Mother/daughter issues - already?

MyBabeMaddie wrote: Madison can be the biggest brat but then again she can also be the sweetest thing... She LOVES to hit me. Example, Adam took us out to dinner last night (mondays are his days to see her)... I was coloring with her and she grabbed the crayon out of my hand, slapped me across the face and said "NO, MMOOOOVVVEEE" She then handed Adam the crayon and was as sweet as pie to him. She kept shooting me the evil eye all night, then later we get home I give her a bath and we are getting dressed and she slapped me really good in the face. I took her hand smacked it and said "No hitting, Its not nice to hit" She's laying on the floor at this point laughing and trying to kick me. I said she was going to time out and i Put her in the corner of the room, she got up and slapped me again. I smacked her butt (not hard, but enough to get the point across)... She cried and cried and cried.... Then later that night she was playing with her baby dolls and was bringing them out to play in the family room with my mom and everytime I sat down to play She would scream "NO! MOVE"... She is like that with everyone at certain times but its WAY worse with me. I keep saying this to myself to make me feel better but do you think she is like this with me because I'm the only one who says "no" to her or tries to discipline her?

lisar replied: Raygen "tried" to do this with me. No matter what you do STAND YOUR GROUND.... If you say you are going to put her in timeout then do it. And if she gets up start all over. It might be a process at first but stand your ground and follow thru with it. She will learn to respect you from this. And this is just my opinion but make sure you stand your ground dont give in.

luvbug00 replied: i would have done what you did. although i'm sure your gonna get the "hitting teaches hitting" deal at some point from this post. But if i were you the next time she does stuff like this throw her little bum in a time out area ( crib being the best place). Although this concept is a little advance for her age it removes her from what she is enjoying doing. I also would the next time she slaps Hold her hands and look into her eyes and firmly say NO HITTING. don't yell it just be very stern.

grandma replied: Wow, she sounds like my three year old grand daughter, she can be fierce. Sometimes she loves me to death and other times (not as often) she'll say "No, I don't want you here!" This happes mostly when she's tired.
Also now that her mom & dad are having problems I've noticed she frowns and pouts a lot more.
When she does this to me I just stay away from her and watch tv or read and then she'll come around.

MyBabeMaddie replied:
Yeah I wasn't going to say that I spanked her because I'm sure someone will tell me she's too young or that its just wrong... I was spanked as a kid and I am grateful for it - You could always tell the kids in school who got spanked and who didn't. I am not trying to start a spanking post though!

luvbug00 replied: Oh i was spanked too and mya has yet to warrent a good bum spank she did the slpping to me and pinching, mostly pinching and i would do what i said. grip her hands and say NO or give her hand a little smack.
Each parent is differant in how they raise their kids and i think that is ok. I don't concider spanking abuse. It's a form of punishment that has been used for years. studies may say some things against it and others for it. i don't think it's a debate that will ever be resolved.

A&A'smommy replied: I think you did the right thing, and I agree just stand your ground be consistant with whatever punishment you choose and remember its a stage and she will grow out of it!!

Jackie012007 replied: wow! I would have done the exact same thing. I was spanked and I was always a very well-behaved child. I have had to give Carly some love pats on the hiney for being fresh as well - just be cosistent and like Lisa said, stick my your word!

MommyToAshley replied:
You didn't want to post about spanking because you didn't want to hear anyone's opinion on spanking, yet you stated a blanket statement about those that don't spank. I don't spank Ashley and she is very well behaved. We continuously get comments on how well-behaved she is and her teachers always report the same. I'm not saying she is perfect, she gets her fair share of discipline (just not spanking).

Although your post wasn't about spanking, it was about discipline in general. The key is going to be consistency.... whatever you do as punishment, it should be immediate and consistent. When she hit you in the face in the restaurant, she should have been disciplined right there. Kids that age will not be able to make the connection between an action that was wrong and a punishment 30 minutes later.

MyBabeMaddie replied:
Just like when you leave your dog inside while you're at the store you can't come back and punish it because there's poop on the floor. I'm not saying I waited to punish her, I held onto her hand said "no hitting", I'm not going to go all out in public with people watching me, can't put a kid in time out in a restaurant....

Yeah I guess I did leave my opinion on spanking, sorry if I offended you, I'm not saying that just because a kid wasn't spanked automatically makes him/her a brat there are always many other factors rolled into play.

I guess the point of my original post was that I feel like one part of me wants Madison to always be happy and to come to me to be her best friend and yet whenever I'm the only one discipling her I'm the bad guy and it seems like she hates me.

gr33n3y3z replied: Just remember hun YOU are the mother

Calimama replied:
I agree.

Anyway I agree with the consistency. How old is she? Miabella goes into timeout and I tell her WHY she's going and she sits there for 1 minute and 30 seconds and that usually takes care of it. We also use a lot of positive reinforcement. When shes at playgroup and someone hits someone else she says, "uh oh gentle" then if the kid gentle than she'll clap for him.. I guess she learns more than I know.

MyBabeMaddie replied:
Shes about 2 weeks older than Miabella

austins mom replied: She treats you like that because based on what im understanding you are the main caregiver to her. So you are the one who is always around and no matter what she knows that. I have to agree STAND YOUR GROUND.

