Mommy Wars - on Good Morning America this morning

TeagansMom609 wrote: Oh boy did they create a serious debate this morning on Good Morning America. They were talking about Stay at Home Moms vs. Working Mothers. There was a woman on the show named Linda Hirshman, an author who has a written a book regarding women who have advanced college degrees that chose to quit their careers to stay at home She was saying she thinks its ridiculous and that there are no studies that show children with stay at home mothers are advanced in any way compared to children with mothers who work. I looked at the website to read more about it and there is now a message board regarding the show today and it it getting very heated. I couldnt even post because its a bit too heated for me. LOL.

I do have a question for stay at home moms that are big time PRO stay at home...

When your kids start going to school why not start working then? Please dont think im trying to make anyone mad, im not at all. Im just curious why not work then? Sometimes I just think its unfair to fathers to have all of the stress of being the only bread winner.

mckayleesmom replied: Well...I am a stay at home mom, but I plan to return to work once Russell is probably in 1st grade. I want to try to find a job that allows me to be there for them after school though.

PrairieMom replied: I don't think i will go back to full time when they are older becuase in my job I work long hours. I would be out of the house before the kids even got up, and wouldn't be home until bed time. I wouldn't be there when they got home from school, and would miss most of the evening activities like sports and all that. Plus, I really don't like my job that much, and feel more fullfilled when I am at home being a mommy. I will have to find something else to occupy my time durring the days tho!

Bee_Kay replied: Well, in our relationship, it was a mutual decision. We weighed the pros and the cons. We also discussed how the financial burden would fall onto my DH.

My DH grew up idolizing his grandfather. He worked and grandma was a SAHM and they had a wonderul marriage and relationship throughout the years until his grandfathers passing in 94. My DH misses him grandfather to this day.

So, my husband grew up seeing their lifestyle and once we met and our relationship got more serious, he told me how he hoped to give the same upbringing that he saw his grandparents give their children. We thought about it and talked and talked and talked about it.

So, after many discussions, we came to the agreement that I would be a SAHM. We know we are blessed because we are able to choose this route and he makes a salary that allows us a comfortable living.

For us, it works wonderfully. There are little situations that have come along that make us appreciate me being a SAHM. I.E., here when the kids wake up for school, here when they get home, here if they are sick and need to be home from school.... just little things like that.

So, I am not "for" or "against" SAHM or WOHM. I figure whatever works for each individual family is not for anyone else to judge.

(except with my DH exwife.... he would go to work when his daughter was a baby and his wife, who is a slob, did absolutely nothing with the house.... or daughter. So, he had to bring his daughter to a babysitter while the ex literally did nothing at home).

So, we have our reasons and we live happily with our decision

~Roo'sMama~ replied: Hmm interesting question. We're going to homeschool our kids, but if we weren't I would probably get a part time job to help out with the bills if we needed it after they went off to school.

ammommy replied:
Personally, I won't go back to work because I want to be available to help with school functions and I want to be home right after school to help with homework, hear about the day, etc. Plus, I'll need to get dinner going and make sure all paperwork is filled out.
Thankfully, DH and I are on the same page here. He brings home the $$ and I figure out an efficient way to spend it for the family

luvbug00 replied: This is why i pet sit.. to bring in a little doe and be home in time to get Mya from school and get dinner on the table by five. I wish I could be home all the time.. just not finacially possible.

Jamison'smama replied: Well I am a SAHM with an advanced degree. I work 8 hours per week only to keep my license and stay current. I don't stay home so that my kids will be advanced in any way. I stay home because I felt so compelled to do so. I don't feel I am putting the financial burden on my spouse at all. He LOVES his job as I do mine. If we needed my income, I would do whatever the family needs.

When the kids are in school, I will most likely go back to work but if we are doing well financially, maybe not.

TeagansMom609 replied: Thanks everyone for your feedback! I understand those of you who want to be home when your kids get home from school, and for their after school sports etc. But when your kids are at school and your home, are you still considered a "stay at home mom" or are you just considered a "house wife" since your kids are no longer there? Do you feel pressured to have the house spick and span when your DH gets home? Just wondering because im on maternity leave now and the days that both kids are here, and im home, my DH expects everything to be spit shine clean since I was home all day. (it never is though, im not much of a cleaner, lol) If I discussed with my DH considering letting me be a SAH mom I would have to somehow justify my reasons of not working part time during the day while the kids are at school. Have any of you had to do that?

