My SIL, wants to stop BF - Need advice

CAMSMOM1 wrote: My SIL has a 2 month old daughter. She has been BF her, but now she wants to stop because her breast are to big. Her doctor suggessted she get a breast reduction, because she is in so much pain. So she decided she is going to quit breastfeeding, get the surgery, and be done with it.

Her daughter, Amiah, is doing really well wit BF. She has had so complications due to her breast size, except the fact my SIL is uncomfortable.

I know everyone has to make their own decisions, and breastfeeding isn't for everyone...but...if her baby is doing so well, couldn't she just wait a few more months? And isn't it possible for her breast to get larger again when she has another baby?

It's just that I had a lot of complications with breastfeeding early on with Cam. I had numerous breast infections and I stuck through it, for the baby. (And I know what it feels like to have large breasts) But I just don't understand her thinking on this????

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: I don't think you should be too quick to judge. Walk a mile in another's shoes and all that stuff. That being said, she has made her decision and you telling her it isn't a good idea probably won't go over well. I know BF is best for baby, I couldn't, not a physical problem, Logan's medical issues from birth kind of prevented us from learning. And if someone had told me that I was injuring my child, I probably would have gone ballistic. Some is better than none, and it is her body and her child. I would support her decision, you won't change her mind.

CAMSMOM1 replied:

I want to support her in her decision, I just can't understand it. I feel like I have been in her shoes, but like you said...what works for one doesn't work for another. I understand that. I just don't understand why she has to have the surgery right now? And I would never say anything to her. It's her body & her decision. I just know that the engorgement will go away soon, if she sticks it out a little longer.

mckayleesmom replied: Well...I would advise her to continue for right now...A breast reduction is a longer process then most think. She has to get a referal...go to the plastic surgeon, take pictures, and wait weeks..sometimes months for an approval.

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: Sometimes we can't understand the decisions that other people make. It is beyond me some of the things that my family members have decided to do. I just support them and try to forget it. As a non-BF mom, I can say that my son is healthy, happy and well bonded to me. I know it upsets you, but to each his or her own. And if she is truly miserable, you wouldn't want her to continue in agony for months. I know you better than that.

Jamison'smama replied: I'm confused, how does she really know how big her breasts are going to be when she is finished breastfeeding? My breasts were HUGE at first then by the 3rd or 4th month they began calming down---now at a year later, they are fairly normal. When I stop, they will colapse and look like deflated balloons so I wonder how she knows what hers will do.

She also wants to do through a major surgery when her child is that young? I UNDERSTAND the desire for a reduction---I hope that is in my future as well.

I agree with Brianne--at least encourage her to keep going until she has the surgery scheduled--the longer she can go, the better.

msoulz replied: I agree with most here. It is a touchy issue for some, and maybe it is very difficult for her too, so support her decision or potentially damage your relationship.

Do not advise unless asked. I think that is always a good rule of thumb. Is there anyone out there that LIKES to be told how to raise their children?

MyLuvBugs replied: I say just let her do her own thing. You don't have to agree with it, but it's her body and her decision.

My3LilMonkeys replied:
I totally agree with this. However, if she does ask for opinons/advice/support, I would suggest starting with telling her how proud you are that she has BF for this long. Ask her why she wants to have the surgery now. Since you said you do not understand her reasoning on it maybe she would explain it to you.

And definately mention what Brianne said about it being a long process - she may be able to start the process now but still BF for several months until she actually has the surgery.

My best advice is to support her in her decision no matter what it may be.

mckayleesmom replied: Just want to clarify...Im not saying that she shouldn't have the opperation....Im happy I had it done, but the engourgement will probably go down some if she nurses a while longer...probably sooner then it would take to get the whole surgery proceedure going. I know that with both my kids I wasn't able to nurse long because of medical reasons and I stayed engourged for a long time and my boobs were huge because of it....Like someone before mentioned...some of that goes down after a couple months Im sure.

