Moms and dads of more than 1????

My2Beauties wrote: OK - so a part of me is starting to really think about my m/c a lot lately, I'd be in my second trimester now and probably showing We weren't trying when I got pg this time around, but once the initial shock wore off, I got pretty excited - even though it only lasted for two days, I had already went out and bought my stretch mark cream and my prenatal vitamins and began using them immediately. I just keep wondering what if.... I know it did happen for a reason, I probably would have been majorly stressed out right about now anyways with the house, money right now is tight becuase of everything we're shelling out for the house, moving and packing and unpacking would have been a huge pain in the rear for me... but I'm still sad. Anyways, I've been thinking a lot lately, and Brian has been mentioning a lot lately, about the possibility of another little one "one day." I mean we got that 4th bedroom if.....just incase....the chance of..... But here is where I'm just worried.... Hanna is, to say the least, a bit hyper (nice choice of words) and sometimes to the point that she drives me absolutely I love the time we have together and I'm so used to having just one and so in the routine with just one that I feel like a second would completely throw me off, make it harder on me, and I would go insane and lose my mind along with every hair on my head as well. I couldn't imagine taking her to the grocery store and having an infant in tow - I think I would have a nervous breakdown if, for instance, the stunt she pulled the other day in K-Mart when we went to grab floaties before I took her swimming the week I was on vacation, she threw one of those kicking and screaming on the floor tantrums in front of the entire store that made me turn beet red and want to crawl in a hole and die If I'd had another little one with me, I would have probably started crying right then and there My patience is just really low when it comes to stuff like that so that part of me says wait LeaAnn!! The other part of me says Don't wait too long, Hanna is still young, by the time I did have another one she'd be 3 and hopefully easier to manage in public and not having as many breakdowns *wishful thinking* and I get baby fever so bad whenever I see newborns or watch A Baby Story or hear about others getting pregnant, listening to you guys on this board with your preggo stories and such. I want another one, but how do you do it? How can I balance work, 2 kids, and marriage. Brian is a help but he's not always gonna be there - with his job he can have to go to work at the drop of a hat and a lot of the times 3rd shift - which means night feedings are mine all mine. I work first shift and what if he goes to work second shift, he's at work when I get off and up until it's time for bed so I have the whole day at work and the the night with 2 small children! I mean could I handle it? Did you guys notice it being much harder with your 2nd?? I mean we haven't really talked about it a whole lot or anything, nothing has been decided, we just keep hearing ourselves say - well we'll have an extra bedroom if our family grows in size - that sort of thing. Brian flat out asked me one night if I was ready to have "his boy?" I mean I wonder sometimes if I'm cut out to have more than one. Hanna is a wonderful child - but by all means when I say hyper, that is a nice way of putting it - she can be a terror. How did you guys react to your 2nd little one? Just wondering!

Edited for grammar

amymom replied: Oh I have loads to say on this, I will ad some of my thoughts later after I collect them.

luvmykids replied: Truthfully, it does have it's pros and cons. It is difficult to be up all night and still have to function the next day in any capacity, at a job or at home with a well rested 2-4 year old. And the grocery store is definitely easier with 2 than 3, or 1 than 2 ... There are moments where I honestly do feel I am going to pull every last hair off my head (if not someone elses too )

BUT, and it is a big BUT, I cannot imagine life any other way. There is a part of me that loves the chaos and noise, and loves the way the kids have their sweet moments with each other. I cherish getting each one alone even if it's just for a few minutes, because they are so different than they are in the "group" setting. I also love knowing that when I'm gone they'll have each other.

Part of what I love about having more than one may be a little bit of living through them, I was an only child and yes it had it's perks but I pretty much hated it and I love our family dynamics now. I know no one would give up one of their children but I honestly mean it when I say that our family just would not be the same if any one of them wasn't here. I wasn't trying when I got pg either time and was even a little upset about it, but I absolutely believe 100% that we were all meant to be together.

My2Beauties replied:

I was an only child too (well had a half brother), so these are also thoughts that I have when I think about this sort of thing. Hanna has Desiree of course, but she is 8 years older and she doesn't live with us 24/7. Hanna needs a playmate, something I never had. I didn't hate being an only child, my parents made sure I was always able to have friends over etc... I had a ball, they paid a great deal of attention to me, but part of me wishes I had someone to play with as a child. I had a half brother, my dad had a son at 18, he was also much older than me - 8 years and he wasn't around a whole lot, I saw him every other week or so. I was playing with dolls and he was learning how to drive so not a good playmate KWIM!