PrairieMom replied: Not to DH, but I do to myself. I sometimes feel lazy. I look at it like its my job to get up early with the Boy and make sure dinner is cooked, and laundry is done and all that. When DH ends up helping out it makes me feel like I'm not doing a good job.

Bee_Kay replied: No, I've never had to justify being a SAHM. As far as my DH expectations? Never really thought about it.... over the years we are just in the groove of things and they run smoothly.

But, about expectations?
I guess they would be the "norm" of a SAHM

Make sure the kids are up and off to school.
Keep the house tidy (not spic and span, but presentable)
Make dinner
Make sure laundry is caught up with
Participate in kids functions and activities

Just normal things like that.

I don't really know, we've never discussed expectations I guess. It just fell into place over time

mckayleesmom replied: Me either...Like Prairiemom. I have to justify it to myself sometimes. My husband loves that I stay home. Even before we had kids...he didn't like me working very much because he missed me, especially when we worked opposite shifts. I did work for about 2 months starting when Mckaylee was 5 months old. It was only about 10 hours a week so I could "get out of the house", but the whole time I was at work I couldn't wait to get back home. We have talked about me getting a job when we moved...depending on his hours...maybe at night after the kids go to bed. Or maybe leaving 2 hours before their bedtime or something....something that allows him to take care of them and spend time with them also.

Jamison'smama replied: My job is to be with Jamison and Jack all day--not to clean all day. I straighten and do dinner and laundry but it is not my job to spend the day cleaning. I would not expect my DCP or teacher to clean the bathrooms while watching my kids and my DH does not expect it either. I watch the kids, play games, do crafts, feed them etc. while DH talks to clients on the phone and programs on the computer. We believer the house is both of our responsibilies. When he is off work, we work together to clean up after dinner and spend the evenings with the kids.

If I stayed home while the kids are in school I would certainly take on more home responsibilities since my job wouln't be to take care of the kids.

Edited because my tone sounded harsh--not meant that way at all--sorry

kit_kats_mom replied: Our situation is a bit different since I WAH and my DH isn't the sole breadwinner, although he does bring in 3/4 of the income.

Before I had kids, I would have thought that going back to work when the kids started school was reasonable. Now that I have kids, and I know how often they are sick and stuff, I'd rather not have a 9-5 job. I think it would cause friction between spouses about who has to pick a kid up from school, who has to stay home with them on sick or vacation days etc. Also, staying home when the kids are at school has a few other benefits IMO.

1. you can be home when the children get home from school to provide structure and healthy snacks
2. you have the time to actually cook. I know if I worked, we'd probably eat a ton more convenience foods because I just don't have the energy to cook everynight after a hard days work.
3. you are available to volunteer at the school and be more involved with your childs education
4. the costs for me to WOH would be more than I would most likey be able to make or it would cut it close since I'd need a maid, wardrobe, gas etc. the expense isn't really worth it for many families since SAHM are often able to comparison shop, clip coupons, look for deals on clothes etc.

I dont' really see where it's really a debate though. Do what you want to do. It's your family KWIM?

5littleladies replied: I homeschool so I can't get a job, but I'm not sure what I would do if they did go to school. I guess I might get a job, but who knows. I like being home and my husband likes that I can stay at home so I guess I will just enjoy it.

b&bsmom replied: I am at a part time WAH mom and part time sort of WOH mom and sometimes a SAHM. Let me explain
Mondays SAHM
Tue- thur WAH being a daycare provider
Fri- WOH I work at the bowling alley fri afternoons coaching the homeschool kids. My dd is at school and ds comes with and gets to bowl which he loves I also work at the bowling alley Tues night in the nursery

Weekends and some weeknight WOH doing Discovery Toys or Noah's Ark parties

I like my lifestyle because I am a little of everything. I love the flexibilty to be able to help with school functions and be at home with my children but in this family I have to work because we need it finiancally. It works out well with the two home businesses because I can plan them around my schedule. I love working at the bowling alley because Bryce loves to bowl and does so for free on friday and then whenever I am at the lanes ( bowling in league or watching the kids bowl) I get free drinks and discount on food. )

So it works for me. My friends don't understand how I keep my schedule straight but I get to be in all aspects of it. It makes it tough sometimes because I used to feel like I didn't fit in with any group because I do it all so I started my own MOMS/Playgroup.

