My 3ird grader caught cheating...

jcjustin wrote: As the title says, im kind of at a loss right now as to how to go about this.

My 3ird grade Daughter was caught cheating on her social studies vocab test a couple weeks back. She was given a note to give to me and to her mother (recently divorced), and instead she threw it away. The premeditated thought of it all concerns me a lot.

As it stands, we found when we received a progress report that she has an f in her social studies class, and that it was from her cheating.

So now hers my delima, we are at the punishment phase. Her mother took away the computer for a week. This is a big deal to her as she really loves to spend time playing on the computer on the various disney, webkinz, etc... websites.

My concern is this. The computer being grounded away from her is her typical punishment. To me, this is a godo thing, but it concerns me that if all we do is take the computer away, then is it really something thats going to stick in her mind that cheating is so wrong and the severaity of it all. She is also in cheer and has already been told that if she is caught again, that she will lose cheer for 1 full year.

However, right now, im trying to think of a punishment, in addition to the computer, that can really drive this home for her, as to how big of a deal it is. I thought about having her sit down this weekend and write sentences on 3 or 4 pages of something to the affect of i will not cheat ever again, or something along those lines.

I spoke with my gf about this all, and she was concerned that she would not be learning anything from this, and thought maybe i might have her write definitions or something to that effect instead. She's not trying to tell me how to go about this, simply trying to help me figure it out.

SO here i am at a bit of a loss, and thought, what better place to look, then on a MB full of parents. That said, please let me nkwo any of your thoughts or ideas, as i really could use some help in figuring out what to do abou this. im not sure why ti happened, other than maybe that shes acting out against the divorce. weve been seperated 15 months but only officially divorced since May.

All thoughts and suggestions are much appreciated.

Thanks
Justin

Boo&BugsMom replied: Let me ponder this a bit. I will say this though...we have had our oldest, who is 6, write things over and over on paper, and he hates it! He has learned from it in the past, so your gf thinking it doesn't do any good I don't agree with. It does work, IMO. I'm not sure if that's where I would stop though. I might have her use more creative thinking skills with it. Perhaps write sentences about why cheating is bad or something. Ask her to write down 10 reasons why she thinks cheating is bad. Also, make sure whatever threat you and your ex give, that you will be able to follow through with it if it does happen again. You don't want it to backfire.

jcjustin replied: thanks for the suggestion. I agree on the sentences, and i also agree with ehr thoughts. i could have her copying 10 of each of the definitions she cheated on to ensure she knows them and knows them WELL!!

as far as the threat, that wont be a problem. Cheer is her favorite thing in the world, and as much as it would hurt to do it, you can bet, i nor her mother, would think twice if this were to happen again.

Crystalina replied: My Step-father would make me write essays and I HATED that. He was very extreme though. One day I asked him what the word "peril" meant and he made me do a 3 page report on the word!! I now never use that word. Make her write an essay on cheating and why she shouldn't do it. I guarantee she won't forget it.

jcjustin replied: i agree with the essay thing too. its just that im not sure she comprehends reading quite well enough to fully write out some sort of an essay just yet. It seems like theres agreeance (is that a word, lol), on the writing, i just need to figure out weatehr i should do a sentence thing, or a copying definitions type thing.

lisar replied: I am with the essay thing. I think an essay of 150 words on why cheating is bad and why I wont do it again is a good punishment. And after shes done make her give it to her teacher with and apology letter.

mammag replied: I would be inclinded to have her write the definitions. I would also ask the teacher for a new test (not to turn in to her) and make her test at home to make sure she really knows them. I think having to write the definitions as opposed to just sentences will serve to tell her that by not doing the work of studying in the first place and trying to take the easy route just got her more work, kwim?

Good luck!

Boo&BugsMom replied:
You have to keep in mind that at this age it's about the process more than the product when it comes to something like this. You will most definitly have many spelling and grammar mistakes, but the process will be what is most important and the act of doing it and using her thinking skills. Even if you can't read it, she will know what she wrote. Have her read it back to you, then talk about it together.

forourkiddos replied: What do you want your daughter to take from this issue? Do you want her to learn that cheating is wrong or that writing is good to help remember. Have you talked to her about what she thinks her punishment should be? Sometimes kids solve their own problems if they are left to it. I personally like the idea of writing the essay about why cheating is wrong especially if she had to share it with the class or her teacher. The vocab sentences would help her to remember, but it wouldnt teach her about why it is wrong to cheat. I would ask her what would be a fair punishment. She may be testing her limits or reaching out for you and her moms help in dealing with a divorce or you having a girlfriend too. Just somehting to consider.

jcjustin replied: all good points. i appreicate the thoughts on it all. i just want to make sure that i take care of this right the first time and dont have it happen again!! i think the writing thing i will probably go with, its just a matter of weather i go about it in the repetitive way, or the "writing definitions" type way.

jcjustin replied: just wanted to take a second and say thank you for all the ideas. i went with the sentences and she wrote me 3 pages of " i will not cheat on a test ever again or i will never get to cheer again", and it seemed to hit home. she hated it and wanted to stop several times. that was the point.

only time will tell i suppose. now i have to deal with the fact that ive noticed 2 pimples on my not even 9 yr olds face yet, and that she may well be headed towards the dreaded P word already.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
So glad to hear!

On the pimples...I got them VERY early...way before puberty, and now even our 6 year old has been getting a few blackheads on his nose. EEK! So, it's possible that the P word is still pretty far away. Acne is caused by many other things as well. GL!

jcjustin replied: ya i do know kids can get them from time to time, but as a single father now, it just frightens me muchly!!! to think of my daughters as little women. there are still my baby girls damnit!!!

jcc64 replied: Though it's always very upsetting when our kids do something antisocial or under-handed, you have to remember that effective discipline is much more about TEACHING than it is about PUNISHING. And good-problem solving always starts with an inquiry into what triggered the bad behavior in the first place. I would begin with a joint conference involving your daughter, her mother, yourself, and the teacher. I would want to know why your daughter felt the need to cheat--was it simple laziness, or is it something more? Is she having difficulties keeping up with the assignments, and if so, is it b/c of bad work habits or a genuine lack of understanding? I would at some point ask your daughter to step out so you can have a frank conversation with the teacher about your daughter's classroom behavior, preparation, etc...
This is still a relatively young child. She's learning and she's going to make mistakes, but the punishment has got to fit the crime. Though what she did was serious and needs to be addressed, taking away cheerleading for an entire year is insane, imo. A month, maybe, but a few months from now, the connection between what she did and why she's not cheering will not be very clear to her. You have to remember that kids this age live in the moment, and the ability to fully understand long-range consequences just isn't there yet. That comes much, much later in adolescence, and even then, it's not great.
I like the idea of writing an essay about cheating. She won't learn much from writing "I will not cheat" a thousand times, but she will if she really has to sit down and think about her behavior and put it into words.
Finally, I'd want to get to the bottom of why she's hiding things from you. Is she possibly so afraid of an over-reaction that she's willing to take the chance of lying? You might want to consider that when deciding how to reprimand her. Good luck and kup.