Mckaylee has gone to far - drastic measures will be taken

mckayleesmom wrote: Tonight I put her to bed, turned out all the lights and electronics in the living room and kitchen and went to relax in bed. Leithan asked me to go pick something up from the store. I get up and Mckaylee is in the living room...STRIKE 1. She is watching Tv ...STRIKE 2. She has been into my purse and opened all my makeup and smeared foundation on the carpet and walls...STRIKE 3. Now all of you remember my post about her peeing wherever she pleases lately in the 1-3 year olds post right? I get all my stuff into my purse and I tell her to get in bed and I will deal with the other stuff when I get back....I go to open the door and guess what? Its already open....and what do I find on the porch....POOP....Then I notice its human and is also all over my carpet........OMG you guys...I am so fuming right now....I told Leithan that Im cracking down on punishments first thing in the morning..Im so sick of feeling rage towards my child because she has no remorse or fear of punishment...She just does whatever she pleases. Tomorow morning Im going to walmart to pick up eye hook locks for the top of her door.....All her toys are going to be removed from her room.....Timeouts will now be held in her room and bedtime will not be optional because she is sneaking out....Im at the end of my roap. Im starting to feel so angry with her all the time lately....last week I had a breakdown.

I know that everyone is going to tell me not to put her in her room because she won't want to sleep....TOO BAD...Im really not in the caring mood right now. She can get those handle things off , bells and all that have been tried too...She just takes them off and hides them.

Im really furious right now....

CantWait replied: You have to do what you gotta do. I'm with ya on this, hope it works. \

ETS: Did you make her help you clean up the poop???

Mom2Boyz replied: I so feel for you

Conner does me the same way, and like you I'm at the end of my rope trying to figure out what to do with him.

I say do what you gotta do!!!! I hope the eye hook locks work for you. That's what we have on all of our doors now.

mckayleesmom replied: Im hopeing they work too....It is sad when the point comes that you have to lock your child in their room....Not only so they don't get into stuff, but to keep them safe too....She could have wandered down the street or got picked up by a stranger....BTW...I did lock the front door...but she uses any means neccessary to get it unlocked...laundry baskets, toys...you name it..she will stack it. Im also picking up a chain lock tomorow to put up super high on the front door.....

mckayleesmom replied: I figure eye hooks are safe...if there is a fire or immediate need to grab her out of her room..then all I have to do is flip the lock....When she has to go potty in the middle of the night..I usually hear her way before she wanders out....I usually shut my door of my bedroom after putting her down so there is no light and she is forced to go to sleep...but tonight she took measures into her own hands.

Nina J replied: I think you're doing the right thing

Good Luck, and let us know how is goes

kit_kats_mom replied: Oh No! Brianne. You poor dear. I commend you for keeping it together. I would have seriously lost my bananas if one of my kids pulled a stunt like that. She needs to learn some self control and it seems that it may take some drastic measures to get through to her. Is she trying to get attention or something? OMG. I can't believe the destruction in such a short time frame....have you explained that she is never getting an allowence and that in fact, she will have to have her first few years of payroll direct deposited into your account for repayment of her toddler destructions (and possibly your therapy bills?)? .

I think, even I the anti-spank queen, may have resorted to a loud whoppin' after being pushed so far. C'mon Mackey, the cake in the dishwasher, not cool (but sorta funny in a messed up "I have toddlers and can see that happening" kind of way) but this is B-A-D. Bad girl! Where is the finger wagging icon? Shame on her. Much less getting out. That would scare me to death.

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: I have to think that this may be the only way to get through to her. Brianne, I too commend you for not strangling your child. I am sure it would have been a pure temporary insanity thing. Wow. I say go with the eyehooks and the door chain. It will foil her mischief and keep her safe at the same time. Good luck and keep us posted.

mckayleesmom replied:
Cary...I have tried everything....We have done spanking (totally not affective, sometimes, but not most of the time), talking to her, taking things away, time outs, etc. We have thought of the attention thing too, and even extra attention...No difference. Usually during the day we do a craft, maybe swim, watch some cartoons, she plays in the playroom with Russ, they have wardrobe boxes in Russ's room to play clubhouse...she colors and plays with playdough...they sit at the computer with me looking at funny videos and noggin.com type stuff. So she does get alot of attention, but alot of it seems negative because if you are not watching her every second of the day or have eyes behind your head...then she is into everything. I have to tie my fridge shut...Which she recently learned how to bypass.