You just do what works best for you and your family

Sorry it got so long.

punkeemunkee'smom replied: Homeschooling here also,so Taylor going away to school will be a few more years off,but no,I don't think I will get a job outside our home even when she does go to school.(We are leaving that open for middle to highschool range) I feel like the job I took on when I became a mom precludes any other career aspirations I may have had before I had a child. Bill and I knew I would be a SAHM,it was something I had always hoped would be possible. As far as him being the only bread winner,he enjoys that.....I do feel bad sometimes that I do not bring in $$$ to support the family financially but I also feel the rewards of being here for the little things that go on during the day can't be measured in $$$.Also we don't pay for childcare,and all the other money that goes with that nor do I have the extra money spent at an outside job...I may spend it at Target instead but YKWIM I KNOW being a SAHM is not for everyone-it is hard work just as being a working mom is- My house is not spotless-there are people here 24/7,we do crafts and schoolwork and breakfast,lunch and dinner-sometimes the days blur together BUT that is some of what I love about this job too. I think we all do what we feel is best for our children and families. As far as your question about needing to justify yourself to your DH when he comes home-give him some time he will come to see that 2kids and their needs AND the care of the house AND his needs is MORE than a fulltime job

coasterqueen replied: This is a very interesting topic. Glad I didn't watch it this morning though, probably would have hit a chord for me.

I will say I'm fortunate as a WOHM because Dh and I both will be there to help out with school activities, so our children just don't have to see me at them with them, they can see both of us, or one or the other. That was one of my many criteria in finding the perfect job since I HAD to find a job.

Kelly, IF you do go back to work and it is important for you to be there for their school activities when the time comes look for that job that allows that. Mine and my DH's pretty much allows that AND I am working with my boss to allow me to be home when the girls get off the bus when the time comes. Right now I would be home til they got on the bus. If my boss won't work with me, I'll find that job that allows that. So IF, like I said, financially you do have to go back to work, think about the things you want most when going back to your current job or another job. I know it helped me feel better, because financially I have no choice but to work.

jcc64 replied:

It may seem odd that as a full time working mom, I agree 100% with this. I work b/c I have to, but also b/c I want to- I am a better mom when I am able to conduct a life separate from my responsibilities at home. However, never, ever, have I thought that my career was in any way shape or form as important as my responsibilities to my family. Luckily, I've been able to have a career with lots of flexibility, but I have always made it clear to my employer that my family will always come first. Thankfully, I am valued enough as an employee at this particular company that I could pull that off.
Although I hadn't seen the GMA debate referred to in the op, I really can't stand that sah vs wah debate. It drives me nuts. Why are we as women so invested in cutting each other down? The advances of feminism were intended to give us CHOICES. If you want to stay home, stay home. If you want to work, work. The welfare of the children involved depends almost entirely on the particular circumstances of each individual family. There are no generalizations to be made, except maybe that daycare kids probably get sick more often. And then again, a case can made for building up an immune system at an early age. So, as always, there are many ways to skin a cat, and I sure wish we could all realize this and stop taking each other down.
And btw- I wasn't referring to anyone here. I am speaking of the inclination of the media and other interest groups to pit us against one another.

TANNER'S MOM replied: I think that no matter what you do.. you have guilt. If you stay home you feel guilty for not bringing in money..if you work you feel guilty for the time away from your family.

I think every mother makes her self feel guilty one way or another. There is no perfect or right way. It is a family decision. I work because I have to and want too. My children are all older and I have missed alot and I feel guilty for that. But they also live in lifestyle they pefer in a way too.

No right or wrong I believe.

mckayleesmom replied:
exactly...I think there are positives and negatives to both sides.

punkeemunkee'smom replied:
ITA!!! I wanted to say the same thing! I do feel sometimes the need to justify the fact that I stay home-I want to yell-I am educated. I could hold a job! Lol! I know working moms who I am sure want to respond- I love my kids as much as you do!!! It is not a worthy use of energy to debate who is a better mom! I KNOW I am blessed to stay home-and there are days when an outside job sounds lovely

MyLuvBugs replied:
Well, I'm half and half. I stay at home, but work part-time from home. However, I'm not using my degree really. My goal is to have my kids, stay home to save on daycare, and once I get them all in school, I'm opening my own photography studio.

