My Dh ex wife is ruining my Holiday - Very long, this maybe the longest ever!!

TANNER'S MOM wrote: Well my step daughter who is 11 and I have always been very close. I love her like she is mine. I do for her just like my own. She is my heart.

Well, this is our Thanksgiving with her. We are suppose to pick her up Today thru Sunday. And we had made plans for the holiday and so forth.
We never have any trouble with his ex wife. Usually things go very smoothly. Well Usually.

Tiffany calls me at work yesterday as I am walking out the door. And she says my mom wanted me to call and TELL you when Daddy can come after me. I said well you Dad is at work Hun I will have him call you. She said Ok. And we chatted for a bit, Then she said well Mom says I have to be home Thurs at 6pm. I said Tiffany Daddy's paper say Sunday. I said I will have him call your mom. She said well we are moving on Friday. By moving I mean in the house next door with there grandma. She says mom wants me here to help move my things. First of all I am thinking, when it comes to moving the last thing I want is children in my way and under my feet, But Ok. And I again I say I will have Daddy call you. Then it all starts.

I hear Tell that B**** that it is going to be this way or they don't need to come and get you. Tiffany says nothing. I said Tiffany are you ok. And Tiffany starts yelling at me..I'm FINE. I said Tiffany I don't know what is going on but I will have yourDad deal with it OK. I hear her mom screaming in the back ground just cussing me. I said Tiffany I am not going to scream and yell thru a 11 yr old child, if your mom wants to talk to me then put her on the phone if not this will have to wait until your Dad gets home.

Then Terrie the ex says, Ask that B***** if she is ready to go back to court, I am fixing to have his child support raised. I just hang up on Tiffany. I really hated to do that.. I love her so much and I know she was in the middle. And I was freaking out and I was mad.

Well, the child support thing burns me anyway. I agree that every man needs to take care of there kids..But this women does not work, she uses the system. Food stamps etc. Has another child with another man, but it has our last name b/c she didn't marry him. She tried to collect off Randy's insurance etc even though at the time he was born we had been married for 5yrs. It goes on and on. Well the newest thing there is she has a new live in boyfriend..who didn't have a job when he moved in. So, basically we are raising her fatherless child and housing her boyfriend. She gets 320.00 a week from us. That is crazy and she should be require to work. I don't mind the whole child support thing, but what really pisses me off is that fact that she gets to stay at home w/her children while I have to go to work everyday..and scrimp and save to pay her..while she isn't require to work at all. Then my tax money feeds her and her b/friend who is also to lazy to work

Well this gets worse. On my way home My Daughter calls me and says that Tiffany called her and was saying how she hated me and how mean I was to her. Blah Blah Blah..Brit said she could hear Terrie in the back ground cussing me...It upset Brittany so bad, b/c they have been raised like sisters and are very close. They talk daily as do I with Tiffany. So, My daugher said Tiff, don't talk about my mom like that, don't be calling her names, and they got in the first fight ever in 7 yrs. I feel awful and don't know what to do.

Last weekend, I took Tiffany to town and bought her a new pair of shoes and we had a grown up lunch just me and her and then I get treated like this??? I am so HURT, we went and had our pictures made together, just me and her. I am so hurt. I know she is in the middle. But I thought after 8 yrs of being her step mom she would give me a little respect??

Well, since all this blew up they haven't answered the phone? Screening there calls i guess. So, my husband has his court documents and says he will be there 6 with an officer to pick her up??

Well, I am torn, if she hates me that bad should I MAKE her come? But I really want to prove to her mom that she can't call all the shots. In a day and age when fathers don't care about kids..I think my husband should be treated with some respect he has done everything he could for her..on top of child support we have paid electric bills, cell phones bills etc. We have never missed a school play or parent teacher conf etc. WE have never missed a vistition either.

HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPp

dreamweaver82 replied: First of all that is so wrong to swear in front of a child no matter how old they are and the whole child support thing she should feel lucky to get that because i only get 80 a week. Your DH is a great father to do all those things for her and he pays more than my ex does who never wants to see my daughter. I feel bad for Tiffany because she's stuck in the middle of this and not sure who to be on sides with because her mother is supposed to be her world. I think if the court ever knew about the stress and what not she puts her daughter through that she should be with her father. I hate mothers like that because they have everything but still want more. I think that she is better off spending the holiday with loved ones and not being stressed out by her mother. I know it hurt what Tiffany said but you gotta think about what her mother is putting her through. I just hope things get better for everyone especially Tiffany.

loveydad replied: I would start recording these calls if you can . You can use them in court. If she's that poor of a mother , maybe you guys can apply for more custody?

My2Beauties replied: Ooooh that just burns me up, people like her mother! First of all I am a believer in social progrmas, child support, etc...but the system is flawed! There is no way that this women should sit back and collect $320 a week (honey that is almost as much as my entire paycheck) and not have to work while her boyfriend lives there and her other child...I bet the authorities would like to know this? Is she on government housing program, like Section 8(I don't know if it's called Section 8 everywhere) because if she is I would call, they will stone cold kick her loser boyfriend out and make her get a job ASAP and if she doesn't she'll serve time. I know I am a bit extreme but I can't help it, I can't stand people who act like that and put children in the middle. I think she needs a dose of her own little medicine and have the authorities notified that she received food stamps and has a live-in boyfriend, this my friend is highly illegal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can bet that he isn't listed on her food stamp app because if he was they wouldn't give her s*** because by law he has to try to find a job! I am not an expert because I have never received food stamps or anything other than WIC when Hanna was on formula. People were always like you could say that you and Brian don't live together and I'm like no, I am not doing that and taking away from someone who really needs them no way no way and risk getting caught, that kind of stuff just makes me so mad! Ooh I would so turn her in!

TANNER'S MOM replied: She doesn't live in section 8. We don't have that in rural Arkansas??

She had a trailer house beside her mom, but for some reason she isn't going to be living in it and is moving up to her mother?? I don't know why. But I really wanted to yell, yeah lets go to court and talk about the way you live etc. But I wasn't going to do that to Tiffany. I am just floored that someone could act like that. She is so white trash, and when I think hard about it, it makes how my DH could have lived with her??? KWIM??

I mentioned to my husband turning her in? He said he didn't want to be the one to make the phone call..But I discussed it with a friend of my and she said she knew someone who could make the call??? That sounds awful.

I stand by the system I believe it is for people who NEED it, and not abuses it. And, I even think fathers have a small right to know where there money is being spent. It is crazy this system we have.

coasterqueen replied: OMG! She gets over $300 a week in child support! Man did she get lucky! That's obsurd. My FIL was paying $1600 a month for two children and I thought that was a lot!

I'd definately record the calls. She should not be swearing in front of her dd and not put her in the middle. I'm sure her mother is influencing her as far as her recent hatred towards you.

If your DH wants to be with his DD the entire time he is allowed then go for it. It's not you that would be making the call..it's DAD. He needs to make his ex aware of that.

This sounds a lot like my FIL's blended family. He's been married 4 times and the 3rd one is a real charmer....NOT. She's the biggest witch ever and is constantly trying to get more money from him and both kids are over 18 now! Grrrrrr.

((HUGS)) and I hope the holiday is a smooth one despite this.

DansMom replied: This may sound weird, but I think Tiffaney can say mean things to you or about you because she feels safe that you will still love her no matter what. I have a feeling from what you describe that the feelings she's expressing are general feelings of anger about being put in the middle by her mom, whom she is not allowed to be angry at because that relationship does not feel quite so safe. Also, it's all very weird if there have been no previous signs from the mom of bad feelings. I almost wonder if the luncheon and the photos got her possessive hackles up and she's suddenly resenting the closeness you have with Tiffaney and trying to break that by abusing you in front of her and messing with your holiday (which also messes with Tiffaney's holiday). It's all extremely immature and damaging for Tiffaney. These sorts of battles using the children as weapons leave permanent scars. Having grown up as a child between resentful divorced parents, I know the anxiety and pain she must be feeling and trying to suppress right now. Do not take it personally. In time she will understand how she was manipulated, and you will be glad you didn't add to her suffering but carried the role of adult in this situation.

