Letting her do things in her own time

coasterqueen wrote: Last year Ryan and I wanted to go on one last mini vacation before we conceived another baby. We went on that vacation and it was really the first time Kylie was going to spend the night away from us. We were so nervous and so was she but she did very well. That was a little over a year ago. Immediately after that mini vacation Kylie decided she was never going to stay with anyone again. It scared her and she was even afraid to go visit my parents because she thought we were going to leave her there. So apparently her little visit freaked her out and we realized she just wasn't ready for overnights. We've spent the last year rarely going out because she was just even too afraid to go stay at my parents or other family members homes even for a few hours. She did it on the rare occassion she had to but that was it. So we just didn't go out, plain and simple. We respected that she wasn't ready and knew in time she would be and then we'd let her. Well in this past month or so she's decided that she is ready to stay the night with people and did so twice with my parents. It was a bit rough on me because I missed her but I dealt with it knowing she was just a mile down the road. Last night we visited Ryan's mother and step-father and Kylie decided she wanted to spend the night so we let her. But as soon as we left I wanted to cry. I realized that she was going to be farther than a mile from me and staying at someone's house that she barely knew. She only met Ryan's mom back in May and she's only visited with her twice before last night. Needless to say I didn't sleep well wondering if she was going to call and I've been so anxious to call her all morning just to see if she's ok. I'm biting my lip though, she'll call me when she wants to. I just can't wait til 4:30 comes around so I can go pick her up and hug her. I still might call her at lunch if she hasn't called me by then though.

What I came to realize is that society has made me feel like I have to rush my child into growing up and doing so many things for herself at such a young age. What I realized is that letting my child decide when she's ready to do something has made her more secure in herself. We did this when it came to weaning from breastfeeding (although pg had a bit to do with it), weaning from a pacifier, and now with deciding when she is ready to spend the night with people. So it brings me to the issue of sleep. We've wanted her to get out of our bed and into her own (by herself) for so long and I've always said when she's ready she'll do it but I've also down deep inside wish she was ready).....well I know now that she will when she is ready, not when I'm ready and that is fine with me. She'll be more secure when she does it and we won't need to force her to do it by CIO.

All of these decisions she makes just hits me so hard because it tells me she is growing up. She's making decisions for what's best for her and WAHHHHHHHHHHH I'm not ready for her to grow up yet.

Some days just these things makes me know what I'm doing...all the waiting to do certain things for myself; the not rushing so I can have *my* life back (in many ways) is all worth it, worth it for her.

Ok, now I really want to go hug my baby girl.

Kaitlin'smom replied: hug her for me also. They do grow up fast. I am simply amazed with kaitlin, even with somehting so simple she did for me this am.

moped replied: What a great thing to read first thin at work for me - she is growing up and you have raised a wonderful little girl that loves you. Good Job Karen!

Jamison'smama replied: Just reading your post makes me feel better about a lot of things.

No my almost 3 year old can't go to sleep on her own--I was just saying to DH a couple of nights ago---we have very few years left where she will want us to hold her and sing to her as she falls asleep. It would be nice if it were our choice to do it because there are PLENTY of nights where I don't want to spend and hour or two doing that but you just reminded me that it will all change very soon----and the pacifier thing....well, I have no idea what to do about that!!!

Thanks for posting this...and WTG Kylie!!!

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Way to grow Kylie!! What a big girl you are!!

coasterqueen replied:
We did help Kylie with the paci thing (santa came and took them to needy babies) BUT we also said that if she didn't go along with it we'd let her keep them. She suprised us and she's always telling everyone how she helped Santa give other babies new binkies.

amynicole21 replied: Your post really hits home with me. We did a lot of things with Sophia due to societal pressure - taking away the bottle and the binky primarily. I don't know if she was ready for those things, but they're done now. She's still in bed with us, and I'm not rushing to get her out. I think I'm going to be a lot more laid back with Nora... I've already decided not to let people make me feel guilty for letting my kids do what they need to. I guess that kind of security comes with experience, and I'm glad that I realized this sooner than later

MommyToAshley replied: What a great post. I think we should save this post and let people read it the next time they are feeling pressured into making a decision they are not comfortable with.

Karen, what a gentle, loving, and caring Mom you are!

julesmom replied: Great post, Karen.

I also believe in letting kids do things at their own rate. I don't care what friends and family think. It's my house and my family and no one else's business.

My dd who will be three this month is still in bed with dh and me, even though dh would like her to get out sometimes. But, she is the last baby and when she is out, that's it.

She isn't ready to be in her own bed yet and that's ok.

jacobsmama replied: I just wanted to say yes it was a great post and that you are doing an excellent Job with Kylie...You are right she will when she is ready and it is very nice to be reminded that when we say your suppose to that you don't really have too!!

A&A'smommy replied: I swear I posted to this I think I'm going nutso

Anyway we do things the same way!!! WTG Kylie she is growing up too fast!!

Mommy2BAK replied: Wow Karen, you are doing a great job at parenting! Reading your post made me feel better about my own parenting skills, such as laying with Blakley to get her to sleep, co-sleeping, ect. I get crap from people all the time about these things and that I am "spoiling her" But you just gave me some great insight!

coasterqueen replied:
Yeah my dad says I'm spoiling my kids too. Just recently he said I was spoiling Megan by nursing her as often as I do. Oh brother! I told him I was going to pretend I didn't hear that one because I love him too much.

kimberley replied:
Amen sista! Karen, your girls are very lucky to have such a great mom as you!!! you are an inspiration!

Jamielou replied: I totally agree with everyone

bucky replied: Good Luck! Makes me realize how fortunate we really are that our son will sleep at either grandparents house just fine.

angelhair replied: i know what you mean. when my ds was ready he gave uphis binky in three days and today he went in his potty after announcing he had to go pee. i to believe that pushing our kids only makes the process stay longer. you are doing fine. love dee