My best friend

Maddie&EthansMom wrote: I've known her since we were 2. We have been close our entire lives. Until recently. Even when she moved away we kept in touch and I went out to visit her, went to see her at her parent's house when she was here, etc. Then she moved back and I have seen her once in a year. I went to her place, then to the hospital when her baby was born and haven't seen her since. I've talked to her, invited her to my place (she always cancels at the last minute). Our mothers were best friends as well and their friendship just faded over the past 10 years. But, I was close to her mother..we were sewing partners. That pretty much ended when my best friend started having kids and her mother became so competitive. Everything my kids did her grandkids had to do. Or she had to make sure they did it better. She compared everything. Our houses, husbands, kids, cars...the list goes on and on. Needless to say, I quit talking to her. But I tried to keep in touch with my best friend. She has put no effort towards the relationship and I really feel as though there is nothing to work towards. While we have things in common, I really just don't feel a close bond with her and I think we have grown apart. I don't like being the one to drive out to her place all the time or call her on her birthday to have her not return my call for months on end. I know that may sound childish, but the friendship isn't worth it to me. She called me to wish me a happy belated birthday and to tell me she is 2 months pregnant. I'm so mad that she is just now telling me. It really is the last straw. Scotty told me not to answer the phone when she calls and I shouldn't have. But at least now I know how un-important I am to her.

I know we all get busy, but this is ridiculous imo.

mckayleesmom replied: I have friends that are like that too.....I just keep in contact with the ones that put in the same effort.

ediep replied:
I have a friend like that too, and I agree with Brianne, I decided its not worth it for me. I don't like having friends that are sooo hard to keep.

booey2 replied: Hugs Aimee, she sounds exactly like my best friend from highschool. I tried relentlessly to keep our friendship going but I got sick of not getting call backs or emails returned so I just gave up. I know I moved away from my hometown and all but sheesh I did try to stay connected to her. She doesn't deserve such a good friend as you.

Terri

kimberley replied: sorry she is not being much of a friend . i agree, she doesn't deserve you.

3xsthefun replied: I'm so sorry she is being that way.

luvbug00 replied: I'm sorry she is being so insencitve.. i'm sure she will regret the choises she has made, she will be loseing a very good friend..

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I think you're doing the right thing Aimee...not childish at all IMO! There comes a time where you just have to let friendships go, especially when it's apparent YOU'RE doing all the work to keep it alive. Don't waste your time with her.

Bee_Kay replied:
ITA! I've BTDT

Sorry it's happening though

DVFlyer replied: Not childish, just reasonable. Why try to keep a friendship when the effort you're putting forth isn't being returned in a manner that is satisfactory to you?

Put your effort towards finding a new friend that you can be close with.

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: I have a friend just like this. From the time we were 4 years old we were glued at the hip. All during elementary and junior high we were extremely competitive. Anything I did, she had a "That's ok, but..." story. We moved away when I was in high school and I honestly think it was the best thing for me. We have reconnected to a small extent, but I refuse to fall back into old patterns. Her daughter was born on my birthday, 6 weeks early. She was due exactly 1 month before I was. So now, her daughter is 2-1/2 months older than Logan and she wants to compare them developmentally. Makes me glad she's 2 states away sometimes. I still think of her as a friend, but sometimes I think it's for the best to let things simmer down and grow apart. I hope I didn't hijack your post, Aimee. I do completely understand where you're coming from. And maybe it is time to let things grow in different directions.
That being said, maybe she wanted to wait until she was further along in her pg before telling people outside the family. That doesn't excuse missing your birthday, though.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Kelly I remember we talked about our childhood best friends that night we went out. This is the one

I don't know what I ever did to deserve y'all. You are all so sweet to me.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:

Brias3 replied: Funny you mention this now, as I was just talking over the phone with my mom today about how jealous some of my friends seem to have become. Everything has become a competition in terms of how we have "ended up" in life, its ridiculous. I had a close girlfriend from grade school that I lost contact with right around the time before Mason was born. It turned into too much of an effort on my part for a friendship that didn't seem "worth it" anyway. My husband always tells me that I shouldn't waste my time with people like that who I feel offer qualities that I can totally find somewhere else anyway and I guess I agree now. It's sad how things get with friendships sometimes....sorry you are having to go through this with her!

luvmykids replied: It can seem hard to let go just for the amount of time and the memories you've already invested. I've had to make that same choice a few times, over the stupid competitiveness, or just them not understanding my life as it is now, kwim?