Brias3 replied: For us, it wasn't so much a huge transition with the second but the third. Mason completely threw me off totally. Not to mention, he's got the personality now to match it all. I won't lie, most of the time I feel pretty stressed with three of them underfoot and I don't even work. It's been a big transition for the family, adding on like we did. Plus, this is the first child who I'm not getting as much input from DH with, as he has had work-related travel hit hard in recent years. I know you're just talking about baby #2 thoughts but what with all you are juggling and the fact that you say Hanna needs plenty of attention on her own kind of likens me to your situation.
I'd sit down with your husband and really weigh the pros and cons of trying for another now and a list of trying for one later. See which one seems to financially, emotionally and physically suit you AT THIS MOMENT. Honestly, sometimes I find myself wishing I'd waited for #2 and 3 longer than I did after my first but then I kind of look forward to them growing up together and them being older around the relatively same time too. KWIM?
Despite it all, the bottom line is nothing will bring you more joy than children IMO. Each one will come at the perfect time even if they are not timed at all. Good luck with whatever you decide!

Ashlynn's Mommy replied: My opinion is that you have more con's that pro's. You don't sound like you are 100% ready for another child. I would wait until you are 100% sure you are ready for it. My daughter's are 9 and 6 month's old, and it work's out great. I had plenty of years to spend with Cynthia before I had Ashlynn, this way I didn't feel like I was leaving her out by having another baby so soon, and another is Cynthia is a great help. Wait until you are absolutely sure your ready.

My3LilMonkeys replied:
This is JMHO, but if I personally had waited until I was absolutely sure I'd have never had one kid, let alone 2.

That being said, I love having 2 kids and I love that they are close in age. Brooke loves helping to take care of Madison and they play really well together. It can be difficult trying to deal with 2 at times (especially when 1 starts throwing a tantrum in public or they fight over the same toy for the millionth time) but I wouldn't want it any other way.

luvmykids replied:
IKWYM, and I wasn't a loner or anything and had lots of attention, etc. For me it was kind of wanting that "built in friend" and now that I'm older I'm so envious of the relationship siblings have, it just seems so awesome to have someone from the same family who knows the quirks and shares the memories, I know not everyone has the ideal sibling relationship but it seems like such a neat bond to share.

And although it's difficult a lot of the time with them so close in age, I love the thought of them being so close in school, etc and when we're done with "baby" stuff, like potty training, we're really DONE!

I can't imagine actually having to "decide" to have another or not, I would have agonized over it knowing me, but I think you'll know when it's time, and like Bria said, timed or not, it will happen or not happen when it's supposed to.

JP&KJMOM replied: I would not have it any other way. I was hesitant like you about the second even though JP has a step bro and sis (both older also). Jason was insistant that all kids need a brother or sister to play with close in age. He was also insistant that we try for a little girl for me. I remember after I decided for sure to have another and got pregnant with Karlee asking Jaosn, "How can I possibly love another as much as I love JP?" He said you just will Karen and it will all be ok. I cried to my mom and MIL several times because it really worried me about not loving the new one as much as JP. But when I saw her beautiful face 4 years ago July 2 I knew they were all right. She was perfect and I love her as much from the minute I saw her.

It is harder having two of course but you learn to adjust. Like Monica said the sweet moments when they get along and play well together that makes having 2 worth every minute.

MyLuvBugs replied: WOW LeeAnn.....those are the same questions I've been asking myself for the last 8 months. lol And they get more and more difficult to answer the closer I'm getting to meeting this new little person. Will Lorelei hurt the new baby? Will she be unbearable to live with b/c of jealousy? What if the baby chokes on one of Lorelei's toys? etc.....

What I've realized though in the last few days is that only time will tell. Rae actually told me a few days ago that the newborn thing is easy b/c you've BTDT. She's totally right. A new baby will be easy, it's the toddler that you have to find the energy for even after a night of no sleep.

I truly believe that none of us are ever "ready" fully for a child, whether it's the first, second, third....18th. But what gets me through is knowing the I'm not the first last or only person to ever have more than one child, and if others found a way.....then I can too. KWIM?

