Maybe somebody has a suggestion

Jamison'smama wrote: I am at my parents house for the next week and I have a problem. Jamison will go to everybody--or at least talk to them and smile at them EXCEPT my mom. My mother is trying not to show how hurt she is but I can tell. She is doing everything right--plays with her, shares her water with her (that's a biggie with Jamison) but Jamison will not let her touch her--forget holding her.

Does anyone know how to handle this? I doubt there is much I can do here but I just feel so bad. She adores Jamison but gets absolutely nothing in return--Jamison loves to hug and kiss my brother (who I don't even really like) and she will take naps with my sister who she has only seen a handful of times--I just don't get it. Any suggestions would be appreciated!

kit kats mom replied: I understand your pain. My MIL has the same problem for the first day or so when she visits. By the second or third day though, k usually warms up to her. One thing I did was make a book for K with pictures all of our relatives in it . Each page has a picture of the relative holding Katherine and it says "nana and papa love katherine" etc. We say goodnight to everyone in it before bed. That way, she's learning all of thier names and I'm guessing that she may not be so leery of them when she sees them next. Otherwise just try to make sure that Jamison sees that you love grandma and reassure her that it's safe.

MommyToAshley replied: Aweee, I feel bad for your Mom. She shouldn't take it personally, although I know that is hard. Ashley gets like this sometimes but it is usually with both Papals. Once she's had time to warm up to them then she is fine. I think the important thing is not to push Jamison into showing affection. I think she will on her own time. Maybe if she sees you give your Mom a hug, she might do it too. Just a thought.

Let us know how it goes.

kimberley replied: ach, i am sorry you are dealing with this. ((((hugs)))) to your mom. maybe if she sees grandma more often and they do more things together it will help. stand back a bit and let your mom do the nurturing things like kiss a boo boo and snuggle reading stories. i like the ideas given. of you hugging your mom and having a "who loves me" photo book. I hope things get better soon.

jen replied: Sorry I don't have much advice! My mom would be so hurt if this happens to her, I hope it doesn't! But I am sure she will come around. I love the idea of the photo book, maybe do one with almost all pictures of your mom!!!

coasterqueen replied: I have this same problem with Kylie and my FIL. She won't go to him for anything and she cries if she even sees him. The only thing that helps the situation and makes Kylie a bit more relaxed around him is the fact that she will give anyone and everyone kisses. So I say to her "Kylie go give grandpa a kiss" and she hestitates and I say it again and she will. She sometimes will let him hold her, etc, after that and sometimes won't.

What about it if MIL tries to give her her favorite toy or stuffed animal? Or a favorite treat? I know if my FIL has a sucker in his hand or a cookie, Kylie would probably go running for him, lol. Course you wouldn't want to make a habit of it, but it might help to break the ice for her

jcc64 replied: Do you look like or sound like your mom? I remember reading somewhere that relatives that closely resemble mom or dad sometime freak kids out. I think it confuses them. Whether or not that's true or not in this case, maybe if you tell your mom that it'll make her feel better?

jen replied:
THAT is FREAKY in itself!!! I wonder if Maddy will FREAK out when she sees my twin!!!! She is pretty scary anyway!! LOL!

MommyToAshley replied:
hmmm, that's interesting. For the longest time, Ashley would cry every time she would see DH's brother. He was the only one she did that with... we all just laughed about it. But, now I wonder if it is because he looks like DH? Hmmmmm. She's gotten used to him now and doesn't cry at the sight of him any more.

coasterqueen replied:
That is interesting because FIL and DH look exactly alike! I mean you can tell in a very crowded room that the two of them are related! LOL.

mom2josh replied:
Hugs to both you & your mom. Josh did/does the same thing with my BIL (he & DH look a lot alike).

Hopefully soon she will come around & spend some time with Grandma.

Jamison'smama replied: Well we would love to spend more time together but we are in Ohio and they are in Oklahoma but we have seen them twice in the last two months--for a week each time.

I do have a photo book and Jamison looks at it all the time but I should make a bigger deal out of it --maybe that would help.

My mom and I don't look too much alike--both short and have similar features but nothing significant--thanks for all advice and support!

Kirstenmumof3 replied: First off BIG HUGS to your mom! My mom and DH went through this with my DS. He loved his grandma (MIL) and papa (FIL), he would go to his aunty (my sister) and his uncle (my brother) but when it came to my mom and my husband he would and and if they looked at him it only made things worse! Eventually he did outgrow this and he finally did go to both of them. It will take time. My suggestion is to have your mom continue what she is doing. Have her play with her, read to her and if you go out get your mom to push the stroller/shopping cart! I know it is frustrating, you don't know how many times I saw the tears in my DH's eyes, it was so hard for him.

California Girls replied: I think the picture book is a great idea. We look at them almost everyday. That's the only way she feels connected to her family - none of which we get to see very often. My Rylee is EXTREMELY social - almost to a fault with strangers. But some people's personalities don't excite her or make her shy sometimes. That's when we usually back off and let her discover them at her own pace.

CantWait replied: I'm so sorry you're going through this. Robbie was like this as a toddler with my MIL, he was terrified to go to her, because she was just a nervous type of person. I wish I had some advice for you, but I'm sure you'll get something from someone else. Hugs to you and your mom

Julie (jem0622) replied: Gabe is far more comfy with my parents than my DH's parents. He sees them more. So that could be part of it. But your Mom needs to calm down and not take offense to such things. A little too sensitive. Just enjoy her presence and in time she will recognize her more readily. Agree with the picture book. We have pictures of all of our family in our front living room. Gabe sees the pic of my parents and says 'Grandpa'. But when he sees the pic that has DH's parents in it he doesn't say the same. I have to tell him.

HUGS
Julie

Boys r us replied: I didn't read all of the responses, but I do have a suggestion that worked for us. Braedon was not very fond of my MIL and we started telling her to bring a sucker(lollipop) and give it to him..and it worked! What kid could resist a grandmother with candy

Jamison'smama replied:
She's actually being a trooper---I can just tell that it is hard for her--she LOVE LOVE LOVES Jamison--can't wait to see her--adores everything about her but Jamison won't even let her put her hand on the shopping cart when she's in it (that is the latest--happened today) --she screams no no no no no --mom usually makes a game out of it but I know it's hard---thanks for all the input--sounds like everyone has been there.