TANNER'S MOM replied: Well we have had negative feelings and actions in the beginning. When I first started dating DH. But nothing in the last 5 years at all. I always prided myself on having that good of a relationship..,yuck at the whole darn thing

~KARA~ replied: Ohhh my god she is going to take your Dh back to court for more child support!
She needs to be in my shoes and only get 37$ a week when my ex pays!!!

Your sdd is probably just upset cause her mom was yelling, and my be she really does want to be there to move her things. I wouldnt treat her any differenty.
Your dh needs to take a video camera and cop.deputy with him and record him picking his dd up. The tape will show proof or day and time and can be used as proof in court!

I hope things get better!

kimberley replied: omg! any clue what has sparked her rage? has DSD said anything bad about you? do you think the mother is abusing her and she is lashing out at you to make her happy? i am so sorry this is happening. p&pt that things get better soon.

GavinsMommy replied: Wow, that's messed up! She shouldn't be putting her daughter in the middle like that, but I know how it is. My parents divorced when I was 7 and they ALWAYS cussed and talked about each other and I was in the middle. They would literally pull on either of my arms to try to get me to go with them instead of the other.

I'd say her mother is very immature and selfish. My stepdad pays child support for his 10 year old and the mother doesn't work either. She also uses the system. Personally, I don't see how it's LEGAL for someone to sit on their a** and not work but still collect child support!! They should have to work too!! Unless they're married and staying at home NOT on the system.

I would say not to worry about DSD. Just from my experience, it seems like her mother is probably putting a lot of pressure on her to dislike you. DSD is probably having a really hard time w/ her mother being such a spazz like that. I would just sit down and have a talk w/ her and tell her how you feel...that you thought you had a good relationship and just bc you and her mother don't get along it doesn't mean that you and her can't. I'd also let her know you understand that her mother doesn't want her to like you. I know it sounds awful, but ovbiously her mother is not right in the head anyway and she is just putting so much pressure on this little girl. I would try to stick with everything and just understand how DSD must feel to be pulled between two families.

Good luck and I hope things work out!!!

mummy2girls replied: First I have to say is 320 a week! OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!! I only get 200 a month. I wish i could that much...LOL.

I would say she is feeling jealous about that lunch and such you had with tiffany. She is trying to put a wedge between you 2. I know i would be very jelous if aron met someone and she was a big part of jens life. But i wouldnt go to the extreme as she did. I would actually be happy that someone else that is a big part of jens life treats her like her own child. And after 8 years i would think she should be ok with the relationship bertween you 2.

And yes i do give your hubby alot of credit for being a dad to his child. Maby he can give aron lessons on that:) anyways... I hope that this all gets fixed and everythimng will go back to normal again for all expecialluy for tiffany.!

LovingmyBoriqua replied: If this woman cant care for herself and uses the system maybe the court will see she isnt stabilized to take full responsibility for Tiff and maybe DH will get sole custody his DD. I mean its ashame she did all that feuding and cursing infront of this child. What is basically teaching this child fighting is okay.. I mean she doesnt need to be involved the chaos.. But, thats ashame the mother threats to use the court system on your DH like raising the child support. I dont think the court works like that. She should be bless that she gets Child support their are some dead beat dads that dont even pay for child support. I mean the ex wife throws her tantrum like a little kid because she didnt get her way... Man i feel for you and DH going through this and the DD because the child is the one whose suffering.. Ugh family drama... I bet your piss and i wouldnt blame hubby finding his paper work and having an officer with him. He has a divorce decree in that decree it states every resonsibility and she isnt obtain that decree... I hope you guys can work something out on this.

Josie83 replied: What a horrible situation. i don't know what you should do. it hurts that you're getting treated like this, it sounds as though you've genrally got a good relationship with her. Its her mother being bad not her I think. I'm so sorry you're going through this, i hope it sorts itself out in the end . . . I'm sure it will xx