Maddie&EthansMom replied: We weren't ready to have another baby until Maddie was 3. We wanted our kids to be 4 years apart and it just so happens that is when we were ready to add to our family. And the day I decided to try was the day she was playing out in the backyard by herself hollering at some kids thru the wooden fence to "come play wiff me" I knew right then she didn't need to be an only child. Hanna sounds a lot like Maddie was at that age. It was so hard to imagine adding a baby to the mix when Scotty was never home and Maddie was out of control. I didn't have much freedom as it was b/c I couldn't take the child anywhere. So, that didn't necessarily bother me with adding a second child. Once Ethan got here we all adjusted very quickly and SO well. Maddie became a different child (no lie). She calmed down during my pregnancy and by the time he arrived she knew what to expect and was a huge help to me. She's always been a daddy's girl so sharing me wasn't difficult, kwim? She wasn't jealous at all. And she was old enough to understand the soft spot and she was incredibly gentle and loving.

Nothing melts my heart more than seeing the two of them play together. And while they are 4 years apart, they do play very well together. I adore Ethan and sure, there are times when I think "Gosh, Maddie is 6 now...imagine how much easier vacations would be with just her" It's the season of life and we do it. It's not always easy, but you can make it work. But, it is a huge step...it's a huge difference having more than one. I can't imagine having 2 so close in age, but people do it. I think it would have killed me. My best friend is pregnant with her 3rd. Her oldest is not quite 3, the second is 11 mos and by November she will have another. She said "Just bury me." It has been so difficult for her.

Good luck in your decisions.

A&A'smommy replied: Mind if I add something???

here are my thoughts right now for us we can't finacially deal with another baby (and I'm mentally NOT ready right now either) but that has nothing to do with what I want to say

I was 4 and 3 months when my brother was born and from beggining to the end we were buddies we played together, fought like cats and dogs and now we are even closer than ever. So if you wait another year or two its really not going to hurt anything.. maybe even longer because he was my "best" friend even though I was four years older than him.

If you have to wait.... wait but don't think that just because she is starting to get older that it will be better for you to have another right now... THEN again if you do think your "ready" now I say go for it but I really think when your "planning" that you should look at every aspect make sure you can handle it mostly finacially and then decide.. but also one last think something that I have been told a LOT is there is NO "perfect" time to have a baby.

anyway just a little thought from jessica... its actually something I have thought about a LOT... I'm sorry your sad leaAnn

moped replied: I have all the same concerns - EXACTLY

gr33n3y3z replied: 1 child is easy
2 children a little more stressful only bc its just not one any more so you have to allow more time and what not.
3 or more its all the same lol


I dont think I helped you any with this

moped replied:
Ummmmm, I would have to say that is there ever a good time, are you ever ready? I want another but think about lots of different things and then I think, well I did it with Jack and wasn't sure what kindof mother I would be.....are you ever ready, is there ever enough money, etc etc

I think if or when another comes for us it will be YIKES are we ready?

Boo&BugsMom replied: I just have to add something my mother told me, and countless others of older women in my family...if you wait until you are 100% "ready", you will never have one, or another one.

moped replied:
I agree 100%

jcc64 replied: I don't think you should base your decision on Hanna's undesirable behavior. It is hopefully transient, and if not, then fixable. I know it's difficult to preconceive what another little one would do to your stress level, but just as you couldn't possibly have imagined how your life would change after the 1st one, you can't really "plan for" the change with the subsequent kids either. Imo, if you can handle 1, you can handle 2. In alot of ways, 2 or more kids takes alot of the pressure off of you. The kids keep each other entertained much of the time- with an only- you're the only game in town, kwim? And if Hanna is struggling with some behavior or self control issues, learning to share mom and dad with a sibling is a very good way to work some of those behaviors out in a safe and ongoing way.
If you want another child, LeaAnn, you will find a way to work it all out and live to tell about it.
I say go for it.

redchief replied: ITA with the above. My biggest problem when making the decision on children was our lack of financial solubility. Had we waited until I thought we were ready we wouldn't be posting on this board... we'd probably be prolific posters on some doggie forum.

Fortunately Lisa's desire to become a mother was stronger than mine to make money; well that, and I love kids too.

MomToJade&Jordan replied: I was on the fense about having another child before Zack said Hey let's try again. Jade can be a wild woman and I just wasn't sure if she was going to allow someone else into the family. Of course you know what I've been through so I'm not going to get into that. In the end Jade is a fantastic sister. They are 3 years 2 months apart and they adore each other. Jade was the first one to get Jordan to laugh and that baby just grins from ear to ear when she sees her big sister. Yes it does take a little bit to get used to juggling 2, but once you get a routine down you get the hang of it. I'm doing this pretty much on my own now and If I can do it so can you. As for having to drag Hanna out of a store kicking and screaming with an infant there it's the same. I had to drag Jade out of the mall once. We were on one side of the mall and the car was on the other. Yes I was getting looks, but hey I wasn't going to let her pitch a fit. I just grabbed Jade up and pushed Jordan along with one hand. LeaAnn it sounds like you want another to me. Like others above said if you waited until you were 100% sure you probably wouldn't have one. I think Hanna will surprise you if you go ahead and take that step. Jade sure surprised me. Whatever you decide to do hun you know we will be here to support you.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I was lucky that my kids were all midly tempered up to 18 months... now Emilie is a big pain in the butt - but she's so cute...and for all her terrible behaviour - she's still just so darn CUTE.

