Moms with kids in school - ? for you

coasterqueen wrote: Do you attend all school activities with your kids? For instance do you attend all parties, field trips, parent committees, etc, etc?

I joined two committees so far at school - the Parent Teacher committee and the Parent Advisory committee. I attended my first Parent Advisory committee today. I was the only working parent there as the meeting was from 9:30 to 10:30. First off I was amazed at how many SAHM's thought they were too busy to do certain tasks being asked of us. I volunteered with no problem even though it meant taking off of work. I was trying to figure out why they were so busy. With these mothers they were all in work out clothes like they just came from the gym so I'm guessing it was cutting into that time. They didn't have other kids at home, either.

It was very strange. I just felt like I was in the wrong place or something. I mean I attended today, but since I work I wasn't going to volunteer to do so much, but other mothers just kept complaining about how busy they were so I volunteered. I actually volunteered to do a few holiday parties I wasn't planning on doing - I was going to attend the parties, but not help plan them.

I guess I'm just taken back by today. I wonder if anyone else has encountered this or I just got stuck in a school district with a bunch of moms who don't want to help.

Boo&BugsMom replied: Nope, I don't have the time. The PTA meets at night, when I work, and I by no means can afford to take off, not for even an hour. I have Aiden during the day so I can't volunteer in the classroom, even though I would like to. I do attend open houses, parent-teacher conferences, and other meetings that inform parents of things, but that's about it. I just don't have time to, but would like to be more involved if given the opportunity though. If I didn't work, I'd be more involved. I wouldn't mind helping out with holiday parties and field trips, but then again...I still have Aiden, and it's not like he's a toddler and can be easily entertained. Also, even though someone is a stay at home mom without other kids at home, perhaps they have other outside duties as well...church, siblings somewhere else, other volunteering, etc.? I wish I had more time, because being Tanner's first year of school I really wanted to be there more. I look at our schedule and wonder how I find the time to get everything in sometimes. I can't say yes to everything either, or I'd burn myself out...but if I didn't work I'd have more time to say yes to more.

MommyToAshley replied: I don't think it really makes a difference if you are a SAHM or WAHM, both are very challenging and busy jobs. I have noticed a pattern, even in the preschool years and again in Kindergarten. There are usually a few (usually 2 or 3) parents out of the entire group that commit, volunteer and do everything. The other parents seem to be content not being involved. And, of course, there are the parents that want to be involved but just can't fit it into their schedule due to other commitments, they have smaller siblings, or they work.

I have been and plan to continue to be involved in Ashley's school. I tend to volunteer more with the teacher and the classroom than the larger whole school activities. (Although, I was on the board for Ashley's preschool and the treasurer both years). This year I volunteer in the classroom every Friday for creative writing, and will assist with all parties. I will volunteer for any field trips (not sure if they have any?). I also told the teacher to let me know if she needs anything else. I did join the PTO, but I will not be on the board this year (my choice) and I didn't volunteer to head the committees for the larger PTO events. My time is limited, and I prefer to support the teacher in Ashley's classroom. As she gets older, these sorts of opportunities will lessen so I will probably do more to support the school as a whole.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Yep, I volunteer for both kids schools. I do take time to go to the gym for a little "me" time everyday and you will normally see me in work out clothes (not sure what that has anything to do with volunteering) and I don't volunteer for everything that comes my way, nor do I attend every function (b/c they ask that we give other moms a chance to sign up for these things), but I do my part. Most moms at the school are SAHM and most are jumping at the opportunity to volunteer...our school really would not run without our parent volunteers.

Currently I am Ethan's room mom (plan all parties, etc)

I work at Maddie's school on Mondays and have signed up for 3 parties this year as well as art awareness and teacher appreciation.

Last year I was room mom for both kids. Even though I don't woh, it got to be too much with all the other things on my plate.

My best friend woh and she isn't able to volunteer at the school during the week and she works for her family business. I guess it just depends on how demanding your job is. She does attend parties and several other things.

One thing I have learned thru church and school alike is that you can volunteer for everything that comes your way...there's really no end to what you can volunteer your time doing. There is always a need. But at some point you have to say no. Who knows what those other women have made commitments to...other than going to the gym.

