Making a proposition to Lacy tonight

Bee_Kay wrote: well, her BF is still not working.... but, Lacy is. She got a PT job (plus she is going to nightschool) therefore, BF is there watching Lexi.
The other day, Lexi was over and had the worst diaper rash (poor thing) and Lacy immediately told me that her BF didn't know to wipe her clean with each diaper change

A couple nights ago, I picked Lacy up to do some shopping with me. She left the baby at home with BF for about an hour..... Lacy was pretty much in a hurry to get back... and she, in so many words made it clear that she worries about Lexi when she is left with the BF. We get back from shopping and the BF is there playing poker with a couple friends and Lexi in sitting in a swing with a poopy diaper

I kept Lexi overnight last night just to spend time with her.... and I dropped her off today and said I would pick her up a little later in the afternoon before Lacy went to nightschool.
I picked her up and brought her shopping for some new clothes, toys, diapers, ect. I then had to bring Tyler (my son) shopping for some stuff so I called the BF and had him come pick her (Lexi) up and I told him that I would pick her back up when I was done.

So, about 2 hours later, I picked her back up..... BF was over at his friends house and he told me that all Lexi does with him is scream
So, I get her and bring her home. I took her out of the carseat and immediately notice that she is soaked right through her clothes with pee....... while taking off her clothes I notice that it's not only pee.... it's also poop that is leaking out all over her

ETA-- Her diaper rash is now a fire engine red again... and I almost had it cleared up as of this morning

So, tonight I am going to proposition Lacy that I will take Lexi every time she works until BF can get a grip on being a father and taking care of his daughter. Also, I will tell Lacy that I will provide everything Lexi needs here when she is in my care (diapers, wipes, formula..... i already bought a crib for her and she already her own bedroom here already )

What do you all think????

Calimama replied: I am kind of torn on this because I would hate to see the baby uncared for butttt on the otherhand they are never going to learn to be responsible adults or parents if they dont care for the baby themselves. I would understand you watching her if they were both working but he's sitting home playing poker? He needs to grow up and take care of his daughter, and I'm not sure you doing it for him, will make him do it. I do think they are EXTREMELY lucky to have you.

1lilpeanut2love replied: That's a good deal. I feel SO sorry for the lil baby. What the heck is wrong with Lacey's BF. Geez I think she needs to get away from him. I cannot believe he isn't the one working! Sounds like Lacey needs to come back home. Sorry you are still dealing with all of this crap. Poor baby girl. Hope her rash heals soon and her parents[mainly father] grow up. Good Luck!

Bee_Kay replied:
Thank you

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: Barb, I gotta say, things like this make me want to scream. Lacy's bf is a complete bonehead and the sooner she realizes that, the better. She's doing all the work right now anyway, she'd do just fine as a single mom with a little help from family. I applaud you taking care of Lexi, she needs that. I can say that if there hasn't been too much improvement in 2 and a half months, there probably won't be much more. GRRR!! Maybe he'll do better when she's walking and talking and potty trained. I hope Lacy doesn't stick around to find out.

Calimama replied:
Yeah I know you mean. Why should she have to suffer? I would offer to take care of her. I hope her mother learns what a loser her bf is.

1lilpeanut2love replied:
It's SO sad.

Boys r us replied: Awww..you are a wonderful grandma and mom! She'd be CRAZZZZZY not to take you up on that offer! I think she will considering that she seems to be as worried about Lexi as you are!

1lilpeanut2love replied: BTW--> DO you have any new pictures to share of your grandbaby!?!?!!?

Sorry to go off topic for a moment!

mom2my2cuties replied: Barb - Don't take this wrong - I love you to pieces and think that you are an amazing grandmother to Lexi and a perfect step mother to Lacy. And we can all tell how much you love this baby.

Have you spoken to Lacy about the fact that her boyfriend is never going to grow up and be a father to Lexi or spouse/significant other to her? And given her the option of moving back home until she gets herself together and is able to support herself and Lexi? I can tell from your posts Lacy knows this creep isn't going to change, and having a sister who refuses to leave a similar situation I can sort of understand that.

Or perhaps an offer to keep Lexi on a temporary basis at your house all the time? I just hate to see this baby neglected like this by her father. And I am sorry, I really fear that eventually he is going to do something that will cause Lexi REAL harm (other than just a diaper rash), and then CPS will end up involved and it wont only be HIS butt in a sling, because Lacy will be in just as much trouble for leaving her child with an inadequate caregiver, even if that person is the baby's father.

Lacy is truly lucky to have a mom like you, and I am glad that you are there for Lexi so much. It is comforting to know that she has at least someone she can count on.