To us, I chose to stay home b/c DH made more money than I was, and we couldn't afford daycare. The places we'd asked around to wanted almost $750 a week, and that would be my whole salary, so it just made sense for me to stay home, and do work from home.

However, I hate the fact that i have to rely on my husband to be the bread winner. I'm so independant , and like having "my money" it's been really hard for me to stop and get an allowance from him once a month. But working part-time, selling our extras on ebay, and taking pictures here and there is helping me keep busy, and still make a little extra to pay my bills.

I do agree that once the kids are in school, there's not much reason to stay home all day by myself. However, I still want to be the mom that picks the kids up at school, and is there to help them with their homework at night.

MyLuvBugs replied:
ITA. However, my DH is worse at housework than I am, so his expectations aren't all that high. lol But for myself, I feel like I don't get stuff done some days, and that upsets me.

A&A'smommy replied: Well I have no idea whats is going to happen here.. right now I work one day a week for about four hours.. I'm hoping to eventually buy a new camera and start working on a portfolio because I think that is what I want do with myself.. and If I worked out I think I would be freelance until I decide if I want my own studio or not. I think eventually I will work not all the time but enough to help me feel like I'm contributing to our finaces and like I'm spending enough time with my kids maybe then I will find a happy medium for my family!

I wholeheartly agree that each family has to do whats right for them whether its being a SAHM, WOHM or a WAHM

C&K*s Mommie replied: I personally plan to go back to work in the next yr or so. That is why I am trying to advance myself and have a solid foundation to fall back on, which is the medical field. I will be the bread winner for the family for a time, as Chris plans to also fulfill his long time dreams, and return to school for a yr or two.

It would not be a second thought to not go back to work after the kids were in school. I would have to get out and at least work part-time, if only for adult interaction instead of me and the four walls. As in the case of *prariemom*, her field does not allow her the best option as far as being the loving, involved mom she is now, I would not knock her for staying out of that field. I totally understand.

But I have to feel productive, even if working part-time.

kimberley replied: i didn't read any of the other replies, so sorry if this is repetitive...

you asked..


and i have my answer for you... i haven't been able to get a job that have child friendly hours. i personally don't consider school actual "school" until they are gone full day and even when they are, you work within those hours. so for us, school doesn't start until 9am so i am home with them til 8:45am. most jobs start at 9am or earlier so that doesn't work unless it is next door. then they are home at 3:40pm. most jobs end at 5-6pm. to pay a sitter for 4 kids for those hours would negate the purpose of working for more $$ and most sitters wont take kids for that short amount of time. and lastly, you get that call from the school saying your child is ill (and with 4 it happens often) one too many times and employers fire you. it is just not easy.

i don't think being a SAHM is any better than being a WOHM, but i am saying staying at home IS a full time job in itself without the pay.

C&K*s Mommie replied: I think I put more pressure on myself to have something done in the house daily, and less of the pressure comes from Chris. Our house is not perfect in any way, some days I clean more than others. It is a never ending cycle, so I just ease up when something does not get done.

I also have never had to justify not working to Chris. Any work outside of the home is strictly made as my decision. Chris never has put any pressure on me to go back to work. When I go back to work p/t it will be for myself, not for any other reason.

MyLuvBugs replied: Well, I just read the message board on GMA. WOW! Some of the woman have made EXCELLENT points, but some of them are just being mean and bitter.

Here are some of the questions/points that I thought were good:
-What about those that can't afford any type of daycare?
-Why can jobs be more Family friendly?
-What are the statistics on teenagers with problems, that have SAHM's vs WOHM's?

Those are just some of the questions I picked out. There's over 1657 posts, and 56 pages, so I didn't get to read everyones, but I did post one of my own. Made me feel a little better.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I think everyone said it pretty well here. ITA with Jeanne, it's sad that the media finds ways to make women unsupportive of each other. I have friends who are both WOHMs and SAHMs and I love them for who they are, not what they do. Like any job, there are things you love and things you hate. You just do what works best for your family IMO.

For us, it was a joint decision about me SAH. I never even considered it and was actually planning my return to work up until about two months after Wil was born. I have a degree and I had a decent-paying career, but DH got a new job in which we had to move. So I had to quit my job anyway. DH was the one that actually said "what about SAH?" and after careful consideration, we tried it. Thankfully it has worked so far.

