My job as a labor coach - can you all give me some tips & pointers

Bee_Kay wrote: Lacy continues to want me there.
I was in the L&D room with my best friend and she was instructing me and her sister of what to do (the father of the baby was 3 sheets to the wind, so basically useless).

Can you all give me some tips on what I should do when I am in there with Lacy?

I realize that her BF will also be there..... I know that my maternal instinct will want me to "take over", but I'd have for there to be bad feelings (BF feeling pushed out of the way, ect).

As things are now, I think that there is a certain amount of possessiveness and jealousy from the BF to me, and I'd hate to make it even worse, even if my focus there is my daughter, KWIM?

luvmykids replied: I know you're trying to keep things cool with him, but in that situation I say heck with the idiot and just do whatever Lacy needs.

All I really wanted from my mom was to squeeze her hand and have her reassure me, that I was doing ok, that it would be over soon, etc. Hang in there, you can do this, atta girl type stuff.

moped replied: Well......I say you do anything and everything your instincts tell you to do! Her BF doesn't know jack about what a woman in labour needs....Tom was an ass. He comes from the attitude that women have babies in rice fields or whatever......my mom and sister were my saving grace. One thing I will say is that my mom would say "Oh dear, it's ok", all mousy like. My sister would say "grab my hand and BREATH"....she knew it hurt like hell and just wanted to get me through it. I found that more helpful than my mom having a hard time seeing her daughter in pain.

Make any sense?

Bee_Kay replied:
Jen, it makes PERFECT sense. Today, at the hospital, her BF was trying to tell ME about contractions..... whatever

Good lord, he even told the Doctor what time the baby will be born at His reasoning (word for word) "Well, me and Lacy are nightowls and sleep during the daytime. So, the baby will be born in between midnight and 1 a.m." Again, the doctor just stared at him all dumbfounded like, and then gave me a "look".

moped replied:
Oh lord! He will be about as useful as 2 tits on a bull!

This will be interesting!

moped replied:
Him telling you about contractions - HAHAHHAHAHAHA, hear me laugh.

If we have people over Tom will talk that way sometimes. HILARIOUS

Bee_Kay replied:

Great analogy!! I love it!!

I got a little taste of it today.
When she would have a contraction, I jumped up, kept on her about her breathing (warming her up for the 'real thing'). Rubbed her back, hugged her, ect.

Her BF watched TV

moped replied: I should also mention that I ended up with an emergency c section after 14 hours of labour........and my sister is a nurse aid, she is very good at what she does and knew how to settle me down when I was unsure of everything............she lied and it helped. Jacks heartheart went to nothing, and she didn't want to get me worked up and knew they would help so she said everyhting was fine and the look on her face I truly believed her!

I am going to show you guys a pic of her - then you will understand

Bee_Kay replied:
With Tyler, I was in labor for over 30 hours before it was decided that a c-section was best (With all the contractions and labor, I wouldn't dilate all the way). I did it all except the pushing.... although I REALLY wanted too, the doctor wouldn't let me.... something about it could rip the cervix BADLY, and/or could be dangerous to the baby.

moped replied:
I didn't want one either but I knew after he came out and the doc said "he wasn't coming out any other way", I knew it was the right thing to do!

C&K*s Mommie replied: I think it all depends on the person who is in labor, and what they may need. I am sure as her mother (although not biological, but her mother just the same ) you would be able to 'sense' what is needed, and will be able to provide.

No comment on the bf.

For me, it was silence. I needed silence, although I did not get it either time , that is what I needed in order to concentrate from within. Having the back labor I had with my second, I needed to concentrate and do my best to refrain from tensing up as the labor peaked during those few seconds it was at its worse. I was either sitting on the labor ball, or was in the L&D bed and the entire time (or what felt like the entire time) my MIL was asking "you okay?" "are you having a labor pain?" or if I was not answering, I would hear "if she having a labor pain?" to my DH. Chris knew from exp not to talk while I was in labor.

My3LilMonkeys replied: My advice is to encourage her as much as possible. My mother kept telling me I was doing things wrong (breathing wrong, laying wrong, etc) and it drove me crazy.

luvmykids replied:
After Macie, DH was telling everybody how the contractions weren't that bad (WTH did he know about any contraction, much less how bad they were? ) and that at the end I said I couldn't do it much longer .... his favorite line was "As if she had a choice, I told the doctor ok, just pack up, she can't do this much longer, we'll try again tomorrow" and laughed till he was red in the face every single time. Flippin idiot!

siblingtooolivia replied: You might just want to try not to kill that BF of hers, that may really stress her out...the rest, just go with your gut, you know what worked for you, more than likely the support you got will also be the support she will want...you will do fine and she is a lucky girl to have you there..

Bamamom replied: For me it was just holding my hand and helping me breath. Breathing with me and being very calm and steady. No loud noise or sudden movements. Just my rock at my side - breathing and talking softly and encouragingly.

Carry a flyswatter to pop the idiot with.

mom2my2cuties replied: Hey Barb -

Sorry you are having such a problem with this character.

Although, something to keep in mind, the doctors have NO problem telling HIM to get the "F" out of the room if he doesn't watch his P's & Q's. (Happened with my ex-husband because he kept freaking out when I had a contraction)

But it's not uncommon for the doctor to tell dad to leAVE

ashtonsmama replied:


I completely agree. YOU are Lacy's mama, and she'll be needing you alot.

Do whatever she needs to feel the most comfortable.

Who cares about her jerky boyfriend.