MommyToAshley replied:
I'm not offended... no worries. I just wanted to point out that you can discipline without spanking and still have good results. Consistency is the key.

As for putting her in time out in the restaurant, I would have. I think the lesson is more important than what other people think of me. I put Ashley in time out at the museum once. I made her stand in the corner and I got some pretty dirty looks... but who cares, Ashley never did it again and she learned that behaviour was not acceptable. She was a little older though. At Maddie's age, there's a lot of distractin and redirection involved.

As for always wanting her to be happy... we all want that. I think it's ok to play wiht her, do fun things with her, and be there for her to confide in when she is older. But, your first role is her mother, not her friend. She will never respect you if you are afraid to discipline her because she will not like you. There are times that Ashley gets angry with me, and sometimes it breaks my heart. But, there's always a lesson learned and hugs in the end. Parenting is so tough, but hang in there, the rewards are worth it.

MommyToAshley replied:
I agree with this too. A lot of people wonder why their child will be so good for a teacher, babysitter, but then act up the minute that they see Mommy. It's because they know Mommy will love them no matter what. It doesn't mean that the behavior is acceptable, but it might help you to understand why she acts up with you and not Adam.

MyBabeMaddie replied:
You put that so nicely!

Here's another thing that bothers me... She is soooo nice to her dad, doesn't say "MOVE" or "NO" to him, doesn't swat at him... Gives him hugs and kisses all the time... I guess I'm jealous and mad at the same time. I feel like he doesn't deserve all that love from her - Just a few months ago he was stealing money just to get high!! I don't want her to know that side of her father and I'm glad he's being good right now, but its very frustrating.

MyBabeMaddie replied:
i really hope thats it, its very heartbreaking at times.

Calimama replied:
Could it be because he's not the one disciplining her.. KWIM? He only sees her, like what? A few hours a week?? You are doing a GREAT job with her and later on in life she's going to be very grateful that you worked so hard to give her such a great life. That appreciation just isn't going to come at the beginning stages of the terrible twos.

luvbug00 replied: even now at 7 mya is an angel for her dad and less behaved for me. he is though a "disney land" dad and so i expected this. I know though she loves me more and is more trusting of me then her father. he has just broken too many promises to her.

MommyToAshley replied: Yes, I see your point, and I think you are in a tougher situation. It's hard when you have to do all the discipline and he gets to be the good guy. But, you are doing what is right for your daughter, and it will pay off in the end. I would suggest talking to Adam about being more consistent as well... he should also be the one to stand up and tell her that you don't hit Mommy. But, judging from what you have told us, it will probably fall on deaf ears.

Jackie012007 replied: even though I live with Carl, the same is happening to me. I'm taking the role of the disciplinarian while he is the push over and he works 50 hours a week and I'm a SAHM- even at only a little over a year old, Carly is showing a preference for him and she is very rebellious against me. It is really heartbreaking but you just gotta know you are doing your best!!!

CantWait replied: I haven't read the whole thread, just a few posts here and there.

I agree with the time outs and staying consistent, however I'd get a seperate chair or area of the house for her, not her crib. Putting her there will only make her resent her bed, and may give you problems with sleeping.

MyBabeMaddie replied:
Oh we already got the sleeping issues, she sleeps with me, I took her crib down because it was doing nothing but collecting dust.

luvmykids replied:
I have done time out in public places too....including the grocery store. If we were in the library or somewhere that required quiet, it would be in the car. Otherwise, you run the risk of a kid who knows they won't get in trouble in public

She is young, so your discipline options are limited, but still hugely important. It only gets harder to stop these kinds of things, and I speak from experience, unfortunately

And like Dee Dee said, we all want our kids to "like" us and think of us as their best friend, but when she's a teenager and you have to put your foot down, that can really come back to haunt you

This too shall pass, just hang in there, and again, be consistent

BAC'sMom replied: Oh yes us Mommy’s are always the punching bags sometimes literally. I think the first advice I would give you is to not take her acting out so personal, she doesn’t hate you she’s just being 1 ½. Not that slapping is expectable. Dee Dee’s right at that age it’s all about redirection plus I honestly don’t think that spanking a child at that age is teaching them anything. Spanking a child for hitting is bound to be confusing IMO. Now don’t get me wrong I am very pro spanking when need be, I just did not spank at that age. And I usually spank after all other options have failed things like a good talking to, the dirty look, redirection or a time out. As for always wanting her to be happy and be her friend I am not sure that will happen anytime soon. I didn’t want to be my Mom’s friend when I was growing up, it took me being grown to appreciate her for all that she did for me.

It will get better honey I promise

Cece00 replied: Her behavior is completely normal for her age.

Natalie does stuff like that, too, and she beats up on her brothers to boot, esp when she is angry. But she is quickly learning that she will also get in a LOT of trouble.

I would second using time out & being consistent. I spank very rarely, but I have used it before. So I am not faulting you for spanking, but I have to say if you do it too much, it loses its effectiveness. Using other forms of discipline will get you further.

I'd get a chair & make it her "time out" chair. If she is rude, give her a warning & if she continues the behavior, put her in the chair. If she gets up, put her back over & over until she sits. If she hits, it should be an automatic time out & tell her that hitting is unacceptable.