Edited to add - I would also like to see pictures of your peanut! OH! And Congrats to Lacy for going to school and working!

CantWait replied: First off, good for Lacy, I'm really proud of the effort she's making. I know what it's like to go to school and be a mom, I can't imagine working also.

How are things between Lacy and the baby? Is she finding it easier to care for her? Has she formed that bond with her?

I think it's a wonderful offer, I would also offer to take Lacy back in also since I think she's truly making an effort to better herself for her and her daughter.

It's to bad that it's the case though. I agree, Lexi needs to be taken care of, but it really should be dad learning. Unfortunetly it doesn't look as if that's going to happen. I can't believe what a freeloading prick he is.

Bee_Kay replied: Thank you all for your replies!!

I talked to Lacy about it.... she was practically saying "yes, yes yes" before I had it all out on the table.

booey2 replied: Barb,

Sounds like you have been given a great bunch of advice and have already come to a solution. I just wanted to add that Lacy is a very lucky lady. My sister went through this as well and my mom helped her out but not to the degree you have. My niece now has a fantastic bond with my mother which I am sure you will have with your grand-daughter. Take care, you are a wonderful mom/grandmom.

Terri

gr33n3y3z replied: I'm glad she agreed bc the baby doesnt deserve to suffer like that bc of the BF is to lazy and has no clue about child care nor does he wish to learn
Your a great grandma Barb for helping

redplaydoh replied: She is so lucky to have you there to help. What is the bf's problem? He can't change a diaper properly?? That is really not a hard task to do. So your step-daughter is working, going to school, and really taking care of her baby... she needs to wake up to this deadbeat guy. How is he going to be when the baby grows up and is into that stage that can frustrate you to your limit? I am afraid when it gets to that stage he'll lose his temper and that won't be good for the baby. If he can't handle diaper changes and simple care of a little baby what is it going to be in the future??? Gosh I feel so bad for the whole situation.

So while Lacy is working her tush off at work, school, and parenting.... what is bf going to do? Play more poker??? Is Lacy starting to wake up to the situation at all?

Bee_Kay replied: Thank you all so much for your replies.... I'll do the best I can to answer your questions.


Well, IF that were to ever happen (and it better darn well not).... he better have God in his corner that day, because it will be a race between me and my DH who kicks the s**t out of him first.

redplaydoh replied: I am so happy you're there for that baby.

Cece00 replied:
I couldnt agree more. I'd offer for her to move back home, have a SERIOUS conversation about this with her, because this child (BF) isnt going to grow up. What he is doing right not is neglect to his child, and Lacy could actually get in trouble along with him bc she allowed him to watch the baby & knew he wouldnt care for her properly.

I think your other offer is good, but I dont think it teaches either one of them anything. But I totally get where you are coming from b/c it has to be hard to watch him do this to that baby.

Bee_Kay replied:
Yeah, I did, again, make that offer to her. But she said "I like living on my own, ect, ect, ect".

Which basically means (to me) that she is not willing to sacrifice her happiness and what she wants for the care of her baby.

Kaitlin'smom replied: while its not going to teach the BF a darn thing other than he can continue to do what he wants, at least the child is cared for by someone who really loves her. For that I applaud you. IMO if the 'parenting' has not kick in for BF after 2 1/2 months it wont any time soon. They woudl both be better off with out him.

Cece00 replied:
That is unfortunate.

Have you considered helping her financially, in her own apt WITHOUT the BF if that is possible for you guys? Help her find something affordable (there are places that do apts for low income ppl, the rent is lower than normal rent...) and she is working PT, perhaps ya'll can help her for awhile with the bills if she agrees to move WITHOUT the BF.

lisar replied: My opinion is that if he cant change a diaper and learn responsibilty then you are doing the right thing. However he also needs to be talked to and told that he cant do this.

Bee_Kay replied:

Well, she still wants to be with the BF.
As far as finacially helping... I'll give you a rundown of a few past choices they've made and why my DH are so unwilling to help THEM.... but we do help with the baby.... no reason she has to suffer because of their choices, KWIM?

1. BF was working.... They DID get low-income housing (only $300/month plus electric!), where the rent was based on his income.

2. Lacy got a job, they moved out into a trailer house that was way more expense PLUS they now have to pay their own water, heat, garbage, ect.

3. Lacy quit her job.

4. BF quit his job.

5. Now Lacy works PT (only 16 hours a week @ $7.00 per hour) and going to nightschool.

6. BF is still not working.

7. Lacy's gross income will be approx $448.00 per month. (heating around here, especially for a trailer house will easily run about $200 per month).

8. Now Lacy is trying to get a second job

ETA - all of these choices have happened in the last couple months