Maddie&EthansMom replied:
Same here! I love being in the classroom and getting to know all the students, the teacher and being able to help the teacher out with whatever she needs.

luvmykids replied: Like Jennie said, having Macie does limit me to a degree but I'm the secretary for the PTO and spend 3-4 hours a day, 2-3 days a week at school besides meetings and functions. I'm lucky enough that my mom watches Macie when I need her to. Our PTO does a lot more stuff than I realized or I might not have agreed to be on the board

If I didn't still have Macie around I don't know if I'd volunteer more or not....ideally yes, but then again I do have a lot of other committments as well so I don't know if I could squeeze any more in.

That's great that you're willing and able to take off work, it takes a lot of help from parents to pull off all those committee things.

gr33n3y3z replied: Nope I wasnt going for the parent of the year award like many of the other parents did out of guilt so even if I wanted to go on trips the other parents made sure they got to go.
So I did all the Parties at school

coasterqueen replied: I think you all are misinterpreting what I'm saying. I would just think if I was a SAHM that my kids school activities would be more priority then other "activities" whether it be church other volunteering, etc. That's all I was saying in reference to them being SAHM's and being too busy. It's not like they have to go without pay, take vacation time, beg their boss to take off work, etc. That's just why I was shocked by it. I mean, I have other commitments too - work, meetings, etc, etc but I'm trying to make my children and their school activities my priority. Now that being said with Megan in daycare at the moment that makes it easier for me to attend Kylie's functions. Although I was going to take Megan with me this morning, but her sitter had something planned for her. I take Megan to work with me, and Kylie too, so I didn't see it to be an issue to take her to the meeting. I can manage the office with her so a meeting would be no big deal.

As far as being in the workout clothes - I find nothing wrong with that at all. I guess I just couldn't understand why they didn't have time and jokingly thought that it's because it cut into their workout time. That's all.

Sorry if I offended anyone, wasn't my intention. I just can't fathom how a SAHM doesn't have the time to do things with their kids when a WOHM does. And I was saying that in my own situation, not anyone else's. I'm not sure why anyone would take offense or think I was saying otherwise, though.

And maybe those other mothers do have other commitments and decided to stay no, but then I'd wonder why they came to the first Parent Advisory committee (which is all about volunteering) IMO don't come if you feel you have to say no. Obviously out of 60 students, there were many parents who chose to say no and not come because there were only 6 mothers there. If those mothers didn't want to volunteer they should have stayed at home. I was just a bit ticked that I took off work, drove 1/2 hour to the school knowing full well I was going to volunteer even though I am busy as well and the rest were complaining about not having time. Just a bit strange to me. The teacher thought it was a bit strange too.

Boo&BugsMom replied: For us, church and volunteering at church is just as important if not more important, so it really depends on the priorities of the family I guess. In our house serving God comes first. Example...Thursday nights Troy and Tanner are both at church for Awana. There is a parent-teacher informative meeting for parents and the students this Thursday. They will not be attending because Troy's duty serving at church and Tanner's Awana club superceeds (sp?) the meeting at the school...in OUR home (unless it was super duper important and mandatory). I will hopefully go, but only at the beginning, as I will have Aiden (unless Troy takes him to the nursery at church).

coasterqueen replied:
That's what I do too, but our school is fortunate to where they have three teachers in the classroom (at least for Pre-K) so they only need help in the classroom when they have parties and that's usually because they want the parents to be there and be involved in general.

Our Pre-K is set up to where they get school funding, but a lot of classroom needs, playground, etc is funded through the parents and the fundraisers the Parent Advisory Committee does. So they are kind of "solo" perse from a lot of the school stuff. They ask a lot of parents to do certain things like field trips, parties, etc, but they also ask for those who can to help financially support. Our Pre-K program is free, but we help out with doing fundraisers, sending supplies to school with the kids, etc.

coasterqueen replied:
I completely understand that. Everyone's church volunteer needs are different, too.
For me, where our family goes to church they take into consideration the working families so a lot of meetings, planning, etc is done on the weekends or evenings. The elderly church members that don't have things to do during the week do some of the things needed done during the day - such as the food bank, etc.

But like I said before - they shouldn't have attended the meeting if they had other commitments to begin with

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Unfortunately all of the PTA meetings and such at Tanner's school are done in the evenings (aside from in-school activities), when we have other obligations...for me it's my job. I agree...they shouldn't have went in the first place. Perhaps they were there to get more info?

DansMom replied: My experience with any type of volunteering is that a few people do a lot, almost everything; then some people seem to be there mostly to have input on what will be done by others; and then there are those who don't have time or inclination to volunteer at all. If you do too much though, Karen, you'll burn out half way through the year---sometimes you have to stand back and let others step up, even when there's a pause and nobody's raising their hand. Also, sometimes it's just a matter of confidence and people need encouragement to try something they've never done. At the preschool, I was amazed at how much was achieved by really just a few people who took the jobs on. Like the auction, it became a full time job for about 3 people for a month or two.