I will most likely return to work when the kids are in school, but I plan to work p/t. Perhaps because financially, right now we can, but if that were to change, well then I will do whatever it takes. DH is the breadwinner in the family and we both are completely okay with that. It has never been an issue. He LOVES his job and tells me every week how fortunate he feels that I SAH. Not because I keep the house clean and have dinner on the table, but because he feels comfortable knowing I'm the one Wil is with during the day.

DansMom replied: I agree with what some others have said about the debate itself being a negative thing for us as women and parents. Why pose the question when so many of us who work full time don't get to make a choice one way or the other? If the answer is that being a SAHM is better, what then? That information won't pay my mortgage or put food on my table; it's irrelevant to my life and just makes me feel helpless and disadvantaged. Although I'm not a single mom, I would think this kind of debate really rubs salt in the wounds of the many women who are trying to accomplish so much without help.

coasterqueen replied:
Very well said Tracy.

Edward's Mommy replied: Chris and I made the decision together that I would stay home with the kids. Since we want 5 or more, I'll be home for a while, but once all our kids are in school, I plan on going back to work.

For women who have kids and work, I think it's great if it works for them. My mom thinks I'm foolish for staying home with Edward and not putting him in daycare. But I always wanted to be the stay-at-home-mom and the housewife. I think it's a personal decision that is made between the man and woman.

My2Beauties replied:
I wholeheartedly agree with you and Mel and Jeanne. The media is pitting us against each other and us moms are always making ourselves feel guilty for one reason or another, this is just another topic to add stress to our already stressed lives. Do I feel guilty for not staying at home with Hanna during the day - you bet I do, but can I help it, no, DH makes a little more money than I do at the present moment, but without my income we wouldn't have enough money to live on. Do I think if I did have the opportunity to stay at home, I would - probably not full time, I would probably still have a p/t job for the adult interaction and to get me out of the house, I would go stir crazy. I think working helps me be a better mother and appreciate my child more when I get home, I can't tolerate staying in all day, that just isn't how I am wired! LOL! But for some it works perfectly. It's all about your family. I am fortunate to have family watch Hanna though, if she had to be in daycare I think this would change my outlook, because I would have less trust in my DCP. JMHO.

Mommy2BAK replied: John wanted to do whatever possible so that I could be a SAHM. That is just something that is very important to him, as well as I. But things don't always work out that way

luvmykids replied:
Same here, sort of. If I want to work then, I will, but as it stands right now I want to be involved at their school, a lot. And DH kind of figures that's when I can catch up on some "me" time, and do things I've wanted to do now but couldn't b/c of the kids, like a photography class, golf lessons, etc. If it bothered him (or me) to be the only bread winner we would rethink it, but as of right now he takes a lot of pride in it.

I don't think there's a right or wrong. I think whatever works for ones family/marriage/finances is what is right for them.

AND I don't even think it should be a subject for debate. Both get unfairly stereotyped and judged, I've been called everything from lazy (HA! how lazy can you be with 3 kids under 4 at home all day?) to unambitious to too stupid to get a good paying job. I've also been told I'm a step back for womens rights. I cannot tell you how strongly I resent all of those remarks.

luvmykids replied:
Just because the kids are at school doesn't mean the work stops, it's just easier to get done. I don't see it as being "just a housewife", I see being the housewife just a piece of the bigger picture, KWIM?

As far as the house being spic and span, DH would love it but he's learning that it's not always possible. I do the best I can most days, some days it's great others it's pathetic. I wish I could achieve the "fantasy" of the smiling children, spotless house, wonderful aromas floating through the kitchen. Some days I have it, some days I don't. At the end of the day if we're all happy, it's a success and I'm proud of whatever I did that day.

C&K*s Mommie replied: That is it! Those are my feelings exactly.

mummy2girls replied:
personally i would love to be a stahm but sometimes it not a choice. Some moms have too. I have to because im single. But sometimes even when the dad just works its not enough to pay for everything...

gr33n3y3z replied:
Thats what I did
But I must say this
What ever anyone choice is Its their choice alone to make I did it bc I was out of the work field to long and wanted to go back but then I work only 4 1/2 hours a day so I'm lucky in that respect and I also work where Katie goes to school. And I'm also home before the girls get home from school.