It can be sad but it's better to let go and put your time into friends who will be true friends. You deserve it!

Our Lil' Family replied: You are not being childish at all, but I am when I use my line "I don't make time for people who don't make time for me." I usually mean it too. I have a friendship that I just let go last year...she was similar to your friend in that she never followed through. She never met Thomas and called about a month ago wanting to come visit...I told her yes, we'd be home at a certain time and never heard from her again! Sometimes you just have to let it go.

Plus, you are too nice to deserve that!!

A&A'smommy replied: I'm sorry hun.. and I agree you aren't being childish at all! For me it was difficult to have friends when I first had Alyssa because everyone my age were still being kids and everyone older was... older and didn't want to be friends with an 18 year old... but one thing I have discovered is that you can try to be friends but you can't push it your family is more important and there are other people out there willing to be a true friend to you. I guess all you can do is try and when she realizes how good of a friend you were to her I'm sure she will be calling you again and wanting to do things.. You did all you can do!!!! I'm sorry things turned out that way for you!!!

coasterqueen replied: I think I'm the minority here. While I do understand what you are saying and think you have every right to be, I see the opposite too. I have a friend who we were really really close in the past. Our men were best friends, they lived 2 houses down from us, etc, etc. Then they broke up and for some reason things just kinda went down hill from there. We didn't speak to Dh's friend anymore for the reasons of the breakup and I did keep close contact with my girlfriend. BUT then I started having kids and she was in the dating game still. I felt like we had nothing in common and it was just hard keeping the relationship going. She kept trying and I never returned the calls. She called a few months ago, again, and I actually forgot to return her call. Now I'm too embarassed to call.

Maybe, just maybe your friend felt she had nothing in common with you after you started having children and now that she is having one of her own things will change. Just a thought.

Maddie&EthansMom replied:
Actually this is her THIRD child. We did go thru a phase when I first got married and she was at college, etc We didn't have much in common when Maddie was born, then Maddie and I were in her wedding and that brought us closer. Our husbands get along great, but they are both really busy.

She has plenty of opportunities to call me when she is out this way or at her mother's house (which is closer to me). I've seen her little boy ONCE and that was in the hospital when he was born (he's 9 mos old now). She keeps saying "I want to get together....I need to come out to your place" but she always cancels. It's pretty hurtful. I make such an effort to call her and go see her. Before she moved back and would come to Dallas to visit, I'd drive to her parent's place every time to see her. Even with 2 children in tow. And it was so irritating b/c everytime I mentioned getting together she wanted her mother there. I dont' understand this. Maybe she is afraid to drive? I even told her months ago that I'd meet her somewhere, but she never calls. Either that or she'll say "I think we'll drive to your place after breakfast and leave when you pick Maddie up from school." She always makes it sound like she doesn't want to be around Maddie. I'm sorry but that is incredibly rude!!!! Maddie talks a lot but she isn't mean or obnoxious.

I dont' know...I'm kind of at the point to where I'm not going to waste my time on it anymore. It's really not worth it to me. I have friends who want to spend time with me and make the time to do that. And they are great company and love my kids..BOTH of my kids. I'll just take my losses.

coasterqueen replied: Oh and I think you should cut your losses if it's weighing on you.

I think I was just trying to say I know how your friend feels, maybe? Or at least I'm kind of like her. I'm ALWAYS telling my girlfriend I want to get together and then never call. Maybe it's because I work full-time so I want to spend every moment I have with my children and husband or maybe it's because I don't like her husband or maybe it's because we only do 'events' at our house (cook-outs and such) and they never want to come out. It just makes it easier for my kids if everyone comes to us since we are the only one with kids and we have everything there to entertain ours.

Anyways I'm glad you've made a decision that makes you happy.

ashtonsmama replied: I've gone through all that before, and I know how annoying and hurtful it is. So I'm sorry she's doing this, and I say to everything said above.

C&K*s Mommie replied: with others above...glad you are moving on away from a supposed friend that gives you grief