At Kindy, I'm signed on for helping during field trips, mostly so that I can be there because of Daniel's allergies. I'll be taking time off for that.

coasterqueen replied:
Tracy,

I thought about you today when we were talking about snacks for our Fall party. Just having to remember the possible allergies, etc. One good thing about our school is that you can't make anything - everything has to be prepackaged and labeled. Does your school do that? The teachers are then trained to look at the labels and determine if it's safe for the kids with allergies to eat, etc. I thought that was pretty interesting.

TANNER'S MOM replied: I haven't been in the position to volunteer alot. I have always worked at least an hour from the school. Money constraints, job constraints etc haven't allowed me to do what I would like to do. I usually try to pick one or two parties to request time off for though.

Sometimes I feel the school should cater a bit more to WAHM..I know many times they had something right in the middle of the day. Only the SAHM get to go..and it upset me. I feel sometimes we aren't given the oppurnity to be as active do to finicially reasons.

I know there are some SAHM who are very active and some who just aren't involved. I think it's the same with WAHM. And even a few from both who few school as a babysitter.

boyohboyohboy replied: I really wish I could do more volunteering at caleb's school. they have tons of opportunities, and lots of stuff that doesnt require much time. however, i am really restricted with having an infant who is breast feeding. i do not leave my kids with a sitters, we do not have any family in the area to watch the kids while i do these things either...
and jake is a difficult kid, so we do not leave him either.
church would come first in our house also, though, if it came between volunteering for church or school.
my main concern with our school district and the class room volunteers, was this..they are required at their own expense to get a back ground check, which i agree with, however they only have to do it once, for the length of time their kid is in the school system. i think it should be repeated yearly. also we were told when it was questioned, that the teachers are also only ever checked once when hired and never again. i think yrly back ground checks should be done...i mean i am starting to wonder how safe the kids really are. people do things thru the yrs, that might be different then who they were when they started teaching or volunteering...this system seems broken.

coasterqueen replied:
I do too, because I didn't understand why we couldn't have had this meeting early in the morning or in the evening. Of course we are busy in the evening as well, but I wouldn't have to take off of work and Dh could stay with the girls. Dh asked me that same thing, why the meetings are always during the work day. Even if the meetings were first thing in the morning - like when the kids get there then it's out of the way fairly early on and I don't miss a good portion of my work day. I didn't get to take lunch today because I had to leave at 9 am to get there by 9:30, then it didn't get over til 10:30 and the kids get out at 10:40 so I stayed to take Kylie to the sitter so she didn't have to ride the bus so I didn't get back to work until 11:15. If it was at 8 am - the same times kids get to school then I would be back to work by 9:30 and I would have only missed an hour of work.

DansMom replied: Daniel has his own crackers that I supply, and he's allowed to have any fruits or vegetables that people bring in for snack. Next year, he'll eat lunch that we send and sit at a no nuts table. As far as all-school functions go, there will be potlucks and ice cream socials and such, totally uncontrolled, and they won't change that for us. The teachers expect that George or I will attend and assist with food choices or bring separate food for Daniel.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Karen I wasn't offended. You asked what SAHM do as far as volunteering goes and I gave my take on it. Then I started wondering if people judged me for what I do with my time, especially since I sound like some of those women you described.

luvmykids replied:
Ours does that too, and it's kind of a bummer for me. It was a lot easier and cheaper for me to be able to take fruit kabobs, homemade cookies, etc....I understand completely about allergies but there are still lots of things I could have made on my own. Mostly I just thought it was fun and it's boring to have to buy prepackaged stuff

I think they should think more about WOH parents, I think sadly a lot of PTO's target the SAHM's assuming they'll be more willing or able to be involved when it isn't necessarily the case.

We have a lot of parents who attend the meetings but don't volunteer, I've always assumed that maybe they don't have the time to volunteer but want to be in the know, and it doesn't bother me as long as they don't complain about what those of us who volunteer decide

CantWait replied: Although I don't work anymore, even when I did (and still do) volunteer whenever I get the chance at Robbie's school, I volunteer full-time with cadets and volunteer whenever needed with our Military Family Resource Centre....