Also..she goes with me everywhere...like shopping and stuff to give her extra time with me...We go to the dollar store or just browse around. I have also been letting her stay up 1 hour later to have alone time with me.

I know that she is extremly jealous of Russell and he is extremely jealous of her. Together they get along great, but if it comes to one of them getting the attention of me or dh...its a huge battle.

Im serously thinking that she has ADD or something. I just don't understand why she does this stuff.

Everyday I have a talk with her about thinking before she does something. I tell her to ask herself "now Mckaylee, is that going to get you into trouble". Then I tell her that if it is going to get you in trouble..don't do it. If you are not sure if its going to get you into trouble, then ask mommy or daddy. I tell her that it hurts mommy's feelings when she does naughty things. If she wants something...ask mommy to get it...don't try to do it yourself.

I just feel really frustrated and lost with her. I told Leithan that Im seriously considering asking for some meds to deal with the stress and anxiety I have been experiencing from her behavior...among other things, but that is at the top of the list. I feel pretty depressed about the whole situation lately and every time she does something...it makes my blood boil.

Im really starting to worry about her future....Im afraid that when she starts preschool next year they are going to call me and say they can't handle her...Although she is for the most part good for other people.

The most frustrating part is that I know she knows that she is doing wrong. She is so smart and so sneaky and crafty its amazing. Usually when I catch her doing something..all I have to do is say her name and she says "Im going to my room". So she knows exactly what she is doing.

I just don't know what to do...

mckayleesmom replied: Also..she was doing so good for a while with the Nanny 911 techniques and especially the naughty chair....I know that consistancy is key, but lately if I was consistant...I would spend my whole flippin day holding her in the naughty chair....

I think the move also had an affect on her..She loves the new house and stuff, but she lost her friend Emily. Our neighborhood is really quiet and I never see kids out playing her age that she can play with.

Meeting Nicole and the girls helped alot, but we can't see and play with them everyday...although she loves them to death and keeps asking about them.

BAC'sMom replied: Yes, your right consistency is the key when raising children. Perhaps you could start up your Nanny 911 techniques again or try to find a book on techniques for strong willed kids. Maybe invest in a few more locks to keep her out of things....refrigerator lock, cabinet locks, front and back door locks. (Even though I don’t agree with locking a child in his or her room) You might want to look into the doors alarms they are relatively inexpensive.
She sounds like to me she is lacking something rather it be attention or maybe she is possibly bored and that is why she looks for things to do and or tear up. (Writing on the walls, getting in the refrigerator, making a total messes in the house, etc.) You also might want to check into Mother’s day out, that would give you a break and give her time to spend with children her own age.
Sorry but DH and I have NEVER had this problem with our children being so destructive. Our children are certainly NOT angels, but they know what we expect of them. We instilled in them EARLY ON that NO means NO. And certain behavior will not be tolerated, they are accountable for there action and know ALL about consequences. But then again we all raise our children different.

redchief replied: I'm sorry you're having such a tough time with MacKaylee, Brianne.

I don't know if I'll be any help, but there's a few things that worked for us on our strong willed one. Who cleaned the #2 off the porch and the carpet?
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I totally agree with removing her toys and privledges. I totally agree with consitent use of the naughty chair.

I totally DISAGREE with locking her in her room. No matter how safe you think it may be in there, it isn't.

What do you do when you catch her behaving? Is there a sort of stare down contest between you and her? How does Liethan react to your discipline and MacKaylee's behavior? Sorry about all of the questions, I know you've already written a lot, but I'm trying to understand the dynamics better.