MamaJAM replied:
Well - I'm a SAHM...have been since a bit before our first child was born (13.5 years now). I have no intentions of getting a paying job when the youngest is in school (or even after the kids are grown).
First off - children don't stop needing their parents around just because they are in school. If my child gets sick during the day - I don't want to have to ask anyone's permission to go get them....and I certainly don't want to ask anyone else to go get them and care for them until the time is convienient for me and my work schedule.
Also - I already volunteer quite a bit at my girls' school -- and I look forward to being able to volunteer even more of my time once the youngest is in school. Not to mention that I never have to worry about missing a class party or special school event.
When the kids are grown and on their own - I plan to be a SAHW. Here to take care of DH and the house...not to mention being available to help my kids with all the grandkiddies!

DH and I discussed this before we were married...and we both have 'traditional family values'. We both feel that my place is in the home raising the kids, etc....and his place is working to support our family and chosen life-style. We're not swimming in money (far from it) -- but this is how we feel OUR family should be run and we'll make it work in whatever way we can.


**Please note that I said this is how we feel and are running OUR family....don't flame me for what DH and I do in our own home.**

Bee_Kay replied: I really don't believe it is a matter of SAHM or WOHM.

There are a TON of great mothers that stay home and there are a TON of great mothers that go to work.

IMHO, there are also some crappy mothers either way. I've seen plenty of "mothering" that could use MAJOR improving.

In my life, I feel I am a better mother as a SAHM. On the other hand, I have friends where they believe they are better mothers as WOHM. I don't judge them one bit.

To me, it's a matter of doing the very best you can with the decisions you choose to make and having happy children who grow up and live wonderful lives with whatever morals you have instilled in them.

It may sound crappy of me.... but I don't judge mothers on the basis of whether they work or not.... I judge mothers on their "mothering" (or lack thereof).

As a mother, besides wanting my children to have happiness, I also want them to learn from my DH and I as parents. Hopefully, when our children are grown up, they will not only repeat the good things about DH and I as their parents.... but they also learn and not repeat some mistakes we may have made.

So, yeah.... to me it is as simple as that. It's parenting.... no matter how you slice and dice it or what you choose to throw in the mix (sahm/wohm)... It's just being the best you can be.

luvmykids replied:
The definition doesn't change regardless of where the kids are, if you're a WOHM then when you're at home aren't you still a WOHM? Just b/c you aren't at work doesn't change it ..... if you're a SAHM you're a mom who stays home, the definition has nothing to do with where the kids are.

fashionmumofboys replied: I work full-time 9-5 M-F and my employer fully understands that my family is #1 before work, so I can leave any time of the day if I had to.

I still get to spend time with my children after work, I attend all of their activities and will be going on field trips when that time comes.

coasterqueen replied:
Same here. I don't know about you, but I'm fortunate to be a WOHM who doesn't have to ASK to take off when my kids are sick, when I need to be home with them. I just tell my boss I am. Sometimes he gets grumpy at me, but hey, I get grumpy at him too.

3_call_me_mama replied:
DITTO! And also to teh quote earlier about having no higher aspiration than to raise my children. (Not sure exactally who quoted it but Jean was one and someone else:))


I also will be homeschooling so there won't be a "When my kid goes to school". I try to work part time and do audits and things in teh evenings a couple nights a month just ot get out adn to make a little extra.

As far as it beign a FAIR issue. Life's not fair. Dh doesnt' work any extra just becaseu I dont' work out of our home full. He doesnt' have any extra jobs, or anythign liek 70 hour weeks. He chose his profession long before we met. And we discussed what woudl happen when we had kids before they were here. So it's not a unfair thing for him to earn money to support our family. He made that money before he had kids and will even after they are in college. The only difference is he doesnt' loose sick or vacation time to saty home with the kids if they get sick. We dont' have to compromise or juggle vacation schedules a year in advance so we can both get a week off at the same time. That's basically it.

punkeemunkee'smom replied: I asked my Dh lastnight (again) if he felt it was unfair for him to make all the money and for me to spend it He says he takes ALOT of pride in the fact that I am able to stay home with Taylor and he knows that even though he works hard-she is taken care of by me. Like other SAHM have pointed out-the job we do at home 24/7 is the same thing many working moms pay for-child care,schooling in some cases,ETC. So it is not a case of us not bringing anything monitarily to the family-it is a trade off.

kimberley replied: that is so true Abbie! look at my current situation.. i got offered one of my old secretary jobs back and took it. by the third day, dh said he is more than willing to work OT to replace any income lost by me staying at home with baby.. but just come home! so i am training a new girl this next week and then i am back home. it is a trade off for sure.