MIL complaining about my cooking! - vent***

amymom wrote: So, if you don't know my 87 yr old MIL lives with us, well it has been her house but she asked us to come, move in take care of the house and her and it has worked well for the most part. I do notice that she never says Thank-you, so there are times that I feel unappreciated. I do all the cleaning, cooking 'housewife duties' so to speak. Constantly, I might hear things about how they aren't done right (or in other words her way), but nothing really direct to me and I DO know she appreciates that she can stay in her home only because we are here, but still a Thank-you once in a while would be nice. I now know why it is so hard for my husband to show / speak appreciation for things I do.

Anyway, last night I tried this new recipe I got off TV and it came out pretty good. Everyone liked it. I posted it under the recipe section. So today she tells me, "Boy that recipe was really good last night. Next time you make it put more cooking spray on the pan so it doesn't stick. You just don't know how to cook right. Good thing you found that recipe." First of all, I am a darn good cook. And she knows it! Second of all, the recipe was good yes, but uhhhh it didn't cook itself. I did it. Third of all, I really am a decent cook! Not gourmet, but an allround good cook. And I can bake too!

Anyway, just needed to let off some steam. I am off to vacuum this huge house.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Ooooh MILs.

I am currently RE-reading a book I have...Toxic In-Laws, by Susan Forward.

It really helped me the first time I read it 2 years ago..... and issues are coming back with my MIL, so I'm reading it again - and this time, DH is going to read it too.

Funny, when he came for lunch, he noticed me reading it, so I asked him if he thought his parents were toxic... he said nope! So I asked him a few questions, chaging the words from in-laws to parents... then turned the book to him - he'd answered yes to 5 of the 8 questions with a yes - and it says that if you answered <yes> to 3 qestions, you have toxic in-laws....



It's a really great book. I recommend it.... especially since you're living with her. But don't let her see it!!!!!

Maddie&EthansMom replied: She reminds me of my 93 year old grandmother. Nothing is ever good enough. Some people just can't be happy.

I bet the recipe was delicious and I'm sure you are a great cook!! I need to go check out that recipe now.

CantWait replied: I hear ya. I don't think my MIL has ever said a good thing to me either

coasterqueen replied: OMG! I can't believe she said that. That would be the LAST time I cooked for her if she was my MIL.

gr33n3y3z replied: I'm sorry

My Mother Inlaw has never done that to me BUT
They do have their own way of doing things and you just have to over look them and i know its hard but thats where the "look" can come in handy lol

I'm sure you are a great cook

ammommy replied: Boy, that would be tough to live with.
Not that it helps the situation, but do you think that she criticizes because she feels useless? She had been used to at least 65-70 years of doing things her way and now suddenly she can't. I'm guessing that at her age she can't do things as well as she used to so now she is dependant upon you and her son. That can be very difficult for some people---especially headstrong women I see the beginnings of this in my grandmother. I just take a deep breath and realize that it's her way of dealing with aging. Then I come here and vent

amymom replied:
oh yes absolutely! You are very astute! This is exactly it......
But as you said it so doesn't help to know that. It still doesn't 'feel' good.
We really do have a good relationship. I don't have much to complain about.... but it still stinks when I work hard and don't feel appreciatied.

amymom replied: Thanks everyone! Like I said, we really do have a good relationship, she didn't mean to hurt my feelings and she probably didn't even notice she did, It just felt rotten at the moment so I wrote it down. Boy, if I wrote down evertime she hurt my feelings I would have 3000 posts.

gr33n3y3z replied: I know and that would hurt me also
((( hugs ))))

redchief replied: Aww Anne, I'm sorry she's so rough on you. Don't think for a moment that it isn't on purpose though. Also don't think for a moment you can do anything to change it. That reads like a classic case of "no woman can be good enough for my boy" to me. It does appear that you come close to her "standards" though. Hang in there!!!

amymom replied:
OMG Ed, I laughed out loud. It is so true. Last year when we moved in, whenever I wanted to change something, I quickly learned that I would have to say "Lee would like to do this, what do you think?" Then as long as she knew it was his idea it would be ok. If it was my idea it would be a bad idea. Boy I could keep going with MIL stories.

**** in my MIL's defense though, When she asked us to move in she did not ask my DH if he would be able to do this. She asked me if it was something I could do. She had respect for us, our marriage and our children to ask me. She said she knew he would say absolutely anytime, and she wanted me to have the option to say no. So really I know she has respect for me, and I am easy-going enough to put up with her stuff, it just was not ok for her to insult my cooking today!!!

Maddie&EthansMom replied: She really sounds like a terrific woman and I think you both respect each other greatly. That is wonderful.

redchief replied:
Hmm... politics in your future?

MyLuvBugs replied: Holy crap! It's like an "Everybody loves Raymond" episode!! I'm so sorry that your MIL is like that. I can't believe she'd actually tell you to your face that you're a "bad" cook. Sorry sweetie.

amymom replied:
Thanks Lisa, I missed this post when I read before. I am very good with the 'look' for my husband and my kids, but I haven't perfected it with my MIL. I will have to go practice.

A&A'smommy replied: grrrrr that would annoy me too!!! I HATED living with my MIL I don't know how you do it