C&K*s Mommie replied:

Did you ever get a chance to review that information about the MOMS Club here in town, or the other information about places around town holding parent/child get-togethers?

gr33n3y3z replied: I agree locking your child in the bedroom isnt very safe

This is what we put on the door and it worked wonders Magnetic Door Alarm
$9.95

http://www.onestepahead.com/shopping/searc...ll&Nu=Leader+ID

kit_kats_mom replied: I was thinking about this last night. Have you tried the positive reinforcement stuff? Does that fly with her? With K, punishment's don't typically have the staying power of positivity. I've talked about the rock system ad nausem on here but it really does work. Typically we use is for a few days until her behavior gets back on track then we phase it out. It comes back whenever she starts acting up though. Basically it's just a way to insert some positivity into the house. Being a strict diciplinarian all the time is hard and if all she's hearing is No, bad etc....perhaps catching her being good is worth a try.

I just sat K down explained that if she's good she gets a rock. When she gets a certian number of rocks, she gets a treat (half hour of mommy time, small toy, trip to beach whatever). We set the goal with a currency she really wants then we explain that bad behavior will lose rocks. One warning only. It's taught her that good girls get good things and that she has control over how her day goes. The main trick is to catch them being good for the silliest things at first...make it kind of easy.

Typically it went like this in the beginning. The goal, 5 rocks in one day earns 30 minutes mommy only time in the evening doing whatever K wants (or a movie). Here is how the day goes.
m: wow, good job eatig all of your breakfast. One rock, which she ceremoniously takes from the cup and puts on her "counting page". And another for washing your hands without being asked. Oh, wow, you really shared well with Lauren. How nice of you. I think you earned another rock! Good job taking a nap with no fuss. Rock time!! Oh, bummer you didn't clean up your playroom like I asked. I think we need to lose a rock.
K: commence crying but after the explination accepts her punishment and takes the rock off of the goal page and puts it back in the cup.
M: Good job. Now you can earn that back right? I know you can do it. She's good in the store which earns 2 rocks and we spend mommy Katheirne time playing stuffed animals.

We make a big deal about how many rocks she earned and how many were lost, during our dinner convo with dad and he expresses great pride. You can tell she's proud of herself too. The number of rocks grow (now she's up to 25 rocks in a week earn a trip to sea world or some other big thing she wants).

You may want to give it a try. In K's case, talking and discipline don't really cut it. They just tick her off and cause a toxic attitude throughout the house. This really allows her to hold her destiny in her hand. She still gets time outs in addition to loss of rocks but it's pretty rare. She will actually tell you now that "good things happen to good girls!"

luvbug00 replied: OMG! She didn't!!! I am saying a prayer for your sanity.Your right to do the with the dr.phill strip the room thing! WOW. I'm at a loss for words.

mckayleesmom replied:
Im going to try giving this a whirl....I will buy some fish rocks or something at walmart today.

Mom2Boyz replied:
We do the same thing. We got the refrigerator lock that they have at walmart and it worked for a while. Until one morning Conner woke up before me and figured out how to open it. I woke up to eggs and baking soda all over my kitchen!!!!

We now have a lock on the fridge door one on the freezer door and they are tied together!!! He can still get it open if he stands on something, but usually we can catch him before he gets all the way into it.

If you figure out some way of getting her to behave PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE clue me in on it!!!

I really do hope you find something that works for you guys.

mckayleesmom replied:
I have a side by side fridge and freezer.....Im going to buy some handcuffs.

kit_kats_mom replied: you can use stickers or whatever you think will dazzle her. In K's case it's pink princess gems. They are just those glass rocks that you get in the floral section.

kit_kats_mom replied: oh and I'm not sure that I properly stressed the warning. In the cleaning the playroom example, I would have said "K last chance to clean the playroom or you will lose a rock". Usually that's all she needs to get her hiney in gear. If not, then she loses the rock. You often hear "now is that worth losing a rock over?" and her answer is usually "no"

mckayleesmom replied:
I tried stickers before...and they didn't work because she wanted to put them on herself and then she would rip them up or lose them so we would lose count.