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: Everyone has made great points. I just wanted to throw this in. When I had my surgery, it was 4 weeks from initial visit to Operating Room. And when they do pictures for insurance, they will probably not want them skewed by engorgement. Most insurance companies do the surgery conditionally upon how much tissue the surgeon can remove. Mine had to remove 550 grams of tissue from each breast before insurance would approve, a total of over 2 pounds. So, she would probably have to stop BFing before she gets to the approval stage.

mckayleesmom replied:
Exellent points....and like Kelly said ...you want to be done breastfeeding for a while probably so there is no milk left over in them.

CAMSMOM1 replied:

See, that was my thinking too. Won't her breasts shrink up after awhile, or at least go back to normal. I was a size E when I started BF, and I went back down to a DD. I just thought maybe with some time, she could see if there are any changes, before she goes ahead with the surgery. I'm not going to tell her anything, I was just trying to figure this thing out for myself.

thanks for all the comments, much appreciated!

~*Just Me*~ replied: I think it would be wise of her to wait until she's done having kids & breastfeeding before getting the surgery. There might be significant damage done to her milk ducts which might prevent her from producing enough milk for a baby.

Maybe she's looking to you for advice? I would encourage her to continue breastfeeding as long as possible, especially if there's no complications going on. It's worth it to the baby.

CAMSMOM1 replied:

That's exactly what I was thinking!

EvesMom replied: This is a tough subject to touch on. I myself am a BF mom. I would try talking to her about trying to BF a little longer while keeping her feelings in mind. Maybe telling her how beneficial BF is, and reassuring her that you will support any decision she makes (even if you don't agree).

~Roo'sMama~ replied: I understand where you're coming from - it doesn't sound like a very good reason to quit to me, but everyone is different. Maybe she is just at the end of her rope with the back pain and wants to get it fixed as soon as possible. I know it's frustrating though. My sister quit BF'ing her son at 6 months because he was getting more active and kept wanting to get up while she was trying to feed him and it was driving her crazy. I BF through 7 months of excruciatingly painful thrush, and when we got to that stage where Andrew was sitting up literally every couple of sips I just grit my teeth and got through it - now he just eats and gets it done with so he can get down and play.

If I were in your shoes right now, I would probably just remind her that they will get smaller after a couple more months, and when she's done BF'ing they might shrink even more and the problem would be solved on it's own. So she might want to wait it out and see what happens. But like I said before everyone is different - if she is absolutely miserable, and the pain is keeping her from enjoying being a mommy, and the only thing that will help is getting the breast reduction, then she shouldn't feel guilty about it.

mckayleesmom replied: I don't know....she is going to do what she wants either way...and its her choice. I know that it would have been super nice to have smaller boobs while breastfeeding....All big breasted woman can attest to that...trying to manipulate a huge boob to feed a baby whos head is smaller is challenging. Im not really sure what happens if you get pregnant again...But I would guess that her boobs could still get bigger and saggier..just like with boobs that hadn't had surgery on. Im not really sure what the side affects for nursing would be if she had more kids. Maybe you can do some research online for it. I know that the first surgeon I went to asked me if I was planning to have anymore kids and I said no and he said good...But the doctor that did my surgery never asked me...Im not even sure if they are still "working boobs"

mckayleesmom replied: Just another question...Has she looked into physical therapy at all? I did some physical therapy before the surgery and alot of the excersises helped my back out alot.

Maybe there are some excersises she can do that will help her back and enable her to nurse a little bit longer.

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: My doc gave me a 70% chance of being able to BF exclusively after my surgery. And the first few days before we knew the severity of Logan's heart issues, things did seem to be working fine. It is possible to BF after a reduction, but her surgeon must be informed that she may wish to.

CantWait replied: Well I think it's her body, and therefore her decision. If bf isn't for her, then so be it. She's not harming her baby by not bf, and there are much worse things in life. Best of luck in her decision.