THe change really isn't all that much from one to two.... because by the time you're about to have the baby - you're used to being slower, having to watch out for your belly, etc etc etc... and the other child "gets" it, especially at Hanna's age. I bet, too, that she will be more than happy to help with things like bringing you diapers, wipes, cream, clothes, a snack, a bottle, etc etc etc... mine still do and have from the get go.

And they keep each other entertained... which is why I can be online so much.

Besides... for the first couple weeks... all they do is eat sleep and poop - so Hanna will have time to adjust and realize that this new baby is here...and she has to be more quiet, more careful, gentle etc etc etc...

The toughest I thought was having to literally keep my eyes on the kdis for the first little bit - because they'd try to climb into Naomie's bassinet, or try to kiss her or hug her or pick her up... and other than the dull ache in my netherlands from having had the baby, life wasn't much different other than the extra quiet time for feedings and reading to the others.

We didn't really share with the kids that I had a "baby in my belly" until the last fw months... because then they could fele her move, and they understood better. Emilie would sometimes try to feed my belly button a piece of sandwich, to feed the baby.

If you can afford it, during your maternity leave - keep Hanna in daycare though. That helped me tremendously... especially having 3 under 3 at the time. And Even if the kids just went to daycare for a few hours a day instead of the whole day... it was a HUGE weight off me.

Anyways... do what your heart tells you to.

booey2 replied: Everyone has already given a ton of great advice. My experience was that we wanted them 2 years apart but a higher being felt 3.5years was better. And looking back now I totally agree. Matthew is great with Thomas and has been from day 1. He was able to help with getting diapers or other things I needed when my hands were busy with a squirming baby. And now at 8 years old (on Monday) and 4 and a half they play nicely somestime but still have their nasty moments. I too work fulltime and find that it can be a struggle especially when DH is not much help with them, but as they all get older it is getting better. You wanted honesty to I gave it to you. I have never regretted having two, if we lived in a different city and DH wasn't getting up their in age (41) now and complaining of having no patience we would most likely be trying for his little princess but it is not in the cards for us.

You will know when the time is right, it sounds like your little one would love a sibling. Have fun when the time comes to baby dance (do the deed).

Terri

My2Beauties replied: You guys are so awesome. Brian has really been talking about this a lot lately and he keeps putting the "thought" in my head. Just yesterday he said now would be the perfect time for you to get pregnant, because the baby wouldn't be due until next April or May (we have two with the same b'day, so conceiving in January, February timeframe is out of the question for Brian ). I said you've been talking about this an awful lot lately are you trying to tell me something, he just sort of was like um.....well I was just saying!! Yeah you were just saying, he's craving a boy! I can't complain about help, I would have lots of it, we never have a problem finding someone to take Hanna for a couple of hours and I'm positive we wouldn't have much of a problem finding someone to take them both once the baby was older. I do want to wait until we find a house and settle in it - but maybe just maybe - I might go through with this! Everyone's advise was wonderful! Thanks guys

Boys r us replied: I didn't take the time to read through everyone's responses, so sorry if I say what someone else may have already said.. But..having more than one really isn't all that different. In fact, it helped me in some ways. It made me make better use of my time, it's made me a more organized person...and in a lot of ways I think having a baby somehow calms #1 down. I don't know what your plans are(sounds like you're not sure either) but don't wait TOO long if you are going ot have another one. Some days I look at Brae and Tanner and my heart just breaks b/c they aren't close. They are so far apart that they don't have much in common. Then I think about how when this baby starts school & is to the point she'll be able to retain memories, Tanner will be about ready to go off to college, well..at least in H.S with no desire to make bonds with his little sister! God, that makes me sooo sad! Anyhow..my advice is to talk it over with Brian b/c it sounds like he REALLY wants to try for a little boy and coming from a girl who haa two boys and was dying for a girl..I sooo understand how strong that desire can be & I would have been HEARTBROKEN if Rick hadn't at least seriously entertained the idea of having another baby(he was perfectly fine with two).