BAC'sMom replied: You might also look at a sticker chart or giving her tokens (the plastic coins or poker chips) for her GOOD behavior. Then after she reaches a certain amount of stickers/ tokens she get a surprise for her "good" behavior. We have a chart like this at our house we have categories like clean up my room....used my manners....picked up my toys etc. Some of the perks after that reach a certain point are going for ice cream....going to the park...bowling or we even have a Mommy /Daddy play date. It really works if you are consistent. As a parent of 3 I think it is important to praise and child for good behavior too, not just yell and scream for the bad behavior. KWIM

Especially if she is telling you "Im going to my room" when you catch her doing something wrong. Something that your doing is not working anymore.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: Brianne I know what it is like to have a child completely out of control. I did things to Emily that I today am not proud of. I locked her in her room because she just wouldn't stay in bed and let me tell you it was the worst decision I ever made. I don't agree with locking her in her room. And I think you might want to take some parenting classes. I only say all of this because I went through the same thing and parenting classes really helped. I know right now you are at your witts end with Mackaylee, but I think some of this might be her way of saying "Hey mom, I need your attention!" Kids will do anything to get attention.

Brianne I'm worried about you! The anger you show in a lot of your posts is very evident. You can take this for what it's worth and tell me I'm wrong, but I think you may be depressed. Please take this test http://www.lessons4living.com/depression_test2.htm and talk to your family doctor.

mckayleesmom replied:
Wow...I took that test and It said I have mild depression.

Kirstenmumof3 replied:
I'm glad you took the test!

mckayleesmom replied: Kirsten...I have discussed my depression issues with my doctor before and guess what he told me to do????.....Take a 10 minute walk he was very lucky I was in shock and he left quickly.

mckayleesmom replied: I did get the number of a new doctor though...so we will see how it goes.

huggybugboy replied: I think a trip to the ped might be good too. He/She can talk to McKaylee and possibly make some kind of early diagnosis. This doesn't sound like just toddler stuff. I don't know if its add like you said, but a doctor should be able to give you some ideas of things to dry. Good luck. You are a stronger woman than I.

Kirstenmumof3 replied:
Good Idea! Both Emily and Spencer were diagnosed as being "Spirited Children" I have a really good book that I would be happy to send you it's called "Raising Your Spirited Child" and then as you all know Spencer was also diagnosed with Obstinate Defiante Disorder.

Bee_Kay replied: Brianne, I totally sympethize with your situation. I can't imagine.

Don't get me wrong McKaylee is just about the cutest thing around..... but her behavior is extreme (even for a so called "high maintenance child).

It could be so many darn things Brianne. But, I agree. Discipline has got to come down hard on her now.... before it progresses and progresses..... and also, you have little Russell who is sitting back.... watching and learning.

See what your pediatrition says. In the meantime, she really needs to learn ALOT of things..... respect, self-control, regret, learn consequences, ect.

Keep us posted..... we all care so much for McKaylee

A&A'smommy replied: I hope you guys find something that will work for you!!!

Crystalina replied: I will have to agree with everyone who suggested the door alarms. I got a pack of 4 for about $19.00. They have been up for over a year and still work great and they are very easy to install. I had to put them up because we have a pond in front of our house and I was scared Evan may wonder into it when he learned how to open the front door. Now he won't because he hates the sound of the alarm. Maybe the sound alone (put it on the irritating sound) will deter her enough not to open it. I just worry about the locked bedroom door. What would happen if you can't get to her and she would have a chance to get out on her own. There are many stories in the news about the kids getting out or waking the parents first. It would just be scary if she was locked in and could've gotten herself out. kwim?

I don't know what your going through (thank God! ). I'm not sure I would have your patience. How old is she?

We use the coins for our kids. They each get a coin for good behavior. They are the plastic "gold" coins in the party section at Wal-Mart. They are great. After they get their cup full they can get so much money and buy what they want. I used to use certificates but they like the coins better.

I hope you can find something that works for you.

mckayleesmom replied:
I am going to try using the alarms...not the locks first.....lets hope the sound scares her enough to keep her from trying anything.....Can you adjust the volume on those alarms?

Cece00 replied: Even though I dont neccessarily agree with locking a child in their room, it may be something you need to try eventually for her own safety. Although I would try the alarms first. Put them on every door & window.

Have you thought of taking her to a psychologist? She seems awfully destructive for such a young child. Maybe they can help??

Good luck, Brianne, I hope things get better for you!