off and really doing something to try and help him!

Cece00 replied: I think its very good. I would def. give Child Services a try. Or if you have an agency in your state that deals with children with issues....in my state, its called "Early Childhood Supports and Services", and they are AMAZING. Check for something like that in your area, you should be able to call DSS and ask what the agency is in your area. They help children with disabilities & mental issues to get different services in your area.

Good luck!

kimberley replied: i agree. well said and definitely add particulars. i am very proud of you too. i hope this gets him out of the box.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I think it sounds great Monica. It's very well written. I'm proud of you for standing up for him. You may be the only person to ever do that. I feel so sorry for him.

luvmykids replied: Ok, how is this? It will go after the third paragraph.

Most of us realize how impressionable children are at this age, and are aware of the fact they are learning to feel good about themselves. Just as bothersome to me as the actual tape on the floor, defining his "box", is the way he hears his teacher talk about him. I asked about a field trip coming up and with Victor standing there (in his box, of course) Mrs. XXXXX said, "I refuse to take him, I won't be liable for a kid who acts like a thing." This is a terrible thing for any child to hear, but especially one with "issues"; Mrs. XXXXX has told parents that she is "burnt out" and it shows, her lack of patience with the kids in general is inexcusible.

Another example of how this child has been labeled and is treated as an outcast is at lunch. He is required to sit in an assigned seat at the end of the table, out of arms reach of anyone else. I do understand the purpose behind this, however, I have eaten lunch with my children at the same table and enjoyed talking to him. I did not see any indication that he should not be allowed to interact with others in the class. Even worse, another parent who planned to eat lunch with her child (also in the class) on Valentines Day was saddened to see him sitting alone and sat by him. She was told by the lunch aide to move, that he is not allowed to sit with anyone, and that "he knows this". The implication in those simple words is that he did something wrong because a kind hearted adult wanted to sit by him. I would love to understand what, exactly, did he do wrong? And what, specifically, has he done in the past that is so horrific he would prevent an ADULT from being able to eat her lunch?

I am well aware that I am not an expert in any aspect of this but I am forced to assume that I value dignity and treating another human with respect more than the team of people who deal with Victor on a daily basis.

luvmykids replied: OK, next question, am I getting too long? I don't want anyone to see a long letter and just skim it or ignore it completely. Do I need to go back and keep the specific examples but shorten the other parts?

boyohboyohboy replied: i think you are doing such a worth while thing here, i hope you were able to share with your kids in a kid version how wrong the school has handled this, and how every child is important.
kudos to you for sticking up for whats right.

punkeemunkee'smom replied: Oh Monica! I am bawling! I guess I missed the original story I think you need to leave the instances you have been part of and heard about in the letter. They made me sick and so sad to read! I pray that your concern will not fall on deaf ears and that this child will be taken care of! I am so proud of you for standing up for this!

lesliesmom replied: Monica, I think what you are doing is wonderful. I don't think the length is too long. The examples need to be there. If not the board may just brush it off but if they can "see" what is going on then they may look at things differently. Also, I would send one directly to EVERY member of the school board and copy in the principal and possibly the teacher. Good luck! and KUP!

Kaitlin'smom replied: I am so proud of you Monica, I dunno if I would have the guts to do what you are doing, it really saddens me to hear this child is being treated this way, almost like is he caged for the day with out the bars. I woudl send it to all the members of the school board, the principal, superintendant everyone maybe even all the parents in the class.

lisar replied:
Ditto.

luvmykids replied: Thanks for all the encouragement I honestly feel sick sometimes at the thought of getting involved, I am deathly afraid of confrontation but I feel just as sick at the thought of not, almost like a guilty conscience so really, thanks for all the encouragement

mummy2girls replied:
(((HUGS))) i felt the same way when i had to call children services on the mom of the little boy in my dayhome that was hit by the moms boyfriend and resulted in a gash. But you kinow what i had to and you do to. These little ones are too small and need people like us to step up and help them. we are thier voices in these kind of situations. You will get that ugly feeling for a while but you will also feel relieved when you see action happen and this child helped. This teacher brought it upon herself and the only person she should get upset at is herself.