I'm as active as I can be in whatever my children are doing. I'm not part of the PTA, only because it doesn't interest me (not that my son's schooling doesn't interest me, I just find other ways of involving myself).

When it comes to cadets, I'm amazed by the non exsistent turnout of parents that we have at events or even on a regular parade night. Many just drop their kids off at the door without so much as checking and making sure that someone is there.

My3LilMonkeys replied: Karen, I understand where you are coming from 100% because where I live, that's exactly how it goes. My SIL volunteers at her sons' school as well as for their Junior Football Association. Literally everything she volunteers to coordinate our entire family ends up pitching in and helping her out with because she can't get enough parent volunteers. A perfect example - she coordinates the concession stand for the football games. Each parent is only required to work in the stand for one game - either the age group above or below their childs, so that they don't miss watching their own child play. That's approximately an hour and a half of their time out of a nine week football season. In the past 2 weeks, over half of the parents haven't bothered to show up and left her shorthanded.

I plan to volunteer what time I can for my kids when they are in school. I have a pretty flexible job when it comes to taking time off and making it up later, so I think I should be good.

kit_kats_mom replied: LOL. Karen, I'm totally not offended but I practically live in my sweats. Mainly just because I can go work or play outside, run to the gym or sit on the floor and play dolls with the kids. It's my uniform.

There aren't any volunteer ops right now for me but yes, I'd like to participate. However, I wouldn't want to get bogged down and so it's kind of iffy as to weather or not I'd actually volunteer. I really wouldn't want to get sucked in so much that our other stuff gets pushed aside. Those other moms may be busy with other kid related things too like brownies, church, sports for the kids or other lessons. KWIM? I know that when I was a kid, our school wasn't really a family type school. It was into class, learn some stuff, go home & do your family stuff.

mummy2girls replied: me and marcus joined the parent advisory council. i want to attend at least a couple feild trips. Its hard though because of my dayhome and taking time off.. but im going to try!

coasterqueen replied:
OMG, no kidding! We are supposed to supply a treat for the kids on your kids birthday and so I bought cupcakes from the grocery store and it cost me $20! I could have made the cupcakes for $5. I was pretty annoyed at that because I'd do a better job at home making "healthier" and non-allergic cupcakes. However, I do understand that it's best for them to make one across the board rule like that for those with allergies. I know if I had a child with allergies I'd be thankful that the school tries.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I think no matter what though, there are going to be some people who will not be satisfied or someone who gets left out. I stay home during the day, and work at night, but our PTA/PTO meets at night versus during the day like most do. So...I'm in the reverse situation. Our district doesn't take into account the people who work at night, but if it were the reverse it would leave out the ones who work during the day, so there isn't ever a perfect situation, unfortunately.

coasterqueen replied:
I agree.

luvmykids replied:
I have to bring snack for 20 twice a month....it's EXPENSIVE to do the prepackaged stuff But I do understand about the allergies, and of course a childs well being is more important I think the rule is important too in case there are some parents who don't understand how serious those allergies are and may disregard something thinking it's not dangerous, etc.

Boo&BugsMom replied: I thought of this thread yesturday. I signed up to go on Tanner's field trip to the pumpkin patch and apple orchard. Troy took off work to stay home with Aiden so I could go. I'm so excited!!!! I wish I could be more involved, but at least I can participate with things like this.

coasterqueen replied:
Ah Jennie - that's good. I hope you and Tanner have a blast!

lisar replied: I will do some of them, as in going to them. I cant help plan them so much I work 9 hours a day. But I will do atleast 1 field trip and go to as many parties as I can. I signed up already to go to the zoo with them.

jcc64 replied: I do volunteer directly in my kids' classrooms when they're little. The teacher asks for parent volunteers to help out with the computers, reading, little projects etc.. I go in once a week for an hour, and it means alot to the teacher and to Corey. I did this with the boys as well. As the kids get older and more independent, the need diminishes, and the kids don't want you there anyway.
I tend not to get involved with PTO b/c it's nothing but gossip and fundraising, and while I appreciate the need and the work that goes into that, I prefer to forge a direct relationship with the teacher and classroom rather than organizing bookfairs and such. As a working mom, I don't have unlimited time, and I want my contribution to be meaningful to my child as well as to the school.
In general, I have found the bureaucracy of our public school maddening, and change or progress move at a glacial pace. My husband and I are HEAVILY involved in youth sports in our community- coaching soccer, football, basketball, and baseball. We have more direct contact with the kids, more autonomy, and less oversight by annoying bureaucrats and administrators.